I’m the runt of the family since I’m the youngest out of my siblings so, you’ll see me address them as “Ate” (pronounced Ah-teh) which is a sign of respect to an older sister/cousin. I usually just call them “Sis” or “Sister” but I figured I’d throw in a little culture here as well.
The Sisters
I have two living in the US: Ate Sheila (Nickname: La) and Ate Sherlyn (Nickname: Len).
Ate Sherlyn emigrated from the Philippines when I was… I’d like to say eight years old, and she has helped me grow as much as anyone I know. She’s the more fashionable and contemporary one of the duo (sorry Ate Sheila). Ate Len knows the latest and greatest trends in fashion, food and nightlife. I’m pretty sure I have more personality because of her. She has two awesome children, Ayanna and Kibo, and she raised them well.
Ate Sheila emigrated from the Philippines about four years ago and she’s every bit like our mother. She is the “nose to the grind stone” type of person. She doesn’t quit. Pain? No such thing. When she got to the US, there was no break for her; she instantly went looking for a job. She worked as a cashier at various grocery chains until she was able to save enough money to re-study nursing.
She was a nurse in the Philippines but the title doesn’t transfer over so she needed to go back to school for one more year. Once she saved enough money from working, she went back to nursing school. She just recently graduated and has been sampling hospitals recently.
Ate Sheila has one of the strongest resolves I’ve ever seen. She was able to do all of this (for a short while, she was working full time and going to school full time) while raising two daughters, Sheena and Willien.
The Nieces and Nephews
Ayanna is my youngest niece. She’s hip and funny and also very fashionable (she probably takes after her mom). She’s one tough cookie. She plays rugby. If I played rugby when I was 12, I’d snap in half. She has faced a lot of adversity as well and she still comes out on top.
Kibo is my nephew, who at eight years old, probably knows more than I did when I first started computer science a few years back. He’s always top of the class and extremely good at math. Don’t worry, he also knows how to have fun. He likes going to the park and running around and loves trying new things.
Willien is my eldest niece whom I do not like and she can go home. No, I’m joking. She and I are very sarcastic to each other. Whenever she and I meet up with the family and we go for greetings, she just walks by me. But I always get her back. She’s also a very smart girl and she will do well in whatever she gets into when she goes to college this year.
Sheena is the middle niece whom I also like to dig on. She is also a very tough cookie. She doesn’t take crap from anyone. She and I talk every now and then about passions and aspirations — a conversation I always love to have. She, too, will succeed in whatever she goes into.
The Stepfather
Happy Fathers’ Day Hamilton. I love you man. You’ll never read this because you barely know how to work text messaging on your own phone. I’ll show you this one day but for now you can go ahead and sleep off all the family’s plans.
He’s the definition of a hard worker. He works in construction and is able to do the work of four people. But because of his hard physical labor, he always comes back exhausted.
When growing up, you didn’t even care if it was your last $20 for the week, you would give it to me if it means that I got something I wanted or something that I needed. You are so selfless and gentle. You never want to burn bridges or hurt anyone even if they hurt you first.
You are also a pack rat. You don’t like letting things go. People would throw out some old toys like those little taxi cabs that you would pull back on the floor and they would wind up and shoot forward and you would take them. Your reasoning: “I never had these when I was growing up so I like to play with them whenever I can.” A 57 year old man collects toys to play with because he never had them during his childhood. That, to me, is inspirational. Even at 57 he still tries to be a kid and it is something I alluded to in one of my previous posts. Be childlike in the sense that you are willing to play and willing to experiment.
The Father
My biological father passed away when I was nine years old and it was a tough few years without him. My mother worked her ass off to both raise me and provide for me. I still miss him to this day. So, this one is for you, too, dad.
