How to figure out whether you should leave and start a new life?

That’s it : summer’s here.

As far as I am concerned, this time of year’s basically about : beach, love, sun, beer, and quality time to think about my life (not necessarily in that order).

Do you as well ask yourself many questions about life?

Do you as well think that summer break will be the ideal time for you to figure out your life’s meaning : and discover, in that sun kissed and relaxed head of yours, answers to all those questions that usually get lost in the twirl of your everyday life ?

If you do, maybe your big question for this summer is: should I leave and start a new life ?

Maybe you’ve even been thinking about it for a while: leaving? Quitting your job? Creating your own stuff? Stopping whatever it is you’re doing and leave for Tahiti? *

Well, I, who loves people (which means you too, sweetie pie), life and nachos: I will now tell you things about life changes.

This subject is as complex as it is simple. What you need, in order to make a decision that’s going to be a good one (for yourself), is to have some kind of a frame of reference, regarding this -oh so fascinating- topic.

Life change raises many questions because, basically: changing means that you’re leaving what you know in order to live what you don’t, yet

Well, that’s a whole lotta questions, my friend!

Yep. Hence I decided to write this: for you.

Where? When? How? Why? And then what? And before? What about people? And myself? And my bike? What about my grandma? And my money? My future? My past? And in between, what’s there for me to live?

…

Damn!

Do you know why it is in fact not that easy to take the plunge and leave?

Nor is it simple to even partially change some things in our lives…

Life change raises a lot of questions, because, by definition: changing lives means that you’ll leave what you know in order to live what you don’t really know about. Yet.

And when you put things this way, you notice that the only actual answer that you can provide to the zillion questions you might ask yourself about leaving and starting fresh is: YOU DO NOT KNOW.

Nope. You don’t.

I did not, either. And I turned out great.

All the answers you need will reveal themselves to you afterwards.

What I mean is: you will have to live it in order to know how it turns out. That’s life for you, my dear.

Ok but… If we don’t know anything at all, how do we decide it’s time for a change?

(as you might ask… Or maybe not…. Well I intend to answer this question anyway)

I was having a shitty day and it still felt delightful.

Because I was here. Because I am here.

Because this is what my life has become.

My magical secret to make good decisions

Well I don’t know if it is a secret: once you know about it, it seams so obvious that it is almost too simple.

This secret revealed itself to me at the beginning of this year.

It was a beautiful sunny day outside.

But inside, this day felt well… Pretty shitty.

So even though the sun was shining, I was having the kind of bad day where you’ve been wishing for it to end since it started.

As I was leaving an appointment that had highly contributed to the globally crappy feeling of the day, suddenly, I saw the light. Both literally and metaphorically (remember: the sun actually WAS shining bright).

It happened as I put my glance on this beautiful landscape you can see on the picture I chose to illustrate this post. This picture I took at that very moment where it all came so clearly to me: that the life I lived felt sooooo good.

That the deep changes I’d had to carry on to get there were a bunch of very good decisions.

I was having a shitty day and it still felt delightful.

Because I was here. Because I AM here.

Because this is what my life is now. After the big decisions, the leaving, the rebuilding: here I was. Experiencing total bliss on a very lousy day.

There I understood that the secret to all the questions I might have had about leaving and starting a new life was : me.

Yes. That’s it.

I am the secret. You are the secret.

So if you wonder about things, remember this : your secret is YOU. And there lay all your answers.

The only good way is your way

The answers you need are those where you define who you want to be and what you want to live in your life.

There you might find out that you need to change everything, leave, and start fresh. But you might not.

Either way, everything will be ok for you if what you chose to do: you do it in order to live what really matters to you. To experience the magical thrills and sparkles that life holds in store for you.

The right decision is when you decide to be yourself and to commit to fully exploring in what ways and choices this can happen.

It’s in what I knew deep down, about myself, that I found the only actual good answers to anything

When you have it: you have it all

You know what? I didn’t know anything when I left everything.

