In March of 2016 I threw my career away with both hands.
It’s not like it was much of a career at that point. I was rounding on a year of unemployment after quitting my teaching job for all the regular fucked-up reasons people quit academic jobs. I was also eight-months pregnant with my second child, so my academic days felt numbered in more ways than one. I didn’t have much to lose. …
Heracles, Orpheus, Philoctetes, Tiphys, Meleager, Peleus … Idmon.
Tiphys! Activate Creature Report!
Creature Report! Creature Report.
Gegeines have six arms each… (check, check, check)
Which gives them an extensive reach … (check, check, bree)
Thirty fingers and ten toes (creature report)
One head but six elbows (creature report, creature report)
Impossible they are to beat (check, check, check)
But never fear my friends, for here comes Heracleeeeees!
Go Gegeines … Go Gegeines … Go Gegeines!
A harpy vomits on your fooood… (check, check, check)
(Which frankly is a little rude) (check, check, bree)
The head and breasts…
The first line of the first satire by the great Roman poet Juvenal says, “It is difficult not to write satire.” After having dealt with women my entire 29 years, I find I must concede to the wisdom of the ancients.
That’s why, when my audience bristled at my suggestion that I would rather let a squirrel chew off my nuts than date a feminist, I was dismayed that this seemingly erudite crowd totally missed the intertext with Juvenal, who said he preferred suicide to marriage (Juv. Sat. VI).
While some people might actually think that there are only two…
—Kronos to Ouranos
—Zeus to Kronos
—Athena to Zeus
—Icarus to Daedalus
—Aphrodite to Ouranos
—Cyclops to Poseidon
—Orestes to Agamemnon
—Electra to Agamemnon
—Aglaus, Orchomenus, and Calaeus to Thyestes
—Philoctetes to Poeas
—Cassandra to Priam
— Absyrtus to Aeëtes
— Theseus to Aegeus
— 49 of the 50 Danaids to Danaus
— Hypermnestra to Danaus
— Oedipus to Laius
— Achilles to Peleus
— Perseus to Zeus
After you’ve filled your self-isolated days with mastering sourdough baking, sewing PPE, finishing your book and setting up the victory garden, it’s only natural to feel the urge to consult the wisdom of the ancient Romans to find innovative (and tasty!) ways to fill your time. Thankfully, the first book of the Ancient Roman cookbook De Re Coquinaria by Apicius is full of cooking tips for the discerning foodie who wants to eat as the Romans did. What follows are some lightly edited (no, really) culinary hacks from Apicius:
Say you want some rose (not rosé) wine but don’t have…
A “news” story from San Francisco’s KSBW (and published in SFGate) circulated last week, in which “classicist” Victor Davis Hanson was cited as the apparent lead source on a Stanford study into whether or not COVID-19 began circulating in the US in 2019. Hanson uses his spotlight to pin the blame for the virus on “Chinese nationals” and to scare-quote “science,” so don’t let anyone tell you the classics are irrelevant or that Homer is dead!
Hadestown, the folk-operatic broadway hit that retells the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice as a Great Depression post-apocalyptic love story promises to do for myth what Hamilton did for history; the success of Hadestown, plus the buzz generating for Rufus Wainwright’s Hadrian, the 3-hour long operatic love story between the eponymous emperor and his beloved Antinous, indicate that the time is ripe for more classically-inspired musicals. Here’s a roundup of eight more prodcutions that attempt to cash in on the classics trend:
A jazzy, all-puppet spectacle that transforms the generational battles between the Greek gods into a modern tale where…
Classicist, Writer, Mother. Managing Editor of Eidolon. Finisher of 95% of projects, 100% of the time.