Find Peace Where You Are

7 min readJun 25, 2023

Escape is Not the Answer

Today I want to talk about a concept I picked up from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations. Stoicism is truly a gift that keeps on giving.

Read this first:

“People seek retreats for themselves in the country, by the sea, or in the mountains. You are very much in the habit of yearning for those same things. But … you can, at any moment, find such a retreat in yourself. For nowhere can you find a more peaceful and less busy retreat than in your own soul — especially if on close inspection it is filled with ease, which I say is nothing more than being well-ordered. Treat yourself often to this retreat and be renewed.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 4.3.1

Most of us work throughout the year and take a two to three, maybe a four-week vacation once a year, typically in summer. It is common for people to wait impatiently for this glorious vacation. All hopes of rest are tied to this outing. If you are lucky, the vacation is nice and worth the money and the effort. You come back rested, with a nice sun tan and lots of nice memories. If you are unlucky or plan poorly, you come back annoyed and tired. Now you need to re-enter your regular life. Ouch.

Either way, the concept of vacation has become a way to escape. Escape our usual routine, the work, the errands, the chores. Sure, you may get a measure of relief, sure, but once you are back, re-adjusting to your regular life can be challenging, even upsetting.

I am of the opinion that it is madness to tie all your hopes of rest to two-three weeks of vacation after a year’s work. We need more peace and calm in our lives than that. We need to find opportunities to rest and recharge our batteries wherever we are. Here are some things to consider:

A special place — a place of peace. Austin Kleon calls this a “bliss station”. This could be a place in your house, a room for example. It could also be a place somewhere else in your vicinity. In my house, my study room and my small garden are such places of bliss for me. In Ankara, where I live, there is a bookstore that is a peaceful place where I sometimes spend time, alone or with company, to recharge my batteries, work on something, or read. It could be a gym, a park, or a cafe. Wherever works for you.
A special time — sometimes there is no such place of peace in our lives. If you cannot retreat to a personal space of peace, find the time. It could be very early in the morning for some, or at night after everyone else is gone to sleep. Maybe it is after the kids are gone to school, or weekends when you don’t have to deal with work — set up your routine and carve out the time for yourself. If you have a reliable time where you can work in peace or rest, it also tremendously improves the quality of your life. Take a morning routine for example — if you finish your daily must-be-done activities by 7–8 AM, you will generally be at peace throughout the rest of the day. Check out my recent article on daily rituals here.
A special mindset — a time and a place may not be enough. You need the right mindset. Ability to let go of the usual. Ability to concentrate on whatever activity it is that gives you peace of mind. Decide on how you create the right mental environment — leave your electronic devices away or turn off notifications, put on the music of your choice for example, or however else you set the right mood.
A special company — we all have people in our lives who give us energy. As opposed to emotional vampires who drain our energy. Identify the people who inspire you, who make you better, who give you energy and refuel your life force. It could be a child, a spouse, a friend, a parent, or a mentor. Really anyone. It could even be someone whose podcast or YouTube channel is a source of energy and inspiration.

The above help us find peace of mind, which is what Marcus Aurelius is really talking about when he refers to finding a retreat in one’s soul. Both Greek and Roman stoics focus on finding inner peace and tranquility. They emphasize cultivating the appropriate mindset, rather than focusing on the external conditions. The Stoic mindset focuses on training oneself to separate reality from our thoughts and perceptions about it. That it is not the external events, but rather our interpretations and reactions to them that typically trouble us most. Another essential component of the Stoic philosophy is recognizing what is outside our control and concentrating our attention on what is within our control.

Marcus Aurelius proposes that we seek a retreat within ourselves. He emphasizes the importance of introspection and self-reflection. A well-ordered soul, when our inner world is harmonious and at ease, and is continuously renewed, can rest anywhere. True peace of mind should not depend on external circumstances. At least not entirely.

Here are some questions to think about:

What is your personal philosophy? It could be a religious framework, or a secular one, or a combination of principles borrowed from different systems. Whatever it is, it should facilitate achieving peace of mind. If your philosophy makes you feel angry, frustrated, and hopeless, it may be useful to reconsider. For the relevant principles and techniques of Stoicism, I recommend you read Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday.
Do you practice mindfulness? Are you present here and now? Try not to overthink your past or your future. Keyword — overthink. Be present, be aware of your thoughts, emotions, and sensations; observe and appreciate the world around us. Avoid being consumed by external events. Protect your peace from the negativity in the news cycle. Have you tried meditation? Do you see the beauty around you? We are used to admiring the architecture or nature in places where we vacation and often fail to appreciate what is right in front of us. Explore your surroundings. Go for a walk. Spend time in nature. Try to find beauty where you are.
Do you sleep well? Enough said. I recommend you read Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker (my takeaways here).
How do you deal with adversity? Stoicism encourages us to develop emotional resilience in the face of challenges and setbacks. This includes reframing negative situations and choosing virtuous actions. If you are not handling adversity well, you need to purposefully introduce adversity into your life — a typical choice is strenuous physical exercise (my personal choice is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, check out my article on 7 reasons to do BJJ). Experiment with stoic techniques, such as negative visualization (contemplating the loss of what you value to appreciate it more), premeditation of adversity (anticipating challenges — what is the worst that can happen?), reflecting on one’s mortality, and practice of gratitude. These can help get a sense of perspective and avoid catastrophizing.
What do you consume? I don’t mean food. What information do you consume? How much social media do you have in your life? Think about it — does it give your life positivity or negativity? Don’t watch too much news — read books instead. In fact, don’t watch the news first thing in the morning, and don’t let it color the rest of the day. There are much better ways to start the day a walk, exercise, classical music, walking your dog, reading, time with your family, or having a nice breakfast. The short-term perspective and the focus on the negativity of the news cycle mean it is mostly useless in the longer run. Don’t let garbage into your “system”. Disconnect. On this, I strongly recommend you read Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport.
Do you regularly work to elevate yourself? Physically, intellectually, spiritually? Aim to learn or improve something every day. Align your actions with virtues of honesty, integrity, fairness, and kindness. Try to become a better version of yourself. Seek to learn, read, and reflect. Engage in your hobbies, something that helps you explore and develop your creativity, and to learn new skills. Explore the wisdom of the ancients, including the works of the Stoics, such as Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius. Adapt what you learn to your own circumstances and find what works best for you.
Do you do anything to make the world around you better? Do you help others? Improve the environment around you? Fix something that is broken? Feed a stray animal? Build a little house for birds? Plant a tree? Support a good cause? We often concentrate on ourselves way too much in the modern world. Dedicating at least some part of our lives to serving others can be a source of significant joy and peace. You don’t have to change the world. Just make it a tiny bit better.

I hope these few points can help us find peace. Be still. Rest. Without desperately waiting for the vacation somewhere else.

Let’s wrap this topic up with one final quote:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone — Blaise Pascale

Take a second to think about this.

Here are some additional resources:

Here is an interesting Ted Talk by travel writer Pico Iyer, who talks about where he would most like to go. The answer is — nowhere.

Also, do check out these two articles on the Daily Stoic website:

Finally, here are links to my other articles relevant to this topic:

Find Peace Where You Are

Written by Rational Badger