If you’re yet to know about me, note this: when I say I left everything, I mean it. I changed profession, started my own business, left Paris (Fr) to live by the sea, 600 km from where I had spent the previous 30 years of my life (my whole life, actually: since I left it all right after I turned 30). And all of it at the very same time (ahhh Summer 2013 : good times, huge changes).

I did not know how at all this would all turn out.

And I was not the only one, asking answerless questions. People would ask me: “are you sure you’ll be happy over there?”, “Are you sure you’ll grow a business in this area?”.

First: is anyone ever sure about anything in life? Neither was I. Nor did I need to be. Really.

Nevertheless, it’s in what I knew deep down, about myself, that I found the only actual good answers to anything.

Since forever, I had wanted to live by the sea. I actually even wanted to live IN the sea and to become Ariel, the little Mermaid. Well as it turned out, I also happen to spend a lot of time IN the sea since I moved so close to it (just to say any dream can come true, really).

I wanted the sea, the freedom of creating a professional life of my own. I wanted to have my husband and kids by my side.

And that’s it.

I knew that if my life was made of at least all of this, it would always turn out ok.

And at some point, it occurred to me: that I hated my job, and I lived at least 5 hours away from the ocean I loved so much.

It was time for me to leave and start a new life. So I left and settled down by the sea; and started my own business. Simple as this.

I didn’t need to know for sure that this new step in my life was what I would want forever. All I needed was to take a step towards what I really and clearly wanted at that point in my life. That’s a major nuance.

Some day I might not want to live here anymore (here being in Brittany, at the West en of France). Maybe I’ll even want to build something else, professionally. And here’s what I’d do in those cases: I’d ask myself what it is I really want to live. And change things in my life in order to get there.

Leaving and changing can seam quite complex. But once you know that it is really just about you living the life you want to live: it gets pretty simple.

Your answer’s right here: deep down.

I looked at the vue, at my life: and it all felt good. It all felt right.

Yes but if it turns out to be a major failure? (panic)

There’s this last huge question I want to address so that this post is complete.

“What if I’m wrong and this all turns out to be a ridiculously awful mistake?”

That’s what stroke me on that day of January, while I was glancing at the ocean, almost moved to tears by the beauty my life was throwing at me.

This leaving and changing everything could have been a major screw up. Big time. For that matter, it still might turn out really bad. I don’t know.

But I want: ocean, my business, my husband, my kids. If it hadn’t gone well, and if it does not in the future: well, there are other oceans, other ideas, other businesses (I might want to hold tight on to my husband and kids, though: since they all are one of a kind).

Changes turn out beautifully when you decide on them in order to journey towards yourself. On the other hand, changes might turn out as huge messes when you make them in order to run away from things, people, or yourself (here’s a hint: there is no running away from yourself. You might as well try and discover how to make the best out of it, instead).

The “success” of your life changes rely on how much what you choose to live looks like the ideals you nourish for yourself. If you build your life according to who you are and to what you want: everything you’ll live will be good.

Just like me, on that crappy day. Boy was it crappy…

But I looked at the vue, at my life: and it all felt good. It all felt right.

Because I was truly living MY life.

So if you choose to leave and start a new life, do it in order to become more of who you are. In order for your life to become more of the life you want for yourself. To live good days everyday. Even on the bad ones. Especially on the bad ones.

To experience the magic of not knowing anything and still knowing for sure that you’re doing the right thing.

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Hey ! Wanna contribute to someone’s happiness today ? Share this post so that people can gather ideas and inspiration on the big decisions they might found it difficult to make right now. This might not be the only answer, but if it is of any help, let’s give it to them and share this post :-)

*If you’re still thinking about quitting whatever it is you’re doing and go to Tahiti… My friend Nathalie did it, years ago, and she has this enlightening thought about it: “it’s good”.

{Ce billet a été publié en français sur mon blog : www.mariegraindesel.fr}

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