When Art Alleviates Loneliness
I spent most of today reading The Lonely City by Olivia Laing. It’s an evocative analysis on the subject matter of loneliness through contemporary American art. The first two artists whose lens she looks through are Edward Hopper and Andy Warhol.
Above is one of Hopper’s most famous works, people sitting at a diner. You notice that the shops are closed, the street is empty, and the fluorescent light illuminates the window of the diner, it must be late. The title of the painting is “Nighthawks”. While Hopper never admits loneliness to be a subject matter in his art, most of his work is imbued with a sense of voyeurism. We are mostly on the outside looking in, observing different women (all posed for by his wife) in states of contemplation, wondering what they might be thinking about.
Andy Warhol on the other hand is an icon. Most know him as the “father of pop art”. What you may not know was the way he struggled to speak and his intimate battle with loneliness. Pop art was his way of turning his individuality over to the masses. He surrounded himself with people so that he could hide behind them. He surrounded himself with technology so that he could interface through them. He always carried a voice recorder with him, aptly nicknamed the recorder his wife. In an interview with Art News, Warhol tells us what the idea behind pop art is ‘liking things’. “I think everybody should be a machine. I think everybody should like everybody”, he says.
“ The lonely wish lurking at the heart of this profusion of likeable like objects, each one desirable, each one desirably the same. ” — Olivia on Warhol
When I was younger I thought art was about beauty. I then decided art was about expression. Now I’m more focused on art as communication, as the space between. The space between ideas, the space between you and I, the space that one can inhabit to connect with the world around them. I shared with you in my previous post that one of the things I really enjoy about webcam modeling is the connections I get to make with the people in my room.
My personality has always been about pushing barriers and surpassing the discomfort. I’ve been experiencing a lot of emotional discomfort lately, and one of the ways I work through it is with the consumption and creation of art. Last weekend I was in an all time low, I never understood how heartbreak could become so visibly entrenched in my body.
I decided to stream because the loneliness felt overwhelming. I didn’t really keep it together but everyone online was so wonderful. The room saw I was going through a painful time and they in turn opened up and shared with me what they were going through and connected to me on such a compassionate level. It was beautiful. I logged off that night because I couldn’t stay outside of my head and felt like it was unfair to keep on dumping that in the room. The next day I woke up to a message from someone who was in my room the previous night:
I know I do not know you on a super personal level and this is a peekshow site where conversation is really optional, but to make a connection with people is what makes the difference for me anyway. I am glad we have that. I had abandonment issues growing up so bad. I used to leave school because I was afraid of my parents leaving me. I have always stayed close to my family and since my sister died it has made the anxiety worse. Nights like this remind me that it’s ok to grieve and that I need to make sure I do not allow it to dictate my happiness. Life is beautiful and so are many small things along the way, even people we meet. Thank you for being there tonight, nights like this help me keep on going.
This post is dedicated to all the amazing individuals who have ever passed through my room, or keep coming in day after day. I’m not always my best, but I am so grateful to have found a place where I can really be myself in all my forms. If you would like to read more from me subscribe to my newsletter please!
