It Is Supposed To Be Hard

10 min readFeb 23, 2024

Embracing Adversity — Foundation of Growth

A few weeks ago, I was invited for a written test for a position I had applied for. Right before the test, I started getting nervous because I hadn’t had a written test in more than twenty years. I felt rusty, and although I was reasonably confident in my knowledge, I was concerned I would not have enough time, which would stress me out, which, in turn, would affect the quality of my responses.

I thought to myself — what mental tool could I use to get myself in the right state of mind? To help me stay calm and bring my focus back to work at hand if the pressure gets to me? I needed something to remind me that I welcomed the challenge, something pragmatic, yet comforting at the same time. It took me a few minutes to come up with it:

IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE HARD.

I wrote it on a piece of paper and put it right in front of me. Hard is normal. Hard is good. I welcome the challenge. It is a good obstacle to test myself against. It is good practice. Even if I fail this time, it will be a valuable experience.

In the two hours that followed, there were a few moments when my inner voice was starting to go haywire: “I won’t have enough time”. “I must have missed something important”. “This is not going well”. I could feel myself tensing up and getting anxious. I made sure to look at the piece of paper in front of me.

IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE HARD.

I expected this. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. Hard is normal. Hard is good. I welcome the challenge. Keep going. Focus on the work at hand.

A few minutes before the deadline, I finished my answers to the test questions and submitted my work. At this point, I was happy with how I handled the exercise. I worried less about the outcome, since there were too many things outside my control — I did not know who the other candidates were, or who evaluated the tests for example. This was a good experience — I said to myself. Most importantly, I was happy with how calm and focused I managed to be.

“The safest way to try to get what you want is to try to deserve what you want.” — Charlie Munger.

This must be one of the most profound things have come across in recent years. No matter what you do, you cannot guarantee success. Too many variables. Too many things outside your control. The best you can do is to put yourself in the best position. In the striking distance. Increase your odds of success. The easiest path to that is hard work.

I believe it is important to understand this aspect of our human experience and our pursuit of meaning and purpose. Our most cherished ambitions are not easily fulfilled. Whether we are talking about a career, a relationship, or personal growth, the journey is going to be full of obstacles. Yet, it is precisely this hardship that imbues our achievements with value, shaping our character and resilience along the way.

The idea of welcoming challenge and adversity might seem counterintuitive at first glance. Since my childhood, it was drilled into me at home and school that hard work was the only path to success. I grew up in the Soviet Union, in a family of teachers. :) But for a long time it was more a habit, than a conscious philosophy. It was natural for me to be suspicious of success without a price. Hard work, on the other hand, felt like the right choice. Practically and morally. But it was when I came across Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations (and Ryan Holiday’s The Obstacle is the Way), that I became equipped with a powerful mental model:

The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way. — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

I am not suggesting that we need to pick the hardest path. But life will take care of providing enough serious challenges whether we like it or not. Human beings naturally seek comfort and stability, but embracing adversity is how we discover who we are. We push ourselves beyond our comfort zones. It is why we develop new skills, adapt to unforeseen circumstances, and overcome limitations. Thus, adversity is no longer a barrier to success, but a vital component of it.

Hardship is a crucible for character development.

We can learn more about ourselves by striving towards a goal, facing setbacks, and persevering, even thriving (remember Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s Anti-Fragile!) despite them. We learn about our strength and determination. It is thanks to the journey that our achievements present a deep sense of satisfaction and meaning. When we know what obstacles we have overcome, success becomes all the more rewarding.

Hardship also fosters empathy and compassion. Experiencing adversity firsthand gives us insight into the struggles of others. It reminds us that everyone faces their battles, often invisible to the outside observer.

Adversity is a teacher like no other.

It teaches us that life is unpredictable. That we need to be flexible and adaptable. That failure is not the opposite of success, but a stepping stone towards it. That our setbacks are valuable feedback. As we deal with adversity, superficial goals fall away, we develop a clearer understanding of what is important to us.

IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE HARD.

A useful reminder.

When we recognize the inevitability of hardships and their value, we can approach our pursuits with courage, resilience, and a deep-seated belief in our ability to overcome.

Philosophers and thinkers from vastly different contexts and eras echo this sentiment — that hardship and adversity are not merely to be endured but are to be welcomed.

I already mentioned Marcus Aurelius. His perspective teaches us that the path to greatness involves turning adversity into an advantage and using obstacles as fuel for our journey. The Stoic philosophy aligns closely with the concept of “It Is Supposed to be Hard”. Think Musonius Rufus’ lecture “That One Should Disdain Hardships” where he argues that every good is gained by toil, “If one accomplishes some good with toil, the toil passes, but the good remains; if one does something dishonorable with pleasure, the pleasure passes, but the dishonor remains”. He offers that it should not be difficult to bear hardship in the pursuit of good or for the acquisition of virtue.

