Manifesto Intros Part 5: SNP

Our journey into 2015 UK Election truthiness heads north.

No pictures. No messing about. This is not a bid for approval.

We start, uniquely, with a vow. Given that political-speak usually only gets as far as ‘I promise’, this is badass.

My vow is to make Scotland stronger at Westminster.

In other words: THIS TIME, IT’S PERSONAL.

At this election, we have the opportunity to shake up the out of touch Westminster system so that it serves Scotland better.

For once, those gits in Westminster are actually listening. Leverage, people. That’s what I’m talking about.

A vote for the SNP on May 7th is a vote for MPs who will always stand up for Scotland’s best interests.

Time to get down there and start kicking butts.

It is a vote to make Scotland’s voice heard at Westminster more loudly than it has ever been heard before. And it is a vote for more progressive politics.

Scotland! Progress! Come on!

The SNP will use our influence at Westminster to help deliver positive change for the benefit of ordinary people, not just in Scotland, but across the UK.

Don’t even think about voting for Labour.

We propose a real alternative to the pain of austerity, an end to unfair policies like the Bedroom Tax, a higher minimum wage and protection for our NHS and vital public services.

A) We’ve got that social shit covered.

Instead of even deeper Westminster spending cuts, we want to see more investment in our economy, to create more and better paid jobs.

B) Those traitors will screw you over as soon as look at you.

And we want the precious resources of our country to be invested in building a better future for our children, not on a new generation of nuclear weapons.

Think of the children, for god’s sake.

The SNP will never put the Tories into power.

We hate those Conservative bastards as much as anyone.

Instead, if there is an anti-Tory majority after the election, we will offer to work with other parties to keep the Tories out.

Seriously, I’d rather eat my own eyeballs than make a deal with those self-serving English wankers.

And we will then use our influence to demand that Labour delivers the real change that people want and need — instead of just being a carbon copy of the Tories.

Plus, once we’ve got Labour where we want them, they’ll have to meet our demands or we’ll bring Parliament TO ITS KNEES. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha. Ahaha ha ha ha haha.

A vote for the SNP will make Scotland’s voice heard — loudly and clearly. And it will help deliver new, better and more progressive politics at Westminster for everyone. My vow is to make Scotland stronger at Westminster.

To recap: Scotland! Progress! Badass!

With your support, we can secure a better future for you, your family and Scotland.

Scotland! Progress! Children!

Scotland!

SCOTLAND!

Summary: scrape away the political-talk and it’s a rallying cry, plain and simple. No prisoners, no compromises.

If that’s all a bit intense, don’t worry —we’re finishing up with the Greens.

Or read more party manifesto intros here.

Comments? Queries? Find and follow me at @emmaclarebrooks.

Get up close and personal with the SNP manifesto here.