Game of Thrones & the Women of Westeros 6/8 — 6/10
“No One” gives a girl her name again, while “Battle of the Bastards” gives us some high-flying action before plunging us into claustrophobic battle. I still feel constricted and out of breath from watching. Someone bring me my smelling salts! Then that finale…
Previously…
I went into the last two episodes here, but I don’t even have time for what the previouslies want you to know. We have so many places to go and so many people to kill!
In Three Nutshells…
“No One”
Lady Crane gets to rewrite her final speech, then she finds and nurses Arya back to partial health. No good person goes unmurdered in this hellscape, so we’ll check back for her death later.
In King’s Landing, The Sparrow tries to have Cersei brought to him, but she has The Undead Mountain kill one of his cronies instead. Then she goes to Tommen only to find him making royal proclamations that trial by combat is brutal and outdated and she and Loras will be judged by septons. There goes Cersei’s last shot.
At Riverrun, Brienne and Pod go to Jaime’s camp. Bronn teaches Pod some dirty fighting tactics while he speculates on whether Jaime and Brienne are doing it, to Pod’s embarrassment. Inside, they are not doing it… except maybe with their eyes…
Brienne wants a deal where The Blackfish and pals are let out to go help Sansa take Winterfell, letting The Freys take the castle. If it doesn’t work, she says she’ll fight with The Tullys against Jaime and she even tries to give Oathkeeper back, but he refuses it as they gaze mournfully at each other some more.
While Brienne is unsuccessful convincing The Blackfish, Jaime threatens Edmure (using his still-living wife and child) to use his right as Lord to force the Tully men to stand down and since they’re all sticklers for tradition, they obey Lord Edmure. The Freys take the castle with minimal bloodshed (except Brynden The Blackfish, who died offscreen and, I hope, lives). Jaime lets Brienne and Pod escape with more mournful gazing.
Gah! Just turn good already, Jaime! Anyway…
In Meereen, Varys and Tyrion say their snarky goodbyes while Tyrion congratulates himself on his success. Missandei and Greyworm still disagree, but they do end up having some drinks and laughs with him for a second, which I asked for, so whee! But we all know what happens when people smile on this show…
That’s right. The city comes under siege by the masters. Tyrion is confused by this world where booze and hookers don’t make everyone happy. In the middle of the chaos, Dany just waltzes in (presumably off Drogon’s back) looking like that mom who just came home to find the house wrecked when she specifically said no invasions!
In The Riverlands, The Hound is hunting down those Brotherhood bastards when he comes across them, already being hung for their crimes by Beric and the nice Brotherhood. He demands to get his revenge. They let him kick two of their stools. Boo! Improper use of The Hound! Also axes! Anyway, after some arguing back and forth, we’re left to assume he decides to join them and be part of “something larger.”
In Braavos, The Waif kills Crane, which I had resigned myself to, but it’s still hard to see her twisted up so cruelly.
Bad Faceless form, Waif! She then chases Arya through the streets with mad Terminator-face, but Arya has Needle and we fade to black to find we were cheated out of a fight.
Arya puts The Waif’s bloody face on the wall and Jaqen declares her No One at last. How? Why? How does this work? She fought with a personal item she was supposed to have destroyed before coming to them. What actions lead to promotion within this organization? I really would like to know. Or is it just “Hey, this line would sound cool here!” and we’re off? Anyway, she strongly disagrees…
…ending her career at the very confusing Faceless Enterprises.
“Battle of the Bastards”
We begin in Meereen, where the catapults are slinging fiery things. Dany silently lets Tyrion flounder to explain his failure, but doesn’t blame him. She’s all “Fine. So let’s kill them all and burn their cities.” But Tyrion reminds her that innocent people live in those cities and her Mad King father almost burnt King’s Landing with his wildfire stash (nudge, wink, remember that) before Jaime killed him to stop it. Tyrion suggests a different approach… which is basically to meet the masters in charge and show them what she can do.
She mounts Drogon and leads him and his brothers to burn up a few ships — just to show she can and it’s that flippin easy — then the Dothraki make quick work of the Sons of the Harpy (who have been killing the freed slaves). Back at that meeting place, Greyworm gives the masters’ soldiers a choice:
Fight and die for masters who would never fight and die for you or go home to your families.
