Answers to Prayer during Cancer
Each May 25th for the last few years, I’ve written a story or remembrance related to my late wife, Rosemary. I’m told that they have usually been sad stories or “tear jerkers” about difficulties we faced. Recently however, the following occurred and since it happened a few weeks before May 25th, I’ll share it instead as a more positive remembrance….
Last night I was involved in a small group where people shared personal experiences of miracles or answered prayer in their lives.
One specific answer to prayer had come to mind in a strong way the day before when I was pondering what I might share at the upcoming meeting. However, at the meeting I didn’t feel compelled to share it even though this memory from eight years ago had made a specific impression on me the day before.
Then today, additional answers to prayer have come to mind and I still feel that I should be sharing these in some way. Why? I don’t know. Perhaps to be an encouragement to someone else? Not sure. So I‘m writing this “compilation.”
Almost nine years ago, my wife Rosemary was diagnosed with cancer in her brain. Two years earlier we had fought breast cancer and thought that the battle had been won.
The initial symptoms this time were bumping into furniture on her left side, dizziness, and left leg weakness when doing stairs. Scans showed that she had large tumors in her right cortex and her cerebellum. Our children were 6 and 9 years old at the time.
Two Months
About two months after the diagnosis, with our family life turned upside down and with our heads spinning from all of the many tests and meetings with the radiation oncologist, medical oncologist, and many others, things had become quite hectic and numbing.
We were exhausted.
We had been praying for wisdom, strength, comfort and some semblance of normalcy for our children.
Then out of the blue came something that, in hindsight, we really needed at the time.
A family provided our family with a free week-long vacation at a lovely, relaxing resort in Horseshoe Valley and they did it all anonymously through a third party. The first four days we were there alone without the kids, which was very refreshing, and then the kids joined us, which was great. Our family really needed this.
This was an answer to prayer that was much more than we had ever imaged, and it’s timing was perfect.
Make Memories, Then Move On
More time passed, more tests, more results, more consults, more progression of the cancer, worsening symptoms.
It was becoming obvious to Rosemary and myself that, short of a miracle, there was a chance that we might not win this second battle. We discussed this at length and, although it was a little risky, we decided that we wanted to take a vacation of the type that would allow us to make memories with our children while Rosemary was still able to travel and be involved.
We prayed about it, asking for direction on where to go and asking that any issues be resolved if we were to go.
We received permission and actually encouragement from our oncology team, and were given instructions for dealing with seizures and to know how to regulate the dosage of the one strong medication that helped with dizziness and other symptoms.
At this point, seizures were a very real possibility, they were not a bad sign, they were to be expected and our biggest concern was to protect Rosemary’s head if she was falling.
We decided to go to Disney World. The kids had never been there, nor had they ever flown. Many, many people graciously provided us with donations to help fund this memory-making trip. Some groups of people even pooled their donations together and/or provided assistance anonymously. Their generosity was very humbling and appreciated.
Due to Rosemary’s frequent low energy levels, our plan was to go to a Disney park or attraction every other day, with a rest day in between each outing. We would adjust the plan as necessary on a day-by-day basis.
We had a wonderful, 2 1/2 week, memory making family vacation, but on the very last day, Rosemary had a seizure at a park, her first seizure, including the start of spasms. Disney’s medical response was very helpful. You can read the details of that event on this page (from our blog of our cancer journey).
When we asked God for this memory-making chance with our kids, God answered our prayers and provided everything we needed. We also felt that this seizure on the very last day was God’s way of saying, “I provided as you asked, now it is time to move on to the next step in this journey.”
Volunteers
As the cancer grew and spread to the lungs and other areas, we needed assistance in many areas of our family life.
We were very fortunate (and still are) to be part of a loving church community who cares and lives out their love for one another in many practical ways.
We had a number of teams form over time to provide assistance to us. There was the Meal team, the After-School team, the House Cleaning team, the Transportation team, etc., and a coordinator looked after each team so that I didn’t have another thing I had to call lots of people about.
There’s no adequate way to express how helpful those many, many volunteers were to our family as we were trying to juggle all of the issues we were living through. They came from our church, our family, our friends. And they didn’t just do their assigned tasks, they talked to Rosemary, sometimes until she fell asleep, they talked to our kids to help them deal with the gradual changes in mommy’s abilities, they saw other things that needed attention and just helped. They were gracious and generous care providers in so many ways.
