It’s all going swimmingly.
Romantic dates with roses, chocolates, expensive restaurants and jewellery. Love is in the air. Or so it seems.
Those three little words can mean so much to those who hear them, but what do they really mean in the rise and fall of relationships — especially in a relationship with a narcissist?
Growing up with a narcissistic mother, my experience of love was fraught. I didn’t want to be loved, especially not by her. There were always long, prickly, tangled strings attached. From early on in our relationship, before I had the words to describe it, I internalised a sense of shame — of not being good enough. …
Parentification is a long word for something that’s damaging, and underrecognised.
Going through a painful divorce, losing the affection of your spouse, having a bad patch or just feeling emotionally drained can all be reasons for parents to use their children as emotional props. But that is never an excuse. Children should be protected from the emotional turmoil of divorce and depression, not co-opted into a parent’s pain or used as a pawn in an acrimonious decoupling.
It can be even more damaging when parents globally abdicate from the responsibility that comes with looking after children. When roles in families are diffused, confused or reversed, children don’t get their needs met. They can also be burdened with problems and responsibilities before they have developed the means to cope or understand. …
So you thought your sister had all the luck. She was the doted on darling who could do no wrong. The centre of attention, looked after, adored and admired.
The resentment is still there. Bubbling away under a pristine surface and draining the facade of those fake happy family get togethers. I got pummelled for staying out late, while she was forgiven for everything….How come she got away with that?
But take it from me, golden children are ultimately the tarnished ones.
Being a golden child is like being the narcissistic parent’s mini me. They aren’t allowed to be themselves, nor are they allowed to be imperfect, because that would reflect badly on the parent. Whilst they seem to have it easy, the reality is that they are always on stage being scrutinised, usually suffering from a permanent and crippling case of performance anxiety. To be in the narcissist’s spotlight is to be constantly judged. …