Coming Home: Four Days in Indonesia Part 2
The past 11 months I have always been with people, doing things. The second I got home I was very confused of what should I do. I know what I should do, finish my undergraduate thesis. However, starting it again was just too hard. The trauma of entering my institution’s academic life was just overbearing.
Two days ago, I (impulsively) decided to go to my campus in Jatinangor which is around 3 hours drive from Jakarta. My goals was just to meet some friends. I thought maybe meeting some of them would help me feel better. This and next months are graduating season which means that the seniors are busy presenting their research results. I would say it some sort of like a thesis defense(?) Most of my friends are on campus now.
Honestly, I was very anxious meeting them. My friend asked why then she realised that for me it is just like starting over. It has been so long since I have met them. It turned out to be okay! Still slightly anxious and super confused though but it was managable.
Still slightly anxious and super confused though but it was managable.
Okay, level one done, next level, more people. I still got kind of confused though. Why was there so many people? It was not that bad though, I was very happy meeting them. I catched up some stories (a.k.a gossips), gave out Ghirardelli Chocolates — classsic. But then, the jet-lag hit.
Maybe I do have a jet-lag. Since I got to Indonesia, I slept at 6 pm and woke up at around 11.30 pm and then go to sleep again. I was too tired and my social battery had drained. I could barely respond to the questions they asked me. “Omg, how are you?”, “when did you got home?”, “how is it in the U.S?”, “so what will you do next?” My responds were just, “I’m ok”, “on Monday”, “it’s okay”, “I don’t know, we’ll see”.
My families are very lucky, my parents and sister had the experience to live abroad. They all had their challenging experience when they got home. My mom told me she was acting, “I can do it all” when she got home. My sister, from what I see, she just basically annoyed with everything — one time I cried because I could not bear her attitude. I do not know a spesific story about my dad but 30 years after going home, he would only wear Levi’s jeans from Citadel San Francisco. Yes, it is that specific.
I did not expect that I would go through a challenging phase like them too. I feel bad though answering people in such short answers. I feel bad that I barely talked and did not smile that much. Not just too my friends but to my families too. There is nothing wrong with people, I just feel weird about myself. The classic “it’s not you, it’s me” phrase.
“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me” — Taylor Swift
The transition of living the free and independent life in the U.S. to the “conservative” Indonesia would definitely be a challenge. Time will heal, they say. This fourth day is better than my first day back home. Not completely healed though but it is a progress.
I believe the other going-home group members feel the same. I still see some of y’all posting Champaign-Urbana posts. I would probably do it too in bit. It is hard peeps but we can do this.
Love u peeps, bye❤
LOL the ending was kinda…
Well, go see part 1!!!!!!!!!’