Or think Cleanthes’ “Fate guides the willing, but drags the unwilling” — which is a typically laconic yet powerful way to express the key Stoic teaching — that we need to accept what we cannot control, yet change or influence what we can. Or Seneca’s “I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent — no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you”. Or Epictetus’ “When trouble comes, think of yourself as a wrestler whom God, like a trainer, has paired with a tough young buck. For what purpose? To turn you into an Olympic-class athlete”

Stoicism encourages us to approach life’s challenges with a proactive and positive mindset. Instead of fearing or avoiding difficulty, one should engage with it directly, using it as a means to test and refine one’s character and skills.

Now let’s fast forward to modern times. I already mentioned Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s concept of antifragility, introduced in his book “Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder,”. Anti-fragility is a quality beyond resilience or robustness. While something resilient resists shocks and stays the same, the antifragile gets better when exposed to volatility, randomness, disorder, and stressors. Hardship, in this light, is not a detour on the path to our goals but an integral part of the journey. Taleb goes beyond just describing the concept and argues that we should be designing our lives in a manner that conditions us to benefit from shocks.

We can find multiple similar concepts — think of Jocko Willink’s “Good” when he receives bad news. It is a simple, yet powerful response where he is conditioning himself to seek something good out of whatever predicament he finds himself in. Think of Steve Magness’ book Do Hard Things, where he tries to redefine toughness and argues that true resilience comes from understanding our limitations and approaching life’s challenges with curiosity and openness. Keyword — curiosity. That is how we can navigate the complexities of modern life with confidence and poise. Curiosity instead of fear. Angela Duckworth, Cameron Hanes, Jordan Peterson, Cal Newport, Ryan Holiday, and the list goes on. All these authors recognize the value of embracing hardship and suggest that avoiding the easy path and willingly confronting challenges are crucial for achieving excellence, fulfillment, and a deeper understanding of oneself and the world.

Think famous athletes, who embrace the ethos of ultra-hard work. Kobe Bryant’s Mamba Mentality is one example. Michael Jordan, Lionel Messi, Christiano Ronaldo, Serena Williams, Roger Federer, Rafale Nadal, Novak Djokovic, Usain Bolt, Tom Brady — every superstar has put in hard work, and has dealt with adversity on the path to success.

TOO MUCH COMFORT?

Now, the truth is, that most of the world today lives in peace, in relative prosperity, and without serious hardships. That is, of course, not a bad thing in and of itself. But too much comfort can hurt our lives, and this works in a sinister way — we barely notice it. From obesity to depression, our physical and mental health suffers in our quest for comfort and ease.

I have worked in war zones, such as Sudan and Syria, and living in a peaceful and comfortable country like Türkiye has been amazing. However, I can’t help but notice that it has made me soft. And it is precisely because I can feel this change in myself, that I have discovered what works for me to address this. It is simple. If the life gets too comfortable:

INTRODUCE ADVERSITY INTO YOUR LIFE

This goes beyond just exercising. If you always enjoy the exercise you are doing, that, I am afraid, is not enough. Whether it is increasing the intensity, putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, cold exposure, fasting, or other challenging activities, you have to go out of your comfort zone.

My choice of personal torture — Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and lifting (right now my focus is on kettlebell workouts). When we are engaged in martial arts training we engage with and learn from adversity in a controlled and constructive setting, all the while improving our physical conditioning and mental focus. It cultivates humility and respect, promotes self-awareness, and introduces us to a community of anti-fragile individuals.

But why bother? — you may ask. Why should I put myself through the grind of hard training if I don’t have to? I can just do the hard work when necessary. Well, that’s precisely the problem. When you finally face adversity, you will feel the absence of practice. Sharply. Clearly. Painfully.

This is why we need to train — like the Roman army did — train in winter, to be ready for the spring campaigns. As Seneca put it brilliantly: “The body should be treated rigorously, that it may not be disobedient to the mind.”

Finally, do NOT let adversity serve as an excuse for why you cannot do what you want to do or be who you want to be. As the titular character in Rocky Balboa put it: “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”

Hardship is not some cosmic injustice. It is what it is. The trick is what you make of it. What it is for you. Once you accept that hardship is inevitable and stop denying its existence, you can have a clearer view of the work you need to do. Identify the price of what you want and be willing to pay it.

I will go a step further. It is fashionable today to try to create an overly safe environment — trigger warnings, safe spaces, and so on. But guess what — most people in this world deal with adversity every day. That is how life is. So trying to create such an environment — smacks of privilege if you ask me.

I am a parent and I want my children safe. Of course. But I also want to equip them with skills and attitudes that can make them resilient. Anti-fragile even. That is the best thing parents can do for their children.

So start now. Do hard things. You will only gain. Start learning a language. Start a business. Learn a skill. Practice Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Read War and Peace. Ask yourself — in which aspect of my life I take an easy option? What is the hard alternative with a large potential pay-off? You already know what you need to do.

It is supposed to be hard.

If you liked this read, check out my home page for articles about philosophy, learning, self-improvement, literature, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and more. Here are some you may be interested in:

It Is Supposed To Be Hard

Written by Rational Badger