Eric Helms – Medium

Eric Helms

Eric Helms

The Skies Opened and Put Me Right Inside Magic Mike

Every once in a great while, the suffocatingly thick, black veil falls to the ground. Now it doesn’t happen often, friend. Maybe not even…

Mar 16, 2018

The Skies Opened and Put Me Right Inside Magic Mike

Mar 16, 2018

Eric Helms
in
Bullshit.IST

Care Bear Fan Fiction

It’s not super important why I was on the Care Bear wikipedia page and took this photo. What is super important — is that someone did in…

Jul 28, 2017

Care Bear Fan Fiction

Jul 28, 2017

Eric Helms
in
Words for Life

Papa John, You’ve Denied Me As Your Son. Now Take a DNA Test & Prove Me Wrong!

Everyone has a favorite pizza topping. Mine’s fatherhood. And since Papa John continues to deny me as his son—I’m guessing his is probably…

Jun 11, 2017

Papa John, You’ve Denied Me As Your Son. Now Take a DNA Test & Prove Me Wrong!

Jun 11, 2017

Eric Helms

Terror Pitch

Speed up the game we love and put terrorists around the world on notice??? Ah yes, check please.

Apr 4, 2017

Terror Pitch

Apr 4, 2017

Eric Helms

For 80s Kids Only…

Because either you were born in the 80s, or you weren’t. It’s just that simple.

Oct 18, 2016

For 80s Kids Only…

Oct 18, 2016

Eric Helms
in
Bullshit.IST

Trump Supporter Spotlight: Vladimir Putin

Not everyone around the world is completely petrified of a Donald Trump presidency. I know–weird thought, right? So, in today’s blog post…

Oct 15, 2016

Trump Supporter Spotlight: Vladimir Putin

Oct 15, 2016

Eric Helms
in
Words for Life

Pumpkin. Spice. Latte.

There’s a storm coming. Can you feel it?

Oct 14, 2016

Pumpkin. Spice. Latte.

Oct 14, 2016

Eric Helms
in
Bullshit.IST

Trump moves within striking distance of ‘The Chair From Frasier’ in latest poll.

I’m not going to sugar coat it for you guys, it’s been a pretty bad week for our man in orange, Donald Trump. From the revelation that…

Oct 11, 2016

Trump moves within striking distance of ‘The Chair From Frasier’ in latest poll.

Oct 11, 2016

Eric Helms
in
Bullshit.IST

Five Times I Caught Tommy Lee Jones Jamming Out to Viagra Style Blues Rock

Viagra. Rock. City.

Oct 5, 2016

Five Times I Caught Tommy Lee Jones Jamming Out to Viagra Style Blues Rock

Oct 5, 2016

Eric Helms
in
Bullshit.IST

Give Me Pocket-Warm Meat Temperatures, or Give Me Death

So what makes the US of A so great anyhow? Is it a constitution that grants us freedoms and liberties unparalleled throughout the rest of…

Sep 16, 2016

Give Me Pocket-Warm Meat Temperatures, or Give Me Death

Sep 16, 2016

Eric Helms

Eric Helms

Gluten-free in the streets, pretzel bun between the sheets. Copywriter & aspiring humor writer. milkmoneyhelms.com

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