UPDATED 7/13. All updates in BOLD! Subscribe to the newsletter version here.

GENERAL INTRO: This is a list of all the movies I’ve watched since my quarantine time began on March 13th, 2020. It’s now a newsletter and includes other fun movie related things sometimes.

3/13: UPDATE I could talk about my Corona journey but it’s probably the same as many of yours: lots of freaking out about the state of the world, lots of calming myself back down through methods of prayer and/or good old denial; I’m adding vegetables and soft-boiled eggs to Top Ramen and rapidly going through my lounge wear; I’m navigating the joys of working from home with the awkwardness of having to go to meetings still in highly occupied areas where people are just touching everything and then going “oops!” while I stand with my neck tight and my gloved-hands shoved into my pockets; but above all, I am watching, baby!

So here’s what I’m consuming in the age of corona! I’ll update it as I go. This is starting on 3/13. My tv thingy is ROKU. Does that matter/help? Idk.

1. ENOUGH (2002) — I watched this on VUDU, which gives you your first rental for 99 cents but still has a few ill-timed commercials (they also send you another half-off coupon later). This movie is not good. It’s upsetting, really! No surprise that JLo carries it, and watching her learn to kill a terrible man is pretty cool.
2. MIKEY AND NICKY (1976) — Watched on Kanopy, the library’s free streaming service. Everyone should have this app it’s fantastic. What can I say about this movie?! It’s charming beyond belief but also pretty, uhhh, ya know, the-men-suck-really-bad-hard-to-watch? To be honest I bet it’s a funner watch in theaters? I could gush about the actors/director but I won’t cause it’s boring for you and that’s good of me, huh.
3. THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (1972) — Watched on the TCM streaming app, which I have on my Roku and am obsessed with?! Can’t find anyone else who has it?! You can watch live (east AND west!) or pick from their giant catalog of movies that I can’t find anywhere else. TPA is a bit of an anomaly in their programming, but it’s tons of fun! Gene Hackman plays the type we now know as “hot priest,” and the “adventure” from the title is no lie. Also my mom was really happy I watched this…she said her dad took her and her twin sister to see it in theaters, which was a big deal and a fun memory.
4. SORRY, WRONG NUMBER (1948) — Also watched this on the TCM app (seriously people run! don’t walk! to your remotes…and download it). I’d seen this movie in high school but it was fun to revisit. It’s truly very thrilling! Ol Barby Stanwick, one of my favorite actresses ever, wails and throws herself around her fancy apartment after discovering someone wants to kill her. This is also a great movie about capitalism: she plays a pharmaceutical heiress (“They call me the Cough Drop Queen”) that’s helplessly out of touch with her place in the world, and people do.not.like.it! They want to kill.her! How timely!
5. CAT PEOPLE (1982) — HBOGO (thanks Corrie for letting me mooch). I’m just gonna say WTF here and ask you to text me if you’ve seen this. Thanks!
6. D2: THE MIGHTY DUCKS (1994) — HBOGO. I needed emotional cleansing and laughs after Cat People and I got it with D2. You kinda miss those crazy kids, don’t you? They feel like part of the dang family.
7. ST. ELMO’S FIRE (1985) — VUDU (once again, with strangely placed commercial breaks, though I gotta say they probably only played like 4 total and they were quick, so worth it for a free movie??). I feel like a real punk for never having seen this, especially after preaching the gospel of Demi Moore’s memoir to everyone I know late last year. Hot goss: Filming was delayed so that Demi could go to rehab for her coke addiction, and then she played a coke addict in this movie (!!!). She also had romances with costars Emilio and Rob Lowe. Anyway this is one of those movies that only people who went to college care about. Ya know, growing older and maintaining dysfunctional-as-hell friendships…I happen to know a thing or two about that :) :)
8. GRAND HOTEL (1932) — TCM! Kinda surprised I’d never seen this storied movie! You may know it from that famous line by Greta Garbo: “I vant to be alooooone.” Watch this is if you liked the Grand Budapest Hotel/the idea of rich interesting people passing through one space. Greta is honestly so beautiful. I don’t even think her and Joan Crawford have any scenes together, but their star power is overwhelming. Really fun and sad, too.
9. GLENGARY GLEN ROSS (1992) — HBOGO. Some people might say that Al Pacino is at his hottest in the Godfather, but I am sorta inclined to believe he reached peak hotness in 1992 (what’s wrong with me?). I saw David Mamet do this q&a thing last week (pre-quarantine) and he said if he had to pick his last meal, it would be “3 bottles of Dom Perignon, a carton of Camels, and every fuckin’ potato chip in the world.” Neither of these anecdotes are about the movie in question because my feelings towards it are sorta complicated and I don’t feel like dealing with them. It IS good so watch it and text me!
10. DECEPTIONS (1990) — Amazon Prime (wow there are SO many ways to watch movies). I love Harry Hamlin and he stars in this with his ex-wife, Nicolette Sheridan (for you Housewives fans out there). This movie attempts to pull off an erotic thriller vibe, but ends up feeling a lot more like a porno? I don’t think there’s actual nudity — it’s just feels low budget and…eek…rapey. For whatever it’s worth, the fashion is iconic and the big white gaudy house Nicolette lives in rules. Harry drives around in a Porsche convertible. He seems to think he is Humphrey Bogart in this movie but I must inform you, he’s the only one who thinks that.

3/22 UPDATE: It’s Sunday night for me and I’m dealing with the anxieties that come from still having to work during quarantine. How many clients will make me still attend meetings? How many hours will I sit at the City office dealing with submittals and updates? Etc. It’s stressful to think about, so instead I’m going to write little notes about the movies I watched this week:

11. HANGING UP (2000) — PLUTO TV. This comedian I follow posted about Hanging Up and I can’t resist a Meg Ryan film. My personal favorite movie (of all time) is You’ve Got Mail, and this was the next film Meg made. It has plenty of kooky women, cozy-rich-white-lady aesthetic, and the usual Ephron sisters stuff. WALTER MATTHAU, my ultimate crush, is also in it. It’s not great but it’s kinda fun and mostly easy to watch. The film’s cue to us that Meg Ryan is not doing well is that she’s constantly getting into minor car accidents — but in a fun, charming way (???).

12. JOURNEY TO ITALY (1954) — Criterion Channel. This is no surprise to anyone ever but I’ve been watching more Ingrid Bergman films in the past few years and she’s becoming one of my favorites at portraying this comedic irritation that is somehow also very touching. This movie is about an older English couple traveling through Italy. The passionate Italians eventually worm their way into this couple’s marriage, but will it bring them together or TEAR THEM APART FOREVER? Don’t care? Watch for the stunning footage of Naples! Catacombs! Mt. Vesuvius! Etc!

13. POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE (1990) — Pluto TV. Somewhere around here I was really seeking comfort from some of these lady-movies. Carrie Fisher wrote this (originally a novel) based on her relationship with her mother. It stars Meryl Streep, Shirley MacLaine, and an incredibly hot Dennis Quaid. It’s fun and heartwarming for sure, but also frequently really annoying?? I’m having a harder and harder time finding rich-people problems compelling or sad.

14. PRIVATE BENJAMIN (1980) — Google Play rental ($3.99). I have been meaning to see this movie for years and years and decided now was the time. Goldie Hawn plays a wealthy and lost young woman who joins the ARMY without fully understanding what she’s doing. So it’s her journey about how the army is really good for her and she’s actually quite strong but she’s still hot and different than other people in the army! There are some pretty strange plot points and the ending didn’t sit well with me (gah I am NO FUN ANYMORE) but I still truly really enjoyed this and would recommend it to anyone. Lots of laughs and awwws.

15. BLAME IT ON RIO (1984) — Pluto TV. Directed by my all-time favorite director, Stanley Donen. And yet, I’ve been avoiding watching it for some time now. It’s about two older men vacationing in Rio with their daughters, and that’s pretty cool! Rio is beautiful and fun to see! But then one of the daughters has an affair with one of the dads and it’s just peek old-man fantasy shit that I can’t really enjoy. There were some moments towards the end where I thought “hang on, this movie is really saying that this is gross and wrong!” So, there’s that for whatever it’s worth. Watch it if you want I guess? It’s Demi Moore’s breakout film and she is quite good. She really did the cliff-jumping stunt and was on tons of coke the entire time.

16. BUTTERFIELD 8 (1960) — TCM. Is this where the Eddie Fisher/Elizabeth Taylor affair started? I could google it but nah. I think Liz Taylor won an Oscar for this, portraying a call girl type who genuinely falls in love. It’s a sad movie about people who keep hurting each other. It’s also extremely horny. I’m getting tired ok.

17. TROOP BEVERLY HILLS (1989) — Pluto TV. Beverly Hills! What a thrill! I’m sure you’ve all seen this fun movie, another one about a woman whose beauty and overall ditziness causes her to stand out in some particular setting and make people ‘bet’ against her. She fails at first and then realizes how selfish she has been, only to use her certain brand of quirkiness to win the day! It’s a comforting formula and this is a fun movie.

18. DAVE (1993) — Google play rental ($3.99). My friend Andrew recommended this one after we talked about how hot Kevin Kline is. The plot is so wacky, let me see if I can lay it out in one go: a guy who looks a lot like the president is hired by the Secret Service to BE the president while the real one is in a coma. Along the way, he basically makes the bad president’s legacy better by fighting for homeless shelters and then “dies”? Kevin Kline IS so hot and charming that it’s pretty watchable, but I also kept feeling like when will this be over?

3/26 UPDATE: well I continue to write my updates only when I’m at my lowest of lows, which are actually pretty frequent during quarantine. Today it is only 6:17pm and I just want to do a full reboot: shut my system down and try restarting her tomorrow morning. It’s not a sense of loneliness or even boredom, but a feeling of helplessness that either leads me to antipathy or frustration on a daily basis. I’m doing my best to eat healthy meals, maintain structure throughout my days, transition from work-outfits to night-outfits, and all the other jokey things you read about on Twitter all day. But each day I am anew with crippling existential crises about what I do with my life in general! Is this just another thing to get through? Or should I use these feelings to make some sort of change, if that’s what I want? These feel like luxurious thoughts because they always come AFTER concerns about how rapidly covid-19 is spreading in Glendale, the fact that I don’t really have any money, I’ll have to go to a grocery store eventually, the primaries couldn’t have happened AFTER all of this??, etc.! If I’m honest, not many of the movies I’ve watched yet have really dulled any of this pain or frustration, but I guess they have offered some moments of relief. I know so many people struggle with entertainment during times of crisis. I happen to be one of those who can just dump my brain into a movie and let it soak for a while. But it has to come back out eventually and face reality. In the meantime, here’s a look at some of the little visits I made this week:

19. THE GREAT ESCAPE (1963) — TCM Live! To be honest, I did not watch this all the way through and was working while it was on. But this film is so ingrained in my memories that I feel it still counts. This was on a lot at my house growing up and I remember not really watching it, but kind of hanging out with my dad and brothers while they watched it and talked about it. I also remember having my very first crush on Steve McQueen in this movie. Of course I wouldn’t dare have shared that with my older brothers, but I wish I had! Maybe someone could have told me early on, “hey, you have terrible taste in men!” Here’s a little text exchange I had with my dad about TGE.

20. THE COMFORT OF STRANGERS (1990) — Criterion Channel. OMGGGGGGGGG I have truly been trying to watch this movie for SO, SO long!!! It’s streaming no where, the library doesn’t have it, my local DVD rental place didn’t have it and then DID but somebody got to it before me, yada yada! I watched it within minutes of receiving an email that it was now streaming on Criterion. I adore Paul Schrader and find him to be one of the most thoughtful filmmakers I’ve ever seen (understatement of the year?? Sorry guys I KNOW I’m not a film critic and I’m not trying to act like I have cool insights ok I just want to document the movies I’m watching). Watching Paul Schrader movies makes me miss church less. I feel that he is constantly providing me with intellectually difficult and spiritually compelling work that STIRS up all those questions and thoughts that can really just *go away* if you want to stop thinking about them. Ok so all that stuff made me excited but then it’s also filmed in VENICE and some of you may remember when I went on that kick where I tried to watch every movie ever filmed in Venice LOL! Absolutely beautiful movie. REALLY weird! Would love to chat with someone who has seen it and I don’t want to give away any spoilies, but this is movie is about what we want from relationships, the ways our anxieties about the future can be actualized, how easy but hard it is to live in delusions. Natasha Richardson is just incredible — I love her so much. Ok I loved this movie, definitely best one I’ve watched yet.

