A Troubled Psychologist|Intimacy vs. Isolation
I have always been afraid of the dark, the dark scares me because I feel alone, you cannot see anyone around you, and you have to feel around for some sort of support. I am technically still afraid of the dark, more of how it makes me feel, the alone part.
This is something that I actually hate to admit that I struggle with, like honestly saying it aloud seems a little absurd, “I am afraid to be alone”, but I know that it is an internal challenge that a lot of people struggle with. I emphasize how human beings are made for one another, we were made to take care of each other, but there is a fine line between needing and depending on someone so much so that you are uncomfortable with doing so on your own.
After my relationship, (which I wrote a bit about in my previous article titled A Troubled Psychologist|Love Lost) I struggled the most, I was so used to having someone around me, to talk and listen to me, I could not recall on how to do that for myself. I went through a moment where I could not stand the idea of being with myself, this led me to do a lot of ridiculous things just to feel “safe”.
Intimacy vs. Isolation
The concept above is one of the eight stages of psychosocial development by Erik Erikson. He insists that this is where one faces the obstacle of being able to develop conducive relationships or not, which leads to isolation. Isolation in his case was obviously negative and therefore not the desired circumstance but I wonder if the successful development of relationships can be a little faulty, for instance, one being able to do this so much so that they are unable to be alone, constantly craving human approval before they act, seeking human attention to feel emotionally stable and entirely uncomfortable with solitude. In that case “Isolation” is portrayed as a positive thing instead, but this is not my point, I believe there should not be a “versus” in between Intimacy and Isolation, it should not be an “either/or” challenge. We should be capable of forming relationships that lift us and make us better than before but this should not stop us from having a relationship with ourselves (within ourselves).
Maybe the word isolation should be exchanged for solitude, solitude does not seem as negative (that is just my opinion). How many of us actually spend time with ourselves and in that moment think of no one else but yourself and what affects you? Some do this by meditating, praying, but the question remains, how many of us actually do this? Where does self-care rank on your list of priorities?
I would not want to speak on anyone's behalf but I know that I forget to do this for myself, forget is actually not what it is, more like refrain, I run to others, secure a conversation so that I do not feel so secluded, ensure that someone is attracted to me so that I do not feel so ugly, constantly avoiding isolation because I am afraid of what it will show me, afraid of what I will think to myself. How can I not face myself when the most important tool in being “okay” is exactly that, me.
Self-Care
I want to discuss a little bit more about this, self-care is paying attention to yourself! Believe it or not we all know what we really need, sometimes it might take a nudge from a person or two but if we took time to listen to ourselves, our judgement would not be clouded by what everyone else thinks first, you’ll have the ultimate say so because any problem, if it is considered a “problem” will be identified by you and will end with you. People are around us to support what we feel we need and guide us further on that.
Honestly, when I first saw the title above I thought to myself okay so maybe I should read more? What came to mind was literally a girl reading in a room on her own, sure this is great but self-care is self-initiated, deliberate steps that an individual takes in order to have some sort of connection with themselves and thus the world surrounding them. What are some things you can do that only you can do with yourself and moreover for yourself to build a “steadier” connection? It could be reading more, praying, writing, sleeping more, taking a break from everything else you have going on around you, remembering to breathe, taking yourself on a lunch date, or even walking. Whatever it may be, it is a moment centered for you only.
To get to this point however, you have to ask yourself, “Do I take care of myself, like really care for myself, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally?”, “What do I do for myself?”, “Do I take time to listen to myself?”, if not, where does your time go? How can you manage your time and make some of it your own? Figure out what (inserts name here) wants and moreover loves that he/she can do on their own without feeling alone.
I want to build awareness on the fact that being alone is not lonely, being alone is a special time and time that is yours. Caring for yourself is just as important as caring for others, let us understand that there is no either/or. You are a Priority.
There are 7.2 billion individuals in this world, a problem is never really your own, let’s recognize one another to overcome mental health related challenges together.
