How to Assemble Your Personal Growth Dream Team
There are four people in this world that can take you to the top.
As an engineering manager, I often find myself assembling teams. Two engineers on a new project for Sales, pairing up designers with developers to create a design system, or building entire teams from the ground up. Once I know what needs to be done, and who can do what, I build dream teams, over and over. And I love it — especially helping them grow in their careers.
It took a divorce, then the pandemic, then taking on new hobbies like propagating plants and making Khachapuri to realize I was pouring my energy into helping people and things around me grow. And while the pandemic certainly gave me the chance to learn some fun-but-not-very-useful things like solving Rubik’s cubes and tuning turntables, it seriously had been some time since I’d seen productive personal growth.
Do I really want to go back to Hawaii or start a new job the same guy I was last time? Hell no!
In talking with friends about areas opening back up, and all the things we are going to get back to doing and places we are going to travel to, I started thinking “do I really want to go back to Hawaii the same guy I was last time?” or “Do I want to take that BBQ road trip across Texas with the same baggage?” No, I do not.
And that is where my own personal growth team comes in.
Behind Every Hero Is a Great Team
No one gets to the top alone — it’s just not possible.
Every one of your heroes, leaders, and influencers has a team around them, be it an assistant or a handful of professionals for specific skills. And this is no different for personal and professional growth — you need people around you to do this effectively.
Set aside the self-help and growth books for a moment, because we are going to assemble a dream team of people that will be there for you to help put those learnings (and more) into practice.
Think of Your Team as a Compass
I’m a visual person, and think in visual metaphors. This personal growth we’re talking about is your North Star, which is why I visualize this team like a compass rose with four points. With this team, we are designing a more formal approach to guiding, pushing and supporting you toward your ultimate personal and or professional goals. No more going it alone — four people in your life will make up your team.
North: Your Coach
This should be the one person on your team that you pay, and work with in a professional manner. My coach is here to know my ultimate personal growth goal, collaborate on outlining a plan to get there in a specified timeframe, and actively guide me along that path.
Not to be confused with a mentor; this is a professional you check in with on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, set goals, and hold you accountable to them. Think financial coach, performance coach, personal coach, therapist, spiritual guide or other professional in a specific area you want to grow in. They are the one person on your team that should have real world experience taking other people toward similar goals.
If you are a nurse looking to make a career change to become a travel writer, you are going to look for a coach that has successfully helped guide others in making career changes. They don’t have to be a nurse or travel writer themselves, but have experience with people transitioning their career paths.
Where to Find Your Coach
Look far and wide, and start Googling. For many coaching needs, they can literally be anywhere in the world. At time of writing, I have only ever met one of my coaches in person. It’s more important to find someone that you really connect with, and will be dedicated to your goal, the way you envision it. Some coaches facilitate groups, as well, and I strongly recommend checking those out. It may be where you find the next part of your team.
East and West: Your Wingmen, Wingwomen, Wingpersons
You will have two people in this role. Can be mentors, friends, people in group or AA, coworkers, clergy. Think of them as literally by your side as you move toward your goal. Mine know what I am working on and toward so they can help be my spotters and active partners as I move forward.
Think about two different areas of concern—or blindspots you may come across—as you move toward your goal. And pick individuals that can help give you coverage in those areas.
- If your goal is to become a year-round hunter, you are looking for someone that hunts year round, or at least hunts different seasons, game or in different territories than you have knowledge in. As your East and West, they know what you are looking to do, and should be actively reaching out to you about opportunities that can help your growth, and meet your goal.
Where to Find Your Wingmen
Beyond those mentioned above, look for people actually doing what you want to do. Could be prominent contributors to an online community, or podcaster in that field, or local craftspersons. But, it should be someone that communicates well, for you are looking to enlist the help of them notifying you of events or opportunities that contribute to your growth.
In talking about one of my goals to a friend over dinner I learned she had been doing that very thing for years, and she is now my wingwoman for one of my goals.
South: Your Least Fucked Up Friend
You read that right! Sean Hotchkiss had written that we all have this “least fucked up friend” that can help us with a lot more than moving couches or a ride home. I have taken this to be the friend you have known for some time, knows where you have been, and what you have been through. They are that one friend who is always there, supportive of your dreams and growth, and as the name suggests, the one that you are not really worried about — you can lean on them.
And they don’t need to have direct experience in your goals, just an interest in seeing you grow, as well as the capacity to be there for you. This person is your close, personal support for things you may not be able to share with the other team members.
- If you are working toward writing a cookbook, this friend is the one that can come over and try your new recipes, and give you honest feedback. Or talk you out of the weeds at 11pm when you are seriously doubting your ability to even write a cookbook.
Where to Find Your Least Fucked Up Friend
Actually, I feel they already found you. Look for the one friend that checks in more than most, always shows up for you, and you look up to in some way.
Take Flight
All you need is your least fucked up friend sorted out to start on your journey. In many cases, that may be the easiest position to fill. Literally recruit them — tell them your plans to work on your growth with a coach and two other people.
Nervous about it? I was too, but think about how cool it is to know you are someone’s ‘least fucked up friend’ and being asked to help someone grow. Okay, that may be weird for some, but I think you can figure it out in a way that works for you.
You can work with your friend to find a coach that can take you where you want to go. You will work one-on-one with that coach to come up with a North Star goal and plan to get there.
Share your North Star goal with your friend so that they have an understanding of where you are going and how they can help.
Through your periodic sessions with your coach, you will start to have a better understanding of what wingpersons you will need for the journey. Don’t worry if it takes awhile to sort out (it took me a few months), you got time, and your friend may be able to fill in. And as you work on yourself and share your goals, candidates may start to reveal themselves, as had happened to me.
With that, you are on your way to achieving the growth you want, with the team you need, to live the next chapter in a more rewarding way.
