Over the past 6 years, I witnessed my wife, Jen, transform her body.
In 2016, she was a dedicated couch potato who religiously ate McDonald’s several times a week.
In 2022 she entered her first bodybuilding competition (Iron Games) and dominated:
1st Place in True Novice
(Among 10 girls who never competed before)
1st Place in Novice
(Among 15 girls who have competed but never won before)
4th Place in Open
(Among 12 girls, open to anybody)
Although I did nothing to contribute to Jen’s success, as her spouse I had front row seats to her transformation. Therefore I am now an expert, a “thought leader” as the kids these days call it, in knowing how to succeed in bodybuilding. And in life.
Here are the 3 Life Lessons I learned:
#1 IT’S GOING TO TAKE A LOT LONGER THAN YOU THINK. IN THE MEANWHILE, ENJOY THE SMALL, DAILY WINS.
#2 USE EXPERT ADVICE THAT WORKS FOR YOU.
#3 ADDRESS YOUR WEAKNESSES, BUT DOUBLE DOWN ON YOUR STRENGTHS.
#1 IT’S GOING TO TAKE A LOT LONGER THAN YOU THINK. IN THE MEANWHILE, ENJOY THE SMALL, DAILY WINS.
“Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”
Bill Gates
“You won’t enjoy every workout, but you’ll always enjoy having worked out.”
Mike Matthews
Whether it’s school, relationships, or career…nothing meaningful happens in a short time frame. Even if you don’t believe in the 10,000 hour rule (that’s about 5 years of working on something 8 hours a day, 5 days a week), we can all agree that anything worthwhile takes at least a few years of consistent effort before seeing results.
Plenty of metaphors we’ve all heard from the self-development world:
- The bamboo seed needs to be watered for about 5 years before showing any visible growth. But once it starts sprouting, it grows up to 90 feet in 6 weeks.
- Water boils at 212 degrees Fahrenheit; at 211 degrees, water will be very hot, but not hot enough to boil.
(What if the bamboo seed was given contaminated water? What if there was no sunlight and the soil was depleted? Or the electric stove for boiling water was broken? We’ll address this in Life Lesson #2.)
Jen started lifting weights in 2016. Prior to this, she had never played any sports. Unsurprisingly, she could barely shoulder press 5 pound dumbbells and could not squat the 45 pound barbell.
In 2020, four years into the journey, Jen wasn’t seeing the results she had hoped for. This was despite doing everything correctly, day in and day out. She ate the right amount of carbs/proteins/fats, lifted heavy, and slept consistently. We were doing meal preps every Sunday and she barely ate out. (I did that for her)
After two cycles of bulking and cutting, Jen complained “Maybe I’m a non-responder. Maybe bodybuilding isn’t for me.”
I’m sure the bamboo farmer feels the same after watering the seed consistently for four years with no visible results.
Looking back on it, we are both glad Jen stuck with bodybuilding and didn’t give up.
In the meanwhile, she had to learn to enjoy the small wins:
Lifting heavier weights than the prior week, aka “Progressive overload”.
Enjoying the self-respect that comes from overcoming resistance and going to the gym.
Saving money and feeling a small sense of accomplishment from eating home cooked meals.
Reward yourself emotionally for the small daily habits you can control. The results will come when they come.
#2 USE EXPERT ADVICE THAT WORKS FOR YOU.
“If you’re running east looking for a sunset it doesn’t matter how positive you are or how motivated you are. It won’t work.”
Tony Robbins
Referring to the bamboo tree example, what if the seed is planted in an area with depleted soil and no sunlight? What if it is given contaminated water?
In this case, the farmer’s diligence and patience, watering the seed for over five years, would be irrelevant. It would simply never sprout.
This is why expert advice is so important. Meaning real, certified expertise that took years of dedication to develop. Perhaps not from an internet stranger who merely watched his spouse do all of the work before declaring himself a thought leader…but I digress.
After bulking, when she gained both fat and muscle by being in a calorie surplus, it was time for Jen to lose the fat while keeping the muscle. At one point, Jen was making herself miserable by eating 800 calories a day and doing strenuous cardio multiple times a week. Given Jen’s height and weight, her maintenance calories were 1400 per day. The 600 daily calorie deficit translates into a 4200 weekly deficit. With 3500 calories in a pound, she theoretically should have been losing over a pound a week.
Should have. But it wasn’t even close.
Although Jen was losing weight, it was at a frustratingly slow rate. And then it stopped. At one point she once again wondered if she should give up.
Thankfully, a coach helped her turn things around.
He increased Jen’s calories week after week, assigned her the appropriate weight lifting exercises, and eliminated her cardio sessions. The fat started flying off. By the time she stepped onto stage, Jen was eating 1700 calories per day and doing no cardio except walking.
The human body is incredibly complex and we are still learning about it. Although calorie counting is the main vehicle to losing fat or gaining muscle, there are many other factors at play such as hormone levels, sleep, and exercise. It’s no wonder that Jen wasn’t seeing the progress she had hoped for, even while doing all the “right things’’.
Just as crucial, this was the fourth coach Jen worked with. The first three had been helpful and successful in their own right, but Jen’s body did not respond as favorably to their protocols.
This is why Life Lesson #2 is to use expert advice that works for you.
