A Field of 10: The 2017 Glover Park Co-ed Softball Tournament Preview
…and so it came to pass, in the year of our softball, 2017, the Glover Park Co-ed Softball League would embark on a campaign the likes they had never seen before. As succinctly stated in its bylaws…or, dare I say, commandments, the league is to consist of 8, 10, or 12 teams.
That simply would not be so this time around. With mere moments before the season was to begin, the legendary Larry’s Kids would bow out of competition, leaving the league (and it’s leadership) to quickly scramble together a season recipe worthy of 9 participants.
While the league continues its recruitment efforts for a 10th team to join the fray for the 2018 season (and beyond), one thing is certain…that new team is definitely paying their fees up front.
Mild resentment (and humor) aside, as the saying goes, “a stitch in time saves nine.” Now before you interrupt me with Gordo, what does that even mean?, let me Google that for you. It is this very same nine that saved a season and brought us to this very weekend: tournament weekend!
Allow me to take this time to thank our “stitch”: Commissioner Foley, Nick Promutico, Ricky, Umpire Mark, Umpire Gary, On Field Social Media Correspondent and Community Relations Chairman Mitch, Chief Legal Council Peter Silva, Chairman of Logic and Reason Jeff Hart, Pete/Shanny/TA, the teams, their leadership, and the many ready/willing/able/passionate/enthusiastic/beautiful people that made this season another delightful spring/summer at Stoddert Field. Without you, there is no this, and without this…I think all of our Sundays wouldn’t be as fulfilling.
Pleasantries and humbleness aside (kind of), we proudly present to you…
A Field of 10: The 2017 Glover Park Co-ed Softball Tournament Preview
Okay, Gordo, so where are you going with this one? Game of Thrones? GLOW? Westworld? Boy Bands and Bubble Gum pop music of the ‘90s?
I dedicate this preview to the one thing we were missing all year…yet had all along anyway: the number 10. After all, it takes 10 to have a full team in the field, but what makes a 10? Who is a 10? What are the most memorable/iconic 10s we’ve seen in our history?
Not with me yet? Allow me to “round up”.
DISCLAIMER: To the newcomers, and for my fear of being powerbombed by the 3B on the Near Misses, if you haven’t figured out, this tournament preview isn’t meant to be taken seriously. I’m just here for jokes, folks!! I love you all.
The Breakfast Club (Teams 7–9)
#9: Gary’s Old Town Tavern (aka “The Disabled List”)
Robert Griffin III, Chad Pennington, Vince Young
Maybe I should have warned folks about this first one. Hey, I gotta start this preview with the stuff that I know works, and we’ve got plenty of football fans in this league.
It has truly been an unfortunate run for the guys in green this season. Kicking off on an incredibly gruesome, heartbreaking moment, losing newcomer Emily Lamb to a horrific ankle injury chasing a foul ball week one, it was certainly a harbinger of things to come, as the Gary’s Old Town Tavern season saw twists and turns and breaks and sprains and…you get the idea…week in and week out. Even “snake-bitten” would be a generous way to describe how the cards were dealt for Chris Hughes’ softball brethren.
This tale has been too often told on the football field, and one thing these victims of circumstance (and/or conditioning and/or purely bad luck) share? The number. The tale of Robert Griffin III is well storied at this point. Taking it a little closer to home for yours truly, Chad Pennington was a sign of a new breed of Jets football…one that involved winning. To date, he’s still atop many NFL record books in passing accuracy, efficiency, and the like…but he also holds another strange record: he’s won Comeback Player of the Year TWICE.
Still, resilience is one thing that cannot be denied. Sometimes the fates, and the human body, just have other plans. Take, for example Vince Young, another ill-fated #10 forever etched in NFL’s “could have been” lore.
The injuries continued to pile up, and they weren’t pretty: from Ellen Weiss’ setback to Big Ben Peden’s hamstring atrocity to Chris Hughes’ nagging knee ailments to league favorite (and t-shirt fundraiser MVP) Jon Leon’s devastating head injury. Hell, the manager of Mason Inn got injured just from sponsoring the team! We wish all of these fine gentlemen (and lady) the best of wishes for speedy recoveries (and full cups this upcoming weekend!).
