My Personal Letter of Resignation
For the past 18 months, my life has constantly revolved around Mosaik. I am extremely grateful to have led this venture and I feel proud of the results we have achieved so far. Without question, Mosaik has been the most fulfilling project I’ve ever worked on — and for most of my time there, I considered it my life’s work. However, recent events in my personal life have made me realize that people are more important than work, and that I need to take some time off to continue my journey of self-discovery, to reflect, to work on myself and on building resilience. This process started two months ago and I came to the understanding that I have much more to do, which left me no other option, but to step down as CEO of Mosaik.
The Mosaik Journey
It has truly been a crazy ride and there is so much to be proud of. I was approached by my two Co-Founders in the beginning of 2016, to support them in building Budapest’s future and to create a coworking and startup community that effectively supports the local ecosystem by providing a platform for entrepreneurs to work, learn and grow together.
Part of our mission was to turn Mosaik into the default meeting point and the epicenter of the Budapest startup scene, as well as connecting the city with other ecosystems. It’s not my job to decide if we have succeeded, but with organizing many events, educational initiatives and forming a strong community of startups, we had lots of satisfying moments and we have definitely managed to put Mosaik on the map of the local ecosystem.
We have been working really hard to keep up the momentum around Mosaik and it’s been very rewarding to hear feedback like “It feels like Mosaik has been around for years” or to observe the serendipitous moments of future co-founders and partners meeting each other over coffee in our space. All these achievements would not have been possible without the amazing team, the supporting partners, friends and the community behind Mosaik.
So Why Am I Leaving?
Some people might think that I am crazy, leaving this all behind. I want to elaborate a little on the why. As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, the reasons are purely personal. Most of the people who are close to me know that the past two months have been really challenging for me and I had to face adversity, loss and some painful realisations about myself.
There was a streak of bad news and troubles hitting me and my family. My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and his condition is rapidly deteriorating. My mother lost her job and found herself in a difficult financial situation. My grandmother — with whom I have a very special bond — was hospitalized for weeks and her COPD disease has sadly reached a stage where even a few steps of walking cause her serious shortness of breath. In addition to all these sad events in my family, I had to discover my own shortcomings the hard way, recognizing my own ignorance, selfishness and apathy after losing a very special and supporting person, who stepped out from our life due to a long sequence of mistakes I made during our relationship.
I had a breakdown. And then I grew from it. In retrospect, I realize that I used this series of negative experiences to catalyze something psychologists call “post-traumatic growth”. PTG is the better half of “post-traumatic stress disorder” [PTSD], and describes situations where individuals experience positive change after navigating strong adversity and challenges. The growth is not a direct result of the trauma, rather the individual’s adaptation and coping mechanism to the new reality after a crisis. Expressions of PTG include a greater appreciation for life, changed sense of priorities, warmer, more intimate relationships, a greater sense of personal strength, and recognition of new possibilities or paths for one’s life and spiritual development. Nietzsche described this type of personal strength and growth, famously declaring “what does not kill me, makes me stronger”.
Two months ago I began to use all of the energy emanating from my life situation to radically change my lifestyle and thinking. I started by engaging in physical activity again… a lot of physical activity. I used to be a semi-professional thaiboxer when I was a teenager. Putting my gloves back on after eight years off made me remember why I fell in love with martial arts in the first place: when you enter the gym, you have to leave your problems outside. It effectively teaches you to be in the present, because if you don’t do that you will get punched or kicked in the face… and it hurts. Working out became my “cornerstone habit” and it naturally led to change my diet and to stop some strong self-destructive habits including smoking. I lost almost 20kgs and quickly acquired a good physical shape, feeling more healthy and fit. But while training my body was a great distraction from my problems, I felt that I needed to start training my mind as well.
I started to see a psychologist and after just a couple of sessions I discovered so many “unknown unknowns” about myself, that I decided to invest more time and energy into self-discovery. By that time I already had booked a trip to Thailand. The original plan was to join an intense bootcamp and train in muay thai for two weeks, but just two days before taking off I changed my itinerary. Based on a recommendation from a friend, I decided to join a week long silent meditation retreat.
It might sound cliché, but during those seven days, I learned more about myself than I have in my past 27 years. I see things, feelings, purpose, suffering, desire and happiness in a totally new perspective. I was not allowed to talk with anyone, my belongings were taken from me, I slept on a wooden bed and wooden pillow, consuming only some rice, vegetables and water while following a tough schedule starting with 4.30AM meditation and mindfulness and ending at 9:30 PM every day. Although it was neither comfortable nor easy, this temporary ascetic life presented me with the beautiful gift of clarity, happiness, balance, and determination. In a similar way my life situation and romantic and familial relationships were just as ambivalent. While at first glance, each presented a painful and ugly reality, upon deeper examination they provided important opportunities for growth which will surely lead me to a happier, more fulfilling life.
I came back from Thailand two weeks ago and I feel a strong desire to keep practicing mindfulness, to focus on my personal relationships, to continue a lifelong journey of self-discovery, to build new habits to achieve personal growth and resilience and to find happiness and joy. Right now these goals are more important to me than anything, and at this moment I feel that making progress towards achieving them is not compatible with running the show at Mosaik.
What’s Next?
As for Mosaik — even though I won’t be involved in daily operations for now, I will follow the progress of the company and support it however I can. I am really glad to have a supportive team and partners who understand my life situation. My Co-founders are already working intensively to provide a smooth transition and I am sure that they will come out with a few announcements soon.
As for me — I am still figuring it out. One thing is sure, I need a little break and silence to focus on the goals mentioned above. I will probably travel for a while. It would be hard to tell how long this break will be. Maybe a matter of weeks, maybe a matter of months. It would be even harder to tell what will follow. I’ve always been an “ecosystem guy”, but recently I’ve been thinking about trying out the other side of the table and potentially founding a startup or joining an early-stage team; I’ve also been thinking about doing some freelance consulting, and naturally coming back to Mosaik could also be an option after my break. I really don’t know, and this is not the time to decide. That being said, now I finally have time and I am more than happy to grab a coffee with old friends and new people, so please drop me a line here or hit me up on Facebook.