His logic is flawless. They run for it and the three masters left cower as Tyrion thanks them for the armada and reminds them they’d had a deal. Missandei says one of them must die for being jerkwad welshers and they offer up the lowest born one. Greyworm instead kills the highborns and tells the remaining man to tell his friends what happens to Dany’s enemies.
Then we head to Winterfell as Ramsay and Jon meet. Ramsay is awfully smug about calling Jon a bastard considering he is the once and future Bastard of Bolton. Ramsay wants Jon to surrender Sansa and lay down his weapons. Jon wants Ramsay to fight him one-on-one to decide if the Starks or Boltons rule the North. “Would your men want to fight for you when they hear you wouldn’t fight for them?” I really like the respect this episode is giving to the idea that so many nameless men die in battle, between this moment and Greyworm’s speech at Meereen. Anyway, no deal on either end. They battle at dawn. Ramsay warns the men he hasn’t fed his dogs for a week and they will be fed. As Team Snow tries to plan to dig ditches and stay with the woods at their back so Ramsay can’t surround them, Sansa warns Jon that Ramsay is not just talking smack. He’s tricky and Jon doesn’t know him. She does.
She tells him the hard truth that they won’t save Rickon at all, not now that Ramsay has him. He’s as good as dead, just for being a true-born Stark male, which challenges Ramsay’s claim to Winterfell more than either of them. They argue about him not listening to her about waiting, and she warns him not to fall for whatever trap Ramsay sets, then basically tells him to kill her if it looks like Ramsay would win, which Jon hedges on promising because I think Jon still inhabits a world where good wins because good wins. Oh, my sweet summer child…
Elsewhere, Davos and Tormund muse about whether they have a chance before Davos wanders around brooding, then finds a wooden horse, the one he made for Shireen, mostly burnt, in the show. Ugh! Finally!
As for Jon, he finds Mel and tells her not to bring him back if he dies again. She says she will if it’s her lord’s will to bring him back, but sounds less sure than ever before.
In Meereen, Yara and Theon have got to Dany before Euron. They tell her all about what’s happened in Pyke. Dany wonders why she should take their small amount of ships instead of Euron’s planned larger fleet. But Yara warns her his offer comes with strings...
They aren’t like Euron. They don’t want The Seven Kingdoms, just The Iron Islands for Yara to rule and “to murder and uncle or two who don’t think a woman’s fit to rule.” Dany thinks it all sounds pretty reasonable.
“They left the world worse than they found it. We’re not going to do that. We are going to leave the world better than we found it.” She demands they support her claim and no more “reaving, roving, raiding, or raping.” Yara’s all “But that’s our thing!”
Yara agrees and I hope she’s sincere.
It’s a new world, y’all! A less rapey one. And don’t think I haven’t noticed the show’s general lack of “rape=plot device” this season and in the last (it happened, but not on-screen with Sophie Turner being a minor) because I have noticed and I have been relieved. I am perfectly aware that this is a brutal world and war has many atrocities. I just would rather certain ones not be thrown at me blatantly because… basically, we got it. We understood after The Red Wedding that this wasn’t your grandma’s fantasy world and we didn’t need it hammered in with gratuitous onscreen sexual brutality. Basically, I’m saying that I’m glad the show has learned not to play that card for shock value. Good on you, Show.
At Winterfell, Jon’s force looks paltry compared to Ramsay’s, but they all line up across the frozen fields, where Ramsay has left men tied up and burning for decoration because he is the worst and can’t die soon enough! Ramsay starts things off by telling Rickon to run to his brother while he shoots arrows, knowing Jon will run to retrieve him. I kind of can’t stand Rickon in this sequence because he doesn’t duck or weave or anything, just runs a straight line.
I also hate Jon for just riding out, forgetting that Davos had a plan to keep them situated where they couldn’t be surrounded. Rickon ends up shot through the heart and Jon ends up charging to Ramsay, all hotheaded, with a huge cavalry bearing down on him, leaving Davos to send the men out to help Jon and abandon the plan as Ramsay smirks.
