I doubt, therefor I don’t
Failing through fear of failing
I recently read an article by Caset Neistat titled “I can’t Write Real Good”. I was impressed with his ability to basically shrug off his own anxieties and other’s criticisms when it comes to what he does.
It also highlighted my own issues. I read the article in a state of “I really need to figure out how to do this.” I constantly find myself in a state of inaction due to the fear of failing. I fail almost immediately because I’m afraid to fail.
It reaches all aspects of my life. I fail to buy my wife a gift because I’m afraid she won’t like what I bought her. I fail to make plans with her because I’m afraid she won’t like them. I fail at starting personal projects because I’m afraid nobody will like them. I fail at applying for jobs because I’m afraid I wont get it. I have a fear of failure, and an even larger fear of rejection. I want to start a youtube channel, but I don’t because I know the comments will tear me up. I have started blog after blog only to stop because either there is no traffic, or the comments are critical. I don’t move on my business ideas because I’m afraid either someone will think its a stupid idea, or that it will simply fail and therefor is not worth the effort.
I honestly don’t know where to start. I've tried the traditional self-help books, but someone telling you (impersonally through a book, especially) that you just have to ignore that fear response is, frankly, useless. I already know what I need to do, but I don’t know how to do it. Sometimes I can do it — sometimes I can just make myself do something when the fear of rejection comes into play — but sometimes I can’t. Writing this article is a good example; I’m pretty sure this won’t be read, or if it is, that most readers will find it trivial at best if not bordering on pathetic. I’m writing it anyway. I can’t always do that, though. I can’t always make myself push through it, especially when the fear of failure or the risk of rejection is high. I look at successful people around me and they all seem to possess that ability to shrug off their own fears and just do what they want, and I don’t understand how to get to that point.
I guess for now, I just keep trying. Write an article here and there, maybe make a video. Create and follow through with an open-source project or 2 that I want to start. Maybe seriously freelance for a bit and establish myself that way.
