When the Ship Sails

It’s a common saying — the ship has sailed. The ship has sailed and it’s time to move on.

But have you ever imagined how exactly the ship sails and what that really entails?

Recently, I felt that it was time to move on from the latest obsession of my heart. And I imagined that he was in a rowboat, angrily rowing away. I tried to call to him so we could talk, but my call went ignored as he continued rowing onward in his angry huff.

I didn’t have a black watercolor pencil, so I had to make do with the blue. But I’m eating pizza and crying, do you see? :)

Left behind on my sandy island, I watch as he rows farther and farther away. I wish I could make him stop. I plead (“I’ll get you pizza!”) and bargain but my pleas fall on ears that choose to be deaf.

I feel a mixture of sadness and anger. Could I have done things differently? Why couldn’t he have just stopped to listen to what I had to say? I wanted to tell him how I felt. Did he just not care?

Back in the real world, I find myself sitting alone in my messy car late at night, gazing at the neon blue lights of the establishment across the street. I miss his presence, wondering where he is and what he is doing, but can only imagine he does not miss me.

I find myself at the grocery store, lost in a reverie. I imagine what it would be like if there was a different dimension — one where we could’ve been together, one where he returned my feelings. It’s a fantasy, one that I wish could come true.

Then all the little voices in my head start to seep in and my heart becomes heavy again.

“He ignored me.” “He didn’t like you.” “We were too different.” “It wouldn’t have worked out.” “He didn’t try to understand me.” “Don’t waste time on someone who won’t spend the same kind of energy on you.” “You need someone who will appreciate you.” “You need to find someone else.”

The voices, my own and that of everyone else who has advised me on the matter, go on. The thing is — I know. I KNOW.

So the ship sailed.

But let’s talk about those ships.

There are a lot of ships out there and they are never exactly the same. There may be similarities, but still not the same.

You may have luxury yachts, slow rolling ferries, fancy speedboats…a log raft…whatever. For technicality’s sake, let’s just call those all ships. Sometimes these ships come super close to the shore, but don’t dock. Sometimes the ships sail far away, only to come back and hover in the periphery. Sometimes you’re too busy just chilling on your island and pay no attention to the ships passing by.

When you don’t pay attention to the ships sailing by.

Then you’re just alone on your island. You may have a grand old time drinking juice from fresh young coconuts, but you’re still alone. You may be happy for a long while, but then sometimes, you’ll end up feeling desperate and stranded and try to hop on any ship that comes by. Sometimes you’ll get on a ship and still be thinking about that guy who angrily rowed away.

It’s always easier said than done — to let go. To let that ship sail. To let him angrily row away.

But I know and you know that when your heart does move on and when you recognize this, there is this great sense of freedom. The voices stop and your heart feels as though a weight has been lifted. You’ll feel relieved and free.

And that freedom will come.

With love,

Asian Pizza Monster

Previously: The Birth of Asian Pizza Monster: Getting Over Heartbreak