Social Sabbatical: Day 2
Emotionally
When I started the sabbatical, I thought the emotional scope of social engagement was confined to fulfilling the “am I good enough?” bucket. The more likes/comments/followers I would think, “Yeah, I am good enough.” But now, I’m realizing that’s the not the case.
Fulfilling that “good enough” bucket is minuscule in the relation to the bucket of “Am I wanted/desired?”
This is surprising, but in hindsight, not really. While I’ve been working on the “good enough” bucket for the past 2 years with my personal declarations, I’ve done jack with the “Am I wanted?” bucket. Honestly, I don’t know how.
Only 2 full days in and I’m quickly realizing that I got a lot of my need for being desired fulfilled by social. I’m sure many resonate with this. At a core level, we all want to know we’re wanted. We’re desired. Social played that role, without having to get my hands dirty in actual relationships.
Before lunch I desired my kids to be home from school, which is a first for me. I wanted their sweet companionship. By the time night rolled around, I was overwhelmingly lonely which I fended off by reading a new book. Thankfully my husband came home and was able to dive into the swirling chaos of my emotions to help me understand them.
Relationally
As I mentioned in my Day 1 recap, I knew going into this I would be lonely. Therefore, I scheduled a lunch date. It was eye-opening to say the least.
Over fancy omelets, my friend with tears in her eyes, told me her chronic depression was really bad at the moment. I was stunned. I’ve been so busy with my nose in social feeds I wasn’t even aware to what was really going on in the life of my dear friend. It was an eye-opener of how much potential in relationships I give away when I’m scrolling.
I’ve tried to excuse my overactive social tendencies by “helping others”. Posting, liking, sharing, engaging with the countless number of people online is laughable now, when the reality of someone I could really help is sitting in my kitchen, burdened and broken.
Productivity
Yesterday wasn’t as productive as I would have hoped in one sense, but in the other is was a smashing hit.
I was able to pull away for an 1.5 lunch and still get all my work done, plus start a new book. Ideally I would have gotten further in one project, but frankly — to be able to have such a great (and eye-opening) lunch and still get to all my tasks was surprising. Today I have no such lunch plans, so I’m stoked to see really how much productivity I can muster with a social-free day (but am a bit weary of feeling a lone).
