Jeremy’s Tophunder №30: The Lion King

7 min readApr 7, 2020

NAAAAAAAAANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA

Here’s what I want you to imagine. It’s 1994. For the first time ever, Disney is producing an animated feature with a wholly original story, not based on another work. It’s the most ambitious and expensive animated projected in Disney’s history until this point. At the same time, Disney is also producing another animated feature, which the majority of the animators at Disney believe will be more prestigious and successful, so many of them opt to work on that film instead, leaving the Disney B-Team (of sorts) to complete, again, the most ambitious and expensive animated project in the company’s history.

The filmmakers decide to open the movie not by introducing characters or the story, but instead by cold-opening into not only the biggest musical number in the movie, but the biggest and most complex animated musical number in Disney’s history. The swing for the fences in the first minute of the movie.

And. They. Fucking. Crush. It.

Of all 100 movies on my list, I can’t think of any that have an opening four minutes that compete with The Lion King.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get started on what you really came here for:

The Definitive Lion King Character Power Rankings

1. Rafiki

If there are people you know who wouldn’t put Rafiki at (or very close to the top) of their Lion King power rankings, cut them out of your life now, because they can’t be trusted. Not only is Rafiki the wisest and most worldly character in the story, he’s also highly trained in hand-to-hand combat and he’s the one, ultimately, who gets Simba to go back to Pride Rock. If Rafiki wasn’t in the movie, Scar would still be ruling pride rock.

2. Pumba

3. Timon

I couldn’t split these guys up. They obviously have to be ranked together. Pumba is clearly in the lead up until the point that Nala comes on the jungle, after which Timon drops all of his best lines (and dances a Hula to distract the Hyena’s). Ultimately, Timon is too dismissive of Pumba’s really good ideas, and treats himself as “the brains of this outfit” even though I’m not sure he deserves it. Pumba gets the nod here.

4. Scar

Let’s be honest, Scar is one of the most bad-ass villains out there. He’s cunning, manipulative, and knows how to take advantage of just about any situation. The fact that he was able to (momentarily) get the upper hand on Simba when Simba returned to Pride Rock was a master stroke. Scar loses points for (a) being stupid enough to admit that he killed Mufasa when he had Simba on the ropes, and (b) for being a really shitty king. Like, seriously, you’re smart enough to orchestrate his whole plan to kill Mufasa and claim the throne, but so stupid that you don’t recognize that all of your food sources have left the area and you’re just sitting there, waiting to die? Come on, Scar. I expect more out of you.

5. Zazu

Zazu shoots up the rankings for being consistently funny, even when he’s being a buzzkill. “The sooner we get to the water hole, the sooner we can leave” is exactly the energy I’d have if I was the King’s majordomo and I was suddenly supposed to babysit two kids going on a field trip. He also gets points for being an underrated singer, but I can’t place him much higher than this when he doesn’t contribute much at all to the final fight scene.

6. Young Nala

Young Nala is cool. Always down to have a good time, always down to go along with whatever plan her friend has, but still able to pin Simba at any chance she gets. Also, let’s not forget that the movie clearly establishes that ditching Zazu using a huge musical number was her idea (Simba doesn’t refute it, just that he pulled it off). This is exactly the type of childhood friend that anyone would want.

7. Mufasa

Okay, yes, Mufasa is an awesome king. He’s fair and just and able to law down the law and put the fear of god into the hyenas when he needs to. He’s also a great father, teaching the ropes to Simba and getting him back in line when he goes too far. But are you really trying to tell me that he’s known Scar for his entire life and just let him hang around while it’s obvious to anyone right away that Scar is a shady dude? Scar was plotting to kill him and his son right under his nose and he never noticed? Come on, Mufasa, you’re better than this.

8. Ed

The funniest Hyena (and maybe the funniest character in the whole movie on a laugh-per-scene ratio) can’t drop any lower than the halfway point.

9. Adult Nala

Props to Adult Nala for doing her best to talk Simba into going back to Pride Rock. She didn’t get all the way there, but you at least have to concede that she loosened the jar for Rafiki, who finished the job. I will neither confirm nor deny that Adult Nala’s ranking was penalized for being voiced by Moira Kelly (who would go on to play the most unbearable character on one of my favorite shows ever).

10. Sarabi

Sarabi is 100 percent that bitch. She is no bullshit. She would be ranked way, way higher, but doesn’t get quite enough screen time. I honestly feel bad ranking her this low.

11. Adult Simba

I get pretty impatient with Adult Simba. How does he not figure out that Scar is full of shit? Like, he was a kid sitting in the gorge when suddenly wildebeest start stampeding out of nowhere. That clearly wasn’t his fault. Oh, and by the way, -Scar- was the one that brought him to the gorge. How does he never put two and two together? Yes, he finally comes around in the end, but it takes him way too long. Trying to brush off Nala with “hakuna matata” never sat right with me. You knew she was right.

12. Banzai

The two Hyenas that aren’t Ed don’t bring a ton to the table. At the very least, Banzai is the one who put Zazu into the Birdie Boiler.

13. The Rhino that sits on top of Zazu at the end of “Just Can’t Wait To Be King”

A great performance.

14. Young Simba

Yeah, this is an unpopular opinion for sure. Simba being young and naive drives a few crucial plot points in the movie, but he’s just not a very bright kid. He deliberately disobeys Mufasa by going to the elephant graveyard (putting himself and Nala in mortal danger), he seems to be very trusting of Scar for some reason, and he seems to alternate between being super whiny and super annoying. “Just Can’t Wait To Be King” is the second-best song in the movie, but only the fifth-best song on the soundtrack (all three Elton John performances that aren’t in the movie beat it), so I have to give him credit for that, but I’m still dropping him pretty far down the list.

15. Shenzi

I gotta be honest, Shenzi didn’t really add a lot to the movie for me. Yes, I guess she’s effectively the Head Hyena, but she’s just not that funny. If you’re going to be a bad guy, you either need to be super compelling or super entertaining, and Shenzi just doesn’t check those boxes for me.

The Lion King probably has my favorite music of any animated Disney movie ever. I have one other Disney movie ranked higher, but it’s not for music reasons. For movies that are in large part driven by music, that counts for a lot. On the other hand, of all the animated Disney movies I considered for my list, this one probably has the least likable main character. The voice acting across the board is great (particularly James Earl Jones, Jeremy Irons, and Nathan Lane), maybe the best depth of voice acting in any non-Pixar movie that I considered.

I believe The Lion King was the first movie I ever saw in theaters, but I could be wrong. At the very least, it’s the first movie that I remember going to see in theaters, but I’d have to check with my parents. It was going to easily make the list regardless, but I can’t pretend like this doesn’t factor into its ranking. If we were ignoring how ambivalent I am towards Simba for most of the movie, it could potentially rank in the Top 10. But we have to be honest about it. Ranking in the Top 30 is nothing to sneeze at, and there’s more than enough going on here to justify that ranking. Just as long as Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Matthew Broderick realize that it could have been higher.

(For a refresher on the project, I introduced it in a Facebook Post on Day 1)

Here’s our progress on the list so far:

6. The Fugitive

9. Saving Private Ryan

11. The Big Short

13. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

17. Ocean’s 11

22. Remember The Titans

24. Apollo 13

27. All The President’s Men

31. The Lost World: Jurassic Park

34. Catch Me If You Can