How To Homeschool: Interviews With Homeschool Parents I Like — Liz McEwan

I’m a second-generation homeschool mama of 5 kids. In one of the wildest twists of 2020 I’m suddenly getting messages every day with some variation of, “Hey! Never thought I’d think about homeschooling, but I am. Can you help me? Where do I start?”

I love having these conversations because I believe bringing education in house has the potential to be life-changing for so many families. I can give you my favorite resources and books to read and some encouragement, but the truth is each homeschool is as varied and unique as the people under that roof. Your homeschool will be different from ours, and that is a beautiful thing.

So, I’m interviewing some of the coolest homeschool parents I know (and some I only know digitally) to get their take on what the entire world wants to know — How do you homeschool? Glad you’re following along! (Read more here for a full intro into the project.)

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Meet my friend Liz McEwan! She’s been homeschooling her 4 kids for the past 7 years in the heart of Over-The-Rhine. One thing I’ve always appreciated about Liz is that she doesn’t sugar coat things and is absolutely ok with things being hard and good at the same time. Read on for her real, honest take on the highs and lows of her journey educating her kids at home.

Tell us about your family — kids, your background, your husband’s background. Did you ever think you’d be homeschooling? How did you get to where you are today?

My husband, John, and I have four kids ranging from 3 yrs old to 11. Both John and I were educated in public schools. (Both of John’s parents were public school teachers.) John attended public university and I attended a small private school. There are a few different forms of schooling I could really get behind. In particular, I love the idea of a true “neighborhood school” and I love the parish model of education, a la the Roman Catholic Church (though I’m not Catholic). I honestly always thought I’d send my kids to public schools but, when I met John, he was really committed to homeschooling. The first time I remember the idea resonating with me was when I read the book Crunchy Cons by Rod Dreher and began to see the importance of family culture and parent influence. We were not yet married and I still wasn’t convinced, but the concept of parent-led education started to make more sense to me. By the time our eldest was preschool aged, we had made the commitment to educate at home. This fall will be my 7th year homeschooling.

How do you describe your homeschooling philosophy? Do you stick with one curriculum? What are your absolute favorite resources?

My schooling philosophy is most closely aligned with that of Charlotte Mason, but I always tell people “I’m not a purist.” I love the use of living books, the practice of narration, and the commitment to the “whole child” of a CM-style education. Her philosophy of “children as persons” and her trust in the Holy Spirit as Teacher has honestly revolutionized my parenting and helped take away much of the anxiety of home education. I also love the time spent outdoors, the practice of attention and focus, and the beauty of seeing the “science of relations” in all of life. I say I’m not a CM purist because I’m not as particular about the materials of homeschool as some other CM-educators are. I find I gravitate towards some materials used by modern Classical educators, especially in higher grades, but I apply them with CM methods (if that makes any sense). I am a minimalist when it comes to curriculum and I avoid most of the packaged, all-inclusive programs. They are too busy for me. I have a lot of books — plain old books — on the shelves.

Some of our favorite school resources have been The Story Book of Science, Charles and Mary Lamb’s Tales from Shakespeare, Andrew Lang’s Fairy Book series, and any book by Holling C. Holling or David Macauley.

Those are some of my absolute favorite books! So much beauty and depth in each one. Now you’ve been homeschooling for 7 years — what have you loved most about this journey?

The best part of this journey has been watching my kids grow in real time, day by day, year by year.

I think the modern idea of birthing babies, tolerating them for a few years, and then sending our preschoolers off to “a professional” to be disciplined and educated and then hoping they make it out alright and still come home for Thanksgiving is strange and unfortunate. We miss some of the most amazing, formative years! It’s actually a struggle for me to be surrounded by my kids all day. I am a serious introvert and I need space to breathe. But the trade-off is worth it for me.

Because we’re educating our kids at home, I get to experience them growing into amazing individuals with unique gifts and talents and challenges. And I get to cultivate that God-given individuality. And I also get to learn alongside them, which is a lot of fun. (I can’t believe all the things I’ve either forgotten since I was young or, maybe, never learned in the first place.)

Wow, I resonate so much with that. The way you describe it, it’s not that big of a surprise most people hate coming home for Thanksgiving! You’re right — these years with them at home are so formative and the culture we create now can really shape their personhood for the rest of their lives. Ha — and needing space to breathe. That also resonates with me:) What are your biggest homeschooling/or life challenges right now?

Apart from being surrounded by kids 24/7 (which has always been my biggest parenting struggle), I’m now navigating the transition between elementary and middle-school aged kids. Among other things, I’m learning that my 6th grade son needs a lot more freedom than I’m inclined to give. He’s a very wise, competent young man, but I still want to treat him like a boy. And that’s not helpful right now. But neither is expecting him to have the maturity of a man. He’s entered a stage of individualization and I’m still figuring out what our new healthy boundaries look like and how much responsibility I should be giving him.

I also struggle with self-discipline and I tend to be too flexible with time and routine. It is a constant challenge to maintain enough structure for a peaceful, consistent home life.

That is the constant struggle, isn’t it?! Being structured, yet living fully present in the moment. Ok, you live in a dense, urban area. Talk to me about homeschooling in a city environment — what do you love about raising kids in the city? Are there any drawbacks?

We have lived in the urban core from the start of our marriage and we have a real love/hate relationship with urban living these days, honestly.

The benefits are overwhelming. Every cultural amenity and public resource we could desire is right outside our door. There is always something to do and always someplace to go. We’re in the middle of everything. Plus, being a relatively conservative family, I really value the diversity of our street and neighborhood. It’s a great source of socialization and exposes our kids to the world in a way that’s both natural and intentional.

