Reader Question: I’m Married and Want to Have Sex with 2 or More Guys at Once. Any Advice?

My wife chimes in with her thoughts.

Freepik (link)

I received a very interesting reader question. I have slightly edited it for clarity and added a few additional details that I gleaned from this person.

Hi. I love your posts. So I’m a 34-year-old married woman and a mom. My husband and I have been married 7 years and we do some occasional swinging (when we can — kids keep us busy). We’ve mostly swapped with other couples and we’ve had some threesomes with other women. It’s all been fun and enjoyable.

What I most fantasize about, though, is two or more guys at once — probably no more than four? Is there a max number you recommend? I guess one of those guys should be my husband but, honestly, he doesn’t have to be one of them. He knows about this fantasy and I think it’ll happen — we have opportunities — but it’s a big step and I could use some advice since you all have done that. Thanks!

That you’re already in the swinger lifestyle is a huge step and that you and your husband are navigating it happily matters a great deal. It’s also ideal that your husband knows about your fantasy. If none of that were the case, I’d feel differently about responding to you.

A threesome, foursome, gangbang, blowbang, etc. involving one woman and the others being guys is a very different dynamic than one guy and multiple women. I shared your question with Lauren and here’s her advice:

“Think through this and be sure to know who you would be comfortable with in this scenario and establish clear parameters and rules they agree to follow (and that you agree to follow). If you know who you want involved and you have a clear idea of what you would be OK with and not OK with sexually, put all of that on the table and make sure they’re on board. Depending on how many guys are involved — and I do think one of them should be your husband FWIW— you may also want another woman there to monitor and make sure all of the rules are followed. In the heat of sex with multiple guys, things can happen quickly and rules get broken (they’re guys, after all!). Another woman keeping an eye on things can really matter. She needs to know her role is to playfully monitor but not participate!”

Lauren also suggests you start with no more than two guys and see how it goes. In her words: “I recommend you start with no more than two guys and then, if you like and want more, you can branch out. More than two guys starts to take on kind of a ‘gangbang’ feel — a very different kind of experience that not all women would enjoy. I’ve had five guys at once more than a few times and would go to seven — maybe eight — and eventually will but I don’t think I’d have more than that. Being gangbanged is very different than two guys. I love it but you may not.”

Other things to think about from Lauren:

• “A woman’s body has three orifices that can be penetrated sexually. During sex with multiple guys, be sure to establish with them which of your orifices they can penetrate and which they can’t. With me, I’m good with all three of mine (orifices) being available to them so long as I know the guys and their wives very well and trust them. If they want anal, they’d better use lube and go easy or else I’m not going to be happy.”
• “Invariably you want to enjoy this experience, so your pleasure matters and the expectation can’t just be that they have their way with you. Be sure they know clearly what you want so you will enjoy the experience.”
• “Speaking of orgasm, the guys are all going to cum at some point and you know how guys are….. Where are they allowed to cum and where aren’t they allowed? Establish that before everything starts happening. With me, unless you’re my husband, cumming in my vagina or ass is strictly off-limits — it’s actually a firm rule with all couples we play with. If I know you and your wife well, you can cum in my mouth or on my body somewhere. I have had guys take turns cumming in my mouth and on my face and I’m OK with that so long as I said yes to that and I know them well. Typically condoms aren’t involved — we have controls in place for everyone’s safety and to prevent unwanted pregnancy. But you definitely want to think through condom use.”
• “Going back to your orifices…. Are you OK with double or triple penetration? Be sure to think about that and make clear to the guys what you’re OK with and not OK with. I allow double and triple but honestly I’m not crazy about triple — it’s just too much. I allow it, though. Another option is to let each guy have his turn with you, or better yet you fuck each of them how you want — I’ve done both before with up to five guys. Takes longer and you’ll be sore afterward but it’s fun to make them wait their turn.”
• “I mentioned above your pleasure matters. It matters a lot! But know that if you’re with multiple guys, at some point you’re probably going to be objectified and, quite honestly, you and your orifices will be used for their pleasure and they’re going to cum all over you. As I mentioned, I’ve been with five guys at once a few times and what I do is kind of relax and just let them enjoy me, which I like but that’s just me. Not all women will be OK with that — basically being gangbanged.”

I’ll also add that in our circles we have a bit of an agreement and it’s that you can’t engage in anything sexual with others unless both you and your spouse allow the same thing with yourselves. That is, if Lauren’s getting gangbanged, it’s by husbands whose wives have also at times consented to getting gangbanged. That agreement helps keep everything in check.

Thanks for your question. Hope this is helpful!