And each person and each team was an answer to many prayers we had as our load kept increasing. Each time there were new challenges, God was always there providing a solution, providing balance, providing a calm in the midst of the storm. He was continuously answering our prayers, not always immediately, that’s for sure, but when it was really needed, He provided.
Bucket List
When things started to look like, short of a miracle, we might not win this battle, Rosemary made a “bucket list” of the things she wanted to do before she died.
The last item on her bucket list was the hope that our daughter would have a fun 10th birthday party and that Rosemary could be part of it.
For the preceding couple of months, in the midst of spiraling health problems and decreasing leg muscle strength, we had prayed for enough strength for her to go to our daughter’s birthday party. This was important to Rosemary and we prayed accordingly. God provided. In fact, He provided strength for everything we needed to do, for every appointment we needed to make, and for everything else, up to and including the birthday party. Then after driving home after the party, there was no longer any strength left to even get out of the car, and barely enough strength for the last trip up the stairs to bed. God answered those prayers so that our daughter could have the birthday party that she had been hoping and wishing for. And we were pleased.
It might be hard to understand why that was so important to Rosemary; why she cared so much that our daughter would have a fun-filled party in the midst of all of the uncertainty of what was happening in our family. Our daughter had been talking about her party for months and was really looking forward to it. We were very happy that she was able to experience the joy that this evening brought. This was also the last outing that Rosemary was planning on taking, and she was able to make it.
When Rosemary wasn’t able to get out of the car after the party, and even with my help, it took a long time to get her into the house and upstairs, we took this as God clearly saying again, “I have answered your prayers, but it is now time to move on to the next stage in this journey.”
Now What?
This is an excerpt from one specific weekend in mid-April when a major change was needed.
“With very recent changes in Rosemary’s weakening condition over the weekend, it has become obvious that she needs a much higher level of care than can be provided by untrained lay person volunteers. Each day the tasks have become much more complicated, involved and physically challenging even when I’ve had another adult with me to assist. It is doubtful that I’ll be able to continue to provide this support as things continue to worsen.
On Sunday (yesterday), Rosemary and I were discussing and realizing how we needed an immediate change in support. We hoped that such support would be available via the CCAC umbrella organization, and we were even contemplating the possibility of a part-time private duty nurse (paid) or PSW worker for skilled in-house support. We also discussed hospice options like Lisaard House.
Therefore, first thing Monday morning (today) I called our CCAC case manager, explained the recent changes from the weekend, and stated that we needed to have an immediate increase in Rosemary’s level of care and asked what options were available. They immediately dispatched an occupational therapist and a nurse to perform assessments. There were many phone calls and discussions throughout the day with various professionals and advisors. It was a busy day around our house, at one time having as many as six adults in the house, sometimes queuing up to see Rosemary.
There are ripple-effect implications to any of these support changes. With the Lisaard House option, there are many dedicated nurses and other support workers in a comfortable, non-institutional, converted home environment that provide round-the-clock care to their patients, and in addition family and friends are able to visit at any time. There are only six beds available (each in its own private room) for the entire Waterloo Region area of half a million people, and a person needs to have a prognosis of less than three months to get into the facility. There is a long waiting list and they fill vacancies on a priority need basis whenever a current patient passes on. We have heard nothing but excellent comments about Lisaard House, and also comments about how hard it is to get in when a patient could use their high level of personalized care.
Yesterday when Rosemary and I were discussing possible options, we discussed Lisaard House. We discussed how it would be a significant change to a number of things, but we also realized that it would provide Rosemary with the best possible care available. But we didn’t know how to ever get on the waiting list and how long it might take to get a high enough priority to get in. So we prayed about it and asked that if we were to go there and when the time was right, that an opening would make itself available and that we both would be in agreement and at peace with the decision to accept the invitation if one might arise. And we left it at that.
Today, in the midst of the all of the medical personal and care providers and phone calls and discussions, the phone rang. It was Lisaard House. They wanted to come right over for an assessment visit. During the visit they said that they had one opening and if we wanted it, we had to let them know within two hours. In retrospect, I guess we weren’t really prepared for such a sudden and clear answer to prayer. We asked for the full two hours to contemplate the decision and its implications. Then we called them back and accepted their generous offer.”
Wow, what an answer to prayer. It was the best possible option and it came exactly when it was needed.
Summary
I’ve only mentioned a few of the many answers to prayer we received during our cancer battles.
There were so many answers to prayer throughout this journey, too many to count.
I hope this compilation will be encouraging for someone.
Other writings in this series about Rosemary:
