Private Journals of a ‘Serious’ Lagos babe… in transit (8)
Note: Sincere apologies for going AWOL. Life has been toff. — A frustrated Nigerian.
It took me a short time to re-familiarize myself with the evening shuttle home. It was like a forgotten memory flooding back. The spoilt cassava mixed with ogiri smell that I have come to associate with Lagos buses. The hard bench and non-stop chittering of rickety metals being held together by bolts and nuts in dire need of lubrication. The stained windows and chipped glasses. Once, I have been unfortunate to sit directly under an exposed part in a bus and when rain started it ticked down my head non-stop.
I have also adjusted to being a stranger to my boss. I have also made peace with the fact that I may never get to join the offline Marketing team he once mentioned. In fact, I have now made it a point to never be in the way of anyting regarding my boss. I am just an employee. When the planned hangout eventually held. He arrived at the venue with a svelte lady with a blonde buzz cut. They were inseparable throughout the evening and he joined us only during toasts or when Sandra drags him into conversations. Sandra later left the table and went to join Erere and the rest singing karaoke.
Tega was fixated on showing the boys she can hold her own when it comes to alcohol. She was challenged to a game of shots which she vowed to win so I was completely off her radar which is fine. I was content sitting by myself and people watching. I began to play a game of guessing the state of booties as they passed. Fake or real?
I know enough about Lagos social scene to understand BBL yanshes are the in-thing. In fact, one of Lara’s friend recovering from the surgery called her frantically the previous week that she needs someone to drive her urgently to the hospital. Turned out she was having serious complications and if Lara had dilly-dallied one minute longer….
Anyways, I counted up to 30 BBL yanshes before my boss waved at me.
‘Eh?’ I looked around in confusion.
He beckoned at me.
‘I should come?’ I mouthed.
He nodded yes.
I was confused and went across.
‘Sure you would rather sit there and stare at us than have fun?’
‘I was not staring o’ I was so irritated with his questions because Aunty buzzcut started cutting me eyes and measuring me from head to toe.
‘This is a team bonding experience you should go sit with your colleagues and participate in whatever activities you guys come up with.’ He said it so calmly that it almost felt like he was looking out for me but I know what being scolded by him sounds like. I have heard him get pissed at some property owners and I have taken countless rides with him to know he never have to raise his voice when he is dressing down someone… like an errant child.
I felt embarrassed by the way I was summoned and washed in front of Aunty buzzcut. He could have sent Sandra. I wasn’t even watching them. I went back to my seat, grabbed the Lady Dior purse Lara borrowed me and ordered a ride back home.
In a teary daze, I forgot to say goodbye or goodnight to any of my colleagues. In fact, I tried opening the door of a randomly packed Toyota corolla car till the dude inside wound down the glass and yelled ‘Hope nothing o?’ at me.
Nobody noticed I was gone and when I got to work the following Monday nobody asked me any questions. They had so much fun that Abdul, the resident contrarian was in an agreeable mood.
‘I want a repeat of Friiiiiiiiiidaaaaaay. I want a repeat of Fridaaaaaaaaay’ Tega sang as she grinned at me. I showed her my full set of teeth in response.
Sandra sashayed towards our desk few minutes to 11 and announced there is a meeting in Oga’s office in 5 minutes.
Our boss was not around when we got in but Sandra began the meeting in his absence. She was wrapping up when he walked in.
‘HELLO!! HELLO!!!’ He boomed. He seemed to be in an upbeat mood.
‘A quick addition guys.’ He placed down his bag on his seat and faced us. ‘On no condition should anyone flunk out of a work event. It is unacceptable and such behaviour will be adequately addressed next time it occurs. In fact, I believe maybe some work obligations are ignored because we have all gotten too comfortable due to the absence of a proper HR person. I mean Sandra tries her best but that isn’t what I hired her for. In the light of this, I will be introducing a HR professional to the team. Guys, meet Folake’ He gestured at… AUNTY BUZZCUT!?
