Anthony Edwards is Telling the Truth — Gary Goddard is a Pedophile
My name is Bret Nighman and I became friends with Anthony Edwards when we met in Marjorie Luke’s 7th grade theater arts class at Santa Barbara Junior High School in 1974. Back then everyone called him Tony. I had just turned thirteen and Tony had just turned twelve.
This was when we met Gary Goddard who would sometimes show up to watch the rehearsals of our school musicals and help Mrs. Luke with choreography. He was twenty-two and had also gone to school at S.B.J.H. when he was a kid. During the rehearsals Goddard would encourage us and other kids to audition for the youth theater shows he was planning to direct over our summer vacations.
Tony had a magical quality to him, with his bushy blond hair, big brown eyes and wide smile he would light up the theater auditorium when he entered, or at least I thought so. He had a swagger and he exuded confidence. It was hard for me to take my eyes off of him. He was witty, funny, talented and so darn cute. It would be hard for people not to like Tony, but for me it was especially hard. I thought he was perfect and that his life was perfect. I wanted to be around him, to be like him, and to be him.
I think I knew since I was five that I was different and that I was attracted to other boys. But, it wasn’t until I met Tony that I had my first crush. I was pretty sure that Tony was only attracted to girls. I knew that being a gay boy with a crush on a straight boy would never turn out well for me. No one could ever know the truth. I had to try to not let people catch me staring at him, or they might know that my heart was racing when he was near me.
I dated girls in junior high to try to be straight, and try to appear straight. I also tried to beat Tony out of as many of the best parts in the junior high shows. I thought if I was competitive with him it wouldn’t seem so obvious that I was crazy about him. If he wanted to play Hugo Peabody in “Bye Bye Birdie” in the 8th Grade, I tried my hardest and got the role. I didn’t always win though. But Tony, being the kind and good kid that he was would say, “you deserved to get the part Bret” and “I’m happy for you, your audition was better than mine.” How could he be so nice? I had three brothers near my age and we fought all the time to win everything. Tony was so sweet and generous when he lost to me that it just made me like him even more.
When we were about to graduate from junior high school, Tony urged me to come with him to San Marcos High School the following year, which had a fantastic theater program. I told him it was much too far away from my home in Montecito. He offered to give me a ride to school everyday until I got a car, “If you can get to my house every morning I will get you to school.” It was an amazing and sweet offer. As much as I loved the idea of riding to school everyday with the brown-eyed boy I adored, I thought it would be best to keep some distance from Tony. My feelings for him were getting stronger and I really wanted to be straight. I wanted to get married and have kids someday. I also thought that if we went to different high schools we would both have a better chance of getting the lead roles in the school shows if we didn’t have to compete against each other. I was heartbroken, but I turned his generous offer down. I later lived to regret this. The shows that Tony and my friends did at San Marcos were sensational. At our graduation ceremony from junior high Tony was called onto stage and given a trophy for best male actor, and my heart sank. I thought how could this be after I played the male lead in our school play “Arsenic and Old Lace” and I had performed more songs than him in the school musical that year? A few minutes later I was called onto stage and was given the trophy for best male singer. As I walked back to my seat Tony and I smiled at each other and we were both very happy.
The summer of 1977, when Tony was about to turn fifteen and I was getting close to turning sixteen, Gary Goddard directed California Youth Theater’s production of “Peter Pan.” The show would open in Santa Barbara, and then it would tour up and down the California coast. Tony had been in Goddard’s productions of “Oliver!” the summer he turned thirteen, and “Jesus Christ Superstar” the summer he turned fourteen. I wanted to be in those shows and Goddard had encouraged me to audition, but I missed out because my parents sent me and my three brothers to our Aunt and Uncle’s ranch in Oregon during those summers. Tony and Goddard encouraged me to do the show, so I auditioned and was cast as the pirate Noodler in “Peter Pan.” I was sad that Tony was cast as a lost boy and I was cast as a pirate because we would rarely be in the same scenes together, or get to rehearse together. Goddard told me that I was too tall to be a lost boy.
During the auditions Tony introduced me to a flamboyant kid named Scott Drnavich, the first obvious gay boy I had ever met. Scott had been in “Oliver!” and “Jesus Christ Superstar” with Tony and had attended a different junior high. I’ll never forget the way Scott looked into my eyes for a long time when we were introduced, and he gave me this flirtatious little impish smile. It sent chills down my spine. I think he was trying to figure out if I was gay, or perhaps he was letting me know that he was. I was so excited because I realized I was not alone.
