Why Are People Afraid of Honesty? (Part 1)
My last article, “Tales of a Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaire (AKA, I’m Broke as F$#K)” received a lot of feedback that ran the gamut from super supportive to downright critical. It’s the most honesty I’ve divulged in a public arena like Medium, but for those who have been Facebook friends with me for awhile, it’s certainly not unusual for me to take a ‘warts and all’ approach to sharing my life.
First, I’ll share some of the positive comments:
“It’s sad that a majority of the populace has to live this exact scenario.”
“[We] live pay check. It’s very tough nowadays. The American dream doesn’t exist anymore, or it’s harder to obtain unless you’re in the 1%.”
“I can relate to what you’re going through. I thought when I graduated 2 years ago I would have found a better paying job. What I make now though barely covers my bills.”
Hearing the stories of people who reached out to me following this article was at once both humbling and slightly depressing. Like many, my social networks are extremely diverse in terms of how I’m connected with people (school, work, music scene, friends of friends, etc.) and in age, race, location, economic background, career and industry.
Being connected to such a large group of diverse people has broadened my worldview and taught me invaluable lessons about love, life, parenting, travel and more. But as someone who remembers a time before ‘the Internet’ became what it is now (when AOL was just starting to become a thing), I’ve always approached social media with a healthy dose of skepticism.
Have you ever heard the phrase about social media being the ‘highlight reel’ of someone’s life? In my experience, this view has some merit.
Based on Facebook posts: Some of the happiest couples I know have gotten divorced, some of the most ‘perfect parents’ will admit face-to-face they’re completely overwhelmed, and some of the most affluent people are up to their eyeballs in credit card debt.
Which begs the question: Why have we all been encouraged to lie to each other? To save face in front of relative strangers? Create the perfect facade?
“Perception is reality” some might argue, and this sums up the internet perfectly. With the right people to emulate, the right connections to influencers, the right amount of exclusivity and marketing and perfectly filtered selfies — ANYONE can be ANYTHING online. Entire careers have been made just by ordinary people convincing a large audience that they’re someone special. Positioned correctly, there is a limitless amount of money and fame to be made! Who wouldn’t want that?
The over-arching questions here are what motivates us to lie online, what long-term effects (if any) this has on our ability to form and sustain REAL friendships, and whether or not it’s worth it.
This is where it becomes a little tricky, because it’s really based on what YOUR personal and professional goals, level of comfort with blatant honesty, and preferences are.
Research supports not only the idea that some of us are more prone and motivated to lie than others, but that even good people can fall into the trap of following the ‘fake it ’til you make it’ line of thinking:
“Lying, it turns out, is something that most of us are very adept at. We lie with ease, in ways big and small, to strangers, co-workers, friends, and loved ones.” (Why We Lie: The Science Behind Our Deceptive Ways in National Geographic)
“Many people known for being sincere, warm, and honest make great coworkers and friends, but don’t often accumulate power and influence.”
(When Dishonesty Does And Doesn’t Lead To Success” in Fast Company Magazine)
One of my favorite articles comparing the pro’s and con’s of being open (and therefore more ‘vulnerable’) comes from Ramit Sethi, Personal Finance Advisor, Entrepreneur, New York Times Best Selling Author, etc.
Read more about what he has to say, and my conclusions in Part 2 here.