It’s terrible battle. It has to be seen to be believed. Jon hacks and parries. Davos doesn’t have the archers shoot to avoid killing their own, but Ramsay doesn’t care about his men. Highlights: Tormund bites off Smalljon Umber’s ear, Jon hacks at everyone around him, then nearly gets crushed to death under the living and the newly dead (seriously, I was gasping for sympathy breath!), a wall of bodies block those who try to run, a wall of shielded spear encircle men Jon’s tiny army, Wun-Wun knocks over anyone in his path, but none of it is enough until…
I guess we know where Sansa’s mysterious ravenscroll went now. It’s Littlefinger and the knights of The Vale. Ramsay sees the jig is up. He runs to Winterfell, ready to hole up for a siege, but Jon, Tormund, and Wun-Wun give chase and Wun-Wun punches right through the giant door. It’s super awesome… until Ramsay and his men shoot at him. His hide is filled with arrows, but Ramsay gets him in the eye this time. He dies and the sad music plays (he’s the last giant alive, you guys! And he’s gone just when they’ve gotten so much better at giants! They don’t look like Shrek cartoons or anything!).
Ramsay’s all, “Fine, I suddenly want to do this mano-a-mano” as Jon stares him down. He doesn’t fight up close, though. He just shoots arrow after arrow, because Ramsay is really good at hurting people as long as he’s far enough away and protected. He can’t truly fight. He can only torture from his cushy position. Jon blocks every shot with a fallen shield, then pounds Ramsay’s with it twice before pounding Ramsay’s face with his bare hands twenty-one times (I counted and rejoiced) before seeing Sansa has entered and he stops, recognizing this is not his kill.
The wolf banners replace the flayed men on the turrets and Mel looks happy as Davos glares at her from below. Jon arranges Rickon’s burial as Sansa arranges her revenge. In the kennels! OMG, you guys! You guys? Remember how I was so happy Ramsay was being pounded by fists? This is better. So much better. He tries to taunt her, saying he’s basically part of her and she can’t kill him, but she disagrees.
He says his hounds won’t hurt him, but Sansa reminds him they’ve been starved. She lets one in and it straight up bites his face off as he screams in agony.
I pump my fist, then Sansa walks away and smiles and I kind of falter, feeling creeped out. This show, you guys!
“The Winds of Winter”
We open in King’s Landing with bells tolling as everyone dresses for the trial at the Sept. The soft piano of “shit’s about to go down” is joined by the violin of “like, you don’t even know!” Tommen drags his feet on going, Cersei dresses in a dress that looks like battle armor, and Pycelle has been dallying with a surly prostitute before one of the Little Birds waylays him. It all gets underway without them, as Loras confesses to sleeping with men, including traitors, being arrogant and wanton, says he’ll devote his life to The Sparrows and renounce his title. The High Sparrow grants mercy in the name of The Mother, but has a scar craved into his forehead against Margaery’s wishes.
In any other episode, this would be hard to watch, but I’m saving my cringe for later. I’ll need it.
Anyway, Tommen finally decides to go to the trial, but The Mountain blocks him. Cersei is still in her room, too, reuniting with her best friend, booze.
Lancel and Pycelle are both lured by the little birds down to the dungeons. Maester Frankenburn is all “sorry, not sorry” as they all gang-stab him to death and Lancel is gut stabbed, enough to let him helplessly watch as several candles burn their way down to a puddle of wildfire surrounded by several barrels, as the children’s choir of “everyone is royally screwed” joins the music.
Margaery catches on and tries to warn The Sparrow something’s up with Cersei and Tommen’s no-show, tries to take her brother and muscle her way out, but The Sparrow’s guys block her. There’s an explosion underground and Margaery gives The Sparrow a dirty look before he’s blown to smithereens in the green fire. It’s awful.
Cersei drowns Septa Nasty with wine and asks her to confess to enjoying torturing people, she also confesses to her own crimes (murder, incest, boozing, more murder, basically mass murder at this point), before letting The Mountain in to wreak even worse torture.
Too bad she didn’t take a second to visit her son because he stares miserably at the green, burning hole in the ground that contained half the city and his wife, hears the screams in the distance, removes his crown, then tosses himself out the window. It’s tragic and also cruelly ironic, considering his uncle/father pushed Bran from a tower to protect the secret that was his relationship with Cersei and these very children… of which Tommen was the last.