One night while on tour I awoke to find Goddard trying to get into my bed, under my covers and into my underwear. I fought him off and pushed him away. Although it was dark I saw him force his way into Tony’s bed — which was about twelve feet from mine. I thought that Tony would fight him off too. I lay in my bed with my heart pounding and listened as one of my best friends who I loved got sexually molested. I was scared, in shock, heartbroken and confused. I felt like I betrayed Tony for doing nothing. I was certain that Tony was straight, and I couldn’t figure out why he would let this man touch him. I was heartbroken that the boy I had loved since the 7th grade was being hurt. As a gay teenager I would never consider coming onto a straight teenager. It didn’t make any sense to me. Witnessing Tony being molested by Goddard was so much worse than being molested myself.
Goddard was not the only guy pursuing me that summer. Scott, who had just turned fifteen was also coming onto me, but he was doing it in a very overt way. He would grab my butt backstage, and one time in a jacuzzi full of teens he put his hand on my crotch and fondled me, as I began getting an erection which took about one second, I pushed his hand away. It didn’t matter how many times I’d push him away and tell him to get away from me, he’d keep doing it. After awhile, I started enjoying the physical attention from him, and I’m sure he knew it because I would smile and laugh every time I pushed him away. One night, back in Santa Barbara on a short break as we traveled from Northern California to Los Angeles and then onto San Diego, I had a sleep over at my house. A bunch of teenagers were on the floor in sleeping bags. My girlfriend Patty was beside me. We had opened one sleeping bag to lay on and put a blanket over us. My thirteen-year-old brother Marc was nearby with his girlfriend Lynda. We were all telling stories and jokes and laughing. It was very dark. Scott crawled under the covers, pulled down my shorts and started blowing me. I tried pushing him off me but he wouldn’t stop. I was terrified the others were going to figure out what was going on, but I was turned on. I couldn’t believe how good it felt. I stopped fighting him because I was actually afraid he was going to bite me, and that the commotion would draw attention to us. It was amazing, scary and exciting. Of course, this was the first time anyone had done this to me. Later I wondered how he knew how to do that? It was obvious to me that Scott had a lot of practice because he was really good at it, and really aggressive. I knew after that night that as hard as I tried I would probably never be straight, and knew I had to stay away from Scott because I would be very tempted to let him do it again, and perhaps much more. I convinced myself that this was another powerful reason for me not to attend San Marcos High School, because Scott would be there too. I was afraid that if I became sexually active with Scott that I would become flamboyant like him, and everyone would figure out the truth about me. I was terrified that friends and family would reject me if they found out that I as gay, and that my career playing the romantic leads in shows would be over.
After the final performance in San Diego everyone was in high spirits and excited for the cast party. I was walking down a dark hallway backstage, when out of nowhere Goddard grabbed me and kissed me on the lips plunging his tongue into my mouth. He had a short beard and it felt like he was ripping the skin off my face. It was disgusting and my first French kiss. It ruined the final day for me, and totally freaked me out. Tony and I didn’t speak to each other about us being sexually molested by Goddard, but when I returned home I told my best friend Mark Daly about Goddard molesting me and witnessing him sexually abuse Tony.
It wasn’t until I read Tony’s story that he wrote and posted on Medium in which he said that his relationship with Goddard started at age twelve, and the sexual abuse started before he was fourteen, that it finally made sense why Tony didn’t push him away as I did. I realized that, of course, it had happened to him before. Tony had been groomed and sexually abused for years by this pedophile who we thought was our friend and mentor.
I now understood why Scott was so overly sexualized and experienced at sex, because he had been sexually abused by Goddard from the age of thirteen too. Scott was being sexually aggressive with me using what he had learned from Goddard. I had known that Scott was molested by Goddard like so many other boys, but when I read Tony’s story where he wrote that his best friend was raped by him, I knew he was talking about sweet little Scott. I also realized that if my parents had not sent me to Oregon the summer after the 7th grade, and I had been in the production of “Oliver!” as a gay boy I might have been raped too. I was so much more vulnerable, gullible and exploitable the summer after the 7th grade then I was the summer after the 9th grade because I had been toughened up working on that Oregon ranch, and getting the shit kicked out of me by my cowgirl cousin Lori, and a horse named Red.