That said, opportunities to shine came just as abundantly as the injury bug bites. Chris MacDonald had the weight of the world immediately placed on his broad shoulders to start the year, having to replace long-time GPCSL legend Jim Kernan on the pitchers mound, and has done so with as much grit (but less yelling) as his predecessor. Matt Chandler has slotted in nicely at shortstop (even if he has cleats that look like they were stolen from the corpse of Johnny Unitas), and TA, Sean, and Noonan remain iron horses. Insert the Hughes’ dudebro recruits Gherman/Matt McLunkin, the lightening fast (with legs and glove) Tina Burton, tenacious Katie Hart, and constantly improving (and impressing) Jen Zutz, and this crew most certainly holds its own.
This is not a eulogy. If any team has shown fight, it’s this crew. The mountain may be higher than it’s ever been, but they’ll be ready…and they’ll have to be, kicking off the tournament festivities with an 8am showdown with the team that has defeated them the past two consecutive weeks, a resurgent D2 crew.
Fran Tarkenton, perhaps the most successful #10 not named Eli Manning, has a lot in common with this Gary’s crew: a well-respected career featuring impressive playoff victories, but no Super Bowl to claim his own. If there was any time to re-write history, this would be the most epic way to go about it.
Prediction: A new pitcher, too many irreplaceable pieces on the shelf, but a lot of passion. No need to call a coroner, but we might need a medic. In the words of Beatenberg, “my head’s in the way of my heart”…a valiant effort ending Saturday afternoon.
P.S. — Emily Lamb is making a very strong recovery and comeback, and it starts on the football field! Learn more about her efforts (and those of few fellow GPCSL players) in the annual Blondes vs. Brunettes charity flag football game that raises funds for Alzheimer’s Disease awareness and research.
#8: The D2s
Windows 10
NERD ALERT. Normally, when systems get an upgrade, one assumes they will be chock full of all the things one needs to be more efficient, effective, victorious. The rebuiding of the D2s, a multi-year process, has hit a few snags along the way, though.
When Windows 10 first entered the computer fray, Microsoft execs rallied around what was considered a revolutionary design…the problem? No one wanted it and were fine with what they had (basically like any time we propose new rules in this league!). Still, its arrival brought forth a flurry of negativity: first, it was rushed, featuring an operating system with incomplete software (including critical things, like, say a web browser). The stability of the operating system alone upon launch was…dicey at best.
What happens to a team to go from capturing the league championship just a few years ago to staring at an 8am showdown and tie in the standings for last place? One might say the D2s have seen their own “forced” redesign, and really, how does one recover from losing a legendary manager/pitcher/chef, a series of MVPs, league veterans, reliable local talent, and relying heavily on what once were roleplayers and “clubhouse guys” to become the new team leaders? New skipper Cindy Dudzinski has done an impeccable job righting the ship, all while battling her own injury demons (GOOD NEWS: SHE’S BACK THIS WEEKEND!!). Dan Moses has also provided the support, humor, and love needed to keep spirits high — we just hope he doesn’t get hurt out there leading by example with his never-ending hustle on every play.
To steal another terrible office cliche, with the D2s thrust with “building the plane while flying it,” they’ve employed some gem engineers, including modern mainstays Eric Enrico-Hunt, Matt Rahn, Megan Koets, some fantastic rookie additions in Jason Brown, Randy Gomez, and Jon Lyons, and ACTUAL IT wizard Jordan Maidman.
Windows 10 took it’s lumps, but we knew change would be inevitable — more change is set to come, as we’ll say goodbye to league favorite Brian Kellman in his final campaign. His pal Nate Baker and fellow teammates will do all they can to make it an epic send-off, but can that spirit, along with retired-in-residence league elite Nick Coston, push this bus to a long Sunday?
Prediction: Too many bugs, but alcohol tends to fix that.
Can give the Agents a run for their money, but even with that in mind, I think the sun sets earlyish Sunday for the D2 crew. Still, the party won’t stop until Kellman packs up the camp chairs.
#7: The Capital Assets
Alexander Hamilton (Mr. $10 Bill)
Before we called this land the United States of America, founding fathers set sail to this country to build a new nation. Those very founding fathers established the very society (and in turn, softball league), we celebrate this weekend. It took people willing to risk their lives for future generations — heating internal discussions, battles, but all in all, selfless dedication to a worthy cause.
It goes without saying we will forever remain in the debt of Nick Promutico and Ricky for all of their hard work, time, effort, and so many other sacrifices to build what has become the great Sunday past-time in Washington, DC…if not the world. Seriously, this weekend, just take a moment to look around and be grateful for how lucky we are to be alive right now.
Much like the Capital Assets, at least up until recently, Alexander Hamilton was perhaps one of the less celebrated heroes of American democracy. He wasn’t a president, or general. All he did was establish the United States Treasury. As such, he should be honored that a team the likes of the Capital Assets (whose name came about because the original roster consisted of accountants) represent his likeness in this preview. For his troubles, however, Hamilton is the face of the $10 bill — so while not necessarily on top of our minds…he’s definitely a part of our wallets.
History cannot be re-written — Hamilton did not win his famous duel against Aaron Burr (Sir), nor did he live to see his dreams come to fruition, but it is the storytellers that can weave the tales the people need to know. Lin-Manuel Miranda has made it possible, creating his earth-shattering, record-breaking, completely compelling (and incredibly expensive…we have tickets in October) musical.
The Assets also have a chance to create legacy, but in real time with the real talent. While history has seen them have some famous rap battles of their own (h/t, Mitch), their personnel has spoken volumes over the past few seasons.
From top to bottom, the Assets sport a lineup filled with top-tier athletes (Will Bennett, Chris Rexrode, Eric Scherf, and November Project enthusiast Josh Montague), former MVPs (Shelley), wiley veterans (Darren, Harvey, Mike Oliveri), the dazzling rookie Alana Rhone, a refreshed Nick Promutico, and a resurgent Shandra providing some punch with timely hitting in big situations this season.
That all said, the one perplexing thing is that it hasn’t translated into that big tournament push. There have been flashes and moments, but either a twist of fate, a bad break, or just not enough offensive firepower have kept the Assets from that elusive final showdown.
Maybe the tide turns with a spark from the North. Talk about commitment: Kenny Dowman, who played in every game this season before he and his family moved to Philadelphia, will be making the trip down to Stoddert Field to play alongside his teammates for one last run at glory. That’s commitment, and Kenny/Dowman Family, I tip my cap/headband to you for your passion and spirit.
Prediction: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story? This team is not throwing away their shot, but it looks like too many contenders have the quicker reflexes and trigger fingers. A duel with the defending champs at 11am doesn’t bode well for this crew, but with promises for a strong rebuilding year, it’s fair to say “You’ll Be Back” in the elite picture…just not this year.
PS — This GPCSL message board goes back to 2002 (when I was 17 years old, younger than the Conte kids!). And I thought league banter was a little nutty now…
The Herd (Teams 4–6)
#6: The Beech Bums
“The Perfect 10” Tye Dillinger
It wouldn’t be a GPCSL tournament preview without some stupid WWE reference, and ladies and gentlemen, my aim is to not disappoint.
To say that Tye Dillinger came from a humble background would be putting it quite lightly. Dillinger’s professional career saw him bounce around at a young age from faction to faction, until he found himself mired in WWE’s developmental outfit, NXT.
As for Tye’s NXT career, the majority of it was spent putting other guys over…AKA losing. Still, he had exactly what was needed to produce a great match. Not very much different from the early iteration of the Beech Bums — young, plucky, certainly likable, but not winners.
