Achieve and succeed: how to find out what’s true about yourself?

I believe that if we want to achieve meaningful things in life, we need honesty. We need truth. Towards other people, for sure. But mostly towards our own selves.

Facing who we really are and telling ourselves the truth is, I think, the ground on which we can build anything that will make sense for us in this world.

That being said: what is the truth? When does an idea, an opinion, become a truth? When does a feedback deserve our minimum attention and energy because it did not bring anything helpful?

Thankfully, we can always count on children to help us get some perspective.

My daughter worships tulle skirts

And you’re about to discover how this seemingly trivial fact led me to share the technique I use to grasp the notion of truth.

My daughter loves tulle skirts very, very much. Been wearing them every day for the past 15 months or so.

Every. Single. Day.

At first she only had one, but we soon had to add 2 more skirts in order to handle things in between laundries. And my daughter’s five years old: so there ARE laundries!

One morning, she had set her heart on the blue one. Except the blue one was not available (laundry). No worries, she switched to the black one. Which she could not wear either (laundry again).

Naturally I offer that she wears the flashy pink one. Her favorite. When she wears it, she looks like a proud flower. Everybody’s in owe of the flashy pink tulle skirt.

But that morning: there was no way she would wear the pink skirt.

Did you stop loving your pink skirt? I ask her

Yes

If you don’t love it anymore, I guess I can give it to another girl who’ll love it very much?

Yeah! Great idea mum !

Hum… Nice try, me…

I hold her glance for longer than is confortable for any human being: looking for a hint, something, anything.

But there’s nothing there. Flashy pink tulle skirt is out.

Right there, in this mother’s heart of mine I knew: something was off. Nobody goes from love to hatred that fast. Especially when a pink tulle skirt is at stake.

So I dug deeper, and soon discovered that some Nathan kid at school had said that the pink skirt was ugly.

“Your fkirt iv ugly!”

Imagine that.

That is how it only took a preschooler sputter for the flashy pink tulle skirt to fall from skirt of the week to lousy garment nobody would ever want to wear again. Sad skirt story.

Was it true, though? Never was this poor skirt worn again under my roof, I’m telling you. But… WAS IT ugly? Just because one kid said so?

“Have you ever noticed that this so unbearable remark is… single? It only takes one bad feedback for my whole world to fall apart.”

This skirt story comes in handy

Like that other time, when my friend Nathalie, who sells beautiful jewelry, received quite a sharp feedback on her website. And for a detail: nothing, really. In no relation whatsoever with what actually matters in her business: her jewels, which quality is recognized and acclaimed by all.

Well never mind how insignificant that remark might have been: it was negative and Nathalie could not sleep that night.

« And do you often receive negative feedbacks? I ask Nathalie.

– No

– How about positive remarks?

– Well yeah! All the time! That’s actually the first time someone ever leaves a negative feedback.”

How fascinating?..

Remember all the times you heard something negative about yourself, your work? Do you remember how much it affected you, and sometimes for several days? (maybe even for YEARS)

Even worse: have you ever noticed that this so unbearable remark is… single?

It only takes one bad feedback for my whole world to fall apart.

On the other hand, would one compliment be enough to make us lastingly happy? Er… I’m afraid this is not how it works.

One single comment. Just once.

The rest of the time: what we hear the most are compliments. Encouragements about ourselves or our work. Maybe even about our lives. Praises from people that matter: the ones we work with, the ones we work for, our friends, our family...

Have you noticed?

Like all those compliments thrown at the feet of my lovely child: like the 10 different laudatory adjectives her brother used to convince her that the pink skirt actually was really beautiful (never would I had guessed that a flashy pink tulle skirt could be praised in so many words)

Well nothing would do. She wore her silver stars dress to school.

What about compliments? Do they count for nothing, or what?

If I think about it, I find it funny that we would be so inclined to let compliments float in the air and vanish as if they did not mean that much. As if they were not true, not that relevant; maybe even just… normal…

When we hold on to critics for long sleepless nights.

Well we can reverse that, for the better.

Find your truth: that’s what I want to give you today.

Let’s take a quick and quite revealing test:

Question A: How many positive feedbacks do you need to conclude that they are the truth?

If I compliment you once: will you consider that it is a general truth about yourself, that will stay true forever?

Or do you need more than just this one compliment to validate that the quality that is recognized in yourself is true?

Question B: how many critics does it take for you to consider that it is the truth and that you are flawed? One, and you already believe it?

If your answer to question A is a higher number than your answer to question B: you are looking at the wrong truth.

Same thing if you have a higher number in B than in A.

Let me propose something else: you’ll be honest to yourself when there is a balance between A and B. In other words: you will only be able to build something out of negative feedbacks (out of LIFE, even) if you are able to believe ALSO in the positive ones.

This is how I do it.

And, as an entrepreneuse, let me tell you: I get my share of negative feedbacks. Yet, I also open my ear to the positive ones. As I said: the positive comes up way more often than the negative. Both can be helpful, provided I know how to handle them.

And by “handle them”, I mean: at some point I figured out what would be the acceptable amount of feedbacks. Negative and positive: the amount after which I could validate them as truths.

One, in either case, is far from enough.

“I do not need to go through torturing sleepless nights. I just have to use it as an opportunity to grow. To do better.”

Three’s my truth

My truth comes with three.

If I get the same good comment three times (or more), it is true to me. Then I can use it: knowing about it helps me keep my strength, my focus, and all the self confidence I need to go even further with my business.

“Any negative feedback that turns out to be true helps me build better things: products that will bring all the more value to the people I work with.”

If I get a negative comment three times: I know it is high time I work on it. I do not need to go through torturing sleepless nights. I just have to use it as an opportunity to grow. To do better. Any negative feedback that turns out to be true helps me build better things: products that will bring all the more value to the people I work with.

“What matters to me is the truth. The one that aims at building better work, better services, and a better world.”

Any other gibe, thrown at me once for god knows what reason: I ignore it (easier said than done, I know; but still, in the end, I ignore it). What matters to me is the truth. The one that aims at building better work, better services, and a better world.

And in order to build that better world, I certainly do not want to lose my precious energy focusing on something that is not even true.

And then there are those other times. When I know for myself: and when I wear my flashy pink skirt if I want to. Especially if it cannot hurt anyone. Because no one can know better than myself who I am, what I should do, and how I should do it. My daughter will learn, she is still so young: and I hope with all my heart that she will know and love herself so much that she will be able to face any kind of comment.

I know it’s difficult. But I also know that we can improve our ability to face and handle the truth. So let’s do it!

*****

❤ You want to journey towards your achievements, building a success that’s truly YOU? Join my facebook group “Sparkle”: where I share my techniques and advise. This is also where I share my programs, on and offline. Join the group

🇫🇷 Bonjour ! If you want to practice your French: I originally wrote this article in my actual birth language, en français. Clic here to read it

À bientôt !

Marie-Haude

⬅️ Previous story “How to figure out whether you should leave and start a new life?”

➡️Next story “Start right now to be the kind that always get what they want in life”