Goddard directed shows for Santa Barbara Youth Theater and California Youth Theater that had many boys in the cast such as “Oliver!” and “Peter Pan.” Many of these young boys’ careers would ultimately end up being managed by Goddard as he took them to Hollywood, got them agents and helped them get commercial work, TV shows and movies. Goddard didn’t offer to manage my career, so a few months before the “Peter Pan” tour started I signed with a female manager, and I almost immediately started landing national television commercials. When Goddard learned of this he approached me after a show with some of his boys in tow and said, “I hear you signed with Maria as your personal manager, well you can kiss your career goodbye Nighman!” He broke out in a hearty laugh and the boys followed suit with some even repeating his cruelness, “kiss your career goodbye Nighman!” I wanted to say fuck you child molester, but I held my tongue.
I was jealous that Tony and Scott had been in that amazing production of “Jesus Christ Superstar” directed by Goddard in 1976. So the next Fall, a month after turning sixteen, I was determined to be cast by Goddard in another production of “Jesus Christ Superstar” which would be produced and performed in Northern California. None of the boys that were in “Peter Pan” were allowed by their parents to be in the show — because it would take them out of school for over a month, however, my parents said yes to me. I knew that being the only boy in the show from Santa Barbara that I would probably have to fight off sexual advances by Goddard, but I had fought him off before and I thought I could do it again. I travelled to Northern California to begin rehearsals after being cast as the Apostle James the Younger. After one rehearsal Goddard drove me to the home I was staying in and he groped and fondled me in the car. He tried to kiss me on the lips again and I pushed him away and jumped out of the car.
When the production concluded Goddard called me and said he had printed a bunch of photos of me from the show and invited me to his home in Sherman Oaks to pick them up. I travelled down to Los Angeles from Santa Barbara, and for some reason — I can’t remember why — I spent the night. I think I might have had an audition in Hollywood the next day. Goddard asked me to sleep in his bed with him and I said no and slept on the floor. In the middle of the night I awoke to him rubbing my crotch and he grabbed my hand and forced me to rub his erection through his underwear. I was still half asleep as he then tried to force my hand into his underwear. I pulled my wrist out of his firm grip, pushed him away and said, “no, I don’t want to do this.” The next morning he gave me a Walt Disney cell of Donald Duck. I knew that this was a bribe to keep quiet, and I did.
The summer of 1978, Gary Goddard would play the role of Professor Harold Hill in a production of “The Music Man” in Santa Barbara. I knew the show would feature many pubescent boys playing in the marching band that Goddard’s character would lead. I decided not to audition for the show and risk having to fight off any further sexual advances by Goddard, or witness what I feared would be his seduction of more victims to satisfy his sexual attraction to young boys. I remember seeing the show and wondering which of these cute little junior high school boys were being sexually molested by Goddard? What could I do to stop this and help them? I was about to turn seventeen. Who could I tell? I certainly didn’t want to hurt my friends careers who were being managed by Goddard. I was pretty sure that Goddard was molesting some of the other boys he was managing and not just Tony. I watched Scott dance so beautifully in the show and I just knew in my heart that he was being sexually abused too. I wondered if Goddard would have helped me and managed my career if I had not fought off all his sexual molestation attempts. It seemed ironic that the only show I had ever seen Goddard perform in he was playing the part of a con artist who seduced and fooled the good people of River City while leading an all boys band.
I dated girls in high school to try to be straight, and try to appear straight. In the 10th grade I saw Tony and Scott perform in the chorus of a spectacular production of “Hello Dolly” at San Marcos. I thought that I would rather be in the chorus of a fantastic show at San Marcos than be the lead in a mediocre show at Santa Barbara High. Once I got a car I thought seriously about transferring schools at the start of my junior year to do shows again with Tony and Scott but my feelings for them scared me. When I did see Scott I would never allow us to be alone together because I didn’t trust either of us. I loved Scott during those years and was very attracted to him, but I was terrified he would drag me out of the closet. I thought that as long as I didn’t fool around with him or any other guy, and I dated girls that I could somehow turn straight. I missed Tony a lot and sometimes made up an excuse to see him including one time when I called to ask if I could borrow his rugby shirt for a photo shoot. I showed up at his house and he was in the driveway washing his white Volkswagen squareback. He had long blond hair, he was tan and he was shirtless. I couldn’t believe how beautiful he was. A surfboard was leaning against the garage, and he told me he was surfing. I grabbed the rugby shirt and left quickly because I couldn’t stop looking at his body, I was at a loss for words, and I felt the heat in my face and knew I was blushing. I wanted to keep his shirt but returning it to him was another reason to see him again. The next year I bought a light blue 1969 Volkswagen squareback so I could be more like Tony. I slept over at Tony’s house only once and his family was all away so we slept in his parents bed together. I wondered if Scott had told him what had transpired between us on the “Peter Pan” tour, and if he was testing me to see if I would make a move on him. Of course I wanted to, but I didn’t. I never wanted Tony to be gay and to be my boyfriend, instead I always wished that I could be straight so I could be best friends with him, and spend lots of time with him without my heart beating faster. I thought about Goddard molesting us and wanted to talk to him about it, but I was scared what his reaction would be, and I didn’t want to ruin a wonderful night of sleeping next to him.