In The Twins, Walder “Filch” Frey is toasting the union of The Lannisters and The Freys. Bronn is complaining about all the chicks eyeing Jaime, to which Jaime directs their attention to Bronn. Bronn takes it before Jaime goes off to take Frey down a peg. I note again that Jaime is actual likable around people who aren’t Cersei. There’s still time for him for redemption... and I suspect the form it’s going to take.
At The Citadel, Sam finally gets his letter from Jon delivered, with Gilly and Little Sam in tow. The snotty clerk gets updated on all the deaths at The Wall, then lets Sam wait in the library. “No women or children” so Gilly and Little Sam have to just stand there while Sam geeks out.
At Winterfell, Jon is in the great hall with Mel, when Davos comes in and reveals her pyromaniac crimes. Davos tells her exactly what he thinks and she almost sounds ashamed, saying it aloud. Mel tries to defend herself, noting Stannis and Selyse’s complicity (uh… not at the end, Mel! Selyse fought! It’s pretty much why I didn’t write her off), noting her lord’s part in bringing Jon back, that they thought it would work to bring victory.
Davos wants her executed, but Mel says her work is not done. Jon isn’t ready to kill her, but he doesn’t want her around. He exiles her and Davos reluctantly accepts it, warning her he will kill her if he sees her again. Sansa joins Jon on the battlements and they argue over who should stay in the lord’s chamber, each insisting on the other. He gives it to her, but takes her to task for not telling him the Vale had been on the line and warns her against Littlefinger. They need to trust each other from now on. They joke darkly about winter having come.
In Dorne (No! Damn it, no!), my dearest Olenna is in mourning with the worst people ever.
Luckily, she snarks the Sand Snakes into silence. Ellaria promises her revenge and brings in Varys, who promises Olenna “fire and blood.”
Meanwhile, in Meereen, Dany gives Daario an “it’s not you, it’s me… not needing you” speech and tells him to stay and guard her conquered cities as she goes to Westeros. She’s going to need to marry some douche and she can’t have her boy-toy hanging around. After he leaves, she wonders to Tyrion that she’s not actually that heartbroken. She just wants to get on with the conquering. Tyrion puts on his audience surrogate hat about how she has her army and her ships and “this is actually happening.” Gah! I know. We’ve only been waiting six years!
Tyrion waxes poetic about how much he believes in her. She officially names Tyrion her hand, with the pin and the kneeling and everything. It’s almost sweet. But here’s something sweeter…
At The Twins, Walder Frey is bitching at a serving maid, all “Where are my sons?” She says they’re already there emphatically as she serves him pie with a finger in it and… Well, I’ll just let this play out for you:
She slices his neck like his son sliced her mother’s. I told you it was sweet.
At Winterfell, Littlefinger proves himself an idiot, to me and to Sansa. He says he wants to take The Iron Throne with her as his queen. Wow. Seriously? She friendzones him hard, but he taunts her as she walks away...
North of the Wall, Benjen drops Meera and Bran off at the Weirwood tree by The Wall to go off and kill some undead, I guess. Meera stands guard as Bran finally has the tree trip we’ve all been waiting for. He returns to The Tower of Joy, where Young Ned still turns at that other Bran’s voice. This Bran stays silent and witnesses the scene.
Young Ned finds Lyanna dying and tries to argue it away, but she doesn’t have time for it, whispers in his ear, some of which we hear: “No, no water. Just listen. Listen to me, Ned. His name is… (we all know)… If Robert finds out, he’ll kill him. You know he will. You have to protect him. Promise me, Ned. Promise me.”
Ned is handed a baby with a brooding forehead, then we cut to a more well-known brooding forehead. J-Jon is the Son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen? Get out of town!
Anyway, the northern lords are arguing about fighting alongside Wildlings because racism while Jon points out, like again, that The Others are coming and we need to put this crap away. Lyanna Mormont takes all the lords who sided with the Boltons (who orchestrated the Red Wedding) to task for abandoning House Stark and declares him King in the North, for having Ned Stark’s blood, even though he is a bastard.
