Chapter 3: Self(less) Love
‘U’ comes before ‘V’
What you don’t have for yourself can’t be shared with others. It may sound counterintuitive at first. What about the millions of people in need of our love and compassion?
You may remember the old saying ‘Charity begins at home’. It’s actually impossible to love others without having the same amount of love for your own self. You can fake it. But it destroys you from within.
I already love myself. I don’t need you to tell me. If that’s the case with you, great. But that’s not the case with everyone.
The kind of remorse people have is astonishing at times. Their only response to that is to keep helping others at the cost of themselves. Been there, done that you see.
It’s the other end of the spectrum in a self-obsessed world. Equally bad. Saint to all. Satan to self.
In case you were hit by a truck and lost those awful memories, you would be a different person now. Then it’s ok, isn’t it? It’s not ok. Why leave your present life’s state of affairs at the hands of a reckless truck driver? Huh?
If you look at it carefully, when you think you are punishing the culprit in you, in reality you are hurting someone innocent only always. How is that you ask?
If biology resonates better with you, what you call as you or your body is a combination of countless number of cells. These cells have a life span roughly from a few days to few weeks to a maximum of one year.
So ideally none of the culprit cells who were part of that act or the so called ‘sin’ committed a year before are alive today. So you are essentially holding some one else’s bad memories as your own and unnecessarily hurting yourself in the process.
It’s not to say that you abandon the responsibility. But now that you know what is possible, you will be more watchful of any future wrongdoings.
What if I am ready to let go but the victim still holds me accountable? Well, the whole world can blame you but you need to decide what your path from here on would be. A path of love or resentment.
Just because people choose suffering over solace does not make them holy. If we ever meet those whom we consider as genuine saints, they would say the same thing to us “We have all been there. Now move on.”
Let’s keep everything aside.
What will be your advice to someone in your shoes?
To hold on or To let go?
Please give that same advice to yourself too.