All of a sudden the tide turned — although he was considered a “heel” (bad guy), the crowd loved his newer gimmick, referring to himself as “The Perfect 10,” with his grandiose costume, entrance, and antics. It was that very swagger that brought him both a solid following, and, low and behold, victories in the ring.
The swagger and passion of the Beech Bums cannot be denied, and this was embodied by their epic tournament run in 2016. The Beech Bums became threat, and had their own theatrics as well scratching and clawing (and limping) their way to the top of the heap.
However, these two stories remain intertwined for many reasons, perhaps the top being that despite these runs, when it came time to claim the top prize, even with all of the momentum (and fandom), the good guys fell short. Dillinger, now a WWE roster member, and the Beech Bums, a well established middle-ground team, find themselves primed to make an even bigger statement this year.
Even more mysterious perhaps is the disappearance of 2016 tournament MVPs Bryce and Stef. Although, to be fair, I can easily assume Stef has severe PTSD after valiantly powering through an epic Sunday run on one leg. Still, Commissioner Gordon man-crush Matt Brown looms large (both in size and talent), and this was embodied but his gutsy performance last week — robbing an otherwise devastating hit and providing some power of his own at the bat.
A returning Ryan Metzroth, along with league loveables Derek/Tom/Kevin/Dr. Stro, keep a strong nucleus fortified by the hitting, fielding, and passionate emailing of Jeff Hart. My favorite skipper (and effectively wild pitcher) Chris Daffner addressed some key depth issues this year, boasting a lineup full of healthy backups, while expert book-keeper Whitney Daffner effectively handled team operations.
Danielle and Becca anchor the lady lineup, with some MVP crosstrainers to fill, while GP’s own Ali Ashburn and Mariya Kretova pack an extra punch. Plus, who doesn’t love anybody who calls themselves “Pat the Bat?” Alex Briggs, Matt, and Mike are cool too.
Prediction: To slightly paraphrase The Sandlot, champions are remembered, but legends never die. The Beech Bums franchise will forever be cherished as the 2016 darlings, but the big crown will continue to elude the boys-and-gals in blue…but not for long.
With the pressures of last year’s success and the inevitable Jeff Hart injury weighing heavily on the Bums’ backs, the squad will finish slightly behind last year’s final tilt, but a top-4 finish is certainly attainable. Just don’t forget the sunscreen, and stay hydrated!
#5: The Near Misses
Sit tight — this is a good one, or at least, one that tests our intellect.
…if nine people completely agree that a strategy or plan is correct, then the tenth person should take a contrarian view to avoid the pitfalls of groupthink, where fatal flaws in a strategy are missed in favor of group agreement… If, in life, you’re deciding whether to move to a new place, take a new career path, or make some other major decision, come up with a plan based on your observations and intelligence gathering. However, before you act on that information, have an outsider examine your plans.
The Near Misses easily boast the most GPCSL managerial/leadership experience in the league. A roster with a complement of multiple full-time managers, spearheaded by ever-the-sparky Matt Foley (a perennial cat on the mound), it is easy to understand that task as simple as a pre-game pep talk or rally email can spiral into full-form debate. As has been the case in past years, do too many cooks (Hansen, Foley, Levitin, et al) spoil the kitchen?
Or is this exactly how the Near Misses have maintained success? There’s a tight ship in this crew, where playing time is earned, but everyone most certainly pulls the same weight in contributing to the off-the-field fun…and we sincerely thank them for it.
The Near Misses of yesteryear are long gone (winning only off the field), and the Near Misses of modern day (winning the 2015 championship and remaining amongst the competitive elites) may have traded a few of those favorites for gritty, hardnosed yeoman (and women) of the diamond. Still, there’s a lot to love with these guys and gals: the range of Zak Adams, the endless energy of Kenny Vorrasi, the WaHoo Glee Club (Border, Zemil, Ussing)…and the song remains the same for guys like Dennis, Sammy, Danny, and others.