The summer after we graduated from our high schools, Tony and I were were roommates in London while we attended school at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. It was Tony who urged me to apply to RADA and to be his roommate in London. I had made a huge mistake not attending the same high school as Tony, so there was no way I was going to miss this opportunity to spend time with him. We had so much fun running around London and seeing about thirty shows including “Oliver!” and the closing night of “Jesus Christ Superstar.” Sometimes when I sat next to Tony in the theater our knees touched and it sent electricity shooting through my body. It was wonderful to be with him but often it was torture too.
Spending almost twenty-four hours a day with Tony and sharing a room with him only made my fondness of him grow. Often when I was with him my heart kept racing just like in junior high school, and I knew that my boyhood crush had moved to falling in love with him. At night I lay in my bed about twelve feet from Tony and listened to him breathe while he slept. I wanted to touch him, and started having desires to do things to Tony that Goddard had done to us. It made me loathe myself and Goddard too because I blamed him for putting these thoughts into my mind. I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t get enough air. I was scared that I was going to turn into a child molester monster like Goddard who attacked during the night when his prey was groggy and defenseless. Since I was still pretending to be straight I needed to get over Tony, and I had to convince myself and others that he wasn’t perfect, and that I didn’t love him as much as I did.
One night when I thought Tony was asleep I told our other roommate Dante some mean things about him, that he would never be a successful actor, that life was so easy for him, and even about Goddard molesting me, and witnessing him sexually abuse Tony. I was mocking Tony, and said that he might be gay for not fighting off Goddard, and hinting that I was straight because I did. To my horror, Tony was not asleep and he bolted from the room in tears. I felt so horrible and guilty, like I had now betrayed my friend for a second time. With Tony hearing me stabbing him in the back, I had stabbed myself in the heart. I inflicted a deep wound that I would never fully heal from. I hated Goddard for abusing Tony, and now I hated myself for hurting him too. Dante went out to find Tony at 1:30 in the morning, and when they returned we discussed what happened but we didn’t bring up the sexual abuse, and I thought that possibly we never would. Sometimes Tony would write funny things in my journal, so when I wrote about the event I couldn’t include that I had said those cruel things because I was in love with him, or about the sexual molestation of us by Goddard because Tony or someone else might read my journal. Instead I made up as many reasons as I could think of as why I might be jealous of him, and I wept as I wrote these untruths in my apology note to Tony and in my journal. How could I admit that I was in love with him when I couldn’t even admit that I was gay? Two weeks later I turned nineteen. Tony and Dante gave me a surprise party with gifts and a cake. I couldn’t understand how Tony could continue to be so kind to me when I had just been so cruel to him. His kindness made me feel ashamed.
At the end of the summer Tony went home to start college at USC and I backpacked through Europe for a year to try to get him out of my mind and my heart. When I returned home I rarely reached out to Tony. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be friends with him after what an asshole I had been to him that one night in London. I was too ashamed to face him, and I thought I needed to push him away to get over him.
When I was twenty-one I got my first boyfriend. I hadn’t been with any guy since that night with Scott during the “Peter Pan” tour. I thought to be a successful actor that I would have to remain in the closet my entire life and pretend to be something I wasn’t. I knew that living a lie just led to heartache so I quit acting and started college. I watched Tony’s career take off and I was so happy and proud of him. In the 1980s I saw his performances in the films “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”, “Gotcha!”, and “Top Gun” and thought he was wonderful. But, seeing him on the screen made my heartache for the friend I had loved and lost. I didn’t watch anything else he acted in after that time as it hurt too much to not have him as a part of my life anymore, and knowing that it was my own fault. In my lifetime I had three powerful secrets — that I was gay, that I was in love with Tony Edwards, and that I was molested by Gary Goddard. Now that I have revealed all of these facts about me, my former secrets do not hold the same power over me that they once did.