Using expert advice saves years of time spent on trial and error. But just as important, the advice from some experts will be better suited to you than the advice from others.
It’s why certain athletes thrive under certain coaches but not under others. Some people respond well to certain diets while others don’t.
In essence, it’s best to trial and error the expert advice until you figure out what works best for you.
#3 ADDRESS YOUR WEAKNESSES, BUT DOUBLE DOWN ON YOUR STRENGTHS.
“Triple down on your strengths and surround yourself with people that compliment your weakness.”
Gary Vaynerchuk
“To know one’s own limitations is the hallmark of competence.”
Dorothy L. Sayers
Despite trying her best, Jen never got the muscular shoulders and arms she desired and worked for. She pushed herself during every workout, but especially hard on her shoulder days. All of her coaches tried to address this as well.
But genetics plays a big role in the bodybuilding journey. Some people naturally store more fat in certain parts of their bodies. In other words, spot reduction is a myth.
For instance, most men store fat primarily on their belly, meaning it is the first place to get bigger in a calorie surplus and the last place to lose fat when in a calorie deficit.
In Jen’s case, she naturally stores more fat in her upper body, specifically her shoulders & arms. And so no matter how heavy she lifted on shoulder & arm days, Jen didn’t get the shredded look she wanted in that area.
However, her lower body was naturally more lean. She considered herself unlucky for this and expressed that she would rather store fat below the waist as is the case for most women.
When comparing the photos of the upper body, you can see that although Jen’s arms and shoulders are good enough, they don’t stand out. However, when comparing the glutes and hamstrings, you can see that her lower body is particularly lean.
With her posing coach, Jen learned how to pose in ways that would accentuate her strengths while shoring up her weaknesses. Specifically, her strengths are her muscles below the waist (glutes, hamstring, quads) and tiny waist. Her weakness is her upper body and overall immature muscularity. And so Jen’s coach assigned her poses that would put her strengths on full display.
We see this example play out in the world of sports. The players all need to have a foundational skill set, such as dribbling and passing the ball. But they each have their own strength they can double down on and bring to the table.
It’s difficult to completely ignore one’s weaknesses. Jen could not just ignore her shoulder and arm muscles. The 3 point shooter on a basketball team cannot skip out on knowing how to dribble, pass, and rebound.
However, once those weaknesses get to a point of being “good enough,” we can focus on our strengths and figure out how to capitalize on them.
This is especially important when it comes to surrounding ourselves with the right people and communicating our shortcomings, both in personal and in professional settings. For the good of the team, it’s crucial to know when to take the lead and when to take the backseat.
CONCLUSION
“The struggle is guaranteed, the success is not.”
Tom Bilyeu
“A goal is not just about what you accomplish. It’s about what you become.”
Michael Hyatt
In the days leading up to the competition, Jen was having second thoughts. She doubted she could do well. She regretted inviting her friends and family members to come watch her. She was afraid she wouldn’t win anything and embarrass herself.
Sometimes we can be our own harshest critics, unable to see the best in ourselves even when we deserve to.
We processed her emotions. I assured her that she was already a winner in the eyes of her friends and family. That none of us were even close to stepping on stage with our shirt off.
I told her how proud of her I was for sticking with a singular goal for 6 years, through all the ups and downs. I have trouble sticking to my goals for more than a few months.
Most importantly, I reminded her that she started off as a couch potato who loved eating McDonald’s and Hot Cheetos several times a week. But now she is a gym rat who only eats McDonald’s and Hot Cheetos when it fits her macros. That she was now lean enough to even consider stepping on stage. I reminded her she already won at life.
As Michael Hyatt put it: “A goal is not just about what you accomplish. It’s about what you become.” In her pursuit, Jen had learned about proper nutrition (not starving herself to lose weight), transformed her body, and developed the discipline/grit required to do anything in life.
The moment she stepped on stage, all of us were already proud of her and cheered as loudly as we could. Her being awarded was incredible, but it was really just a HUGE bonus on top of what was already a win for her in life.
And so whatever it is you pursue, pursue with all your heart. But take time to pause and enjoy the type of person you’re becoming. The type of person who has the grit to stick through the tough parts, the willingness to try new things, and the wisdom to know one’s limitations.
Because becoming the best version of yourself is the best gift you can give to the world.
P.S.
Personally, I was so inspired by Jen’s work ethic that the least I could do was put on some muscles of my own:
P.P.S
After the competition was over, Jen reunited with her one and only true love: McDonald’s. She had Filet-O-Fish, Double Bacon Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Chicken McNuggets, Fries….
After being satisfied with her true love she turned to her mistress: Chocolate Dobash Cake.
After impatiently watching her reunite with her true lover and mistress, it was finally time for me to take my beautiful wife to our hotel room. I held her hand as we walked down the hallway, gazed into her eyes as I opened the door, gently kissed her as I laid her down on the bed…
“Hold on,” she whispered as she reached her hand out to the night stand.
I heard her fingers fumbling with the foil wrapper. After what felt like eternity, it was finally open.
Jen brought her hand to her mouth…
And then I watched her devour a full bag of Hot Cheetos Puffs.
I have no idea what else you possibly thought was going to happen.
Good night.
Read more:
3 Life Lessons From Playing Beer Pong
