By Anna Gát — Co-founder, Actual
Any startup co-founder will agree that running a young company together comes with a lot of collaboration challenges. But underneath all the stuff you need to solve in terms of strategy, funding and project management lurks a more overarching issue: that of kind communication.
Research suggests that as high as 65% (much higher than the US “divorce rate”) of startups fail due to co-founder conflict. Understandably, this makes both accelerators and investors, as well as aspiring co-founders, nervous: how will we do it differently — better, kinder? Can we prepare for the harder days even now?
Because let’s face it: being a co-founder comes with working long stretches of time confined to a small space together then periods of being in different countries, time zones… Often, some of you may work full time jobs at first, not to mention the deadlines, personal issues and holidays that are just parts of, well, living life.
All this doesn’t help of course — but you are not alone, and there is a solution.
At Ixy, we use methods in linguistics, psychology, game theory and machine learning to identify and support conversations that may fail, and help chatters reach better outcomes.
Based on many months of research, here are our 5 key tips to avoid conflicts as a co-founder:
Align your lexicon
OK, this is just a fancy way of saying: use the same words.
Unless you all grew up and then went to school together, chances are you and your co-founders come from different backgrounds, even continents and native languages.
Because every industry and subculture creates their own internal vocabulary, making sure there is perfect overlap between yours is a prerequisite for any successful collaboration.
Some examples from our own work includes technical terms:
“Assumption” will mean one thing to an Agile UX designer and another thing to your computational statistician.
“Feature” will have two completely different meanings to a React developer and a deep learning researcher.
Etc.
And more mundane, but just as important expressions:
“I’ll call you back in a minute” — to some this does mean 60 seconds, to some “in a few hours, after work”.
“1 pm” — to some this means 13:00, to others “between 12:50 and 13:55”.
Etc.
That said, to many founders it would feel super weird to do a Vocabulary Alignment Session during their first hackathon — so our advice is to simply watch out for moments when you feel there’s been a misunderstanding and initiate a discussion immediately.
So often, deeper-running tensions begin with little instances of misinterpretation, and that’s just because we all hate to be misunderstood — it makes us feel like the other person is not listening, and then instinctively question their commitment.
So aligning your lexicon is really, really worth the effort and ensures respectful and patient communication in the future (not to mention productivity).
Make the rules clear
One of the things that makes text-based chatting so problematic, is that it’s basically a 24/7 open conversation where you are non-stop available to others, in good mood and in bad, in and out of the house, awake and asleep. As humans, we just can’t be expected to always be at our best and most understanding, always ready to pay attention — and yet our curiosity regularly makes it impossible not to engage, not to check messages… not to respond.
Not surprisingly, this can lead to problems with bad interpersonal effects far beyond the chat platforms. Collaborations, romantic relationships, even family ties may suffer because of bad messaging habits. One of our missions at Ixy is to make this experience better for all involved — to give you more control over speed, tone and how you want to come across. But there are ways to optimise your messaging outcomes in any platform: by making the rules clear.
Are you in general a person who chats online a lot, likes to be available, etc.?
Will you be working over the weekend?
Are you happy to check emails on New Year’s Eve?
Are you a night owl or you should not be disturbed after 9 pm?
Do you have different preferred platforms for different types of communication?
Making these rules clear right at the beginning will make everyone’s experience much better and the collaboration more enjoyable.
Of course bear in mind that for many co-founders, their preferences are not immediately obvious — many will find out how they really like to be contacted along the way, as it is happening. So revisit the topic quarterly, ask for feedback, ask “How could we do this better?” The results will please you.
Use multiple communication channels
Running a startup becomes your life so also becoming close friends with the people you’re working with is completely normal. However, a lot of uneasiness can arise by alternating communication topics from very personal to very professional within the same platform.
A good way to solve it is simply by using different apps for different purposes. And while WhatsApp and Messenger may be tempting you as ‘all purpose platforms’, they are not. Keep workflows in work-related software so your co-founder knows when they look at their phone what this convo will be about immediately, just by looking at which platform the message came from.
Breathe in, breath out
Your co-founder is having a bad day and keeps venting to you? Did you just forget about something important and they are not accepting your apology? Are you trying to express constructive criticism but they are being defensive?
Take a deep breath.
You don’t need to reply straight away.
Leave it and walk away. Go for a run. Watch an episode of Portlandia.
Make a mug muffin whatever that is.
Re-engage only when you’re ready. Express your goodwill. Claim your right to your own pace.
Sort of counter-intuitively, if you remain calm and level-headed, the party with the bad day going on will calm down too, feeling reassured that at least somebody has the situation under control.
(In the rare case when this technique doesn’t work, there may be a more fundamental misunderstanding between the two of you regarding your roles, the company’s goals, etc. In this case, do have a respectful IRL conversation ASAP. Mismatches have to be found out as early as possible.)
Presume the best
This one is my favourite — a small activity that makes any relationship a 1,000 times better. Learn it and then spread the word; you will change people’s lives and your own:
Presume the best about the other person.
That’s all.
You haven’t heard from your co-founder in a day? Presume they are busy working on the task you agreed on.
You can’t find the new KPI sheet? Presume it was done as you discussed.
Did you just receive a reply from your co-founder that says “!!!!!!” — presume they are happy and excited for you and this is not a reprimand.
Is your co-founder in a bad mood? Assume it is not about you, but something happened which you, as a friend, can help with…
The reason why this technique works is because 99% of the time you will be right. Your co-founder is indeed full of good intention, has great work ethic and is loyal to you and your company. If you turn out to be wrong — you will soon find out anyway and can work on a solution.
So much tension and mutual hurt comes from presuming the other person didn’t do or doesn’t know something — and people do feel when you have a bad assumption about them and will be demotivated and perform worse. Even grow apart from the whole company.
We all at times assume bad stuff about one another as a way of safeguarding from future disappointment — but it is both statistically wrong and works as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do the counterintuitive thing here too: give the benefit of doubt and expect the same optimism in return. You will find that the communication flow between you and your co-founders will be more loving, more respectful and more productive.
Good luck x
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