I love her so much! I mean, I’m on the fence, considering how well the Northern rebellion worked out last time, but this girl could get anyone to join anything! Everyone joins in, chanting “King on the North!” Jon looks none-too-thrilled about it. Sansa smiles until she sees Littlefinger smirking.
If you’re wondering about Cersei, she was not surprised by Tommen’s death (so why wasn’t she watching over him?). She doesn’t shed a tear, just orders his ashes scattered on the remains of The Sept of Baelor and, later, has a coronation ceremony with Maester Frankenburn presiding and (I’m just assuming) a fearful, please-don’t-murder-us populace.
Jaime has arrived to see the city decimated and Cersei being crowned under her maiden name before she sits on the throne. He doesn’t look happy.
In Meereen, we glance over ships containing Theon, Yara, the Dothraki, Greyworm, Missandei, Tyrion, Varys, and Dany, with her three dragons flying overhead as they head to Westeros.
The Women of Westeros
I was so busy wondering if Dany was getting too powerful, worrying if she could end up a Mad Queen, that I never truly thought of the alternative. I was happy Tyrion had a little talk with her, reminding her what a crazy pyromaniac tyrant her father was. I have been having some problems with Daenerys unleashing the Dothraki horde to rape the women of Westeros and kill indiscriminately. Then again, seeing her make Yara reluctantly promise The Ironborn would no longer rape their conquests made me think she’d had some similar conversation with the Khalasar. At least, she’d better. I do have some doubts, however, on whether she’ll be able to teach her dragons to distinguish between enemies and smallfolk caught in the crossfire. But that’s a worry for next season. For now, I’m happy to see her heading for Westeros if only because I know it can be so much worse…
Of all the people we want in charge of the common folk of Westeros, Cersei “never feed the poor” Lannister has always been at the bottom of my list. She’s basically The Mad Queen, having taken her crown by force and fear and fire. The only thing that kept her in check was her fear for her children, but now nothing can stop her reign of terror. She’s actually the worst mass murderer in the history of Westeros. Honestly, I thought Cersei might get into that wildfire stash after Tommen died, when she had nothing left to lose. I didn’t think she would straight up kill everyone first! Hell, she caused Tommen’s death. If she had been with her son, rather than buddying up to her old pals — booze and smirking — he might not have taken a leap out the window. Then again, he might have killed himself later, anyway. There is no way Cersei could have explained what she did to poor, weak (but basically good-hearted) Tommen in a way that would have had him able to live with it. I half-wonder if Jaime will be able to live with it. His face when he saw her crowned was horrified — and no wonder! He killed The Mad King to stop him from blowing up the city and killing innocent people — the very thing Cersei, the most important person in his life, just did!
I was as eager to see Septa Nasty get her comeuppance as anyone, but at least let the punishment fit the crime. A little wine torture and shaming, maybe some beatings? Sure. She had it coming. She was enjoying her work way too much. But to leave her to The Mountain’s tender mercies? No one deserves that… except maybe Ramsay.
RIP, Margaery Tyrell. You played the game well and you actually did it without hurting one innocent person. In a fair world, you would have been spared. I loved the way she tried to fight her way out, then that dirty look she gave The Sparrow, letting him know how thoroughly his smug complacency screwed them all.
Olenna! No! Don’t join up with Ellaria and The Snakes. They’re the absolute worst! I understand her pain, but I wish she’d taken it north or further south. My only comfort is that Varys might spend some time with her next year. I’d love to see those two have a few more talks.
As for Ellaria and The Snakes, the less said about them, the better. I still hate them and I am almost as eager to see them put down as I was Ramsay. It isn’t even about what they did; it’s about how annoying they were while doing it. It’s about how they could have been so much better and they weren’t. Just put them and us out of our misery, please.
Brienne actual had very little to do this season. I hoped, after that awesome scene where she pledged herself to Sansa officially, that we would be getting more action and awesome fighting from her, but she was woefully underused. I will confess that I am shipping her with Jaime in my heart of hearts, but I am not silly enough to think it will happen. I’m fine with the teases because I do not ship on this show (unless you count the ship of Certain Characters/Alive At The End, in which case Brienne is one).