I have some memories of my dad when I was a kid. One memory was that he was basically a tree for pigeons, or as I like to call them, “rats with wings”. I’m sure many people, specifically New Yorkers, would agree. Anyway, his health was deteriorating but he was still willing to go to the park with me and my mom. He would sometimes bring some bread to the park to feed the birds. One day, things got super out of control when a bunch of birds just perched on both his arms and his lap and simply would not leave him be. It was really funny. I remember falling to ground unable to breathe because I was laughing so hard. Even when he was sick, he tried to have fun and make the most of his life.
I sometimes try to have conversations with him in my head whenever I feel lost. He, too, was a hard working man and overcame extreme adversity. He was on his own in the streets of New York when he was eighteen. He would frequently sleep in train stations but never let that crush his spirits. Many people from organizations like the Red Cross, Salvation Army, etc would try to help him. One of his few friends owned a restaurant and let him eat there daily at the end of the day. My father would note down in a scratch pad what he ate and what the price was and promised he would pay every penny when he was able to find work. He applied to be a Merchant Marine and got the job (I wish I had the time frame and what he did but these stories are from my mom when they were together and she only started telling me them when I was a teenager, long after he had passed away).
During one of his tours of the Philippines, he met my mom and I swear their story sounds like one of those fairy tales and I sometimes think my mom is lying to me. Before he departed back to the states, he asked my mom if she could wait for him for one year until he gets back. My mom thought bullshit of it but agreed. One year later, he actually came back and was able to petition for her to go to the states.
While they were making a life together in NY, he had saved a bunch of money and he took my mom to that restaurant that his friend owned and my mom watched as he paid back every cent of what he ate the previous years.
I am teary-eyed just writing this. I don’t know how one has that kind of integrity but my father is one of my idols.
The Mother
Hi mom! I’ll show you this later because you actually have learned how to use your phone and the internet quite well. I don’t even know what to say anymore because our entire lives consisted you of working your ass off so I can get whatever I want or need even after my father passed away, you worked multiple jobs and long hours to put food on the table and keep the crumbling roof over our heads.
You only know hard work. You don’t know pain. One of the things you said to me before I started working was, “Look, I’m gonna continue to work until I’m fully crippled. What am I going to do all day? Stare at the ceiling?” If you’re not working, you’re cleaning. When you’re not cleaning, you’re cooking. The only time you rest is when you watch New York Mets baseball or watch the news.
Even when my father was gone, you put me through private middle school even though we had to pay for it. You simply didn’t trust the public schools around the area (this was pre-gentrification).
Even when going straight to college probably wasn’t a good idea financially you still urged me to go. I was just the asshole that stayed longer than “normal” because I didn’t know what I wanted to go into. You were one of the first people to tell me, “You should always chase your passions but be smart about it. We don’t make a lot of money right now and it will only get tougher. Keep your passions close and study something that will get you a job, that way, you can make money and chase your passions.”
To all of you reading, I know something like this isn’t what you want to hear. Many people hate the idea of going to school, studying something they hate and then working 9–5 the rest of their lives. Trust me, it’s not something I like either but I also needed to be practical, something I wasn’t when I was in college.
I entered college as a computer engineer. Then, I switched to the biochemistry/chemistry degree program thinking I was gonna go to med school. I did that major for three years and then took an Intro to Computer Science class. I actually loved what I was doing in that class and knew I wanted to pursue it. That and math. You can read a little more about it in my thank you note post to my girlfriend here.
I’m sorry mom that it took me this long to listen. I’m extremely hard-headed but I’ve since become more mindful.
And now that I rushed through my double degree, I need to refine my skill set even though I’ve been in industry for about a year and a half. But I’m fine with it. Everyone in this post has worked so hard and to my mom and step dad, you guys worked so hard to make sure I have good standing in my life. So, this is me taking charge and ownership of myself, working hard and smart and doing things I should have been doing much earlier. Better late than never, am I right?
If I wrote about all the times that my mom has saved my sorry ass or all the struggles we went through together, this would be an entire book so I’ll stop here.
Thank You For Reading,
— Ben
