Pay Yourself First: A Path to Better Mental Health and Financial Wellness
My personal coach would say “pay yourself first,” and I had no idea what he was talking about. Even after he explained it, I was like “whatever, dude” and blew it off because what he explained sounded so weird to my people-pleaser brain.
Then I started journaling before work. I made savings accounts with names like “foodie trips” with automated payments to them from each paycheck. I would lie in bed and set my morning intentions before I picked up my phone.
And then it hit me hard one morning: this is what he meant by ‘pay myself first.’ And it felt amazing! And powerful. It shifted my entire life.
Ways to pay yourself first for better mental health
There are myriad ways to pay yourself first when it comes to mental health. Here are some examples for you to build off of and make your own.
Don’t pick up that phone in the morning!
You can pay yourself big time by not picking up your phone right when you wake up. There are numerous studies on how picking up a device first thing in the morning interrupts healthy transition from sleep to wake states.
Take one minute to set your morning intentions. It serves as a guiding principle that influences your thoughts, actions, and reactions throughout the day. By setting an intention, you bring awareness to what you want to cultivate and experience in the hours ahead, aligning your mind and heart with your deepest desires and values.
Journal before work / school
If you aren’t journaling, you should start. Here are eight ways to journal. Once you find one that works for you, carve out time before you go to work or school, or start your day. I make sure I have about 30 minutes before work to journal, and I have found that really helps me clear my head for the day.
Often I am writing about what happened the day or week before, but if you are working on reducing stress at work / school, I would suggest a journal method where you are setting up your day ahead. Try affirmations or setting intentions before you go into that stressful day.
Don’t reply until you have a reply
Replying to a text or email in a timely manner does not mean you have to reply within a few seconds or even a few minutes. For longer or more serious text replies, I use Notes app to sketch out my response and edit it before I send. This gives me pause so I can think about my reply, edit it, and then think about sending it.
Doing this, I’ve found that I write better replies, regret far less of the ones I sent, and even had a number of times where I discovered I didn’t need to reply at all. I’m paying myself here by taking back my time and energy from replying in the text app, and them possibly seeing me typing.
No response is a response
Mel Robbins said “No response is a response”, and it has been a very big deal to me. Sometimes, ‘paying yourself first’ may mean that you don’t respond. And that is ok. In fact, I found it to be a huge win in my mental health at work and back when I was on dating apps. It’s about preserving your energy, and paying yourself with it versus giving it to someone in a response.
Learn to say no more often
(We’ll repeat this in the financial section below.) I used to say yes to every damn thing that came my way. Two parties on the same evening? Sure! No problem, let me bend myself into and emotional pretzel for both of you. Now, I start with no, and work myself into a yes. This has me saying no more often, which has me paying myself first with my time and emotional well-being.
Ways to pay yourself first for better financial health
Set up autopay to yourself
Most online banking will allow you to easily set up multiple savings accounts, and some will even let you name them. I set up a few, and named them for the activities I want to do with that money. One is for taking foodie trips, where I put in $200 each month, and I have a rule that I must spend it all by the end of each calendar year. Another is for my son where I have put $100 a month in since he was born.
Start with something meaningful for you. This could be a big LEGO set, a new motorcycle, or even a solo trip to Palm Springs. Have it automatically come out of your paycheck or main account each time you are paid. Every few months I feel myself get surprised in that I forgot I even did that! And then I hop on Expedia and plan a trip.
Go through your subscriptions and cancel them
There are a number of apps that can help with this, but you can start by looking through your bank statements. Start by finding one subscription to cancel and take back that money. Even if it is a $5 a year one, canceling it and taking back the money and energy in paying for something you didn’t really use is going to start adding up. I just canceled my HBO Max subscription, and it felt great.
Find high yield savings accounts
Now, we are getting into financial advice here, so do your own research. But, I dug in and found that my savings account was barely paying even 1%. I spent a couple evenings looking around for a bank that had a higher yield, and ended up with one that was a lot higher. I moved my money over, and now feel like I am paying myself first in the sense that I am taking care of me instead of my loyalty to that credit union.
Learn to say no more often
Like above, say no to more outings where you may have to foot the bill or chip in heavily. Say no to more events where the financial burden is ambiguous. Get clarity around how and who will pay for it, especially on dates. Will we be splitting the check, I mean you did ask me out, sooooo…? Yeah, pay yourself first by honoring your personal finances before those of others.
In Summary
Paying yourself first has a lot ways it can manifest. But, in the end, it’s about taking back your energy, your time, your money, and your power. It’s about holding onto your cards, and taking a beat to survey your hand. Do you have what it takes to play this round? Or do you need to sit out? And did you even take your card from the pile at the start of the round?
And that is a good analogy for this. The order of many board games is:
- take your card (pay yourself first, financially)
- check your hand (pay yourself first, emotionally)
- choose to move or not (pay yourself first through moving under your own power)
- play or discard your card (now pay others)