I guess I’ll have to console myself with my number one badass girl fighter. When Arya wondered to Lady Crane what was west of Westeros at one point, I thought she was off on another journey of self-discovery that separated her from every other plotline, but the show surprised me. I’m actually fine with her taking Wyman Manderly’s method of revenge, though I’ll always miss his badass speech. I understand the show has to condense events and characters sometimes, and the Frey revenge (and the Frey pies!) was more personal, coming from Arya, who witnessed the aftermath of The Red Wedding. Whether or not going to the mysterious west is in the cards for her, she’s going to finish her kill list first. I both love and hate it: love it because these people have it coming and she is a definite dark horse surprise for all of them and hate it because it still hurts to see that babyface coldly picking people off. I have to wonder, though, why she was able to use a face after she walked out on The Faceless. Did she steal a few or did she make a deal with Not!Jaqen allowing her to keep her identity and go about getting more faces for the hall. I still don’t understand the workings of Faceless Enterprises and maybe I never will.
Speaking of badass little girls, while Arya got the Frey pies and that sweet revange, Lyanna got a piece of that Wyman Manderly speech and I loved her take on it! I loved her shaming all the grown men for cowardice. I just loved her to pieces and I hope they give the people what they want (me being the people, but I’m sure everyone agrees) and expand her role next season!
As for other badasses, I would like how easily Yara agrees to “no more reaving, roving, raiding, or raping,” but I don’t know how sincere she is or how able she is to curtail that kind of instinct in The Iron Men. I did find her flirting with Dany delightful, though.
I have a few conflicting thoughts on Sansa. First, I was happy to see her hoist Ramsay by his own petard, but a bit depressed at her smile as his dogs devoured him. She could give Arya lessons in ruthlessness right there. It was just and fitting, but I fear he was right in that he left a piece of himself in her (no, I don’t think she’s pregnant. If she is, I call shenanigans, lazy writing, and plot departure that is as ridiculous as The Snakes, but I don’t think she is) and I am afraid of who she might become, due to her time with Ramsay and with Littlefinger. She could have told Jon that the knights of The Vale were coming, could have convinced him to wait a damn hour or two with that information. She didn’t and this tiny part of me wonders if she wanted some of Jon’s force picked off. Then again, maybe she wasn’t sure Littlefinger would bring them. Right now, with Sansa, either could be true. Despite Jon saying they need to start trusting each other, I don’t think she actually trusts him, though she might want to. She does smile at his being declared King in the North, but not for long, especially not after catching Littlefinger’s eye. Considering she is a true-born Stark and he is a bastard (and not even that, we FINALLY have confirmed), he is being handed something that he doesn’t want, but that I think she does. It makes me wonder where those conflicting emotions will take her. Hopefully, not to the chapel with Littlefinger and his rather ridiculous ideas of ruling Westeros. Seriously, Baelish? You’re like the Hugh Hefner of Westeros. You might get some reality TV attention, but no one is electing you president.
I can’t say I’ll miss The Waif, nasty little brat that she was, but I did enjoy one of the floating theories that The Waif is some part of Arya she needed to kill a la Fight Club. It actually held water up to a point and would have been a neat reveal, had it been true. I don’t think it’s something the show would have pulled off well. They don’t have much of a way with subtlety and nuance (reference: Dorne).
RIP, Lady Crane. I’m glad you got to change your final speech before you died. You were smart, you were kind, and you deserved better.
Missandei’s arc this season was a bit of a let-down. I did like seeing her speak her mind more, but I also would like her to have some sort of official named position in Dany’s Small Council. Maybe that will come next season. I really hope so. It was very sweet, seeing the way Greyworm gazed adoringly at her when she laughed. Poor kids. From slavery to constant war, they’ve had so little fun in their lives.
Melisandre could have been put to the fires very easily in this episode, but she wasn’t, mostly because Jon and Davos aren’t as inhumane as she is. She deserved to hear what Davos said about her actions and about her god and there’s this part of me that hopes she takes it in, starts examining her faith. I felt like there was guilt in her face, a tremor in her voice, knowing she sacrificed a good, innocent person for nothing. As many visions and powers as she gets, does she truly want to follow a god that demands the blood of innocent people? In the season-opener, we saw her old and broken and sad and she hasn’t quite recovered. Even when her vision came through, her confidence wasn’t what it used to be. Mel, though she’s been useful (well, just the once), has never been a card-carrying member of Team Good. I actually think these events could change her to use her power for the greater good. Like Friendly Septon Ray said, anyone can change. We’ll see…
Thanks for riding off, Benjen. Don’t stand guard or anything. Let Meera just guard Bran all by her lonesome when the undead come groaning along. Meera’s definitely one of the unsung heroes of this world. She’s got the pretty thankless security guard and transport system for Bran. I hope her deeds come to light and songs are sung of her bravery and sacrifice.
