MOOD: ESTABLISHED
STAGE: 01 [CITY ESCAPE]
Welcome to Sonic Adventure Boo! If you missed the prologue, Here’s the short version: I’m going to be playing through one of my favorite games as a kid and sharing my cutting wit with you! It’ll be really great, trust me.
Gonna pause on this: Sonic has just committed like, eight separate felonies in the first five seconds of this level. He escaped capture from a paramilitary strike force, stole a piece of said vehicle from said strike force, did some wicked skydiving without a license, and (seen above) just threw his whole body into 4 cars, costing the city thousands in property damage and potentially wounding and or killing dozens.
“He’s got an attitude” indeed.
While we’ve freeze-framed on what is probably the in-progress storyboard for that one Halo 3 commercial, I’d like to point out how strong the signage design in this game is.
I was extremely pissed off as a kid when I found out that Planet Of The Chaos wasn’t a real movie, mainly because that billboard sold me on it so hard. It tells you everything you need to know!
These goofy pudding creatures are gonna fight…I think Chaos 0? Or is Chaos 0 a mutated Chao and the Chao’s bioweapon against an enemy not in the poster, or whatever. Did SEGA ever explain the what was up with the Chao race in like an instruction manual or an Archie comic or something? They got the same name and they’re both blue and goopy.
Okay maybe it does not tell you everything you need to know. I could bang out a whole novel about the Chaos/Chao dichtomy that I know nothing about, Fuck this screenshot let’s play shit.
And by “Fuck this screenshot let’s play shit” I mean welcome back, we finished the board sequence.
Only seconds after the carnage, we’ve lost our ride and are now stranded in some sort of park. We’ll bounce back though; Sonic’s legs, despite being two noodles spray-painted blue, are his strongest asset. He can go very fast, you see.
Actually while we’re here, let’s pick up this little shit and then promptly dispose of him.
Okay look the rest of the level is pretty cut and dry at this point: Sonic grinds down some rails and then he does some more jumping. They sync up that bassline at the start and then the radio chatter and then you’re running down a wall. City Escape rules. This is known.
But this is by design. It is very carefully plucked and groomed like a little dog with sunglasses at a pet show to create the coolest first impression. Like attending a job interview with frosted tips and Soap shoes.
The three big moments a Sonic fan think of (or at least, the moments I think of) when the words “City Escape” come to mind are: The cool intro on the skateboard thing, the cool run-down-the-big-wall, and the encounter with the big G.U.N. truck. This is really interesting to me, because these moments are when you have the least control in the level.
Sonic as a core concept was literally built to make you say “wow” more times per gameplay session than Mario. Fast paced action set among setpieces that leave little room for you to bumble around in is kind of his whole thing!
Obviously there’s more to Sonic than that: the sidescrollers have a strict and nuanced design, and the music is always (always) fantastic, but I’ve never meant “wow” more than when I was about to be vored by a goddamn whale. That’s what Sonic wants you to take away from his games.
The games that Sonic made.
Hey we beat the level!!! Great ranking, too.
Next time on Sonic Adventure Boo, we tack —
oh this bullshit.
At this point, anyone who’s played Sonic Adventure 2 will remember it not being as great as it used to be when they were kids. This is because Sonic Team starts taking away the things that makes City Escape so satisfying to play through.
The bigest example I noticed was that there is almost always little to no chance that someone dies on City Escape, even on your first playthrough! Again, that’s by design: you don’t want to create discouragement in the player, especially not in the first level!
That being said, this is no longer the first level so LET’S MEET OUR FIRST BOSS FIGHT
The thing about Lonnie (he pilots this thing called a Bigfoot? whatever) and Donnie (adorable metaphor for the camera in 3D Sonic games) is that they are conceptually worthless without each other. With Donnie there to fuck up the camera work, Lonnie can strut his stuff without little hassle from the player.
Unfortunately thanks to my pro gamer genes, Lonnie went down swiftly, and even though he was with Donnie, he was without honor. Making that image took longer than fighting him.
Even though Lonnie has been vanquished to the realm of Forgettable Bosses, We are sadly burdened with Donnie for the rest of the game because bad dog.
Also: Meet Shadow! He’s the ultimate lifeform but he’s also very mean. He’s decided to crash our story mode and then steal a Chaos Emerald because he has to find out who killed his dad by blowing up the moon or whatever.
Next week: we slug through Knuckles’ and Tails’ first missions and You Gotta Be There For That