That said, since COVID shut the world down, things are different here. Many of our favorite places are closed. And the city can feel really claustrophobic really quickly. We only have the shared sidewalk and a small backyard/courtyard (with no grass), so we have to leave home to do things like ride bikes, climb trees, dig in the dirt, or play in the creek — which happen to be some of my kids’ favorite things. 2020 would have been a great year to own some land, but we’re making the most of it.

Augh — I feel you in all that. Covid, man. One of the things I’ve always liked about you is that you enjoy learning for yourself, and not just for your kids. Can you share what you do to keep your mind engaged? What are you learning about now? Why do you think it’s important to keep being curious/learning new skills etc?

Our minds and bodies get emaciated if we don’t feed them, so I think it’s important for parents to make time for their own continual growth and development. If we don’t, we will have so little of ourselves to offer our children and, once our children are gone, there will be nothing left to fill our days together. I’m still learning how to do this well, without becoming self-indulgent and negligent.

I am a songwriter and a musician and I try to keep those skills in use, but it’s hard for me to make time. (My creative process was truly disrupted when I started having kids and I’ve never really re-learned it.) I’ve turned to blogging and journalism as an outlet. And I read a lot — all sorts of things from youth fiction (mostly pre-reading for the kids) and mystery novels to political commentary and theology.

A few years ago, I realized that I had a bad habit of disengaging from practices that don’t come naturally for me — like sports, for example. But that’s a terrible example to set for my kids and a terrible way to live. So I’ve been challenging myself to lean into imperfect skills that I can enjoy regardless of my aptitude. I ran my first fundraising 5k, for example. (I use the term “ran” loosely. I walked almost the whole thing.) Nature journaling is another example. I’ve never been much of a visual artist and I’m not a great painter. But I’ve been keeping a journal of nature watercolors and notes/observations as I teach the kids to do the same. It’s fun and a challenge. I’ve never really let something challenging be fun before. I’d always been too embarrassed by not being “good” at it. Maybe part of growing older is learning to be okay with your weaknesses.

Liz that is so beautiful. I love your self-knowledge and how you can identify that and make a change. The way you’re leaning into growth in your own weaknesses is teaching your kids (and everyone around you) so much. I will walk a 5k with you any day.

Talk to me about how you structure your days at home?

Having a lot of kids means adapting at a moment’s notice to the most urgent needs and learning to let some lesser things go. And it means letting the kids learn to fend for themselves a lot, which will hopefully pay in dividends later when they transition into adulthood. Possibly for the sake of my own sanity, I tend to err more toward “free range parenting” than authoritarianism. So I need to remind myself that consistent discipline and expectations are necessary, even for my three year-old.

In short — we begin our day together with a Morning Basket of prayers, hymns, scripture, and sometimes language (German) lessons and folk songs. Then we transition into independent work, which is when I go back and forth between the big kids, helping with things like reading lessons and Math. This is the hardest time with the three year-old because he’s not always content (or trustworthy) to play alone but, on a good day, the big kids take turns occupying him or he plays by himself in short stints. Our afternoons are spent together in History/Geography or Science lessons. If he’s not napping, the preschooler sits with us for the lessons. Sometimes this goes well; sometimes not. (I obviously prefer him napping, which I why I schedule these lessons for naptime.) Then we round out our school day with afternoon “occupations” for the big kids and fun things like poetry tea time for all of us.

In school time, specifically, my goal is to include the youngest in as much of the family rhythm as possible so that his transition into formal schooling is as seamless as possible. But, regardless of how well you plan and prepare, three year-olds can be impossible. You just have to enjoy them for who they are and what they contribute. Chaos? Laughter? Every kids is different. Mine is super funny, so that helps.

O girl I feel you on the 3-year-old front — but I love how you’re looking for things to enjoy in them even at the most intense stages. That is such a better perspective. When you’re feeling defeated, what do you go back to?

I pray a lot when I’m frustrated. Exasperated prayers, mostly. I blame myself a lot for hard days, when things aren’t going well or when my kids are disappointing or frustrating me with their behavior. “I should have trained them better,” etc. So I pray a lot for dependence on the Holy Spirit to cultivate a healthy relationship between me and my children, to teach us to love each other and serve each other better. I also find singing hymns and reciting scripture comforting and grounding when I feel defeated.

If something is not working, logistically, we simply stop what we’re doing and reconsider it. If we need a short-term change of scenery, we take a hike or maybe we play a game or read a book together. If it’s a bigger problem, we stop and address it. (Fractions can wait.) And, when I need it, I find a babysitter or pass the baton to my husband and take some time to myself to regroup. (I have stopped feeling guilty for needing time alone.)

YES. Liz, if you could redo anything in your first year homeschooling, what would it be?

If I could go back in time, I’d spend more time developing good habits in myself and my young children. Tidiness, for example. Or helpfulness. My children are awesome kids, but there are some self-disciplines and life-skills that I should have addressed much earlier on. I should have worried less about numbers and letters and colors and more about making the bed, putting laundry in the hamper, and brushing teeth, etc. I wouldn’t say our household is in constant disorder, but it is a struggle to manage the chaos.

Any other advice to families just beginning this journey?

As you’re preparing to homeschool, don’t even bother shopping around for curriculum until you’ve determined your goals for the education of your children. Children can be taught using almost anything and the materials or your homeschool may change over time, but you can’t choose the right materials until you know what you’ll be using them for. Ask yourself what you believe about children and education. Determining a few fundamental distinctions of your family homeschooling will make the rest of the job much easier.

Other than that, my advice would be to remember what you were like as a child, with your own particular hopes and interests and fears, etc., and to design an education for your children that honors their humanity, not just their academic ability. Don’t sacrifice your child’s emotional or spiritual health for the sake of “learning.”

And, when all else fails, read lots of good, beautiful books together.

Thank you Liz for sharing with me and the world!