About Us and How We Got into the Swinger Lifestyle
The basics of our life in the swinging and polyamorous lifestyles.
Updated March 9, 2024
My wife, Lauren, and I lead a very nontraditional lifestyle, and I’m excited to share some of our adventures in the posts to come. I’ll be writing about swinging, polyamory and more. Before I do that, I really should provide some background on us.
First, a disclaimer: While much of what I’ll share on Medium is true, I have to be careful about giving about identifying details. In some but not all cases, I’ve made up names for real people in our life. Though hundreds of thousands of people swing, the lifestyle isn’t so big that I could use real names of real people and not have to worry about giving away someone’s identity.
By the way, Lauren and some of our lifestyle friends are fully aware of this blog and regular readers of it.
Lauren and I have been married since 2000 and together since 1997. We’re both 50 (as of this update, which is March 9, 2024). Lauren was born in Sweden and went to college, attended medical school and completed all of her surgical training in the U.S. Lauren is 5'10", blonde and slender with ample breasts. She very much looks like the prototypical beautiful Scandinavian woman. We have a teenager.
A few months into dating, Lauren revealed her bisexuality to me. She’d had a female lover, Allison, but hadn’t seen her since she and I got together and quickly fell in love. No longer able to suppress her bisexuality, Lauren wanted to resume her relationship with Allison, and she wanted to know how I felt about Allison joining us in the bedroom on occasion, which she figured we’d enjoy. Lauren told me she was in love with me and wanted to marry me but she also loved Allison. She said she needed for me to accept that she was a bisexual woman.
This news was quite jarring to me and we broke up…only to get back together a few weeks later after I realized I loved Lauren and needed to accept her for who she was. Accepting her, I realized, meant we’d never have a monogamous relationship. By the time Lauren and I got back together, she and Allison had resumed their intimate and sexual relationship.
Allison, like Lauren, was quite attractive. Born in Minneapolis, she had a friendly Upper Midwest demeanor. In contrast to Lauren’s tall, slender body and blonde hair, Allison stood 5'6" and had a curvy but trim figure and shoulder-length brown hair. Like Lauren, Allison was (and is) very sexual.
Rather quickly after Lauren and I got back together, Allison started joining us in the bedroom and occasionally for vacations. When our “threesome relationship” with Allison started, Lauren was 24, I was 25 and Allison was 27. We frequently watched movies together. We often ate dinner together. We slept together a few nights per week. We occasionally showered and bathed together. We sometimes went shopping together. We camped, backpacked and skinny-dipped together.
Sexually, nothing was off-limits. Over the 8 years we saw Allison, which included the first four years of marriage, there was very little sexually that didn’t happen between us — so much so that at one point we had a major pregnancy scare with Allison. Allison was the first woman I fucked in the ass (Lauren, who wasn’t yet OK with being fucked in her own ass, gave Allison and me permission). Sometimes, Allison and Lauren let me watch them but more often than not I was part of the action. Every year, Allison and Lauren gave me a happy-birthday blowjob. Giving me a blowjob together wasn’t out of the ordinary but on my birthdays they always amped up the experience.
After Allison moved away and eventually got married (she’s an MD and a mom of three today!), Lauren and I decided we wanted to continue this lifestyle. Since that time, we’ve had by my count 40 or more women in our bedroom, some of them true lovers and some of them playthings. Almost all of them have been bisexual and those who weren’t identified as “bicurious.” Most of them have been wives and moms whose husbands knew about their liaisons with Lauren and me — you could probably call some of them “hotwives.” Though Allison now lives halfway across the country, we’ve had some reunion trysts with her over the years. They were like nothing had changed, except that we’re now all a bit older.
In 2009, one of the women we were seeing (Katie), then a 32-year-old mom of two and very much a hotwife (though that term wasn’t used then), asked if her husband could join us in bed. After a lot of discussion, we agreed. Although that first encounter (and those to follow with this couple) was A LOT of fun, we quickly realized we’d entered a world we wanted to explore but we needed some ground rules to ensure what we wanted wouldn’t destroy our marriage. If another man was to fuck my wife and I was to fuck his wife, and if on occasion Lauren or the other wife was to get double-teamed, we needed some ground rules, especially when it came to preventing STDs (see this post for our ground rules).
All these years later, though for a long time we resisted the label, we are in fact “swingers.” We are members of two really nice swingers clubs. We continue to have female lovers in bed with us (our current lover’s name is Piper and she’s in her mid-30s) but we also enjoy swinging with other couples and in many cases multiple couples. A huge ah-ha with this lifestyle is how many couples out there have swung, do swing or are interested in the lifestyle. More than you might think! Another a-ha is how many women are either bicurious or bisexual.
At first, it was a bit hard for me. For example, early in our swinging days (this was about 2010), as I was having sex with someone’s wife, I saw three guys having their way with Lauren (one was fucking her and she was taking turns blowing the other two as they played with her breasts), eventually leading to all three of them cumming on her face and breasts. That wasn’t easy to see and to this day sometimes I struggle with watching other guys have their way with her and her enjoying it. But then I remind myself that I’m doing the same with their wives. Sometimes, I’ll even join in with two other guys and have our way with Lauren.
Another time, a guy she was blowing called her his “whore” and “cum slut” and demanded, “suck my dick, bitch.” He was in a small minority of guys who over the years have crossed lines and he was called out when he did that and apologized. Crossing the line can be easy to do when you’re in the throes of sexual passion with someone else’s spouse. We have one couple we hook up with now and then and the wife, who is 35 and a working mom (dental hygienist), is insanely beautiful and incredibly sexual and sometimes I have to really guard against taking things too far with her. She’ll look into my eyes and squeal as I’m fucking her and it all drives me wild.
We’re now quite experienced with the lifestyle. We have a circle of other couples we like to join every few weeks and occasionally we’ll join in larger swingers parties. The couples we’re connected to range in age from late-20s through their early 50s. Participating in the lifestyle as we do means we’ve had many lovers over the years. Lauren’s closing in on 550 lovers (men and women) and I’m now past 300 for women.
If your response to those numbers is, “wow, Lauren’s a total fucking slut,” you are correct. And I’m a slut, too. This is the lifestyle we’ve chosen.
You might be wondering if anything about this lifestyle ever bothers Lauren and/or me. For the most part, no. That said, a few things can be difficult at times.
- If another guy has a cock bigger than mine and he’s fucking Lauren and she’s enjoying it, sometimes I can get jealous.
- I sometimes don’t like seeing Lauren get pounded by a guy in doggy-style position — that is our favorite position and we’ve talked over the years about making it a no-go with others.
- If a guy cums on her face, which has happened hundreds of times over the years, sometimes it can bother me if it looks like he’s objectifying Lauren and especially if he sprays her with a big load.
Does anything bother Lauren? She can get jealous if I’m with a woman she feels is more beautiful than she is. A few years back at one of our lifestyle clubs, a woman who was 25 wanted me to fuck her. I did. Lauren didn’t really like that. But then, after we fucked, that same 25-year-old wanted to get it on with Lauren, which they did.
It’s easy to let the lifestyle take over because it’s so fun and the power of sexual desire is immense. We try to always make time for the two of us.
Here, I’ll share stories from our many years of fun.