21. HEIST (2001) — Rental. I’m doing something called ‘Mamet Mondays’ at the suggestion of a friend and it’s kinda fun! Is it giving me structure in a time where I’m completely falling apart? Maybe just a little bit, so I’m doing it. This movie is fun! I’d watch it with my parents and I think it’s a great dad movie. I’m always relieved to have another suggestion up my sleeve that my parents will like because when I pick something they don’t like…it’s really uncomfortable. I kept wanting to text people lines because, well, Mamet, and the writing is great. This movie also made Gene Hackman my most-watched actor so far. If I’m doing the tracking right, anyway. Whew.

4/2: Well it’s a new month and same me! I have consciously decided to not watch anything until it’s nighttime (unless it’s a Saturday). So far I still love watching movies more than doing almost anything else, though I’m trying to fight-off that thing that can happen when I’m depressed where I mindlessly watch stuff I don’t care about and kind of lose my sense of appetite. I’m trying to watch things that activate thoughtful reactions, concerns for our world, spiritual wrestling matches, love, etc. etc. etc.! There was a glimmer of rebellion running through each of the movies I watched this week — whether that meant fighting for one’s spiritual beliefs or taking a little extra in your unfair deal with the mob, I found inspiration from characters who are fighting. I feel like I was very lazy in my updates last week “this was so good omgggg” and I’m going to try to be better this time! I’ve now almost watched 30 movies. Does anyone have any recs for what my 30th should be? Or what they’re enjoying? I’m enjoying those of you who read this and follow up it’s really fun thank you :)

22. SEANCE ON A WET AFTERNOON (1964) — Criterion Collection. This is my new favorite movie ever. It’s about a medium who convinces her low-EQ husband to help her kidnap a wealthy family’s child so that she can use her powers to lead the police to finding her. It’s all about do the ends justify the means (she’s constantly saying “we’re just ‘borrowing’ her”), are mediums real/does her husband even believe her, does she believe herself? There’s a lot to gush about, from the perfectly-paced plot to the bouncy but thrilling score from John Barry (seriously, better than any description I could write, if you want to know what the movie is like listen to this). Kim Stanley is so wicked and so vulnerable as the questionable psychic, and Richard Attenborough has you screaming “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” right up until their explosive fight — the only real one in the whole film. Can’t recommend this enough. It’s not really scary but it’s very thrilling! Did I mention that this couple had a stillborn son? The layers never end!

23. THE LEAGUE OF GENTLEMAN (1960) — Criterion Channel. One thing I didn’t mention in my previous description is the genius Bryan Forbes, who I love very much and who also wrote and acted in THIS movie here! Last week I watched The Great Escape; this movie is kinda like that except you’re rooting for the bad guys and they’re robbing a bank. The crew is assembled of ex-military men, each one with some dark secret or disgrace that the lead robber guy holds over them to force participation. But they each also have a specialty that he needs to perform….the perfect robbery. Can it be done? Will you laugh when one of the men says, of his own wife, “no, no, I regret to say the bitch is still going strong” even though you know it’s sexist?? Maybe you won’t watch it at all cause it’s not your thing, but you can now recommend it to your dad and he might like it (mine did!)

24. A LETTER TO THREE WIVES (1949) — TCM Live. I watched this rom-com “with” both of my grandmothers, two aunts from different sides, and my mom. Safe to say it was one of the funnier group text threads I’ve been a part of! We start with three travelling friends, who receive a letter from another friend back home: “hi girls, I’ve run away with one of your husbands. Guess who!” Then we do flashbacks that let us in on all three marriages at pivotal moments. By far the best marriage (tbh the only even okay marriage) is that of Kirk Douglas and Linda Darnell. I really enjoyed the complexities of their relationship — especially from an old rom-com. Then again, these movies are ALWAYSSSSS questioning norms and pushing boundaries. Why would I ever be surprised that old things can be so human!? Kirk plays a bleeding-heart English teacher who makes no money, and Linda works in radio and could make a lot more money. For me, the most captivating moments in this movie were watching them explicitly discuss the power dynamics between them and whether ‘selling out’ for money is ever ok. I am choosing not to get into the other two marriages because this is already long. In conclusion: I enjoyed it! It’s good!

25. THE HONEYPOT (1967) — VUDU (free with no commercials. I don’t quite get when Vudo chooses to play commercials or not but whatever). We’ll I’m back to watching films set in VENICE with this one, although I have to complain right up front that they don’t take advantage of showing off Venice enough! I picked this movie after enjoying A Letter to Three Wives so much, and wanting to watch something by Joseph Mankiewicz that I hadn’t seen before. This is a very strange romcom/murder mystery about an old rich man who messes with ex-girlfriends by telling them he’s dying and they may have an opportunity to inherit his fortune. Three women come. One is killed! A young Maggie Smith plays a nurse who *must* get to the bottom of things. She is very cute and charming, and the whole thing is fairly harmless. But over all, a low-point in my week. Skip it!

26. THINGS CHANGE (1988) — Rented on Google Play, $3.99. Well it was just another Mamet Monday with THINGS CHANGE, a movie staring Don Ameche (the voice of SHADOW in Homeward Bound!!!) and Joe Mantegna (who was at that Mamet screening I went to a few weeks back, and I gotta say, he’s looking good!). Ok this movie is FUN. Don Ameche plays an Italian-American man who strikes a deal with the mob: he’ll take the fall for a murder and go to jail for a few years and they’ll make his retirement dreams of having a boat in Sicily come true. Joe takes him to TAHOE first, to kinda live it up before he confesses. Let’s just say that things get a LiTtLe CoMpLiCaTeD as the two adventure around Lake Tahoe. I miss Lake Tahoe so much and my friends and hiking and camping. I can’t wait to go back. I also love hearing Shadow’s voice with an Italian accent — it feels like all of my interests have combined. Sort-of-related panic mode: I’m running out of Mamet movies to stream/rent on Roku. Hoping the DVD rental place or my library will open for pickups soon. Here’s a bonus pic of a wild looking William H Macy from this movie.

27. HOLY SMOKE (1999) — Criterion Channel. I started to get very panicked about all of the movies leaving Criterion on March 31st and I very sadly didn’t get through all of the ones I wanted. Whew. What I did get to was Holy Smoke, a Jane Campion film with Kate Winslet and Harvey Keitel. First thought: I know everybody loves Kate Winslet, but I sometimes think she doesn’t get enough credit for being an incredible actress! Her performance in this goooooooooes places — places that do not seem to make sense together! But there is some quality about her that centers it all and makes me understand all of the ways in which this character is acting out and trying to get free. It’s really amazing. This is a weird and sort of traumatizing movie. Not for the faint of heart! If you have seen it, text me! I’d love to chat about spiritual freedom and cults and family.

271/2. IN THE CUT — Guys I started In the Cut and fell asleep and then it was gone from Criterion the next day :( Oops…

4/8 UPDATE: Here’s your update, people! Why is my instinct to start with how I’m feeling?! Ah, I guess that is the pandemic life. I FINALLY brought a monitor and keyboard/mouse home from work, and when I asked my boss, sort of ironically, why I waited so long he said something about denial being a powerful thing. Wow okay (all the love to my boss, he rules, just in case this sounded snarky).

Still going out a lot for work. I can’t tell you how aware of germs I am. I’m wearing gloves and a mask, but then when I get back to my car, here are the crises: do I take my gloves off and then start my car? Mask off, first? But ah, then the outside of my gloves have touched my mask. Not to mention my keys, my door handle, the seat belt, etc. And on and on and on. Is this a puzzle? I’m not very good at puzzles. Would love someone to just fill me in on the correct steps, if they exist. What I do now is just wipe everything down all the time and sanitize my hands til they start cracking…and then keep sanitizing.

What have I been up to, other than work? Well, I learned the female part of You Don’t Bring Me Flowers (ahem, harmony included, not to brag.) My friend Trevor and I are attempting to podcast, an idea we’ve noodled around for years now. He has a real challenge because I can’t use a microphone and am completely technologically inept, so maybe send him a prayer if you think of it. We are a few tests in…lol. I finally did a Ryan Heffington dance vid today, thanks to my friend Karis. It was incredible. Follow him on Instagram and do a live video (they stay up for 24 hours!) whenever you can.

Okay, down to the purpose of this whole thing: my media consumption. Well, I had a strange thing start to happen to me that I haven’t encountered before wherein I couldn’t decide what movie to watch. Nothing felt right! And I really solved it. I think part of this indecisive feeling was feeling that movies weren’t special or needed to suit my needs, rather than be something to tune into….Ok so a smiple fix! I have started watching this little AMC intro video BEFORE I watch movies at home. Obviously this is a bad version, but I can’t seem to find a good one. My absolute favorite moment comes at 36 seconds, when the enthused movie-watcher spills popcorn all over himself during what we can only surmise was a THRILLING part of the film. I have never not laughed at this moment, and I’m sad to hear AMC is now bankrupt. The hours I’ve spent at the Burbank AMCs…some of the best of my life! I also put my phone AWAY, eat some popcorn, and turn the lights down. Okay so that’s a fun way to make movie night special. I’ve also been reading again, wow. And listening to music and other things. So look out for more bolded sections below. Sorry this was longer than normal.

Uh oh, I have to keep going: on a manicurial note, I’ve adjusted some of the numbers. This is because 1) I originally listed Love Is Blind in the movie section. It is not a movie. GOODBYE. It has been moved to the IDK section, and the podcast is also TBD! Okay, actually I think that’s it. Onward, Christian soldier!

28. DOWNHILL (2020) — Rented for far too much $$, but I really wanted to and have no regrets. My brother and sister-in-law watched this recently. And actually when I saw previews of it in theaters, I sorta figured, “Oh ya, I’ll see that.” I know it’s a remake and NO, I haven’t seen Force Majeure yet, sorry. Anyway, it has some really funny moments? Eeek, you know it’s bad when that’s how you start. Probably the funniest moment is right during the opening credits when they’re taking a family photo. I was talking to my brother about how this is just such a dark premise, it’s hard to laugh at once the plot gets going. Is the end that we forgive this guy? Maybe I could do that, if he seemed to really love his family. But then, as we get to know him, he does that middle-aged-man-wishing-for-freedom thing that is deeply unattractive and even less empathetic. IDK. I didn’t exactly hate it, but I didn’t love it either. I could see it being an easy movie to throw on with your family. Wow I say that a lot, what’s up with that?

29. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS (1956) — Rented on Amazon for $3.99. Yeah, we’re doing EPICS now! What could I ever say about this movie that hasn’t already been said!? I guess my personal experience, which is that I’d seen parts of it so, so many times. I’d never sat down and watched it all the way through. Which..okay I actually didn’t do here either. But I paused it and picked it back up a few times all in one day. BTW I’m in this writing workshop right now, and it’s the big bright shining light in my quarantine. Our workshop went for FOUR HOURS on Sunday. So I watched some of this before, some of it after, and some of it the next morning. It is a truly beautiful movie. The scope is absolutely unbelievable. Another alarming thing was that I am now very into Rameses, uh oh! It’s Holy Week, and it’s hard not to be able to attend a procession and all of the vigils included. I made a bigass list of “religious movies” to watch during Holy Week if anyone is looking for some. Back to TTC, it’s absolutely incredible. I found myself, this time around, very impressed by the writers! The dialogue is very sexy but ancient but natural!? And the plagues…well…that’s how I’m hooking this into modern times. You feel plagued now? Here’s a film that can show you a plague or two. Holy hell.

30. WE’RE NO ANGELS (1989) — Mamet Monday, but make it Holy Week! We’re No Angels stars…well tons of people but notably to this little space: Demi Moore, who is now one of my TOP WATCHED actors, and a very cute tiny baby named John C. Reilly. It’s about some escaped convicts who pretend to be priests, and then Sean Penn happens to actually be very, very good at priesting. You know that classic Robert De Niro “you talkin to me?” face? I’m not talking about him in Taxi Driver, I’m talking about the crazy over the top EHHH?? face he does later in his career? I think that all started here. I was busting up at his face work in this movie. Not even a single HINT of subtlety! He just keeps going:

31. THE APARTMENT (1960) — TCM. I’m sad and seeking so much comfort right now. I’m trying not to drain my snacks, so on this particular night I turned to The Apartment, which is currently (and probably always is) on TCM with an intro by Alicia Malone, who I love. I had fun texting my mom about it: we bought this film and Annie Hall at a used DVD store during a road trip when I was just 15. We watched them both in hotel rooms over string cheese and diet coke. We would put my dog, Coby, in suitcases and sneak him into un-pet-friendly hotel rooms. He would stay so still and quiet in a duffel bag. What a good boy. Anyway, The Apartment is one of the best movies of all time for a reason — it holds up past those sentimental memories of mine. I am very struck by it’s ability to be light-hearted and funny but also deeply, deeply sad. The plot is masterful, and the dialogue so natural …And by natural I mean, I guess, it’s how my grandmother speaks: witty and biting and so beautifully sincere. Anyone would love this movie, everyone should watch it! It’s a romcom but like…shit gets real!

32. GARLIC IS AS GOOD AS TEN MOTHERS (1980) — Criterion Channel. My friend Kourtney recommended this one. Man, was she right. It’s a doc about garlic, what else can I say? Garlic is medicine, it is life, it is maybe the one thing that makes me feel like cooking these days (what’s up with all the people who are good at cooking right now? I mean cool, but what? Can you stop posting about it?). This doc takes a look at the influence of garlic around the world. It tries to do this thing where it’s like “people think garlic stinks, they don’t like it!” but it feels pretty obvious that everyone will come around. I found myself missing two things: braids of garlic and my good friend Megan Mueller. Megan knows her way around a head of garlic! When we were roommates, we used to have these really fun Sunday lunches/dinners. I miss those times.

4/17 UPDATE: Well it’s becoming increasingly clearer with each passing day that this log will go on for quite some time. I think that knowledge has slowed down my desire to write the updates as frequently, though it hasn’t dulled my voracious appetite for films! I got to A LOT in the past week. Sometimes it’s as simple and as dumb as this: movies are providing me with relief, connection, distraction, and company.

My parents were mentioning that they didn’t know what to watch, and I spent a bunch of time working on this customized list for them and I’m kinda proud of it! :)

Note that these are recs specifically for my parents!

Okay, gonna jump on in:

33. LITTLE WOMEN (2019) — I did sort of write about this one last week, but then deleted it immediately cause I wanted to think on it a bit more! Ultimately, I don’t love it. Of course it’s LITTLE WOMEN, so how bad can it really be? Why don’t I love it. Well, although I do feel I’m pretty open-minded, and not just generally anti-NEW stuff, I don’t feel that this film’s updates necessarily benefit the story of Little Women. I did like the performances, the costumes, yada yada. I guess I am glad it exists, I just personally prefer other versions! My brother and I reread Little Women last summer and it was the purest I’ve felt in years, just in case anyone is seeking that kinda feeling rn.

34. THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTER (1955) — Free on Amazon Prime. My friend Zack recommended this one and BOOM, it’s a doozy. A phony preacher (impeccably played by Robert Mitchum) has everyone fooled when he marries a recently widowed woman — everyone, that is, besides her son, who is protecting $10,000 that his father stole before he was put in prison. So it’s kid vs. preacher, at first pretty subtly. Once the con is revealed, it’s all out war. I think the young boy did a fantastic job, and he’s eventually protected by a middle-aged Lillian Gish, who is the mother-to-orphans we all want. Side note: Lillian Gish lived til she was 99. This is a great film, I really enjoyed it.

35. THE INNOCENTS (1961) — YOUTUBE! Another rec from Zack! Another thriller, this time it’s Deborah Kerr getting hired as a governess for some orphaned children. Things start to get a little weird when she starts seeing ghosts and becoming convinced that the children might be messing with her. It’s one of those “is this in her head?” or not things. The ending is pretty wild. I really enjoyed Deborah Kerr’s performance as an overly loving governess who doesn’t quite have a handle on her emotions. The children in this are also pretty good at portraying sweet but freaky Victorian children.

36. BEN HUR (1959) — TCM. It was Easter so I watched Ben Hur all the way through. What do you want from me? Actually, if I’m honest, I put this on while sort of wanting to take a nap. I’ve seen it so many times, I felt ok doing that. But it’s gripping! I couldn’t close my eyes! It continues to strike me in new ways as I get older. This is a big duh, but I can’t believe that chariot race. Rouuuuuuuuuugh stuuuuuuuuuuuuuffffffff.

37. MURDER BY CONTRACT (1956) — I can’t remember where I watched this — Criterion maybe? But the whole thing’s also on YouTube in excellent quality. Truly was feeling a little bored writing about these last few films, but NOW I’M EXCITED, BABY. This movie is incredible! I listened to a little interview thingy Scorsese gave about it and he said “it’s one of those B movies that ended up being a lot better than the A movie it played with” (ish, not a direct quote). It’s a film noir about a contract killer who’s almost too good at his job. Well, he gets a challenge when he’s sent to Los Angeles to kill a shut-in woman who is surrounded by police protection (he keeps being like IT’S A WOMAN? I need $10k more then! And it’s honestly hilarious). He’s accompanied by two goofballs handlers, one so sweetly dumb and earnest, I wanted to hug him. It’s a wonderful plot — funny and scary. It moves but it’s in no rush. They also film at the Glendale train station. WOO! Watch this!

38. THE EDGE (1997) — Rented on GooglePlay. Mamet Monday continues! This time with an Alaskan adventure staring Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin. The premise made me LOL: Anthony Hopkins is a millionaire, and he’s married to a young hot fashion model. They go to a super remote part of Alaska for a photoshoot with her photographer, Alec Baldwin. LOL. But Don’t worry, the ridiculousness of that premise actually is revealed in a cool way later on! Okay so it’s that, but then the men get stuck after a crazy helicopter crash (seriously, ban helicopters) and end up fighting a Moby-Dick style villainous bear. Okay. It’s beautiful — Alaska is beautiful. The bear is badass. The way the plot gets tied together is pretty amazing, too. I keep thinking, after each Mamet movie, how masterful they are. And yet they aren’t my favorite. What’s up with that? Maybe I’ll try to have an answer by next week.

39. DEEP IMPACT (1998) — Netflix! First off, this is the first thing I’ve watched on Netflix since all of this started? Why the F do I even have Netflix? Time to cancel it yet again. Well, it was 80 degrees out on Tuesday afternoon and I was struggling to accomplish any work. I cracked open a diet coke and ate some leftover cold pasta while I watched this. It was absolutely perfect. Deep Impact is hilarious, preposterous, so embarrassingly serious, full of a million actors who are all in seemingly different films, inspiring, and A LITTLE SURPRISING! It’s a fun watch. You might even get a little emotional at the end (not if you’re me though. For sure not.)

40. BIO-DOME (1996) — Amazon Prime. Wow, where to start….where to start….I’ll just say this is for sure the worst movie I have watched so far — perhaps one of the worst movies I’ve EVER watched, ever! My friend Melissa had been mentioning wanting to watch it. I forgot to ever look it up, I just knew it was about the Biodome and a quarantine-type situation, and I thought, YES! Well we watched it over zoom and it’s positively insufferable. It’s especially disappointing because (loosely) the plot has a ton of fun potential, but they made it so unbelievably wacky that now I hate the plot. I was trying to be hopeful that it would at least carry a cool environmental message — some of the only “normal” characters care a lot about the environment. Will that come through? But by the end, that was pretty watered-down too. Too stupid for words. WHY AM I STILL WRITING ABOUT IT.

41. TEOREMA (1968) — Criterion Channel. You know when you wake up at 8:30 on your day off, make some coffee, and throw on Italian arthouse cinema? Harharhar. I just watched this one this morning and truly loved it. It’s about a rich family in Milan who have a surprise visitor. This visitor ends up having romantic entanglements with all four of the family members — oh and the housekeeper. He’s so compelling and desirable, I would have for sure had an entanglement with him myself if I were there. But then he leaves suddenly, and each family member was thrown into a tizzy and is suddenly left seeing the sad truth about their own lives. It’s as much about class struggle as it is romantic heartbreak — the father struggles with an uprising at his factory while the mother’s insatiable sexual desires leaver her emptier and emptier. There’s also a fascinating supernatural element. I’d definitely recommend this one. Oh also, quick shout out to the scenes of the son painting and monologue about the artist. I searched and searched for a transcript but can’t find one. Wow, it was good to feel alive and remember beauty after the dregs of Bio-dome.

4/28 UPDATE: Shout out to the real heads who check this Medium regularly. I love y’all. This is also now a newsletter, so if you don’t want to have to check my Medium once a week, send me your email address and I’ll deliver you regular updates! Here’s what I sent this week…(except I fixed some of the typos here hehehe).

Hi welcome to my media log newsletter!!! Some of you are here from when I meant to start a book newsletter earlier this year and then promptly stopped after only one update. Sorry about that. Anyway, this will be similar except now I’m focusing on movies. I’ve actually been doing this for over a month, and you can find the full list of films I’ve watched here. It’s been fun to engage with friends about the movies I’m watching, especially during this time! I’ll admit that I’ve been slow to realize my love of movies, which I have decided to blame on all the film major boys I used to hang around :). Sometimes I still feel goofy writing these little reviews, because I know there are 100x people ‘more qualified’ to talk about film, so forgive me if I get too self-aware at times. The point of this, for me, is to explore my love of movies, connect with other people who like watching them, and hopefully give/get some great film recommendations along the way! I’ll also casually mention that I was just furloughed from a job that I’ve poured my entire heart into and I’m definitely thinking ‘big picture’ about my next steps in life. Would I absolutely love it if that next step involved film?????????? I’ll let you decide. Until then, LET’S GET TO IT!

As always, text me if you have thoughts on one of these films, and send me your recommendations! xoxo.

42. CASINO (1995) — I guess I should mention that I always start these things with how I watched the film. I have Roku and a DVD player, so it’s always limited to those options. I actually own this film on DVD so TAKE THAT, STREAMERS! I say this a lot, but here it is again: this is the best movie of all time! This movie is PERFECT. I’ll do a quick plot recap for those who haven’t seen it (man, my readers are such a mixed bag…I love it!) Casino is a sweeping, epic tale about America’s disgusting and capitalistic obsession with money through the eyes of mid-level gangsters in the desperate, beautiful desert of Las Vegas. Bobby D plays SAM ROTHSTEIN, a pure-hearted yet evil dummy who is extremely good at running a casino for gangsters in Chicago, but ultimately lets his personal relationships invade his work. His friendship with made-man, Joe Pesci, continually puts his work in jeopardy and ends up being part of his demise. Although arguably less so than GINGER, the most lovable paramore of all time. I could write about Ginger forever. She’s played by Sharon Stone, who wore 30 impeccable costumes (De Niro wore 70….70 costumes!). I think I love that Sam stands as a sort of moral center of this film, and I think he’s taught me a lot of lessons about *ahem* overextending your $$, letting people treat you like trash, making internal deals with yourself about what sort of behavior you’ll accept from those you love, turning a blind eye to bad stuff, etc. The biggest lesson is one we already know: THE HOUSE WILL ALWAYS WIN. In this case, “the house” is really greed. I don’t have any time for those who say that Scorsese glamorizes crime. No director has more consistently portrayed the pitfalls of loving money, cheating, etc. There’s so many specific moments I’d like to shout out: Sam falling for Ginger at first sight, Sam declaring that each muffin must be made with the same amount of blueberries, Scorsese’s mother reprising her acting career and being even more adorable and hilarious than she is in Goodfellas. Oh yeah, I was going to argue that his movie is better than Goodfellas. I think I already have, but I’ll say more specifically that I think it takes the formula in Goodfellas to a whole new level. The stakes are much higher here, the comedic moments richer, the narration more thrilling, the love story more heart-wrenching, the use of pop music more inventive, the costumes, the setting…! My friend Kyle mentioned that usually chaos is a bad sign in a movie, but that here it works perfectly, and I think he’s totally right. This is a just fantastic movie, maybe Scorsese’s most overlooked but one of his best. It is extremely violent — more so than Goodfellas even, so keep that in mind if that sort of thing bothers you! Watch it! Trust me! “When you love someone, you gotta trust them…”

43. HAROLD AND LILIAN: A HOLLYWOOD LOVE STORY (2015) — I watched this on TCM Live last weekend, during their ‘at home’ annual film festival. This is a doc about a fascinating couple! Harold was a storyboard artist who worked on some of the greats: The Ten Commandments, The Birds, Ben Hur, that Danny DeVito movie that looks awful but whatever…the list goes on and on! One cool thing was they showed photos of his work next to what shots ended up looking like and they were identical! They also discussed how during that time, directors/cinematographers would keep storyboard artists ‘secret’ from the rest of the crew. They never even got credits on the films they worked on! Because of these dudes’ egos! Crazy. So Harold was married to Lilian, who originally couldn’t find work in Hollywood, and then stumbled into working in film research libraries. These researchers were go-tos for directors. Here’s an example of what someone in a research library did: Norman Jewison asked Lilian what young Jewish girls wore as underwear for the a scene in The Fiddler on the Roof. Lilian was such a pro. She couldn’t find the answer, so she started hanging out at Jewish delis and eventually befriended some older women who were able to provide her with sewing samples of what they wore! She worked for a few major studios, opened her own library, and then was poached by Coppola for his studio, and then DreamWorks for theirs! Fun fact: the king and queen in Shrek were based on Harold and Lilian. Cute doc, also pretty sad. They openly discuss many of the things that just make married life and parenting and aging and losing a partner hard. I watched this on a Saturday afternoon and that’s the perfect time for it.

44. LA COLLECTIONNEUSE (1967) — Criterion. So I’m dipping my toe into arthouse films! It’s mostly fun. This one was….ok? Gah, it’s actually kind of annoying! It’s about an art curator (or something?) who is staying at a friends’ house on the French Riviera for vacation with his painter friend. They are annoyed to learn that a young, aimless woman is also staying at the house. Originally our main character isn’t into her: he is 100% focused on ‘vacationing’ and doing nothing in that French, cool way. Of course she’s stunning and cool as hell, and he’s bored so he becomes obsessed with her in the grossest way possible: he’s not into being with her, he’s into making her into him…??? The whole film is just his attempts at manipulating this poor girl into wanting to be with him. Tbh, I’ve lived this film’s plot with enough dumb idiots but not in the French Riviera, so wow. Bummer. I can’t say I’d recommend it, but at the same time, I’ve texted with my friend Kourtney about it quite a bit since I watched it over a week ago. So maybe it’s part of my life now?

45/46. FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (2011)/ NO STRINGS ATTACHED (2011) — Amazon I think? You know how studios will release competing films the same year? WELL I was low enough to watch both this week. Must say that Friends With Benefits is much better than No Strings Attached. If you need a dumb romcom (which we all do at times) I would recommend FWB 100x over NSA. Both are stacked with incredible casts and participate in that fun ‘New York vs. LA’ thing and poke fun at the film industry yada yada yada. I think Mila Kunis (I accidentally called her Mina Kulis while Marco Poloing some friends recently LOL) is actually an incredible actress?? She made Friends With Benefits a lot of fun by somehow turning her paper-thin character into a real person. MOVING ON!!!!!!!!

47. VANYA ON 42nd STREET (1994) — Criterion Channel. For those of you who are new here, I started doing something called Mamet Mondays where I watch a film David Mamet wrote or directed every Monday. This is because I saw him do a q&a literally the Monday before quarantine started with friends Zack and Chelsea (hi Chelsea! I think you’re here!). I’ve now watched 7 of his films and can’t get past this strange feeling that he is simultaneously the best writer of all time and completely devoid of any heart (???). The films just DO NOT stick with me, but are meticulously crafted! The dialogue is so insanely good (this is where any of my film friends roll their eyes at me, I’m positive of it). I decided to diverge from the path a bit this week with VANYA ON 42nd STREET, a film Mamet sort of wrote. It’s a film about a group of actors who are doing a Checkov play called Uncle Vanya. The film literally starts with our actors (Julianne Moore, Wallace Shawn, etc.) walking into the theater, greeting each other, and sort of getting ready for one of their rehearsals. Then they just…launch into the play! With very few breaks! It’s interesting because they aren’t in costume, some are still ‘on book’ etc. Must emphasize that it’s not a documentary. Again, I dig that Mamet wrote this as a screenplay, it’s very interesting, but also he BARELY WROTE IT, cause CHEKOV WROTE IT? But he was peripherally involved, so I guess that counts as Mamet Monday. Now that I’m in a playwriting class, I felt legit watching it. It’s definitely a fun way to think about the dynamics and mechanisms behind live theater. Gah, do I miss live theater! Would recommend this movie, but it’s slow and anticlimactic. Watch if you’re into watching actors WEEeeeEeRK honey.

48. RED DESERT (1964) — Criterion, DUH! I am delving deep into Italian cinema right now, so if that’s not for you, it may be time to *look away*. I’ve seen a lot of the greats (Fellini, et al), but have taken a real interest in Michelangelo Antonioni. I started with Red Desert, at the recommendation of my friend Kourtney. It’s a stunning film about a woman spiraling. I believe the director wants us to believe she is mentally unwell, and while I mostly agree, I think she is also incredibly antagonized by her setting: she’s married to a man who runs a really terrible factory and she seems uninterested in motherhood. The film is so much OUTSIDE, but all of the outside is nature that has been destroyed by consumerism and $$$ (can you tell what I’ve been thinking about lately?). So the film is kind of her touring about with a man (not her husband) that she’s interested in and trying to understand her place in this messed up, ugly, beautiful world. It’s somehow so still, even through all the chaos and wrecked environments. I do recommend it but it’s you know, slow and artsy.

49. L’AVVENTURA (1960) — Criterion. It’s another Antonioni but mannnnnnnn — this one I recommend to YOU ALL! The plot is that a group of friends go out on a boating adventure and then one of the women goes missing, and they have to deal with what happened to her along with new *feelings* that arise. When I first heard the plot, I thought it must be a cruise or some giant boat. But it’s truly like, 6 rich and depressed Italian friends on a yatch visiting volcanic islands. The woman who goes missing is having relationship troubles with her boyfriend, so your immediately like, did he do it? The group searches and searches, but what they find is not the woman, but feelings between the boyfriend and the missing girl’s best friend! Scandal! Monica Vitti, Antonioni’s muse, plays the friend. She’s definitely the center of the film in that she’s 1) not as rich as them 2) is more relatable 3) has that freaking crazy energy that just makes her the perfect cinematic muse! I loved learning that Antonioni discovered Vitti while she was doing voice over work for him. He came up to her and said ‘hey, the nape of your neck is beautiful. You could be in movies!’ And she was like, whaaaa? Then they dated/were married for like 10 years and she acted in all his best films. Anyway, back to L’avventura. Once again, one of my favorite aspects is the nature on display. The volcanic islands are at first the perfect rich person destination, and then are suddenly the harshest and scariest places you’ve ever seen. The tension just keeps building and I won’t spoil anything, but Antonioni loves his “big song” endings. Anyone reading this would dig it! Please watch!

5/4 UPDATE: Bouna sera! Grazie per essera qui. Ti amo. Amo i film. Andiamo! Happy to be here making another update. Life is good, I have my health, I no longer have the Sunday Scaries, and it stayed relatively cool all weekend. I continue my foreign film education with particular attention to Italiaaaa, and I’m wondering when I’ll just start learning Italian already?

The films below are a true trip around the world: from the rough, volcanic rocks in Australia, to metropolitan Spain, to my beloved Venice. It’s difficult to find a through-line in these particular films, so I’m going to play a cheap card and say something about the human spirit creating art and how it sustains us all.

50. TIE ME UP! TIE ME DOWN! (1989) — Criterion Channel. Mama Mia! Antonio Banderas in high-wasted Levis with a tucked in red turtle neck. Nuff said, right? You’re in? Ok for those weirdos who need more: this is a movie about a man who has lived a deeply an unfair life that put him in and out of foster homes/mental institutions, and while he is “mad,” it’s possibly only in the romantic sense?? His big life mission is to rescue a girl he met years before — a girl who asked him for saving. That brings me to our heroine: she is a former porn star who used to do tons of drugs, but has turned her life around and was recently cast in a film by a famous (but aging) director. So when Antonio is released from the hospital, he uhhh…no way around this one…he kidnaps her. It’s pretty weird, it’s gross. This girl is abused over and over again. But somehow there is revealed a sweetness in their relationship, and when they finally have sex (it is consensual!), she remembers him. And it’s sorta really, really nice? The film is excellently made, which is no surprise coming from Pedro Almodovar (recently an Oscar sweetie for Pain and Glory, which I also loved). Even a film-dummy like me can’t help but notice the vibrant colors and the shout-outs to various Spanish genres. There are several excellent side characters who all deserve their own write-ups. But here we are. One thing that really got me in this film was a moment when the Antonio character creates a map of his life for his beloved. It’s is drawn like a subway system: all the major places/moments that have affected him. It’s lovely and has inspired me to make my own life map! Antonio also sings at the end and it’s perhaps one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen in my nearly 30-year long life.

51. PICNIC AND HANGING ROCK (1975) — Criterion Channel wow, I’m heavy on that app these days. Are you looking for some mysticism in your life? Did you like Anne of Green Gables, but also enjoy horror films? Do you think that Miranda is a Botticelli angel? Oops, got ahead of myself with that last one. This film is based on a true story about a girls’ school in Victorian-ruled Australia that take a field trip to Hanging Rock, a state park where four of the students go missing. Okay, initial random thoughts: if Midsommar was too intense for you (wow it was for me) but you like the idea of girls in white dresses having unexplained, mysterious relationships with nature, this might be for you! Tension builds and builds as secrets about the school they attended are revealed, boys who don’t know them but thought they were cute become drawn into the search party and go mad, one girl is found, and MORE SECRETS about the school are revealed. Theoretically, I think this film is about the dangers of repression. But it’s also completely off the rails and leaves you with questions about cults, mysticism, the cool hot girls you went to school with who seemed to know something you didn’t, and CONTROL. It’s very good. I don’t want to say too much at the risk of spoilies, because so much of this is about the mystery. So tell me if you watched it and we can get into it more!

52. JUST GO WITH IT (2011) — I watched this on STARZ, which I secretly retain access to through a guy I dated for two months over a year ago. This film’s title could not be more apt: a plot so insane, you simply must just go with it. The premise is actually sort of stolen from one of my favorite romcoms of all time, CACTUS FLOWER (1960), a film so charming and heart-wrenching that I’m tempted to quit writing this review and just go rewatch that. The Sandman plays a plastic surgeon in Bev Hills who was so brutally rejected by his bride-to-be early in his life, he has found a way of finding casual sex with women by wearing a wedding ring (yes, you read that correctly). But then he meets a girl who he’s really into and she finds his ring, naturally accusing him of lying. Instead of fessing up, he decides to tell her he’s getting a divorce and has Jennifer Aniston, his assistant at his practice, act as his “ex-wife.” The plot eventually brings Adam, the new girlfriend, Jen, AND her children to HAWAII, where they must act life a former- family in order for The Sandman to get to know this gal. Look it’s insane………who cares. I love any movie that brings me to Hawaii, and if the Sandman is there — that’s even better!. Of course we all know without knowing anything that Jen and the Sandman eventually fall in love. As I’ve already mentioned, a lot of movies do this plot better, and a lot of Adam Sandler’s films are funnier and more heartfelt. But if you’re sad about being furloughed, it might take your mind off things for a few (eek!). In conclusion: I recommend Cactus Flower!

5/7 UPDATE: Hi everyone! Before I begin, I just want to make a quick acknowledgement about how boring my last update was — not the films I reviewed, but the intro, general tone, etc. was SLEEPY. I know…I hear you! The whole point of this is FUN, and I plan to amp it up a couple notches going forward with some *engaging* and stunty stuff. So let’s just jump right in with a little recommendation from Dr. Chloe ‘Love’ Cuffel:

BIG NIGHT DATE NIGHT

We all know I am the master of romantic love, which is probably why this date night I’ve concocted has a 3/3 success rate among couples who’ve tried it. The plan is simple: order takeout from your favorite local Italian spot (try Two Guys From Italy, if you live near Glendale!), and Rent BIG NIGHT (1996) for $3.99 (on GooglePlay or Amazon or whatever is your poison). You should probably also procure some Chianti (I have it on good authority from the owner of Two Guys that the Chianti they serve is bad, but another local spot, Holcomb, is doing curbside pickups!) or even some Negronis. Speaking of Negronis: Stanley Tucci went V (viral, lol) recently after he posted a video of himself making his wife a Negroni. Some seemed surprised at the raw sexual energy he exuded, and I’m here to tell you that he’s always been hot, but never hotter than in Big Night, which he also wrote and directed. He stars alongside Tony Shalhoub (another SCHWING in my opinion), Isabella Rosselini (she’s the absolute best wow I could go on and on about her life), Minnie Driver, and Marc Anthony. If you didn’t pause and go “that’s a great cast,” I’m doing it for you now….That’s a great cast. The plot is that two Italian immigrant brothers are struggling to keep their authentic restaurant in business with the competition of gimmicky and Americanized spots that are popping up in 1950s New Jersey. The brothers (Tucci and Shalhoub) are hilariously, heartbreakingly sincere about their work. Shalhoub is a chez artiste who outright refuses to compromise (hot tip, maybe don’t order spaghetti and meatballs unless you want to feel completely owned when he goes off on a customer) and Tucci attempts to cajole him into being a bit more business savvy. The whole thing culminates in a (duh) big night, in which they pull out all the stops in a final attempt to gain some notoriety. There’s romantic entanglements, questions about the intersection of art and commerce, and more comedic moments than I can express (one friend said they had to pause it due to their own laughter). This is a wonderful little film, and I think all of you would really enjoy it! Word to the wise: I wasn’t kidding about ordering food first. You do not want to watch this one hungry.

