Self-Love: More Than a Back-Up Plan
Self-Love is a tool. It’s just a matter of how we use it and what we’re fixing. It’s up to you to decipher whether it’s a ‘back-up’ tool or ‘I know what will fix this’ tool. Self-Love is more than a back-up plan.
What is Self-Love?
If you don’t know what self-love is or want a more in-depth evaluation, check out this other publication on the self-love journey and what’s making you restart yours.
Self-love is defined as “a regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic)” according to the Oxford Dictionary.
Self-Love looks like a bunch of different things to everyone individually because self-love is a unique action. Just like dancing, singing, or performing any craft, self-love is as unique as the doer. If Self-Love is anything, it’s more than a backup plan.
Let’s compare the self-love that the media portrays versus what actual, personal self-love may look like:
If loving yourself looks like taking that solo trip, going on dates by yourself–then do that! This publication isn’t saying you shouldn’t ever or shouldn’t at all, this post is to widen the perception of self-love as not just something to get into after you’ve been dumped and everyone is telling you “You just gotta find yourself”, this is to remind you that the discovery for you never ends!
Loving yourself should always be within the top priorities, not just when you’re newly single.
Why We Associate Self-Love with Singleness
When you search the sentence: “Why we associate self-love with singleness”, everything on the first page is about the importance of singlehood and its attributes to self-discovery and love. Nothing about why we gravitate towards this association.
Is it impossible to love yourself and another person or people? No. Is it harder to love others if you don’t even love yourself? A little. Why do we associate self-love with being the back-up plan after failed attempts at relationships?
Even though there wasn’t a decent answer to the exact question, something valuable was found elsewhere….
The Self-Love Crisis
Prior to the planning of this post, there wasn’t an awareness of this topic, even though you may know someone–or maybe it’s you having a self-love crisis? According to sources, the self-love crisis is its own pandemic. Let’s look into the findings.
According to a Self-Love study by The Body Shop, summarized by Cision PR Newswire, the WORLD is concluded to be going through a self-love crisis.
It’s a lot to take in once seeing the data collected and the measurements, but it is safe to agree that there is a self-love problem. Many people struggle with loving themselves, and this data is to adhere to it.
The data was collected from November 2020 to December 2020, analyzing over 22,000 people across 21 different countries, including the following:
- South Korea
- Saudi Arabia
- France
- China
- Spain
- Japan
- United Kingdom
- Sweden
- India
- Canada
- Nigeria
- Indonesia
- Brazil
- Russia
- Germany
- The Netherlands
- Countries of South Africa
- Australia
- United States
- Mexico
- Denmark
The Body Shop created their measurements with the Self Love Index commuting self-worth, well-being, self-esteem, ability to control emotions, controllability over their lives, happiness, and other factors contributing to self-love
So, based on how a person rated themselves, that answer would be calculated into the index to determine how that person loves themselves, then added to the median of that person’s country of residence.
The original scale for the index was 0–100. The global average was 53. Meaning that, based on the 21 countries that were tested out of all (known) 195 countries in the world, more than half of the people tested do not love themselves.
Assuming the 21 countries tested were of the most advanced countries in the world, only testing 21 out of 195 is a little over 10% of the world (10.8%). 22,000 people out of 21 countries are even fewer people being tested for such a claim, but again, assuming this is 22,000 people in the most advanced 21 countries, it may be safe to assume that there is a Self-Love Crisis.
This calculation isn’t to debunk the claim of a Self-Love Crisis, it’s just to add additional context number-wise. The 21 countries and 22,000 were to, in theory, represent all of the world, even though not everyone was tested. The average of the index is 53/100 concluding to 1 in 2 people around the world do not love themselves.
Who Were Included in the Test?
Men and women, aged 18–65+. As reported by The Body Shop, women have a lower Self-Love Index (53) than men do (54). People of the LGBTQ+ communities were included in the test, as well as those with disabilities and those of minority groups.
So, the test was rather diverse in its subjects.
What Conclusions Were Made?
Self-Love increases with age, single people have less self-love, economic status has a great impact, people of minority groups and with disabilities have the lowest self-love index, and that social media usage also impacts self-love.
Now, while this publication isn’t about the Self-Love Crisis or The Body Shop’s study, the fact that a study exists on Self-Love is what is fascinating.
The Body Shop’s work and studying are very helpful in learning about self-love and how we are progressing socially, emotionally, and mentally as people.
You can read the full report here: The Body Shop Global Self-Love Index Market: US: SELF-LOVE: An Overview.
