7 Lessons from A Little Thing Called Life by Linda Thompson
Linda Thompson is a songwriter and former actress and beauty pageant winner who had the blessing of being involved with some of the world’s biggest stars: Elvis Presley, Caitlyn Jenner (prior to her transition when she was known as “Bruce Jenner”), and David Foster, respectively. She wrote the Whitney Houston song, “I Have Nothing,” which was nominated for an Academy Award for it being the theme song for the movie The Bodyguard. I read that her relationship with Elvis inspired the lyrics of this song.
As a recovering codependent, I could tell Thompson had codependency issues after watching interviews and reading articles about the details of her relationship with Elvis and David Foster. My dad, a huge Elvis fan, always called her “the girl who tried to help him.” This fact prompted me to read her book, A Little Thing Called Life: On Loving Elvis Presley, Bruce Jenner, and Songs in Between. Even though this almost 400-page book contained some extraneous information that I had to skip over, it was well-written and contained many incredible life lessons. Within the first few pages, I resonated with the life lessons that were discussed:
1. Keep Your Side of the Street Clean
“We can only keep our side of the street clean. What our neighbor does or doesn’t do is up to them. We cannot control other people.” (p. xii)
There were many factors in Thompson’s life that were out of her control: her rocky childhood, Elvis’ addiction, the man she fell in love with being a woman trapped inside a man’s body, and David Foster’s mental abuse. All of these traumas could have easily broken her and made her bitter. Instead, she chose to forgive to keep her side of the street clean.
2. Forgiveness is a Gift for Ourselves
“Despite the unpredictable ride I’ve been on, I continue to practice the art of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves.” (p. xii)
“One analogy I love is that staying angry at someone and expecting the object of your anger to die. And so I cling to the belief that everything is forgivable; some things are inexcusable, but everything is forgivable.” (p. 311)
From my experience, I learned that forgiveness is simply “accepting someone’s human imperfection and not allowing it to hurt you anymore.” This is done by accepting the reality of someone’s behavior and temperament and no longer wishing it were different. I can see that she achieved this based on her reflection on her life. Later in the book, she talks about how behavior such as being absent from your children’s lives is “inexcusable, but not unforgivable.”
3. Take an Honest Look at Your History
“Because of all this, my childhood was not an easy one…I effectively learned how to ‘walk on eggshells’ to avoid inciting anger and contentious confrontation.” (p. 11)
“But growing up wasn’t all that bad. When Mama was not on a tirade, she was quite kindhearted.” (p. 12)
“More than anything, these early years shaped me into the woman with whom Elvis Presley would fall in love.” (p. 14)
Childhood trauma makes it tempting to see in terms of the extremes of “all good” or “all bad.” However, part of healing is taking an honest look at our origins, being grateful for the positive, and learning from the negative. When we learn from the negative, we can see how it influences our maladaptive behaviors in adulthood.
A significant part of healing and self-love is accepting and embracing our history for what it is. Our history makes us who we are. Andrea Dykstra said, “In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.”
4. Unacceptable Behavior is Unacceptable
“However, let me state here as an older, wise, and more experienced being, that verbal abuse- and abuse of any kind-should never be tolerated.” (p. 12)
“I made excuses for his worst behavior…but in truth, it was psychologically and an emotionally damaging thing to do.” (p. 296)
Unacceptable behavior is always unacceptable. Even though there may be reasons, such as mental illness, childhood trauma, addiction, creativity, anger, etc., there is no good reason another person must harm us. We all have bad days and times, but we must amend and change our behavior. People who have an issue that makes them behave self-destructively are responsible for seeking help.
5. Anything Can Happen/Self-Forgiveness
“Even so I am not proud of how we first came together, but I am not embarrassed by it, either. I have allowed myself to be human, and have long since forgiven myself, which is a step in the right direction toward healing. My dad used to tell me at the right time, with the right person, under the right circumstances, anything can happen.” (p. 246)
We can never judge anyone and say that we will “never” do something. My Abnormal Psychology professor once said, “There is nothing I am incapable of, given the right circumstances, such as becoming homeless, addicted, or psychotic.”
Linda Thompson always swore that she would never get involved with a married man. However, when she was vulnerable about her idyllic marriage crumbling due to gender dysphoria, she ended up getting involved with David Foster when he was still married. When it comes to situations where we go against our better judgment, we must accept our humanness and forgive ourselves.
6. Regret is a Waste of Time
“As my son, Brandon, wrote in one of his musical compositions, ‘Regret is such a waste of energy, you can’t go back in time.’” (p. 362)
Life is messy. We are always thrown unexpected curveballs. Other people’s choices affect our lives. Our plans get derailed. Dreams do not come true in the ways we imagined. We cannot waste time on “should have, could have, and would have.”
We are all doing our best, and our lives are perfectly imperfect. We cannot ruin our chance at happiness by regretting our past. Divine Perfection underlies everything. In the Divine Realm, we do not harm each other; we merely contribute to each other’s lessons.
7. Life Comes Full-Circle
“Life really does come full circle, even if it takes many years for us to see how events that once troubled us will eventually play out in the most positive way imaginable.” (p. 345)
“Time tempers all judgments, reveals all truth, and carves a deeper understanding of life and the human condition into our beings.” (p. xii)
The possibilities are endless when we make peace with the past and become open to what life throws at us. When we keep our minds and hearts clean of judgment and embrace our present lives, we will slowly start to see the purpose behind everything. David is now one of Linda’s best guy friends, and Caitlyn is now one of Linda’s best girlfriends. As flawed as her past was, her present life shows her that life is beautifully flawed.