Throw in the violent-throwing (I have no other way to describe it), all-in play of Mike Brendler, rookie-who-plays-like-a-10-year-veteran Justin Dobbie, neighborhood appeal of Dave, Adam, and Mary Cate, and tempered professionalism of Shannon, Kelli, and hitting machine Cat Cockerham, and one could argue maybe too many cooks are needed to create a winning recipe.
There’s also another “10th man” more commonly associated with a spectacle between two foul lines: the fans. The Near Misses should be applauded for the legacy of having the most, and most passionate, fans, year in and year out, across the globe. And those fans certainly put their money where their mouth was, making a huge presence in the league t-shirt fundraiser.
With that reputation, however, comes the disingenuity respect from other league participants. Case in point: St. Louis Cardinals fans (for more context, check this out [NSFW language, probably]. In my opinion, it’s a little unfair to lump this crew in the same basket — after all, it’s the very passion that inspired the GPCSL to be featured on PBS (and is still aired these many years later!).
With the strongest fan base and alumni network in the league, this team has given them something to certainly be proud of — when they’re on, they’re on, compiling hit after hit, diving catch after diving catch…and with fearless fashion sense to boot. Depth issues cost them some regular season victories, so it will be interesting to see what might be our first view of the full squad all season this weekend.
Prediction: As much as this team is on, we’ve seen them get into their own heads one time or two too many (at the plate and on the base path)— hoping to erase these moments, particularly their surprising finish at least years tournament — this crew will be coming out, guns a’blazing. We’ll see them Sunday for certain (opening against a depleted Warriors team), but it will all depend on where they’ll match up with their later showdowns (the Agents may have their number, but the Near Misses certainly have the upper hand on many a squad that may line up in their bracket path).
#4: The Weekend Warriors
10 Little Indians (And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie)
An award winning mystery novel, and another not-so-thinly veiled Redskins reference, and you have your 2017 Weekend Warriors
Ten little Injuns standin’ in a line,
One toddled home and then there were nine;Nine little Injuns swingin’ on a gate,
One tumbled off and then there were eight.Eight little Injuns gayest under heav’n.
One went to sleep and then there were seven;Seven little Injuns cuttin’ up their tricks,
One broke his neck and then there were six.Six little Injuns all alive,
One kicked the bucket and then there were five;Five little Injuns on a cellar door,
One tumbled in and then there were four.Four little Injuns up on a spree,
One got fuddled and then there were three;Three little Injuns out on a canoe,
One tumbled overboard and then there were twoTwo little Injuns foolin’ with a gun,
One shot t’other and then there was one;One little Injun livin’ all alone,
He got married and then there were none.
This tale has oft beguiled those studying GPCSL lore. A middle-of-the-pack team, coming off an incredibly disappointing tournament run (eliminated in record time…until the Kids took care of that this April), looks to reload in a big way. Gretchen did a masterful job bringing in some serious talent, but as the season wore on, it turned out to be the reliable, faithful, longtime Warriors that remained to put in the hard work and effort that earned them a #4 seed. Still, while the Warriors certainly remain a fun group on and off the field, we are saddened by the departure of Jenni “Pants” to west-coast pastures.
So where does this connection happen between the song and the story? Here’s my quick hack on the plot/summary for those of you in need of a refresher: Eight people are invited to some house on a private island, all on the premise that they’re visiting old friends. Soon, they realize they were brought here according to someone’s “plan.” Not long after, guests begin to drop off one by one (poison, blow to the head, gunshots, etc. etc.). Oh, and that 10 Little Indians Poem hangs in each bedroom. Blah, blah, blah, more mystery-type stuff, but you get the idea.
Back to the lecture at hand. Maybe the bad mojo pendulum has finally swung in the Warriors’ direction. Kicking off the season, the team strung together walk-off/comeback/1-run thriller victories, boosting morale, and their place in the standings. Then, bit by bit, the attendance dropped off, rolling out paper-thin lineups and skeleton crews to stumble their way to the end of the season. Still, it was the spirited veteran bunch that came through in the clutch: Ryan Foley, K2, Lynn, Lacey, Randall, a fiery (GET IT) Russ, and GPCSL’s Leeroy Jenkins himself, Mitch. Others certainly chipped in as well, including young talent Hannah, newcomer Erin Andrews (not that one), and spotty attendance from the reliable-when-on-the-field talent and pitching of D. Lee.
