Snorlax 100: Left Behind

As I write this, there’s a big double XP event going on in the world of Pokémon Go. However, my only remaining motivation to play is to not get left “behind” and to keep my gyms yellow. By falling behind, I mean letting others surpass me on all my stats. I was a competitive player but now I feel like there’s nothing I have to prove.

I’ve played for over 16 months now — I’ve been level 40 (the max) for over 6 months. The only goals left for level 40’s are the ones that players create for themselves — like chasing down perfect Pokémon, gaining infinitely more XP past the level cap, amassing millions of stardust, earning gold badges, and trying to beat raid bosses in record time.

My Pokémon friends and the game were much different just a year ago. Many of those whom I played with in the beginning no longer or rarely play. The friend I originally joined Instinct for likened the stopping of playing Pokémon Go to coming back from Narnia.

While immersed in the Pokémon Go world, I was not immune from developing feelings for players. I dated a Mystic, pined for a Valor and almost dated an Instinct. It was a bit of a roller coaster — I felt joy but I also ended up being mad way too often. You may not be able to comprehend it, but I fought with one of them about a perfect Charmander (He had a friend catch it for him while he was out of town and missing our planned date).

Last November, I had made a bet with the Mystic at the beginning of the month that he couldn’t out-level me by December. We were both level 33. I wouldn’t have made any bets unless I was confident I would win. He had been slacking while I was still diligently playing. But just as I did not foresee Donald Trump winning the election, I didn’t foresee Niantic dropping the double XP event during Thanksgiving.

September 2016. We met at level 30 and were always the same level. Notice how we named our buddies. Also notice the time stamp — night owls. We played mostly at night.

I was upset because Thanksgiving is a time for family — I couldn’t spend too much time away grinding for XP. My Mystic, on the other hand, was an isolated guy who didn’t really have much family to spend Thanksgiving with. I was upset because I don’t like to lose.

It seems backwards that this game made me feel bad for actually having a family to spend time with. I was more upset than I’d like to admit. And yes, he did beat me (just barely). And little did I foresee that one month later, we would no longer speak at all.

Fast forward to now — November 2017. Again Niantic is dropping a double XP and stardust event, except now I’m the max level. I don’t have to compete with anyone any more. I’m in the process of letting the game go. I still want to play, since I’ve been known in my area as Queen Instinct and was an OG hardcore, but I can’t quite justify spending more time on the game when I have to spend time on other areas of my life. And again, my whole family is in town for the holiday.

If you’ve read Zapdos 100, you’ll know that my sister was diagnosed with cancer within the past year so I’ve been spending more time with family.

I don’t believe the Mystic or the Instinct I dated play at all any more (I’ve been questioned if I was the reason they stopped playing, but that wasn’t the case for either). I’ve probably beaten the Mystic by a good 20 million now — a whole 40 levels worth of XP. But I’m sure he doesn’t care. He quit a long time ago. A lot of people quit a long time ago. They moved on with their lives and I was left behind in this virtual, augmented reality.

But let me backtrack to September 2016.

I had just started to realize that I liked this Mystic guy. I had met him at local grinding spot the prior month and I didn’t foresee falling for him. But it was inevitable after many late nights of us playing together. He liked to tease me about being Instinct. I called him Mystic Scum (he laughed every time) and I’d take him out of gyms for fun. It was my way of being affectionate.

The game was already dying down from hype then, but we had just learned about these magical Twitter feeds which tweeted locations of rare Pokémon. You only had 15 minutes at most to catch the Pokémon, which meant for some crazy drives on the freeway, racing to reach a Pokémon before it despawned.

The Pokémon that would make us jump into our cars and turn 18 minute drives into 14 minute ones was Snorlax. It’s a little crazy when you realize we would be speeding to catch a virtual monster.

One night, I was hunting Pokémon with a couple Instinct friends. We stopped to eat at In-N-Out and I casually invited the Mystic to join us. I still hadn’t consciously admitted that I liked him but I realized I felt a little nervous knowing he was coming. Just as the Mystic sat down with his burger, our phones went off — there was not one but two different Snorlaxes. The Instincts and I decided to try for both. The Mystic only went for one.

While we technically made it to the second Snorlax location, it was too deep into the car dealership lot for it to pop up in time. I’m sure if anyone was watching security footage, they would’ve been baffled as to why three people were running around in a mad dash, waving their phones around, in the middle of the night.

The Mystic told me he hadn’t gone for the other Snorlax because it was in an area that reminded him of his ex. To top it off, the Snorlax he had gotten was almost perfect — 98 percent and much better than the one I had gotten.

It was then that I realized I couldn’t deny my feelings. I got pissed at him for being so hung up on his ex that he couldn’t merely drive through a neighborhood and also because that Mystic Scum got the better Snorlax.

I decorated a Snorlax pumpkin that Halloween and gave it to the Mystic. Snorlax became our mascot. After we stopped speaking, there was almost always a level 10 yellow gym outside his house.

Fast forward back to November 2017. I stirred on a Monday morning at 5 am and saw a notification for a perfect Snorlax. By this point, the feeds had evolved to tell you if the Pokémon was perfect or not and the spawn times were now 30 minutes instead of 15, leaving for less adrenaline rush dangerous drives. I was shocked — 16 months had gone by and I had never been available to catch one. I raced out of bed to get that damn Snorlax and it was the best morning ever.

The perfect 5 AM Snorlax arrived more than 16 months into my game.

I was conflicted about attending a Pokémon event that same evening. Instead, I ended up doing an Open Mic and telling the audience that I was the level 40 Queen Instinct of the Valley who had just caught her perfect Snorlax in Santa Monica and that I had an ill fated crush on a Valor that seemed to have gone down in flames. They laughed. It was great.

Queen Instinct doing an impromptu open mic. Notice the Pogo Plus on my wrist.

Time passed. The game changed. The people I played with changed. The “gym control” of my heart changed.

I would have loved to have been part of one of those happy couples that could’ve played together. I had a summer phase where I fantasized about being part of a Super Power Pokémon couple for once in my goddamn life. As a result, I almost dated a level 40 Instinct seven and a half years younger than me. I have to give props to Team Instinct for trying to make it happen — telling me the Queen needed a King. But it didn’t work out. He’d tease me about my Valor crush and would fall asleep at home when we were supposed to see each other. Bless his soul and youthful optimism, though.

It wasn’t meant to be.

And with that, Queen Instinct is with family, writing this on the eve of Thanksgiving, turning a blind eye to the Pokémon she’d be out catching. (She’s still planning on going to support some fellow Instincts hitting 40 later in the evening, though).

Update: I indeed went out to see my fellow Instincts after writing the first draft of this article. And I ended up catching this Shiny Pikachu.

I met some cool people playing this game — people I would’ve normally never met otherwise. I’d drop in a gym and a friend would see me in it and know I was around. I’ve bumped into old college friends while out and about. I also had some hate (comes with any game, right?) which was enough to want to turn me away, but I’ll remember to hold on to the good. I’m grateful for the good friends and memories.

And hey — I got that perfect Snorlax. It took me a long time but I got one.

Until next time.

Your Queen Instinct of the Valley,

Asian Pizza Monster

P.S. If you are one of my real life Pogo peers that I am on speaking terms with and have questions about any parts of my story, please feel free to ask me directly. I spoke with one curious player for a good length at the Magikarp nest today — was a good conversation, prior to me writing this.

P.P.S. Thanksgiving with family was great. I didn’t wish I were elsewhere.