Private Journals of a ‘Serious’ Lagos babe… in transit (13)
There is something about having a near-death experience that endears you to people. The days after narrowly escaping falling off the brink of death there is a difference in how you are viewed. It’s like you become deified for the time being and everyone seems to be in a state of constant worship. The way your loved ones take extra care to show you they are thankful for still having you around. The way friends and colleagues are more tolerant towards you, even Abdul called to ask how I was faring. This special treatment that gets accorded to you erases all your mistakes and you can do no wrong. It’s like celebrating your birthday in primary school as a child. You get to wear your fancy home clothes, you get to have beads and ribbons in your hair and the teachers won’t punish you if you appear on the list of noisemakers 6oo times because they are not the birthday girl they are just your teacher. Other children suddenly become your best friends, you can’t go to the toilet without a flock of eager-to-please kids following you in tow, milling around in the toilet and watching you as you grunt and handing you a tissue to wipe your bum-bum without a show of disgust. They suddenly become immune to the acrid smell of dysentery caused by your over-indulgence in candies, chocolates, and other pastries because you are the birthday girl!
Lara’s friends Ella and Tuoyo visited us the day after I got discharged and the first thing Tuoyo did as he saw me was to first inspect my upper eyelid that got stitched.
‘This stitches no go leave scar nah?’ He glanced at Ella for answers. Ella came over to peer at me as well and said it wouldn’t and if it would the scars should be minimal.
Tuoyo let out a long hiss and shook his head in disbelief ‘But from where to where?’ He took a sit beside me.
I shrugged and Lara gave a rundown of when my boss was being nice to me and dropping me off at home then she added that it ended as abruptly as it started.
Ella cut in ‘Did he ask you out?’ She asked.
‘No.’
‘So why the fracas? The babe dey craze?’ Tuoyo asked no one in particular.
‘Lara you people must press charges o if you don’t have a lawyer I have one. The idiot that saw me at Ebeano and moved madly that year knows never to try shit with me again.
Tuoyo cackled wickedly ‘Please please don’t bring that one up. Ei Ummi my baby. Doh. Sorry. Dem no fit spoil your fine girl!’ He lifted the shopping bag he brought in with him ‘See what we got you. This should ginger you to get well soon dear’
‘Thank you.’ I blushed feeling special. It was glaring to everyone that Tuoyo was fond of me.
‘You are welcome, my baby girl.’
‘Famzer issenough’ now. Ella said in jest to Tuoyo.
Lara’s phone rang and it was Kanyin on the other end who called to check on me as well. The conversation with Lara seemed to toe the line of Kanyin repeatedly telling Lara I told you so. Kanyin had her reservations about my Boss and had earlier cited his history of erratic behaviours while they were still in the University.
‘She is not a sane person obviously!’ I heard Lara blurt as she huffed in anger.
When she got off the phone she narrated what Kanyin said to everyone. Folake has been threatening to kill herself instead of admitting what she did is wrong and blaming me for her flaring up and attacking me.
‘She still dey threaten? Who wan die noh dey stand dey wait for change for where ihn go buy Otapiapia o. She serious so?’
Everybody laughed heartily.
Lara continued ‘Kanyin also said they are on and off with Folake holding the cards and dictating when it is convenient to be a couple again and when she needs space.’
‘She also said Folake is giving Bayo an ultimatum to marry her.’ Lara added.
‘That is both of their business, the guy sef nah mumu but why drag your cousin inside nonsense? You better sue that bitch and let her know not to try this rubbish ever again.’ Ella retorted looking more irritated the more Lara narrated what Kanyin said.
‘Ehya, so nah ontop problem wen noh be your own dem go knack you apako for head’ Tuoyo looked at me sympathetically.
Lara’s phone rang again and it was Ekele asking for directions to our house. He showed up 25 minutes later with two big shopping bags.
His perfume announced his presence before he stepped in. A rich, nuanced, warm, and sweet woody scent that brings forth a vivid image of me following my dad to Ilorin Golf Club and taking in the flagrant display of wealth by the pretentiously humble golfers.
‘Hello, ladies and… gentleman. Hi, my name is Ekele’ He said extending his hands to Ella first and Tuoyo next. Both of them looked at him appreciatively. Ekele, a gentle giant took care to hug me delicately like I was a flower he was afraid to crush. Our living room seemed too small for his 6ft4 muscular body.
Ekele asked how I was faring and made small talk here and there. He followed Lara into the kitchen at some point to have a private conversation with her. When they appeared Lara looked subdued but he hugged her and said something in her ears that made her face relax into a faltering smile.