The biggest blow to this squad will be the absence of 2017 Team MVP Dave Salvo, who’s literally touring with Phish as we speak. Dave’s mind-boggling outfield range and speed, complemented with his consistent hitting, will sorely be missed this weekend. Either the Warriors will be focusing their efforts on digging deep…or performing a rain-dance to get this tournament moved to when Dave can return. (Seriously, though, check out his band.)
Music-break aside, what will it take for the Warriors to finally make that destined tournament run they’ve so badly sought out year after year? Is it that their legacy will be the on-field passion with hard-luck results in late July. I, for one, think the tide will eventually turn, but until then — especially given their first-round matchup with a 100% Near Misses team — their story might remain the same.
No shame in that, though. And Then There Were None is a the world’s best-selling mystery novel with over 100 million copies sold (and the 7th best-selling title of all time!). It has been adapted for stage, as well (including a 2009 local NJ production featuring Daddy Commish, Mark Gordon), and you probably read it/saw it in high school.
Prediction: Whether or not you paid attention in English class, there are strong lessons learned from the Weekend Warriors’ — find the guys and gals that bring the GPCSL passion that makes this league great, and they will shine…it just might not translate into the big wins early on. I expect a valiant effort through the losers’ bracket (and a return to Sunday action), but an early expiration time.
The Cream of the Crop (Teams 3–1)
#3: The Justice League of America (JLA)
10 (starring Dudley Moore, Julie Andrews, and the iconic Bo Derek)
The year was 1979, and the world of cinema, style, and the life of Bo Derek would be forever changed upon the release of the film 10.
A similar iconic moment stood out in JLA lore, when they formally announced a “new era” of enforcement in 2007, ditching the royal blue t-shirts for the Brazilian gold they’ve sported year in and year out. That was 10, yes 10, years ago (interestingly enough the same year Apple launched the first iPhone). Kudos on the recent, visually jarring redesign, by the way.
Anyway, with this 2007 shift in approach, they vaulted themselves to an incredibly memorable tournament run, de-throning the then-dominant Breakers (DRINK!) legacy and capturing the league crown. Soaked with rain, mud, and tears of joy, the Justice League of America was reborn.
A perennial contender, the past few seasons’ campaigns have fallen a bit short, and JLA has slowly, but surely, put in new pieces to stay atop the competitive heap. This year, however, looks like the most complete group of players this franchise has seen in a very long time.
…and it starts with the women. Every single lady in this lineup, from Whit to Jamie, Bethany to Rose, would be #1 athletes on any roster, and we sure hope it makes long-term veteran Tiff Lewis proud. In 1979, and for many years after, the name “Bo Derek” was often followed by a swoon and words of praise and admiration for both her tenacity and beauty. You see where I’m going with this.
With this being his first official year as manager of this storied squad, Peter Silva has done a masterful job putting his talent where they perform best. Joe “The Vaporizer” returns, completing the second half of the league “Power Couple” with Whit, while newcomer Terrance rivals him for biggest bat in the league. Lots to like about local rookie Rob Baldwin, boasting potentially the most powerful throwing arm too. The Conte dynasty, led by daddy dearest, looks to make a huge impact, while the youngsters’ speed and fine-tuned fundamentals can give them the edge they need to run through the competition. Veterans Drew and Matt Clark shore up the rest of their lineup, providing some serious outfield range.
The only question mark is of course the one constant this team has had since the 1980s: Robert Furst. As the only true pitcher, they’ll need to stay above the winning bracket fold if he’s to go the distance for the entire tournament. We know he’s got it in him, as long as his wits and hydration levels stay high, but it’s still a lot of pressure to place on the strong stalwart — perhaps the Dudley Moore in this metaphor (but naturally, more spirited/strong/GPCSLier than Dudley himself).
