How to be your Best Job Huntress (or Hunter) without Losing Your Soul
Part 4 in a series of tbd.
For previous installments see part 1 (networking) or part 2 (the cover letter), and part 3 (the CV).
Installment #4 — The delicate dance that is the job interview
First, let’s start with this — if you’ve succeeded in securing a job interview, hat’s off to you! In the current job market, even getting to this point is quite a feat and should be celebrated. Then lamented, because doing job interviews is like going to one of those parties where everybody knows the social etiquette except you. Job interviews are a peculiar amalgam of social interactions; it has the delicacy and accuracy of brain surgery, the subtlety of your mom worried about your childlessness at 36, the joy of funeral small talk, and the excitement of watching your bus leave without you. In short, it is a strange, uncomfortable experience that is built on awkwardness and guesswork, and like most uncomfortable things in life, it is unavoidable.
My best tip is to try and handle job interviews like a hostage-taking situation — keep them talking, keep them happy, find out what they want, don’t give out any unnecessary information. This way, if your lack of skill won’t wow them, your intriguing personality might.
There are a few mandatory stepping stones most interviews will be sure to pass through:
- The surprise quiz: where interviewers will ask you to tell them about their company and the job they posted. Don’t be alarmed, this is them inviting you to talk about them, which is all that people really want to hear. If you can, add information you gathered from Wikipedia the night before plus some “I loved how your company is so into diversity/recycling/tax evasion”. People love compliments.
- The salary showdown: it’s really a who blinks first kind of game. Companies hate giving out information about salaries. Sometimes you won’t even know how much you’re being paid long after you’re hired it’s so secretive. Instead, they will ask you to tell them how much they are willing to pay (again, really asking you to talk about them). If this happens, don’t panic, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to guess their yearly budget, salary levels, company hierarchy, or level of lowballing. Just hold their gaze and tell them what they want to hear “I am not here for the money, getting a job is just a stipulation to gain control over my trust fund”.
- The motivation test: a totally legitimate questioning line if we’re honest — “why do you want to work here?” Now, while the question is entirely relevant, don’t be fooled into thinking the answer can be equally straightforward. It should reflect how you are ambitious, but not too much (so you’re not already looking for the next thing), but not too little (= you’ll show zero initiative and team spirit). That you’re independent but not too much (= you don’t play well with others), but not too little (= you’re a needy, insecure, baby-adult). That you’re really interested in what this company does, but you’re also well rounded enough to be interested in other stuff (also “I have zero interest in what this company does but I love the money” is just rude). A personal favorite is “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”. To which the only right answer is “doing this job exactly”.
Of course, not all interviewers are good interviewers. So some of them might introduce bonus questions they really shouldn’t have, like:
- Is it just you/do you have a family/are you planning a family? — for women mostly. Legally, you shouldn’t be asked this (in most places), but sometimes you will. You can choose to point this out, or not. You can say what they want to hear (“children? Eww! My job is my child! And I am not childless, please help, my career womb is empty”). You can diplomatically move on (“I am very adept at prioritizing my family and my work, it has never been a problem”). Honestly, this is an idiotic question so there’s no good answer. Might be an eye-opener for how working in this place may look like for you.
- Far less dramatic, the overly personal yet not inappropriate questions. (I have been asked what my parents do, why do I seem so quiet/poised/at peace, been told lengthy stories about my interviewer’s life, and given an impromptu role-play exercise where my interviewer pretended to be a bored/unruly child I had to engage with). Again — this is the person you’re going to be working for, just think about that.
Most important thing is, job interviews are a terrible way to pass the time, but they are necessary and ultimately a really good way to learn about a potential future employer. Make yourself take up as much space as necessary, don’t be afraid to ask the things that are important to you, and if they ask you to role-play, well then, you know, roll with it. Or get up and leave (then come back and say “and scene! Thank you so much, you’ve been wonderful”).
