Written in timeliness with Time To Change’s #timetotalk awareness day (Thursday 02 February 2017), I’d like to challenge anybody reading this blog to think about their day to day verbal interactions with people, or even go as far to pick up non-verbal cues that may suggest that everything is not ‘fine’.
This post has a slightly British lean to it, but we have become a nation of ‘How are you’s?’ and ‘I’m fine’s’. At first dissection, you would think that a ‘How are you?’ was an altruistic act showing genuine care for the wellbeing of another, and for many it is, don’t get me wrong. But when did the ‘How are you’s?’ become so customary? It’s almost like it’s the new way to pass somebody in the work corridor and acknowledge them politely, without any thought to how they actually might be doing. And let’s face it, exchanges are over in no time at all, giving no time to truthfully answer.
In most cases when I ask how somebody is, it is because I want to know. Or I might re-phrase it and say something like ‘so what have you been up to?’, giving less room for a ‘meh’ fine answer.
And sometimes….people do not want to talk. That’s fine. See I couldn’t help myself!!
In among all my waffle, consider this…Let’s be more mindful of our ‘How are you’s?’. Let’s load them with intent. Let’s pick up on those non-verbal cues where someone may struggle to discuss what’s on their mind, but might be hoping for a ‘How are you?’ from the right person, to open up. If someone is willing to lend their ear, let them. Don’t say I’m fine, say ‘well actually I’m feeling a bit crappy’. And if you don’t get an ‘I’m fine’, be open to listening. Sometimes that’s all it takes to make somebody feel heard, understood or even start the ball rolling to be fine, the next time they are asked.
Not feeling fine and don’t feel up to talking? How about writing it down?