In a tournament preview rife with 10s and awful cultural references, to a similarly dicey Sunday weather forecast, it seems the stars have all but aligned for a repeat performance of a decade ago.
Prediction: This is JLA’s tournament to lose, plain and simple. Also, automatic MVP to any female in the league that shows up this weekend in cornrows.
#2: The 39ers
The Tenth Amendment
Ah, the time has come at last to speak of my dear loves.
Glover Park Co-ed Softball, as embodied by its tournament weekend, sure has its pomp and circumstance. In fact, it’s the closest to the “real thing” of professional sports playoff action that any of us will ever be a part of first-hand. And so, we treat it as such. Managerial roles, pre-game speeches (Braun and Foley continue to battle for the longest, most scathing ones), pre-game rituals, superstitions, all get blown a bit out of proportion sometimes at the field on the corner of 39th and Calvert St. Teams bend the knee, so to speak, to the regulators and rulers of the dugouts, lining up for duty on the diamond.
When is this seriousness and power too much? The early leaders of our nation found it necessary to strike a balance, and thus the 10th amendment was created, limiting the powers delegated to federal leaders and placing the leadership into the hands of it’s own people, or, states.
I never thought I’d see the day where I’d need to make such a comparison, but the Niners seem to jive most with this concept. A team for its players, by its players. “Manager” Adam Kowalsky is autonomous as they come, letting the game and team naturally take it’s place where they see fit. He just merely puts it on a Hello Kitty notepad so he can remember where people are in the batting order. No scorekeeping, no pre-game speeches, no rally calls. Playtime isn’t earned…it’s found by showing up and enjoying life.
Does this no-pressure, laissez-faire environment truly breed success? Welp, we’ve got the 2016 hardware to prove it.
That doesn’t mean the team is hapless, however — “the professional” Eddie Melchior continues to regulate field operations when needed, and his quick reflexes have saved both outs/runs and his own hide alike. The ever-stoic Jake Maas and Chris Copeland continue to dominate the infield, and literal walk-on Drew Petrimoulx adds some much needed depth to an outfield full of personality (Koehler, Whitey, Kornfeld, Mortier) and injury (Kowalsky, Gordon). Fortifying the lineup with hulking lefty Derek Brown, the gentlemen seem geared up for a repeat, while the returning Erika Hansen looks to seek her first championship and squelching her FOMO.
Complemented by the lady entourage of Fryer, Gordon (like, the good at softball one), and Lukacs, the fielding/hitting self-rule has proven successful before — can the momentum continue? For a change, it’ll be nice that the 39ers could win a title as “good guys,” steeling the bad guy role last season crushing the miracle run of the Beech Bums.
Much like amendments to follow, there’s a lot of pressure to follow up a great performance. With the proverbial target on the 39ers backs all season, will this crew succumb to the heat (both literal and figurative), or climb into that elusive back-to-back champion club?
Will old Gordo play? It’ll be tough to follow up my Bill Murray in Space Jam esque performance from last year, and recovering from a devastating rib injury (thanks, DC Gay Flag Football), time will tell, but one thing is certain, the 39ers do come into this weekend lacking the depth needed for a long tournament run.
Prediction: Unless they get it done the “easy way” through the winners bracket like last year, the 2016 campaign will be a nearly impossible act to follow. And, of course, in true Gordo fashion, I’d be foolish to pick/jinx my own crew. Either way, we’ll earn our off/cheat days in the week to follow, after a deep, entertaining tournament run.
#1: The Free Agents
Pearl Jam’s “10”
Few things age as well as good music, and Pearl Jam is no different. The Free Agents, year in and year out, sport a similar crew that continues to play at an incredibly high level, dispatching opponents with systemic precision (I love using that line each year).
Released in the summer of 1991, Pearl Jam’s debut album did not immediately turned heads, but it eventually endeared (and created) alternative rock fans throughout the nation. The lack of immediate success could be attributed to the need to take some time for it to get the proper exposure, rotation, and experience on the charts before it emerged a super success.
