Dolla Dolla Bills, Y’all
A few moments ago, I was online calculating what my next paycheck would be. I compared how much it would be if I stayed at my current wage vs. if I got the raise I’ve been whining about (and I seriously mean just whining, non stop about) for the past few weeks. I tried to think positively and be grateful for the 7% raise that I was told may happen; even though it only really came out to be a 60 dollar difference every two weeks. So I sat here online, staring at numbers and looking at things I wanted to buy, feeling bitter and sorry for myself about not being able to blow money on crap I don’t need.
I walked to the kitchen to start dinner. I had convinced myself that I am missing out. Missing out on life, on going out, buying more pointless things, missing out on the stuff that “matters”. All I cared about, was my next check. I was mad at a company that I’ve worked at for less than a year possibly giving me more, because it wasn’t “enough”.
I set out my steaks to thaw, got the rice I was going to make, and got everything prepped for my upcoming meal.
In the meantime, I thought I’d do something that I hadn’t done in weeks.
Read My Bible.
At this point I should share with those who don’t know me already, I moved to California with a group of friends to start a church. I packed up a year out of high school and moved from Puyallup, Washington to San Jose. With no college education (by my own choice, and bad school habits) and no job lined up, I left home.
I arrived here with very little savings and just hoped for the best. I didn’t get a job for two weeks, but eventually my incessant calling and showing up led to my current day job caving in and hiring me. I am passionate about music, so working in a music retail store let me really enjoy my work, for awhile.
Then some things changed.
I got selfish. I got greedy. Living on my own for the first time in my life, being thrown in the deep end of adulthood, made me look away from God and look at dollar signs. Draining my savings in a matter of two weeks surely didn’t help me feel much more secure. So I went for a promotion, and I got it. “God is good” I said, being thankful and enjoy a blessing that I didn’t deserve. I was filled with joy, and was so grateful to God that I was being taken care of. I started tithing my income to the church I helped start. (It’s worth noting that I waited this long to tithe to a church I helped start) I got a promotion, and a very small pay raise in my first three months. I was pretty proud of myself and felt good about what my checks were about to look like, for awhile. Then something happened again! I got MORE selfish. I convinced myself that it still wasn’t enough! (Granted, I was making very little money in one of the most expensive places to live in the U.S.)
This cycle continued all the way leading to today. God would give, I’d be excited and “grateful” by my own definition, then I would get pissed and ask for more.
I read in the book of Matthew. I started at chapter 3, because that’s where I left off the last time I read. I really enjoyed what I was reading, I’ve been feeling pretty connected with God lately and I was quite excited to read about Jesus. Then I got to chapter 6, and a statement from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount hit me in the face… hard… with a bat… twice.
I’m not kidding, I had to read it twice.
There’s a lot in this chapter that is awesome, because the guy saying it all was pretty awesome. What I focused on was two things.
- Matthew 6:24 (NLT)
“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
Ever have one of those moment when you realize that you’re a total asshole?
This was one of those moments. I moved to California to start a church, and somehow I managed to lose God in the process and replace him with money. One line in particular is what got me; “..you will be devoted to one and despise the other.” I was so bent out of shape and obsessed with my finances, that I became devoted to them. I put God on the back burner (while still expecting some major blessings) and focused on the cash. The sad part is when the money was tight and I wasn’t getting what I thought I needed, I got mad at God. I despised the God I was trying to introduce people to.
2. Matthew 6:25–27 (NLT)
“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life — whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?”
This was important to me because I tried to validate my obsession with money with fear. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to eat, get gas, do all those necessary things to survive. That’s what I told myself at least. Again, I left out God in these moments and tried to find solutions on my own. I applied other places, I sold a guitar of mine (which is a big deal), I asked for more, and more, and more, and more. I very rarely asked God for help though, and when I did it was more as a formality than a conversation with my creator.
In this passage Jesus is telling me (and I say me at this point because I really do feel like Jesus spoke to me directly as I read this) to stop worrying and trust him. Don’t worry from day to day, he’s got me covered. I like when it says “Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?”. This is one of those statements that I think Jesus said that means different things to different people. To me it meant, isn’t there more than another guitar or pedal or random thing? Isn’t there more than money.
The big part of this passage for me is the final sentence. “Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?”. I love those moments when Jesus calls me out. When he says in his nicer, more loving way, “Dude, chill”. Will me whining, being a selfish jerk, or complaining All. The. Time. make anything better for me? Not even a little bit. All that accomplishes is making me out to be an unfaithful, hypocrite follower of Jesus. It makes others view me as one of those “typical Christians”.
If I’m going to try and introduce the people of the Bay Area to my friend Jesus, shouldn’t I at least be leading a life that makes him seem like a decent guy? Shouldn’t I be so grateful and excited to even have a job that people forget that I ever even talked about my check?
I Can Try.
The key word here is TRY. This isn’t meant to be a writing about how I turned my life around and how now I’m a perfect follower of Jesus and how you should be like me. That isn’t my intention at all, because I am not perfect.
Like I said, this whole thing happened like an hour ago.
I think I just decided I wanted to share more about me. More about what I go through, and what I’m doing. I just got hit by something, and thought it was cool how Jesus spoke to me. I know that’s not interesting to everyone, but I think it’s worth sharing.
-Maveryke
As I continue to write about my life and share my story with you I have a favor to ask. If this meant anything to you, if you liked it, or if you know anyone who you think should read it, please share it.
I appreciate all the support I can get, so please recommend, share, and tell your friends about this. Thanks Everyone!
NEXT POST: Let Me Love You