We barely got to see her, except to see her crestfallen face as that nasty little maester clerk didn’t let her into the boys only library. I hope Sam swipes her a nice book. She’s just learnt to read. She needs practice.
The Bechdel Test
“No One” passes with meaty exchanges between Arya and Lady Crane and The Waif. “The Battle of the Bastards” passes between Yara and Dany’s talks. “The Winds of Winter” passes with Olenna and (FINE!) Ellaria and The Snakes. Every episode this season has passed. It’s almost like the writers know what this test is and are trying to pass it. In fact, that is likely. I’ve noticed a distinct lack of needless shock value rape this season. I think they might have actually listened to all of our complaints. Good on you, Show!
Notes…
Okay, so remember the theory that Bran is the three-eyed Raven. I didn’t just mean that he is destined to become The Raven. That’s been made obvious in a billion ways. What I wonder is if The Raven is not so much a symbolic title, but if Bran will become the very man: The Raven as played by Max Von Sydow, stuck in time, stuck in a tree, waiting for his younger self to come and wondering if he can change things or whether he will just play his part. It was confirmed that Ned heard him in the past. Bran’s powers are also growing, considering he is focused enough to follow his father and see the scene to the end. I know, in the books that The Old Raven had this other history, but the show made Coldhands into Benjen. Will it make The Old Raven into Future Bran? Will an older future Bran end up trying to go back and save Hodor and the children only to realize he can’t? I still think it’s a theory that holds water. Like buckets of it, knowing this show might like to tie things up with a neat little bow.
I still have some confusion about the Westerosi religions. Obviously the Rhlorr devotees have flashy powers and a violent god, whereas the old gods/Children of the Forest/Northern religion has secret, subtle sorts of powers tied to the earth and the trees and accessing it is neither easy nor flashy. The old religion is obviously gentler and would seem like the faith to get behind, but it did produce the White Walkers. The fire god faith is cruel to all outside of it, but it did resurrect Jon Snow. The faith of The Seven, though it has some good ideas and nice people within it, is devoid of power. It is only stories and parables without, from what I’ve seen, any magic or miracles to be seen. If you google your way around, I’m sure lots of people have ideas. For my part, I think the truth lies with the faith of the old gods, which has become powerless, slowly frozen in ice due to the fire religion having all that flash. In the end, ice and fire will be married (with a SONG, if you will) and Rhlorr will be revealed as just a made up figure given to the power of fire rather than an actual god as the world finds balance between ice and fire, earth and flash. Just my fanciful musings and they may be totally wrong.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but The Sparrow wasn’t all bad. Puritanical and sanctimonious and severe, sure. But the poor were being ministered to and some of the unearned luxuries of the upper class were being curtailed. I’m not saying he should have been left in power and he was clearly a piously blind fool, in the end, but his short reign looks like a damned utopia as compared to the way the smallfolk will suffer under Cersei, who has no kindness, even the Margaery kind that would be just for show.
Well, it’s official. I mean, it was already official, but now it’s officially official — no Lady Stoneheart. If ever there was a chance to bring her wildcard hanging shenanigans into the show, it was in episode eight. They mentioned her throat-slitting twice, showed it in Bran’s vision, The Brotherhood has turned bloodthirsty (hmm, wonder why? New leadership?), and The Hound was going after them, leaving us to hope he’d meet up with her.
But he didn’t. Beric Dondarion is alive and so has not sacrificed himself for Undead Catelyn. I still hold out hope a tiny hope that Sansa will end up taking the Lady Stoneheart mantle, in a way, and lead The Brotherhood to wreak vengeance upon her enemies, but that hope is thinning… as are her enemies, anyway.