Onto my movie updates! Did you notice that I, like the guys in Big Night, am forcing myself to add gimmicks to make this cooler? Hm. Anyway. I didn’t watch that much this week, and honestly, some of these reviews are just me catching up on those I’ve let sit in my backlog (it’s a lot easier to dead-eyed watch a movie than to write what you think about it).

Each of these films is about a character on a dang clear mission, whether that’s proving their innocence, rushing across the country to stop a wedding, or hurriedly covering their tracks. These are tense and plot driven, which is a real departure from the Italian stuff I’ve been gorging myself on. I actually find it a great relief to watch movies about people with TASKS TO DO. That feels like a luxury right now — to be able to laser your focus in on an urgent mission (ok I say that while also knowing how good I have things and I apologize to anyone with real, urgent, important work who is like “whaaaa?”). It’s also fairly interesting to note that this is the most modern streak of films I’ve watched so far. Not to be all “old is better than new,” but these are a lot easier to digest in that they don’t really require that much from you as a viewer. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but…YA, I’m also excited to get to some more substantive things next time around :) Til then….

I have a lot of ENGAGING and SHINY stuff planned for the next few posts. I’m now a real gimmicky gal and will be marketing myself etc. One thing I’m working on is about local movie theaters, and I’m curious about everyone’s favorite spots to see movies. So respond if you have one/want to! What’s your go-to theater? What do you like about it? It doesn’t have to be cool; some of my favorite answers are like, “nobody else goes there,” “parking’s easy” etc.!

Thanks again for not unsubscribing after my last post, and I hope we can continue to have some fun together. As always, you can find the full list of films I’ve watched since Q struck here, and I’m always open to your thoughts and recommendations (even if those recs have to marinate for a while before I get to them — I do promise that I will!).

Ciao BELLA!

53. BUBBLE BOY (2001) — I paid $3.99 to rent and watch this movie. I paid $3.99 to rent and watch this movie? God help me. BUT I did get to watch it “with” my BFF Melissa, so that part was fun. Are other people doing this? Watching movies “with” people? I’ve done it a few times and can’t seem to nail down the best format. Over Zoom there’s bad echos, so you certainly wouldn’t wanna do it with a film you really love. IDK. Let me know if you have a good idea there (but please don’t mention Netflix Party). Bubble Boy is about lil Jake G, who was born with two ailments: 1) no immune system and 2) the world’s most annoying laugh, and man, he laughs A LOT. He lives in a giant bubble-room and ends up falling in love with his nextdoor neighbor (she’s named Chloe!), who actually seems to love him back too. But then we find out she’s getting married, and Jake decides he must travel from Tarzana (he lives in Tarzana lol. I love Hollywood being like “Tarzana is a normal place, this might happen there”) to Niagra Falls to stop her wedding. So then it’s just him in a smaller bubble, going around the country, encountering groups of people who are racially exploited in various ways, getting into *WaCkY* situations, and somehow never bursting his physical bubble nor his sweet and pure spirit bubble. I feel bad because I did have a LOL or two, but ultimately I thought it was pretty stupid. Again, like with Bio-Dome, there’s something so rich and interesting about the idea. Maybe I’m just circling this increasingly real feeling that Melissa and I should be writing the remake of Bio-Dome, but we have other stuff going on. But we really should. Did you see Bubble Boy? What did you think? Danny Trejo is in it! LA’s hero! One time I got a donut from him at the New Bev. Speaking of (sneak peek!), you’ll hear my thoughts about the New Beverly Theater in an upcoming newsletter!

54. BAD EDUCATION (2019) —HBO. I think this was really good! I had high expectations because I really enjoyed Cory Finley’s first film, THOROUGHBREDS (2017). Bad Education is a movie about juicyyyyy secrets, baby: the superintendent of a very high-ranking/rich public school is busted for embezzlement. I won’t say too much plot-wise because the unfolding is part of the fun. Let’s just say that your heart-rate will rise as the story slowly (REALLY slowly! but in a great way!) unfolds into a tapestry of insanity. If you thought you “got it” from the trailer (I did), you didn’t! This is also one of those movies where you love the bad guys, because they are sad and trying to take care of themselves and the people they love. But they end up doing the opposite, of course. Hugh Jackman has perhaps….never been better? He’s SO good. Allison Janney is perfect, as usual. I think it’s really a fun movie! That being said, HBO is the perfect format for it: I enjoyed it and will never watch it again. I feel like mentioning here that when I saw Thoroughbreds, Finely’s first film, there was a shooting scare in the theater I was in and I wrote about that here. Is that gross self-promotion? Whatever, we’re in MY newsletter!

55)THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL (2014) — Rented on GooglePlay. Me, review a Wes Anderson film? For this audience? Ehhhh, nah (cue me freaking out about racial injustices that we sometimes really see, like we did this week, but usually never see, and then just in general feeling embarrassed about how dumb white-people culture is). What DOES interest me here is this: I didn’t love GBH when it came out, but I had that weird, nostalgic urge to rewatch it again all last week. I enjoyed it A LOT more this time. Especially the ski/sled scene. I think it’s interesting how we just know what we want to watch when we want to watch it. Sometimes a recommendation will hit me and I’ll say yeah, I wanna watch that NOW. Other times I want to respond bluntly “I’m not going to watch that” when people give me TV etc. recommendations — not because I don’t trust their taste, but because I know that we all come to stuff on our own timing. Perhaps that’s an odd thing for me to say, as I try to shove movies that I want you to watch down your throat twice a week. But what I mean is: let these recs sit with you, watch what you want, and if those happen to be these, cool!!! If not, maybe you’ll come back to them in years to come. That happens to me all the time. Sometimes it takes years to warm up to a recommendation. I don’t take it personally. We’re all just doing our thing! Anyway. Would happily engage in further discussion about GBH with anyone who wants to talk, but writing a review of it in this newsletter seems particularly futile :)

5/13 UPDATE: Hi Hi! We’re back again!Quick mercurial update: this is now called Chloe’s Movie NEWSLETTER, instead of MEDIA LOG. That’s cause a media log is where you just write the names of things you’re viewing/reading/whatever, and I’m now doing a lot more than that. So, there we go.

In addition, I’ve got another GiMmICk for you to celebrate my very own 30th birthday! That’s right, I turn 30 this Sunday, and I am forcing you all to celebrate with me on this here newsletter. Yahoo, lucky you! My celebration act is a very unsexy, silly, and messy little transit-style map of 30 movies that have meant something significant to me in my life so far.
I really went with my gut here, and I’m sure that in the days and weeks to come, I’ll wish I’d made cuts and additions. But these are the films that I thought about this week, while reflecting on my 30 years of life. Shout out to my mom and dad and older brothers who introduced most of these to me. Additional shout out to my mom for giving birth to me and being the best movie watching buddy I’ve ever had. Let’s all give it up to Carol in a lil belated mothers’ day celebration!

Without further ado….here is my map:

I guess because I’m here and doing this, I’ll write a little sentimental thing about how much these particular movies have meant to me: My dad has always called me ‘little sister’ because True Grit was (maybe still is? I’ll ask him!) his favorite movie; My brother Kevin and I used to watch Signs and kinda-sorta wish it was real, probably because our religious upbringing made us keen to an enemy always lurking, and Signs expressed a tangible way to fight something evil; The Great Escape introduced me to my first crush (Steve McQueen SCHWING) and a silly but lingering desire I’d always have to be ‘one of the boys’; I first fell in love with Italy and Italian culture while watching La Dolce Vita with my ‘cool’ older friend Luke Cooper (who also introduced me to so many of my favorite books etc.); I had that first ‘I’ve Discovered A Masterpiece’ feeling when I watched Paper Moon alone in my tiny, little apartment in DC, and I later became obsessed with Peter Bogdanovich, Tatum O’neal, and Ryan O’neal; Happy Gilmore became a secret language between me and my brothers (is this true for so many others? I’m sure it is!); When I moved across the country and was completely independent for the first time, I remember how excited I was to go see PTA’s The Master in theaters, and I immediately called the boy I loved afterwards; I first became interested in the dynamics of movie-making when I learned that Harrison Ford improvised his famous ‘shot’ at the end of Indiana Jones; William Friedkin was my first intense director-obsession, and I actually got to meet him and discuss my hopes and dreams with him at a signing. I’ll always love the French Connection, not just because it’s an incredible film with the best car chase scene of all time, but because of the insane ways Friedkin got it made and has continued to be an inspiring and hilarious figure since then. I could go on and on but you GET IT!

For those of you who are particularly interested in films and how movies get made and directors and yada yada, you absolutely MUST read William Friedkin’s autobiography The Friedkin Connection. I’ve read it at least twice (sometimes I just revisit parts because it’s so great). I would particularly recommend the audio version, cause he reads it in his his perfect Chicago-Jewish accent and it feels like an experience all unto itself. Do I have any other Friedkin fans out there? I sometimes feel like I’m on an island of my obsession with him……..! If you’re curious, just trust me: look into him.

There are two Woody Allen films here, and look, I’m sorry I was young and didn’t know!!! They meant enough to me to last some scrutiny all week. No, I don’t like him as a person, but those movies just kinda have to be here. I guess I just want to note that I’ve found it really, really difficult to enjoy his films over the past few years, due to many damning and honestly very old allegations that increasingly seem to be true, and that I chose to ignore for a long time. Idk whether I think you should watch his films or not but my instinct tells me your probably shouldn’t! There’s enough good stuff out there. All’s I’m saying is that these meant a lot to me growing up, and that now I’m struggling with how to deal with them. Would I enjoy those films now, the way I did growing up? No way.

Peter Pan got a little bit cut off on the top right corner of my map, so I want to give it a moment: Peter Pan and 101 Dalmatians were my favorites growing up. Even into my college years, I would watch Peter Pan when I felt particularly sad or happy. There’s this weird, crossover feeling of happy/sad that I sometimes experience, and I’ve never quite found the right word for it in my 30 years of life. But I have found a story for it, and that story is Peter Pan.

I just realized that my next two films are Mulholland Drive and Pasolini, and I think we’ve had enough insanity for one post. TEASER ALERT: those reviews to come! What will I say about Mulholland Drive that hasn’t already been said? Will my review of Pasolini shake the earth?

Thanks again for reading and for going on this lil journey with me. I’ve been having soooo much fun discussing movies with friends! So many of you watched Big Night and ate delicious looking Italian food! I’m honestly still hyper-insecure writing about films. Last week I mixed up Tarksovsky and Bergman while emailing with a friend. (hi Zak)…so I once again must reiterate that I’m not some academic film critic. I’m just a gal, standing in front of a newsletter, asking it to be fun and silly and maybe occasionally insightful. Also this is my BIRTHDAY post, so you have to forgive me! :)

CIAO BELLAS!

55.) BLOODSHOT (2020) — Amazon Prime. Somehow I clocked this movie as something I’d see on a hot summer Saturday when I first caught wind of it, so then I forced a couple of friends to watch it with me over Zoom last weekend (hi Katie Mel Trevor and Trevor!). It ruled! It’s a stupid Vin Diesel action movie, in which he is programmed by the government (or maybe not?!) to relive ‘past traumas’ as motive to make him the would’s greatest assassin….like, I could try explain how that happens, but why? What I wanted from this was some fun action sequences, a cringey love story, and LOLs with friends — and I got them! Part of me feels like the plot might make sense if I cared to figure it out (the next day Melissa was texting me details about the reality of this film after talking with her friend who works in robotics), but some of the fun is that I DON’T CARE! Like, it’s not super GOOD, but I would recommend watching it with a group of friends over Zoom if you’re someone who likes watching silly movies and laughing and having fun.