He announced he was leaving barely 5 minutes after they reappeared and tucked a thin brown envelope in my hands. I smiled in gratitude and he waved it off. Tuoyo looked like he wanted to gobble Ekele up as Lara walked him out and Ella had to snap her fingers in his face to jolt him out of whatever fantasies were going on in his head.
Ashawo! She mouthed with Tuoyo proclaiming ‘I agree, but you saw it too! And you felt it too!!’
Ella and Tuoyo left several hours later as well with Tuoyo promising me a lunch date as soon as I got better. Ella wished me a quick recovery too as they were leaving before going off to caution Tuoyo who was asking Lara for deets on Ekele.
‘Ashawo!’
‘I say I agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.’
The next day was uneventful and Lara had to go to work. I spent a major bulk of the day watching movies, eating through all the snacks that were gifted to me, and forcing the multi-coloured pills I was prescribed down my mouth at the appropriate time. I hate taking meds.
I finally mustered the courage to go online after telling Lara earlier as she prepared for work that I was scared I could be on Instablog9ja.
‘Trending that what? For being hit upside your head? Do you know the number of crazy things that happen in Lagos on a daily? Nobody has your time.’
‘I just don’t want my daddy to know that is why we told him I am ill. I am sure he will drive me down to Ilorin himself if he ever finds out.’
‘Ummi stop this main character’s antics and just breathe.’ Lara snapped getting irritated already. I left it at that before the special treatments got cut short.
Then she added in a calmer voice ‘Alhaji is not killing himself with worry. Your dad trusts me and Alhamdulilahi it is not as worse as I previously thought. So relax abeg.’
‘Ok.’ I said simply.
Tega came around after the close of work. She said she had been trying to reach me ever since I got discharged but work has been overwhelming.
‘My freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!’ Tega yelped and rushed at me. She stopped herself midway and gingerly wrapped her arms around me instead.
‘Oh Tegs come on I won’t break.’
‘Abeg o. After wetin you showed us? You went out like this!’ Tega rolled her eyes and fell flat on the settee.
I chuckled. Lara arrived as Tega was demonstrating how Folake was carried out roughly by the bouncers whom she also tried to attack. As she brought out the vegetables in the shopping bag Tega excitedly asked if it was fried rice she wanted to make. Lara replied in a dismissive tone. Tega offered to help with the dicing of the carrots but Lara refused. She also refused further help from Tega with the meal she was about to prepare and only cautioned us to keep the noise down. Tega looked hurt by Lara blowing her off and her cold demeanour towards her but she went on recounting what happened in my absence and how everyone at work was surprised at the turn of events.
‘I am just pained I was unable to deck her bald head before she was carried off by those bouncers. Nah that one pain me pass.’
Lara paused as if she wanted to say something but a call interrupted her. It was Sandra who told her she was coming to see me and asked if we were home.
‘Ei see as everybody dey check on you. Nah who go knack me for head with Glen bottle nah ihn I dey find like this. To be hit with whiskey bottle con dey hungry me too.’
Lara burst into laughter before she could even control herself. It was right there and then I knew Tega had gotten across to Lara too. Lara started softening up in that instance. When Tega announced she would like to stay the night. Lara was welcoming and asked Tega if she had sleeping clothes for the night. Tega replied in the negative and added that she sleeps stark naked!
‘Not even wrapper?’ Lara asked.
‘Wraaaaaper? Express entry aunty Lara.’
We all laughed again. Lara asked if everybody from Delta state had a funny element in-built them.
‘Why nah?’
‘I have a friend from Delta who is just as funny. He was here some days ago. You guys need to meet each other.’
‘Ehn ehn? No wahala nah e fit be one of the numerous children wen my papa born for outside sef.’
Lara chortled as she sauntered off into the kitchen to continue with her cooking. The sweet aroma of fried rice permeated the air as Lara worked her magic. She good-heartedly refused Tega’s help for the umpteenth time but promised she could help out with breakfast the next morning. We heard a knock on the door while Lara was asking Tega what drink she would like to have with her meal.
Tega went to open the door to let Sandra in.
She gingerly stepped back as Sandra stepped into the room with a corporate smile as she calmly asked how I was faring.
A voice asked at the entrance if it was okay to come in.
‘Yes sir.’ Sandra answered.
Lara gave Sandra a questioning look and Sandra responded with a placating smile.
My boss stepped into the room with a grim look on his face.