In 1997 Scott Drnavich died of complications from HIV/AIDS. A memorial service was held in Santa Barbara and Tony gave an emotional speech. This was one of the a few times I ever cried in public. I didn’t know that Scott was sick, and never had the chance to tell him how much he meant to me, and how much I loved him. Goddard showed up and Tony was visibly upset that he was there. Later three of my friends told me that Scott had told them that he was raped many times by Goddard when he was a child. I wish I could have been honest about being gay in high school and had dated Scott. We would have been a great support to each other, Scott would have helped me to get over Tony, and he would have dressed me up real nice for our school proms.
I am telling my story now after reading Anthony Edwards’ story because I am angry and tremendously saddened that Tony was sexually abused by Goddard, and at a much younger age than I originally thought. I am also extremely angry that Goddard raped my friend Scott many times when he was a young boy, and since he is not with us, I want to help to tell his story of childhood sexual abuse for him. I think he would want me to. I am furious that Goddard has denied Tony’s brave story of sexual abuse. I truly want to support my friend who I know is telling the truth. Tony has no reason to expose this now in his 50s and accuse Goddard of sexual abuse if it wasn’t true — and since I endured it myself, witnessed it myself, I know it is the truth.
I share my story now to support the man Anthony Edwards who although I barely know anymore, I continue to care about. I also speak out to support that kind, sweet and funny boy Tony Edwards that I loved deeply when I was a teenager, who was abused and wounded by Gary Goddard. We must speak out to protect children, and to ensure that Goddard stops his abuse of boys. Many of us victims feel shame and guilt that we have stayed quiet all these years while Goddard continued preying on children. We were innocent victims, and this wasn’t our fault. It is extremely difficult to speak out as a boy or a man, and we should not feel guilt or shame. Only Goddard is guilty and only he should be ashamed. I hope that Tony’s story and now mine will help others to come forward to tell theirs. Telling my story now I feel a burden lifted, I am free of the abuse, guilt and shame at last. I can finally let it go. By Tony telling his story, which encouraged me to tell my story, he has helped to heal the hurt boy in me.
Added in December, 2017
Here is a link to the powerfully written article “Gary Goddard Accused of Child Abuse in Santa Barbara” by Charles Donelan in the Santa Barbara Independent from December 14th, 2017: https://www.independent.com/news/2017/dec/14/gary-goddard-accused-child-abuse-santa-barbara/
Since Tony told his story https://medium.com/@anthonyedwards/yes-mom-there-is-something-wrongf2bcf56434b9, leading me to tell my story, Mark Driscoll to tell his story https://medium.com/@m.driscollusa/a-pedophile-among-us-f95c5688d5c5, Kathleen Wilhoite to tell her story https://medium.com/@kathleenwilhoite/second-circle-6d7e84bb6665, and Lissa Liggett to tell her story https://medium.com/@lissaliggett/may-i-be-part-of-the-healing-not-the-hate-265a45ec77f, I have been contacted by other victims, loved ones of victims, and witnesses with heartbreaking stories about Goddard’s abuse of teenagers and young adults. If you were 18 or older what happened to you was still unwanted sexual abuse. Just because you were a young adult it was still wrong and/or illegal. Speak out and tell the truth for yourself, for my friend Scott, for the other victims, and for the future victims if we don’t stop this madness. If we can save one boy it will be worth it. In the words of Mark Driscoll, “I’m going to stand shoulder to shoulder with Tony, because it’s true.”
If you have a story to tell you can either contact Gus Garcia-Roberts, Reporter, Los Angeles Times at 213–238–7856 or gus.garciaroberts@latimes.com, or write your story and post it on Medium as Tony, Mark, Kathleen, Lissa and I did, and email the link to Gus. As long as we are speaking the truth Goddard will not sue us for defamation of character, because he knows it’s the truth, and because of the hundreds of victims and witnesses who would come forward on our side in court. Here is a link to the outstanding front page story in the L.A.Times on December 20th, 2017 titled “The ‘Lost Boys’: Hollywood producer Gary Goddard accused of sexual misconduct by 8 former child actors” written by Gus Garcia-Roberts: http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-ct-goddard-accusers-20171220-story.html
I would like to thank my friend Kathleen Wilhoite and my new friend David Neidorf for their help and support of me to come forward with my story in support of Tony. This happened after I made a comment on Facebook about witnessing his abuse. They gave me a kind and gentle push in the right direction. I would also like to thank my husband Bradley Hall who’s love and support these past twenty-five years has made me a better man. I need to thank Tony for his courage to speak out and for supporting me to write my story and share it on Medium. Telling my deepest secrets and what made me behave the way I did is a part of the healing process I am going through. It is never too late to heal and become whole.