56. STELLA DALLAS (1937) — TCM. WOOOOF, this might be the most emotionally difficult film I’ve watched yet! Or it could be that I was PMSing right as it started?? Either way, wow. It’s about a low-class lady who marries a very high-class man. They have a daughter and then immediately separate. The daughter is sorta high-class by nature but she’s sweet to her mom — though she really prefers spending time with her dad and his seemingly perfect country club crew. The mom, who loves her daughter very much, starts pretending to not love her daughter in order to let her feel okay about her obvious preferences towards a higher-class life. It’s like Harry and the Hendersons, except a mom is doing it to her daughter. I watched this one “with” my mom and grandmother for Mothers’ Day, and I kept feeling like, “it’s not fun to watch a movie that hates a poor person and loves rich people; is something going to change?” Well, no, nothing changes. The end is so gut-churning; watching a mother literally pretend to disappear for the sake of her daughter’s supposed well-being My conclusion? ERASE CLASS CULTURE! It’s the worst! Let Barbara Stanwyk be a tacky mother and tell her daughter that country clubs are STUPID!!!!

5/23 UPDATE:

Hi everyone! Welcome back to another week of Chloe’s Movie Newsletter! I’ve been *not in the mood* to write all week due to state-of-the-world and state-of-my-life stresses. FUN. BUT I’m hopeful and excited and what better way is there to spend my extra energy than on this here newsletter? Don’t answer that :)

My “fun thing” this week is that I turned 30 over the weekend (wahoo!). I was initially sort of skeptical and sad about celebrating a milestone birthday during this…unique time. But it ended up being one of the most special weekends of my whole life — quarantine or not. Part of that is because I had a ZOOM movie marathon and it was a big success! I think people had fun! I had fun! I know many of you are celebrating birthdays/anniversaries etc. right now, and I definitely recommend hosting a zoom/whatever movie-a-thon if you’re into that kinda thing. Here are some of the tips and tricks I learned to make yours a big success! I think these rules kind of apply to in-person parties/marathons too…looking soooooooo forward to that day!!!

ZOOM MOVIE MARATHON TIPS AND TRICKS:

1) GET ZOOM PRO: I think it’s like $14.00 for a month and it allows you to host as long a meeting as you want. I decided to watch three movies during my celebration and made ONE long-ass Zoom meeting that covered the entirety of the marathon. I did this because it seemed a lot easier than sending out multiple links for each individual film and potentially confusing people. It also added a fun ‘drop in’ element where people felt like they could come and go as they pleased, which made it feel like a real-life party! I made a little sign that essentially said “BRB” for when I needed to take a walk or wash my face or whatever…I’m so introverted that I even need breaks during an internet hang out, turns out!
2) SEND A SCHEDULE: Definitely make a schedule of when you’re going to watch what movie and email it out to everyone who’s invited. Factor in a little extra time between films…and by extra time, I mean more time than you think (I didn’t add enough oops). You’re not idiots, this tip might be mute. I guess I mention it because people will always be late or will pop in without having fully read your email/knowing what they’re doing. And that’s totally fine and great! Ya just gotta roll with it and have some in between time!
3) PICK THE PERFECT MOVIES: I write this tip as if it’s as simple as making a schedule, and I recognize that it’s not. But maybe don’t make your selections willy-nilly or even based on your favorites. Here’s a criteria I’d suggest for picking your films: 1) appeal to everyone you invite (this might say more about your invite list than the films you pick!) 2) light enough to talk through/miss parts of 2) not crime/thrillers 3) a little older (mine were between 1982–2002) because I knew they weren’t spoil-able/everyone sorta knew what they were 4) but not TOO OLD as to alienate your cool friends 5) IDK how exactly to make this a tip but like…don’t pick Clueless? People have probably watched it within the past year and don’t want to again? (Sub Clueless for any number of other overly-watched cult classics). Ya know what I mean?
5) SOUND: Sound is the biggest, most frustrating part of this whole thing. By watching movies with people over Zoom, you’re hearing the echos of all of their TV’s through your laptop/phone, and it can be really irritating if you don’t have a zen approach/pick movies where it’s not a huge deal. So first off, get zen, cause it might not be perfect. Also people watch movies through lots of different platforms, which proved that you can’t just sync up at a specific minute:second ratio and press play all at the same time. Your options here are to: 1) just roll with it 2) push play at seemingly exact the same time and make people do a billion mini-pauses until you all find exact synchronicity 3) show each other where exactly you’re at on the screen and go from there. I’d recommend a light mix of all three….also…IT’S NOT THAT HARD TO TURN YOUR VOLUME DOWN and turn your captions ON!!! That one person with blasting volume will have echoing consequences for the whole group! I think this is also a lot less daunting/terrible than I’m making it sound. I really just mean: be ready to spend a few minutes tinkering with sound and dealing with it if it ain’t perfect.
6) INTRO THE FILMS: I sorta wish I’d done this! I would have enjoyed playing the role of an Arclight employee who performs an awkward, clunky intro and gives away prizes to trivia winners etc.! That’s a fun idea if you and your friends would enjoy it. In addition, it’s fun to play something like this (via Zoom while sharing your screen) to get everyone in the mood.

So there you go. Let me know if you host one they are so so fun!!! Now onto my recaps!

57. MULHOLLAND DRIVE (2001) — Criterion Channel. Truth be told, I’ve been avoiding this week’s newsletter because I DO.NOT.KNOW how to talk about this film. Some of you are loling at this struggle cause you know it’s sorta impossible, some of you are maybe like, what? Okay, let’s try a recap: this is a movie about a woman who moves to Los Angeles to become an actress and gets to stay at her aunt’s vacant apartment. When she arrives….man this is hard, okay….When she gets to her aunt’s apartment, another woman is already there. This woman has survived a horrific car accident/attempted murder on Mulholland Drive and stumbled her way down to the Franklin Ave. apartment complex and can’t remember who she is or what happened to her. So on some level it’s a film-noir where two women are trying to figure out that mystery. Another level is that it’s a David Lynch film, and we see the two stumble through some of the most iconic LA filming locations of all time as they also seemingly stumble into….parallel universes??? dream-scapes? TRUE HORRORS? This movie is hard enough to explain straight up, but the thought of writing what I think about it sends me into…well…avoiding this newsletter! I guess one thought is that this movie does to viewers what LA often does to transplants: completely dazzles and brings them into all the fun, screws with their heads, and tosses them out on their asses, unsure of what even happened. In many ways, it’s the perfect LA story!! I honestly wish I’d watched this WITH someone, because I require some back-and-forth dialogue in order to really come to a cool or interesting conclusion. Watch this movie if you’re up for some weird existential stuff! If you’re not, that’s okay too just go ahead and skip it. Quick question: how many of you watched A TON of classic films for the first time on your 11" laptop with earbuds in? I first watched this one in 2013 on my laptop in my tiny dorm room cot and thought ‘WHAT? SERIOUSLY??’ but kept that opinion private because people I respected liked it. Very happy to have a good movie-watching setup now, and I’m constantly LOLing about all the movies I’m rewatching and realizing that the problem…may have been me.

58. PASOLINI (2014) — Kanopy (for anybody new here, Kanopy is a free streaming app that you get by having a library card so GET A LIBRARY CARD and ask your lib if they have Kanopy!). This is a biopic about the Italian director/writer Pier Paolo Pasolini. I watched a ton of his films late last year and recently saw/reviewed TEOREMA on the blog (not really related but TEOREMA is far and away my favorite of his films that I’ve watched, and the soundtrack is almost even better…definitely check both out!). This movie is tough; I rarely like a biopic. I’ve been sitting here trying to think of ones I think really *worked* and nothing is even coming to mind. That being said, Pasolini was an eccentric and interesting enough figure to make this work as a film in and of itself, and that’s 10000000% bolstered by the fact that the world’s most perfect actor, Willem Dafoe, plays the titular role. For those who don’t know, Pasolini was a controversial openly gay socialist artist PIONEER, and he was murdered in 1975. The circumstances surrounding his murder are still mostly unknown, and they seem to be sort of random — though nobody knows that for sure (you can get into a deep hole investigating just as a warning). This movie traces the last five days of his life, including an interview he gave in which he straight up said “my life is in danger because of the things I believe.” It also does that thing where it shows him sitting at a typewriter and then shows maybe what that film he was writing would have looked like. It’s pretty wild stuff; he was really into shocking viewers and believed that moralism was ‘horrendous’ etc. so just KNOW THAT, cause it’s a bit jarring. I can’t really imagine that most people who read this would like this film, but a few of you might (sup Zak, Zack, and Andrew!) even as supplemental material for his films. It definitely made me want to read more of Pasolini’s written work because he described himself as a writer more than anything else. What biopics do you love? Am I forgetting some that are really amazing?

59. STROMBOLI (1950) — Criterion Channel. Stromboooooliiiiiiiii! This one holds a soft-spot in my little Christian-Italian loving heart (fun fact: I posted a random clip of it on my Instagram and my grandmother responded immediately: “Stromboli???” Once again, grandma Sharon always knows the best stuff!). Ingrid Bergman plays a Lithuanian woman who ends up at a displaced persons camp in Italy post-WW2 (they explain how she got there and it’s so complex but interesting wow…the consequences of war go so far beyond the stuff we normally hear about!). Her request to emigrate America is denied, so she decides to marry this Italian soldier/fisherman. She goes home with him to his very teeny-tiny volcanic island of a home called Stromboli, where truly 3/4 of the residents have already fled to America. The only people left are nuns (this is hyperbolic but only slightly) and they hate her for being sort of loose and modern. She becomes close to the local priest, who is her only ally (hah) throughout the movie. He recommends she try to adapt and work on making her husband happy. She does that and…guess what! It doesn’t work! (Her husband is very Stanley in A Streetcar Named Desire — hot but terrifying). Eventually, she makes a plan to flee. The way she leaves is so beautiful and heartbreaking — I can’t spoil it. Just know that Ingrid Bergman was one of the first foreign film starlets to capture Americans’ hearts, and they HATED her (literally the American government went against her) for leaving her dentist-husband to fall in love/film with Italian director Roberto Rosselini. And then she did have Rosselini’s babies, so when you watch it with all that in mind, her crawling through a volcano to create a better life for her unborn child and crying out for the grace of God is…well…it’s powerful okay!!!!!!!!!! (Also important to note that America came around to realizing that they were wrong to be mad at an individual actress for her career choices…yeah no shit, America).There’s also just so much cool stuff about life on the island (I sent my dad and brothers a 5-minute long clip of the men fishing for tuna cause it was COOL and I thought might be some confluence of interests for us lol).

60. THE MAN FROM SNOWY RIVER (1982) — STARZ! Part 1/3 of my 30th bday movie marathon! My brother and good friend Kourtney joined for this one — the perfect crew! This is a lovely little film about Australian cattle-herders in the late-1800s. Our hero is young Jim Craig, a herder-mountaineer dude whose father dies tragically and then he must prove himself to the mountain men in the outback. To do that he goes to work for the most famous and wealthy man in Australia and immediately proves that he’s more capable at dealing with wild horses than any of the dumb guys there (I’m looking at you, Curly). He’s THE REAL DEAL. He also falls in love with the owner’s daughter, Jessica, and let me just say that I fancied myself a Jessica-type for most of my young life. Kirk Douglas pulls acting-double-duty as the rich-land-owning guy, Harrison, AND as his twin-yokel-mountain-man-brother, Uncle Spur, who hilariously only has one leg and serves everyone who visits him wallaby stew. This film is so much fun. There are so many beautiful sequences of wild horses running through stunning and untamed land (sad to realize on this viewing that sometimes it’s green-screened but whatever), and the soundtrack is something I frequently put on while writing (my family and I have also funnily discovered that all the big golf tournaments use this soundtrack for their intros!). It’s a great, light-hearted, beautiful movie. Jim Craig is honestly so hot. He wears this little red bandana around his neck and…well, he’s a major SCHWING. Watch it for his hotness alone, I promise it’s worth it!!