Speaking of hope, I truly did hope Umber and his men would end up turning on Ramsay on the field or that another Northern house would show up. I’m just so annoyed at how the Northern families have abandoned the Starks, who were so unjustly cut down. Them declaring Jon King in the North (oh, that worked out great before!) doesn’t make up for it.
Damn it, Stark boys! You need to stop being so predictable to your enemies. I know one is technically a Snow, also actually a Targaryen, but he has Stark blood and they are all about their honor the old ways and all that stuff that keeps getting them killed. The Stark girls do much better at holding their cards closer to the chest and giving us a surprise or two. They are also way better at surviving. I’m not saying there was some way to avoid Rickon’s death. Sansa was right about that. Ramsay would not risk Rickon’s claim to Winterfell. I’m just saying the carnage could have been lessened if Jon stuck to Davos’ plan instead of drawing his men into a weakened formation by being hotheaded.
We have a lot of RIPs. Let’s see if I can get them all…
Lady Crane, Wun-Wun, Rickon, many Meerenese slaves, many Unsullied, Bryden Blackfish Tully, the good people of King’s Landing, the douchebags of King’s Landing, Tommen “Baratheon”, all the Meerenese slavers, all the Sons of the Harpy, The Waif, Grand Maester Pycelle, pretty much all The Sparrows, Lancel Lannister… I know I’m missing a few. This was a fire-and-blood-bath!
Fangasms…
R+L=J is finally confirmed. Honestly, I think even book virgins knew this was coming by now, so it was a bit anticlimactic, but good to have it finally out there. Now if only anyone besides Bran knew it…
I know that, even with this theory being true, there are those who are shipping Jon and Daenerys because they are both born leaders who are very pretty and would look nice together and I honestly don’t want to be that jerk that craps all over your ship, but… No.
She is officially his aunt. Yes, the Targaryens were incestuous for generations, but that doesn’t justify the idea of continuing something that even they knew wasn’t working. They started to water that down and marry outside when they realized their bloodline was as likely to produce a madman as a perfectly nice human. The Lannister attempt to bring incest back to Westeros started off this whole ball of tragedy and death. If there’s one thing Westeros does NOT need, it’s the return of incest. Maybe Emilia Clarke and Kit Harrington will star in something else and make out to your heart’s content. But no more incest on GOT. I forbid it!
Obviously, I have no such power, but I would if I could.
The prophecy says that the dragon has three heads. I personally hope that means that there will be, rather than a monarchy, a ruling triad (not incestuous, please?) where the people of Westeros will be truly represented in Jon, Daenerys and a third party yet to be named (we have the Tyrion=Targaryen theory, the idea that Bran will be the third with all his wisdom gained, with Jon uniting the Starks and Targaryens on either side of him, or maybe someone from Dorne is not a total douchebag, though evidence doesn’t support the third yet). After The War of Ice and Fire, instead of bloodright, the land will henceforth be ruled by the will of the people, creating democracy and freedom and all that.
Having said all that, it seems very pie-in-the-sky, but a girl can dream.
I have to give “No One” a B. It was a lot of set-up and very little action. Even the Waif/Arya fight was a fade to black and The Hound’s revenge was “meh” to the power of “that’s it?” I understand, in a way. Gotta save that budget for “The Battle of the Bastards,” which I have no choice but to give an A. Between Dany burning up the fleets and that well-depicted battle, it was action start to finish, if frustrating to watch the slaughter up until the Knights of the Vale deus-ex-machinaed their way into ending it quickly. Then we have “The Winds of Winter,” which I have to give an A+. On this show, finales often seem a bit anticlimactic, having an unreasonable amount of arcs to tie up, then set up for the next season. It’s a lot of people and places, but very little action. But this one had action, resolution, set-up and it even surprised me — and not just because I have no books to guide me anymore. All in all, this has been a better season than expected.
Next up: Season Seven is HERE (and feel free to check out my other stuff).
Agree? Disagree? Want to tell me about you? Feel free to comment below or hit that ❤ button.
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All Images from Game of Thrones are the property of Weiss, Benioff, HBO, and a whole slew of other people who are not me. They are used here for illustration and analysis only. I would like to thank the countless good people of Tumblr for always making and freely sharing their lovely gifs — and always so quickly after an episode.
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