So, how do we jump away from learning that there is a self-love crisis? It is kind of hard to move on to the next thing after learning something like that. Let’s look at self-love in the mind, as an idea, before anything else.
Self-Love as a Thought
You know the feeling when you know you have something to do, but you proceed to procrastinate on the deed? Self-Love is sometimes like that. You know you should do better, think better, advocate for yourself, but…you just don’t.
Instead of thinking about self-love as a chore, or something that you need to do to be accepted in society (or accepted in general), think of it as a tool. A tool that does everything.
The Tool that Does Everything
If there was such a tool in the world that did everything, what would you do with it? What problems would it fix? Would you carry it with you everywhere, or just in the trunk of your car? Would you recommend that everyone purchase one, or would you hone the item and feel special to have a one-of-a-kind tool? Genuinely think about these questions if self-love was a tool.
Something great to learn is that self-love is a tool in the real world. It doesn’t have a handle or a hook, and it doesn’t come with an assembly manual or book, but somehow, everyone can still see whether it’s working or not. The next question is:
Is this a tool you use as a last resort or a first resort?
It’s more Than a Backup Plan
Suddenly wanting to “focus on yourself” after you’ve been heartbroken, rejected, or anything like that secretly does a big disservice to your consciousness and how you operate in the future.
It’s similar to choosing someone out of spite or pity because who you really wanted is unavailable. That ‘someone’ is you, though.
If you prefer barbecue flavored chips, but the store only had plain salted chips, but you really, really wanted chips, and you just decided to buy the plain ones, you’ve settled, right? You settled for the plain chips because even though your preference wasn’t available, chips are still chips.
You are not a chip. Love, universally, is not quite like chips.
When you finally decide to come inwards and care for yourself out of defeat and rejection, you’re settling for self-love because, while it is a type of love, it’s not the love you want right now.
You’re not choosing to always love yourself, even in the circumstance you are rejected, broken up with, or something related; you are choosing self-love because of defeat. You need self-consolation, comfort, and some type of reassurance.
Isn’t that unfortunate? That you only pick yourself when companionship isn’t an option.
Imagine someone you wanted to date or be in a relationship with, knows that you are a great person, a great potential partner; however, they want your actions and purity to come from a different person that they want.
So now, this wanted person of yours gets rejected by who it was they wanted, and this person comes running to you when they are heartbroken.
How would that make you feel? Knowing and seeing that this person sees you as a backup plan, someone to nurse their ego back to health after rejection, someone to give them small doses of love, friendship, attention, or what have you, when you both know that you wanted a relationship with them?
You’d feel unwanted, or disrespected, right?
That scenario is what you’re doing to yourself when you choose self-love only after failed attempts at companionship. You are not anyone’s backup plan, so don’t be your own backup plan, either.
Be your first choice, always. Build security, build a friendship with yourself, build knowledge of yourself and your liking, build a safe space for yourself, and make your mind a sanctuary–not an escape from someone else’s rejection of you. Use your tool and build a better you.
In Summary
The key takeaway points from this post are:
- Self Love doesn’t have to look stereotypical (it’s a new trend, keep in mind that society doesn’t know how to portray it, either. You might as well be authentic)
- A Self-Love Crisis is going on with 1 in 2 people who don’t love themselves
- Self-love is a tool, it’s already assembled, it’s ready to go, just use it!
- You are not a second option, don’t settle for yourself–you’re YOU!
- Loving yourself shouldn’t be your backup plan to feeling loved. You should love yourself anyways, regardless, forever!
Take This With You
You are BEYOND special. You are worthy of companions, friends, relationships, romance–all of that. There’s nothing wrong with fighting for love, for care, for a friend, for someone you love; however, you have to honor yourself enough to not give your last and willingly be stuck with nothing left of yourself.
Especially if you’re giving to the ungrateful. You could choose yourself mid-way through the disrespect or discomfort, you could use discernment and not bother to begin with, or you could fight until you’re weakened and finally step away from the scene–no matter how you do it, love yourself through every step.
Practice self-love.
If you enjoyed this publication, please consider sending Appreciation Coins through Aerianna Blog’s Ko-fi!
Are you interested in joining the Journaling Club? The Journaling Club hosted by Aerianna Blogs is a gathering of people from all over the world who have a desire to write, get into writing, or just have something to write about. Subscribing to the Journaling Club’s Newsletter gives you access to full updates on the Club, weekly prompts, and invitations to bi-weekly Live Video Chat Meetings about the prompts and the Club as a whole. I’ll see you there!
