Is Healing Really a “Thing” After a Narcissistic Relationship?

“What are you talking about with all this healing?”

That was my mother, questioning why I keep talking about healing from a multi-decade narcissistic relationship. Despite multiple attempts to explain the damage that I’m realizing and addressing, she’s not buying it.

I simply need to will myself to be okay. That should do it, according to her.

Makes me wonder whether her perspectives would be different if the abuse were physical instead of emotional.

What if every harsh word, accusation, offensive name, body-shaming comment, angry outburst, chaotic moment, embarrassing incident, and disappearance in a crowd were a punch, kick, knife wound, shove to the ground, or extended dragging across rocky ground? What if I were visibly beaten, bruised, limping, physically disfigured, bloodied, swollen, and battered?

Would she understand the need to heal if the damage looked like something?

More importantly, would I better understand the depth of the damage and the imperative of finally trying to heal while I still have time left to do so?

I wonder about that because it’s tough for me to hold in my mind that I’m damaged goods right now. I hear the voices in my head (the same ones that tell me how much I hate myself), that I’m fine. Everything should be normal. I should be holding myself to even higher standards than what I’ve held myself to previously. Anything less, and I’m slacking.

Yes, I know that my confusion, self-doubt, and self-hate are all components of what demands healing — sooner than later.

Intriguingly, the afternoon that my mother asked about all this talk of healing, I had written a prayer following morning Mass. It asks God’s help to heal everything that I could identify right then that needed healing.

I don’t think I’m being weak. Really. I think it’s amazing that my eyes have opened as much as they have been. I’ve realized that healing is vital to moving beyond my coming divorce, past the marriage relationship, and looking ahead to the future.

Here’s the prayer:

Please Heal Me, Lord

Please heal me, Lord, in my mind, body, heart, and soul.
From my self-hatred: Heal me so that I’m always able to know that I am your beloved child.
From my self-doubt: Heal me so that I can be confident in who I am and in using the talents that you have given me.
From my need for affirmation from others: Heal me so that I know my own worth as a child of yours, no matter the good or bad that others say.
From my fears and apprehensions: Heal me that I move forward prudently and faithfully under your guidance and protection.
From my sadness: Heal me, Lord, with the richness of your love and mercy that bring me true joy.
From my disappointments and regrets: Heal me so that I live in the moment and know that you love me and will guide me to where you want me to go.
From bad habits that I use to ease my pain: Heal me that I experience both joy and pain as they are, without clouding my perceptions.
From my sins: Heal and forgive me, Lord, for all the times that I stray from your commands and plan for me.
From my desires to catch up and experience what I’ve missed: Heal me with patience, strong boundaries, and a desire to be obedient to you in everything.
From my idleness: Heal me, Lord, that I worship, labor, relax, and rest always with a purpose grounded in my love for you.
From my desire for pleasure: Heal me that I embrace and experience life in moderation and in accord with your commands, Lord.
From my anger and blame for others: Heal me, Lord, so that I own and address my shortcomings, forgive others, and grow from where I am right now.
Please heal me, Lord, in my mind, body, heart, and soul. Amen.

If you need to heal from narcissistic or other emotional, mental, or physical abuse, reach out and get help immediately. If you are also so inclined, this prayer is yours to pray as is or to modify in ways that better reflect your situation.

If you are in a similar situation, I’m publishing content along my journey to healing as I make progress. Subscribe to get an email as I share new articles.