The Free Agents had similar humble beginnings, but once it hit its stride, began to string together a series of championships. To date, they remain just as strong a threat (as their #1 seed dictates) as Eddie Vedder remains a top respected singer and musician.
This is where things get dicey. Eddie Vedder’s voice has most certainly been imitated and duplicated (at least attempted), but the original has remained prevalent. Does the Free Agents voice cut just as deeply? For many a ballplayer, age can be their worst enemy:
Phong is fast…but is he the fastest player in the league still? J Braun is strong…but is that strength used for pop-ups or extra-base hits. Dan Miller hurts softballs…but also himself.
There are too many certainties still in this lineup: Kenny’s veteran moxie, Lenkin’s uncanny consistency, Lisa M’s big bat, Perrette’s long strides, Megan’s undeniable leadership (and commitment to compliance — something any commissioner loves!), and more.
2nd-year sensations Nikki Smith and John Morris round out an already dangerous lineup, but, like many good bands, a couple of key players won’t be able to make this tour: The Fabulous Harper Boys. Can the team power on without them? Sources say yes, especially since they’ve won their championships without them before…and new replacements Aubrey and Jon Martin look to make a positive impact. And don’t forget, Lisa Barry always has an MVP-caliber performance up her sleeve.
Still, we all get in touch with our realities sometimes — these players now have more kids in the dugout than adult beverages, and chasing them around alone can be exhausting enough in this heat. Eddie Vedder himself has been able to breathe easy, knowing he’s seen his dear Cubbies win a championship in his lifetime — does that easy feeling take away from one’s drive to win?
The Free Agents will do their best to stay “Alive” all weekend, and with an “Evenflow” of talent in their lineup, “Jeremy” hopes to speak of another championship in class today.
To throw in another music reference, Brad Lenkin will be playing with a heavy heart as the front-man of his favorite band, Linkin Park, took his life earlier this week. A tough blow dealt to the music industry, and, of course, once angsty teenagers like myself.
Prediction: Are there better teams out there? Maybe. Do some have the Agents’ number? Perhaps. Do the Agents make a living off of beating other teams? Yes. With inside sources spotting a shared practice session at Stoddert this Thursday afternoon with the Near Misses, perhaps they’re using this time to fully scout out potential opponents in order to best “cash in” on every opportunity that presents itself to get through to the finish. Final four/three with gusto.
10 Commandments: Final Predictions/Awards
10/10 (Champions): The Justice League of America
Pelé (Male MVP):
Dan Miller (Agents)…again!
(Honorable Mention Jon Leon [Gary’s])
Josie Davis (Female MVP):
Bethany Pisani (JLA)
Walt Frazier (Tournament X-Factors): Matt Brown (Beech Bums), Chris Copeland (39ers), Shandra Kelly (Assets), Nikki Smith (Agents), Ethan Schurkman (Warriors)
Cody Bellinger (Rookies of the Year): Jason Brown (D2s), Randy Gomez (D2s), Terrance Dolan (JLA), Alex Briggs (Beech Bums), Drew Petrimoulx (39ers), Justin Dobbie (Near Misses), Alana Rhone (Assets)
Fall Down 9 Times Stand Up 10 (Comeback Players of the Year): Erika Hansen (39ers), Ryan Metzroth (Beech Bums), Megan Mullen-Fortenberry (Agents), Cindy Dudzinski (D2s), Shannon McGreevy (Near Misses), Umpire Gary
Dimebag Darrell (Fond Farewells…just don’t read how he left us): Brian Kellman (D2s), Jenni Seligmann (Warriors)
And, of course, a huge shout out to the creator of GPCSL’s official logo, Eric Hooper. Our 35th anniversary season gift to all of you.
That does it from Gordo land (it’s a scary place full of 80s music, professional wrestling, HBO drama, and one-eyed cats). Just remember to stay hydrated, and of course, STAY HYPED!
With fire and blood…I mean…see you Saturday,
Commissioner Gordon
