Take Notes on Your Abuser, so You Can Discover When You have Days or Moments Left
Use Notes and Time, to Identify if You’re in Danger
-The Tactical Victim-
It’s a Mindset, a New Way of Life 🔒
The mind can:
“arrive at an idea or a decision not by analytically inferring the solution”
We may sense,
“the correct solution without being able to give reasons for it”
or we may be,
“realizing the solution all of a sudden without being able to report on the solution process.
The former: Intuition,
the latter: Insight.
I. Patterns and Changes
Be mindful of what they (the abuser/stalker) says to you and does.
It may start to change.
Conversation Topics and Word Choices
- Are they talking about violence more often?
- Are they alluding to violent/scary like scenes in:
-movies
-songs
or
-evil, sick, vile yet “creative ways” to use objects, tools?
- What types of adjectives are they using?
Evidence: Digital
- Can you see their Google searches?
Evidence:
- Physical Purchases
- Layout of the house
Behavioral Indicators
- Are they staring you down? Keep looking over at you in a creepy way? Stare you down (much like a lion does to prey)
- Did they talk about you in the past tense?
- Did future plans seem to cancel, you’re no longer part of them?
Information Requests
- Days or hours before, they may need certain schedule details
- How is their wording different?
“Trip Wires” to Kill You
- Did you threaten to go to the police this time? Or did you?
- Did you harm their reputation, or say you would?
- Are they about to lose their “everything” (you, a car, job, person?)
- Did you reject them, or did someone else?
these changes can be indicators, there can be others, but you have will depend on your gut
Always trust your gut, even if others say your wrong
→don’t let the need for validation get you killed.
→or embarrassment of the small likelihood you’re wrong, stop you from leaving.
- It sounds like this person is abusive, unstable, unhealthy anyway…leaving will still help..and you’ll be safer, “just in case”.
Societal “Restrictions”
Don’t let polite customs, social norms or cultural judgements,
prevent you from making minor or major changes in your behavior, current decisions, that get you to safety.
For Example:
You may have to leave your full time job now(while in the middle of a huge project..kinda like me),
because you realize at the end of the day,
they’ll be waiting for you at the office with a gun.
Don’t wait for “experts” (police, therapists), to decide “now” is when they mean it..
Too often, it’s after the school shooting, “experts” see the “signs”.
You’re the expert now.
→they (“experts”), likely do NOT know the Subtleties of the Expression you saw,
or Tone of Voice you heard that day.
I once saw a fictional movie about a serial killer, who told his last victim:
“They (previous victims of his), always knew NOT to come in for the drink.
But Not to accept the invitation, would be Rude.
Against better judgement, they’d still come inside”
and, get killed.
II. Note Taking
Another Warning and Note:
I did NOT have tracker/stalking/key logger apps on my phone, I-Pad or electronic devices.
So, my advice here, is based off the fact I had safety with that.
How to Take Notes Safely
If there are concerns or potential there are apps like this on your devices:
1) Go to a public computer
2) Create a new email address (tell no one it exists)
3) Ideally, create a new password, or slightly modified on.
and use that to send yourself notes.
Also:
Don’t use that email address for anything else like:
google reviews, signing up for orders online, etc
Paper Option:
Or, you can write it down on paper, and put it in a small public storage.
However, the emails are a little better, as they can’t get wet or destroyed.
(you could do both!).
—
Now, Why to Take Notes
To Keep Track and Identify (when the time comes)
Everyone’s situation is different. So, I will speak from experience, albeit still being vague! (Medium articles populate on google)
Likely, it will occur over time, gradually.
—
What is IT?
Their abusive, controlling, obsessive, violent, behavior.
Likely, if someone were to come up to you and make a threat, and say “Im going to:
(harm you this way/that way/control and monitor your every movement)..
You’d be like “No thanks!”
-So, whether the person is cunning, inherently evil and slowly reveals themselves over time (intentionally or somewhat intentionally)
or
-Your relationship slowly become different and worse.
It will be important to take notes on what doesn’t seem right about them.
—
If years go by and it’s gradual, it will be hard to remember that comment they made 2 or 5 years ago, that was a sign of:
- their mind starting to unravel
- a reason they were starting to become jealous of you
- a quality-mindset that was just beginning to develop
Ie. Motive
Notes Needed for Your Busy Life
Over time, you will be busy and have a life, be going to work events.
Without taking notes, You will likely over look things that didn’t seem right:
- Maybe a violent joke while they were drunk
- Something about you being killed (at a party with others around)
- Someone trying to warn you
- How many times they showed up at your job
- How their friends are always running into you at the coffee shop, shopping, (signs of a tracking app and that their friends are helping the person, or may not realize they are helping the person)
—
Police will ask you, “How do you know?”
Well, these notes will help.
The more details you can include the better, as this will be questions they will have for you.
Date and Time
Location
Context
—
Sometimes You Know Best
Keep in mind, even if you’re notes are detailed and perfect, the police (or anyone else), may not believe you, still.
And, that's ok.
Yes, that's ok.
All that matters is that YOU KNOW…
And you get the hell out of there, before they harm you, or worse.
—
Not all, but alot of cases, will show hints that came up, before the victim was killed.
Some of them, were exactly what I mentioned above.
For example, if someone makes a comment at a party (in front of others), many might say “Oh, everyone was around”.
But, to you, it didn’t feel right.
Thats all that matters.
Related Articles
-Signs they Are Manipulating You
-Why You Should Write the Police Report and Not the Police
-The Tactical Victim-
It’s a Mindset, a New Way of Life 🔒
