I Finally Watched Barbie
And these lines seem to have been imprinted in my head. I have to get them out.
Women hate women, men hate women, it’s the one thing we all agree on.
I must say when I heard this line, an automatic hmmmmm escaped my throat with my head mirroring that of an agama lizard. Something that seemed to occur almost throughout the movie. The head nodding signifying agreement I mean or realization.
I read something the other day, someone had written, “You may run from feminism, but misogyny will pursue you,” and while I agreed, I couldn’t help but feel sad knowing that many people do not/refuse to acknowledge/come to terms with the veracity of that statement; women who hate feminists and feminism particularly. There are people who argue that prejudice is not hate, discrimination is not hate, bias is not hate, degradation, abuse is not hate. However, that doesn’t make sense to me because, no matter how you spin it, they’re all under the canopy of hate. Some form of hate or the other.
“I hit my girlfriend because I love her. So that she can change her bad behaviour.” Do you realize how ludicrous that sounds?
“I don’t hate women, I just believe they’re inferior to men.”
An actual statement I have had said to me by a guy.
Maybe, just maybe, if we start to see ourselves as human first before the human and societal constructs of gender, that line will no longer ring true for any woman, ever again!
Any power you have must be masked under a giggle.
When I heard this line, I felt so called out, it was as if someone was reading me for filth even though I was innocent. Nobody masks feelings, words, and power beneath smiles and giggles as much as I do. A trauma response? Maybe. For many of us girls, society has conditioned us to act meek and docile, act dumb even when we’re not so as not to come off ‘cocky’(a trait reserved for men), laugh it off when a man makes snide remarks about our body or choices, giggle when they imply or say outright that our heads are empty, pretend to not have ideas and opinions that rival theirs, protect and massage fragile egos. It is tiring. Let me put it out there, maybe it would help: I am tired of smiling and giggling and laughing.
The “dreaded” Male gaze
What was I made for?
I know a girl. We were both raised in a patriarchal society but she genuinely shocked me the first time I heard her speak about herself (and women in general) and the male gaze. She believes that any and everything a woman does is to please and impress a man. Wearing makeup, pretty clothes, making your hair, fixing your nails, skin care, you name it!
For someone who could care less about those things, except skincare, I don’t joke with that,(even though I’m not a tomboy, I wouldn’t exactly say I’m a girly girl as well) it was truly surprising to meet someone whose entire identity and self worth is dependent on the validation of men. I see some men say that women dress for them and while this may ring true for some, it doesn’t for me. I’m someone who does some or all of the above for myself. On those dreary, down days, looking pretty helps me feel pretty. I dress up for days that I consider ‘big’ to me; exams, convocation, a dinner party, a date with my girlfriends. I could dress up, paint my nails, do my makeup and just sit at home just so I could smile whenever I look at my nails, put me in high spirits. For me and maybe some other girls, I dress pretty to feel pretty, to feel good about myself, to chase the blues away, not to attract the boys to the yard.
While I do not see anything wrong in wanting to look good for a partner, it is concerning if they are the sole reason you feel the need for self-care and appreciation. It is from this craving for external validation that self-esteem issues, self-disrespect, loss of autonomy stems from. It is not surprising that the girl in question deals with all of this. There are many others like her whose answer to the question: “What was I made for?” is what patriarchy will have them believe,
Made for a man.
And by Jove, is it sad!
P.s: This was getting so long I had to divide the article into two parts. That’s what happens when you rant.
You can finish it here: https://medium.com/@ayodaphne330/i-finally-watched-barbie-1b831b1ea889