61. VALLEY GIRL (1983) — Rented on Amazon for $3.99. This was my second movie-marathon watch and wowwwww, it’s so funny! A big hit with all who attended/watched! It’s Nic Cage’s first film, and he plays a bad boy from Hollywood that’s the Romeo to Valley Girl/Deborah Foreman’s Juliet. Who even CARES that this trope has been done over and over again — I think this movie does it in an incredible and really fun way!!! It’s all about lOs AnGeLeS LYFE and how a guy from Hollywood is like, totally ick, man. It’s been funny to discuss with friends now cause the Valley is like, kind of lame. Okay it’s actually not lame at all, but I would think teenagers would find Hollywood to be way more interesting and chic than…Sherman Oaks?! I guess it was a different story in 1983? Especially if you were a crew neck wearing, rich looking, boring dude? Anyway, this is a really fun movie with some like, completely cool and hunky lingo (“like he’s got the bod, but his brains are bad news”). We also had an important revelation, which is that Timothee Chalamet IS Nic Cage….anyway, I recommend this to everyone here. NOW CATCH! THAT! FLY! (IDK what this means but one of the characters says it and it rules).

I honestly feel like I should win an award for this ^^^^^

62. CATCH ME IF YOU CAN (2002) — Rented on Amazon for $3.99. “TWO MICE FELL INTO A BUCKET OF CREAM…” Aw shucks, I have a ton of affection for this crazy ride of a blockbuster. I feel like most people have seen it but here we go anyway: Leo D plays FRANK ABAGNALE (not Abag-NALLY, not Abag-NAILY…ABAG-NAIL). He’s a clever little shmuck that turns to a life of…deceit? Personification? Basically he fakes his way into being a pilot, a doctor, and a lawyer, all while under the hot pursuit of a flubby and sad FBI agent, Carl Hanratty (Tom Hanks). It’s full of wonderful one-liners, side characters (my fav part was my mom saying “that looks like Jennifer Garner!” and everyone going “that IS Jennifer Garner!”), and wacky situations that Frank is always squirming his way out of. If you haven’t seen this, definitely give it a go! Maybe make a fun night of it! I (and most of the people I watched with) hadn’t seen it in years, and it certainly holds up as an easy-breezy Saturday night flick. I also personally think it’s a great Christmas movie, but I floated that idea to the group a few times and…ya I didn’t get any bites :)

63. THE HEARTBREAK KID (1972) — Thank the good lord, Videotheque is open for curbside pickup! So I’m able to rent films I can’t find streaming…and you are too if you live in the LA area!! Seriously check them out, they rule. I’ve had this on my list for a long time because I love writer/director Elaine May, but was never able to find it streaming. I picked it up on my birthday and then phone-talked with my grandma Sharon, who was like “Chloe, that is one of the funniest movies of all time.” She.was.NOT.WRONG. Truly this is now one of my all-time favorites (I may have watched it one more time this week…!). The plot is that a newly-wedded couple find themselves to be less compatible than they initially thought while honeymooning in Florida. The husband (Charles Grodin made me LOL alone at least 5x) falls for a new girl (the ever-sexy-and-charismatic Cybill Shepherd) and comes up with a cacophony of excuses for why he must leave his new bride (Elaine May’s DAUGHTER, Jeannie Berlin! Aww, she’s so adorable and great here!) in order to woo his new GF. Honestly, in the words of grandma Sharon: “try not to read about it, because the plot doesn’t really translate the tone of the movie. You just have to be ready to laugh and watch it.” Hmm…Why did I write anything beyond that? Okay I’ll just mention my favorite quote: “there’s no conceit in the cauliflower…this is a totally honest meal.”

64. ARABESQUE (1966) — Videotheque rental. Well to my good fortune, this came in a four-pack of Gregory Peck films. To my bad fortune, do you know that G Peck is only kinda good at one thing? The thing he’s famous for? And when he veers outside of that, he’s actually…pretty bad? This is one such movie. I happened to read in (director) Stanley Donen’s memoir that Cary Grant was his first choice for this movie, and that they had to start filming even though the script wasn’t done….man…glad to know that! This is probably the worst movie I’ve watched yet, despite the fact that Donen, my absolute favorite director of all time, pulls out all the stops, attempting to distract us with crazy mod-shots and so many colors you could have a stroke. This COULD be a really cool film, but the plot is so insane that I started washing dishes etc. during it. Gregory Peck is such a DUD, he can’t even have chemistry with Sophia Loren!!! Who can’t have chemistry with Sophia Loren?!?! At some point, I chose to check out. So, ya, I’m admittedly a bad reviewer here…but at the same time, I’m saving anyone some grief who might have tried to watch this one. Hard pass!

5/27 UPDATE: Hi again! Twice in one week! I promised to never send you a boring newsletter again, and while this one won’t be boring, it also won’t feature one of the lame gimmicks I’ve been crutching on for the past few weeks. Just plain and simple movie reviews! I will be doing that movie-theater roundup thing I’ve teased, but I’m working really hard to make it interesting enough to read, and that’s taking more time than initially I thought it would. So just…stay tuned? Or whatever? I HOPE you’re all having a wonderful week and enjoyed your extra day off.

Right down to it, here we go:

65) LE AMICHE (1955) — Criterion Channel. My love affair with Antonioni films continues! I’m just about finished with all the stream-able options, which makes me equal parts relieved and sad. I looked to see if my local DVD rental place had more options for me and they DON’T. So now it’s like, do I start buying DVDs? Or kinda call it quits here? An absolutely riveting cliffhanger. LE AMICHE is one of Antonioni’s earlier films, and while it doesn’t hold a candle — visually/craft wise — to his others, I found the characters and the dynamics between them so endearing and complex that it’s now one of my favorites of his. I have tons of thoughts…First, a quick plot recap: four women are drawn together over the attempted suicide of another woman in all their lives, and they end up becoming friends through the trauma of it all. Then we really just follow each woman through the days of their interesting and complicated lives — sometimes dealing with job related struggles, man problems, existential questions about the future etc. Of course we also sometimes see them in a group, figuring out how to be there for their friend who has just experienced a horrific trauma (as heavy as this plot sounds — and it is really heavy — it’s dealt with in a very careful and understanding way that, remarkably, doesn’t permeate the overall tone of the film). One thing I’ve super dug about Antonioni films — and probably a major reason that I keep watching them — is that he respects the interior lives of women. Of course men/romance play a part, but only a fraction of the parts of their endlessly interesting lives. IT’S ALMOST AS IF THEY’RE LIKE REAL WOMEN? BUT IN A MOVIE? The women in this film have really driven and demanding jobs that they care so much about. But then they also care so much about their friend, and they (some more than others, for suuuure…which is part of the realism…you know that friend who is always just dealing with your group crises in the wrong way???) work hard to express that concern. It’s one of the best films about female friendships I’ve seen for quite some time. I also have a BIG question about whether that cocktail brand MARTINI (you know the brand I’m talking about? They’re most recently famous for making vermouth that Stanley Tucci told us not to drink) funded this film, because their branding is literally EVERY.WHERE. I’ve googled it and can’t seem to find the answer. Do I need to investigate this myself? Was Antonioni’s LE AMICHE, in a strange turn, one of the first films to explicitly showcase sponsored branding?! Let me know if you watch this! I think any of my girlfriends would enjoy it and find themselves in one of the characters.

66) THE PASSENGER (1975) — Criterion Channel. Jack Nicholson plays an American reporter hopelessly trying to track down information about a war in Chad. It’s so impossible and hot and hard. When he can’t even find the WAR he’s supposed to cover, he decides to take on the identity of his recently deceased hotel-mate, who randomly looks a lot like him. The hotel-mate had some mysterious life in which he was always travelling to new countries — seemingly for leisure, but later we learn, maybe for more nefarious reasons — and Nicholson decides hell, why not, I’ll be him and keep his appointments. Of course he has one of those annoying and naggy wives back home who is genuinely concerned about his well-being, so the trick doesn’t go completely unnoticed. This is why we don’t get married, am I right!? From that point on, it’s a sort of weird anti-pursuit film, where Jack tries to discover the identity of…well…himself, while traveling to some amazing locations. As with many Antonioni films, the plot is only a singular aspect of the film. A lot of it is just a man in high-heeled boots (tbh a really good look for men, and I hope they bring it back soon), trying to figure out his next steps in life. I think it has a lot in common with PTA’s The Master because they both depict a deeply sad and meandering existence, with maybe no answer about a better way. While there are passengers and there are masters, both seem doomed to this hopeless life of wandering. There’s also these two shots, which can’t have been an accident! I liked The Passenger a lot. It kinda walloped me, honestly, and I am really feeling feelings!

67) THE HAPPIEST MILLIONAIRE (1967) — Rented on GooglePlay for $3.99. I watched this one with my friend Jayne at her recommendation that it’s old and silly and we’d laugh at it. And for that I thank her, because I never would have seen it/finished it otherwise. This is one of those wAcKy 1960’s Disney movies that somehow always involved an exotic animal — even if it made no sense for the plot. If nothing else, I’m happy to have watched it to remember how many baddddddddd films Disney made in their attempts to mimic their hits in a blatantly obvious cash-grab (this was clearly a ‘Mary Poppins worked, let’s do it again!’ thing). Fred MacMurry, star of so many beloved films (DOUBLE INDEMNITY, THE APARTMENT….oh maybe that’s it??? and then maybe he was just a crazy Disney guy???) gives the most over-acted and brutish performance here. Jayne and I had fun watching it, but this movie also sucks real bad for lamely pushing moralism, capitalism, a weird obsession Christian men boxing/the military, an embarrassing representation of homeschooling (truly!), and two rich families out-eviling each other for who can be worse!. I need to chill. Fred also inexplicably has a ton of alligators, because, like I said, it’s a 1960s Disney movie. TBH I really hated this one, BUT I had so much fun watching it and laughing with my friend Jayne about all the ridiculous side characters and insane songs (oh ya…it’s softly a musical?) and plot points that I’m tempted to write something that will make you want to watch it too. Maybe watch it if you have a fun friend like Jayne and know how to LOL and eye-roll. Otherwise, this is a hard pass from me.

68) BROTHERS (2009) — WELCOME to the GYLLENHALL OF FAME, 2020 in which my friends (hi Katie and Trevor!) watch all of Jake G’s films and occasionally invite their friend Chloe into the fun/nonsense. This film was certainly the nonsense, but it was also a lot of fun to watch with them. It’s about (can you guess) BROTHERS!!! who are like, soooOOooOOoO different?! One’s a military hero (Tobey M) with a fam (Natalie Portman and the little girl from Just Go With It!) about to return to Afghanistan, and the other is a heavy drinker who just got out of jail for…thief stuff, I think? (Jake G). When Natalie gets word from the military that her husband died in the war, she becomes close to his brother JAKE G, who finds it “really natural” to fix her INSANE looking kitchen (in which the stove is literally floating….attached to nothing…WHAT) and go ice-skating seemingly every day with her and her two daughters. Someone should have told Natalie’s character to watch more movies/read more books, because we all know Tobey isn’t ACTUALLY dead, and he returns home after a brutal 12 weeks as a POW, where he ended up uhhh having to murder an American soldier to save his own life. He comes home an obviously different man, and immediately suspects that his wife and his brother were having sex. Kinda unclear as to whether they were or not, but it’s it IS very clear that they at least really wanted to. Then comes Tobey’s *big* moment where he tears apart the newly-rebuilt kitchen and screams and wails about all he went through to get back home to his family, and it’s so sad and awful (It’s also clearly his I’ll-be-nominated-for-an-Oscar moment…he was not). I want to put in a laugh break, because okay….am I alone here? Tobey Maguire is so dumb and unbelievable as 1) a war hero 2) someone NATALIE PORTMAN would marry over his brother, Jake Gyllenhaal 3) a father who had kids with once again….NATALIE PORTMAN??? I’m gonna make a big swing here: I wish every single Tobey Maguire movie could be replaced by a different actor. He is SO WEIRD. Why are we all okay with him being in movies?!!?!?!?! He doesn’t even know how to sit at the dinner table pre-war-trauma in this movie. Anyway, whatever, this is a heavy-handed film that would probably really appeal to many, but not me! I thought it lacked nuance and it also tried to make me root for Tobey Maguire. Damn, this is now an ANTI-TOBEY space. All that negativity to say, I had so much fun hanging out with Trevor and Katie that I give it five shining gold stars.

69) PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME (2010): I returned back into the Gyllenhall of Fame to watch this one. Gotta just say upfront, it was 10000x funner to watch than BROTHERS. I am going to choose to forego the plot recap because it either made absolutely no sense or I guess MAYBE it’s possible we weren’t paying close enough attention to get it. One the one hand, we laughed so much that we often missed stuff. On another, it became very clear early on that most transitions from scene-to-scene had been left on the cutting-room floor (we said “wait, how did we get here?!” like 8x). It tries very hard to be a new Pirates of the Caribbean, but I have to say, Jake G caaaaannnooooooot carry a funny but buff Persian would-be prince. Let Jake do indie films!! Let him play weirdos!!! He doesn’t play ‘cool’!!! You may think I’m saying this is a bad movie, and while I am, I also do really recommend it to anyone who’s looking for an insane laugh on a Sunday afternoon. I’d also be remiss to go without referring to this absolutely bOnKeRz NYT review: Before the Sword Fights, Cue the Harem Girls. This is one of the worst film reviews I’ve ever read, and makes me wonder why this person could ever be making money for writing this, while I’m sitting over here like a shmuck making diddly! Here’s one of many, many crazy quotes from the review:

“Granted, the resurrection of a sexpot Middle Eastern hero (even one played by a non-Persian actor) might not seem like progress. But given the strained relations between the United States and Iran, it’s a representation worth noting, particularly since Dastan’s (**Chloe note here Dastan is Gyllenhaal’s character name LOL UGH!!!**) worth is finally measured by his more peaceable actions.”

WHAT? This is the take you choose to write in a NYT review!? I think it really reveals the explicit racism American film production companies (and so many others involved in the industry i.e. critics) always had and have not even been embarrassed to hide (oops, we’re done having fun I think). They sorta act better nowadays, but doesn’t it feel like tokenism? (I have been wanting to write a take down of Netflix’s HOLLYWOOD for this very reason, but I’m afraid that would require me to watch it). A few other, random notes, because it turns out I have a lot to say about the Prince of Persia: 1) when Alfred Molina pops up, he elevates the whole thing!!!! We love you Fred!!! 2) There is a truly incredible sequence in which emu-racing is the focus and I’ve never laughed harder…that is until Alfred Molina revealed that one of his emus is suicidal. 3) There are these bad guys that the film calls ‘hassansins’ and the main one looks exactly like coked-out HENRY HILL from the end of Goodfellas:

6/20 UPDATE: Hi everyone!

I took a little break from writing because I didn’t even want to pretend to divert attention from all that’s going on in the world right now. I alsoooooo haven’t really had the attention to give it myself. It feels like a full time job to follow the local/national/international developments, figure out the best way you can participate or lend your hand, get educated, have tough conversations with those who disagree, and do that really painful self-reflection about why I haven’t been this engaged or purposeful all along, and what that really says about me. If I feel tired from 3 weeks of this, I can’t imagine how others feel just existing in this awful frame of mind all the time.

Today is JUNETEENTH! Which is a day I didn’t learn about until….2014ish?? It SHOULD be a national holiday, because it represents the day that all slaves in America were freed in Galveston, TX 1865, two years after the Emancipation Proclamation was announced. So it’s a HUGE holiday! Bigger than 4th of July!!!! READ ABOUT IT, IF YOU DON’T KNOW! I didn’t!

As far as movie-watching goes, anyone who’s reading this probably can see that I’ve predominantly watched white-culture movies for the past several months. I suck for noticing this a while ago and not making any real effort to change it. I’m wrestling with what it means that when I want to be entertained, I pick these sorts of movies. It’s a lot easier to take an ‘out of sight out of mind’ approach and just not watch things that confront injustices or expand my cultural worldview or reveal to me that my neighbors are experiencing a wholly different reality than I am. I am definitely guilty of being complacent. So I’m going to diversify my watching. This is not performative, and I’m going to be extra careful not to binge a bunch of movies made by BIPOC filmmakers and then ‘be done with it’ the way I often do with a specific director or genre. I just plan on making this a lifelong commitment, and since I have been writing this newsletter, I think it deserves some attention here.

Obviously there is a lot more to do (though I do really think diversifying entertainment intake on ALL levels is a significant and important step!). I hope you’re all getting to know your City Council better, protesting if that’s your strength, and educating yourselves about the racial injustices our society is built around. There are very clearly a billion more significant voices to listen to than mine. I doubt I’ve acquired more resources than any of you, who are all very thoughtful and reflective people, but if you find yourself having questions or looking for reading material or watching material or wanting to engage about what’s going on, I’m dedicated to helping, discussing, and questioning with you.

IDK why I feel obligated to state the obvious, but if you’re not up for reading this right now, don’t!!! That’s okay! And if you do, and I can provide 10 minutes of fun/relief/whatever for you, that’s cool too. I haven’t written in weeks and there’s a lot on my backlog — most of which are related to what’s going on right now TBH — so I’m just going to let the Spirit lead and write about whatever movies I feel like, even though it won’t be the entirety of my viewing log from the past several weeks. I’ll eventually get there!

70) THE MASTER (2012) — NETFLIX (yeah, I have Netflix again, I know). This movie is about SCIENTOLOGY, and I think it’s perfect. If you’re one who doesn’t read full reviews just know this is FIVE STARS and you should watch it! Joaquin Phoenix plays a wandering former-Naval officer who randomly finds himself aboard Philip Seymour Hoffman’s ship (a la the early Sea Org days). Phoenix is an intense boozer who makes a cocktail of gasoline and ship oil that Hoffman, the leader of the Cause (lol yup) likes, and the two strike up a strangely intimate man-crush friendship. It’s clear that everyone from the Cause is afraid of Phoenix because he is unhinged, but they also take him and his PTSD/Mental Illnesses/alcoholism as some sort of personal challenge. One of my favorite moments comes when the Cause is pitching their cult to a group of elderly wealthies in NY, and one man has the gall to call them out for claiming that they can cure illnesses like, say, cancer (interestingly enough, that actor who calls them out, Christopher Evan Welch, died of lung cancer in 2013). That’s kind of the crux of the whole plot; their rambling methods have no actual place in science or psychology and don’t offer the sort of help they claim to beyond charismatic investment. Jesse Plemons says “you realize he’s making all this up as he goes along, right?” I feel that you all already know this but the performances from Hoffman and Phoenix are the best in the world, JUST unbelievable, and the whole film is so beautiful and deep but also hilarious and endlessly relevant. I had a ton of fun watching it with my friend Zak in DC over ZOOM! It was extra special cause THE MASTER was the first movie I saw in theaters when I moved to DC (perhaps incedental, but the last film I saw in theaters in DC was PTA’s INHERENT VICE!). We both love this movie and have seen it a lot of times, but kept being like “oh that’s so-and-so!” or “I never noticed that!” (ok maybe me more than Zak). It’s a forever movie. I’ll watch it forever! Watch it! A+!

71) THE PRUITT-IGOE MYTH (2011) — KANOPY. Some of you are new here so I will reiterate that: YOU SHOULD GET A LIBRARY CARD, MOST OF WHICH ARE EASILY ACCESSIBLE DIGITALLY RIGHT NOW, AND GET KANOPY! If you live in Los Angeles, I HOPE you already follow Kenny Uong on Twitter. Affectionately nicknamed ‘The Metro Kid’ because he has ridden nearly every public transit line in LA county, Kenny has been expanding my understanding of transportation for the past year and a half. He’s a Planning major at Cal State Northridge and lives in Glendale (woop woop me too!), and his knowledge of LA’s past and present is so pure and informative. Even if you DON’T live here, I bet you’d learn a lot about public transit/cities and enjoy following him! Anyway, so when Kenny recommended The Pruitt-Igoe Myth last week, I was here for it! It’s a documentary about the rise and fall of Pruitt-Igoe, a public housing development erected in 1950s St. Louis (umm we know why it fell right — it was racism! — but we learn more about the dynamics here!). The project was destroyed in the 70s, and this documentary seeks out the underlying City plans that let that happen. Through interviews with former tenants, Planners, and Historians, I learned the structural history of public housing in inner-cities, and why the misplaced predictions of Planners lead to projects that were completely unsupported and eventually destroyed. It’s a bleak look at a city’s attempt to place it’s poor in a segregated area without proper maintenance, care, or economic opportunities; even worse, it’s failures to address issues as they arose. The entire project was eventually destroyed, but its legacy is a truly helpful look at how cities have traditionally cared for those in need (I can’t express this enough, but those who are in need in your city ARE YOUR CITY. LISTEN TO THEM. I’m working on this in my own city, so I don’t say it with some high-horse attitude, I just mean that ignoring the least of these is….going to come back and bite you in the ass!). Super interesting to hear, when looking back, how even the architecture failed to do it’s job. As we’re all educating ourselves, I think this is an excellent look into the way Urban Planning and housing have played a giant part in getting us to where we are right now. 5 Stars or whatever my rating system is. This one is a great watch. Watch it!!! Get involved!

72) LA 92 (2017) — NETFLIX, AGAIN. ALL my morals have gone out the window since I subscribed to my parents’ Netflix account ruh roh. If you’re wondering why riots happen and what they look like… This is what they look like! And this explains WHY they happen! This doc is an investigation into the Los Angeles riots in the early 90s (btw I never learned about these in school…wtf?). If you want to understand why Black communities are angry and have resorted to rioting right now, this documentary lays out a pretty good theory. A big realization for me from this film was that Rodney King’s beating was recorded by a random white neighbor who just so happened to have his video camera on him when he saw it happening (!!!!! what ELSE happens!). It also shows a lot of devastating footage from the trial of the police officers involved (btw many of them still work for LAPD…………ya), and gives you a sense for why their “Innocent Verdict” enraged an unheard community. It doesn’t sugar-coat the pain, murders, and destruction the riots caused — in fact it focuses on the misplaced rage put on the Korean-American community, which is another thing I didn’t know about, even though I’m an Angeleno. However, this doc does put you in the mindset that sparked it all, and I think that’s 10000% helpful for understanding what’s happening right now. If you find yourself frustrated by rioting or looting, I definitely recommend this film. It pushed me to wonder what has to happen before I finally listen? Why do I need my comfort to be interrupted before I hear? Why has Black Lives Matter focused current protests on communities outside of their own? Etc.! A great first step, if you’re thinking about all this and don’t know WHAT to think

73) MISS JUNETEENTH (2020) — REDBOX! For $6.99. A good use of $7 on Juneteenth, I think (even though, sorry, this newsletter is coming mere hours AFTER Juneteenth). This is the first feature from Channing Godfrey Peoples, and showed at Sundance last year. It’s a wonderful, tough, touching indie film about a Black mother who pushes her teenage daughter to compete in the same beauty/Juneteenth pageant she won when she was her age. It’s a heartbreaking look at an imperfect mother-daughter relationship, and gives me all the tingly-emotional feels of something like Gilmore Girls but in an unapologetically Black south-Texas setting. I really loved this. It’s visually very stunning, and the chemistry between the actors is vibrant (what’s up Kendrick Sampson, I love you!). I really can’t wait to see what she makes next! If you like all those silly Christmas romcoms but also appreciate deep and artful storytelling; this is for you. If you want to learn about racial justice and Juneteenth; this is for you. If you’re interested in mother-daughter stories; this is for you. If you like romcoms but wish they were a little more “real”; this is for you. Rent it! Get Peoples’ numbers UP so that she can continue to deliver us GREAT films!!!

6/24 — Good morning, morning glories! Remember when I was going to do something catchy with each newsletter? Well, I’m not into doing that AT ALL right now. Maybe I’ll come back around and fun things will pop in and out, but for now, here are some reviews.

74) QUARANTINE (2000) — I’ve been trying to track down a copy of this TV movie since March 13th without any luck. Finally during a cleaning spree, I came across an ancient, unused Best Buy gift card and wouldn’t you know it, QUARANTINE was available for purchase on DVD! Harry Hamlin plays a very boring President of the USA baby, who sends the FBI & some leading disease-specialist to capture a deadly virus that terrorists have created and threatened to release upon the world. Of course it goes wrong and havoc is reeked. Classic story. What is NOT classic is that President HH chooses to quarantine himself on a beautiful coastal island near Seattle to avoid catching the virus without even his immediate family (kinda gives a new meaning to the term ‘bunker baby’). Then one of his trusted consultants turns out to be a terrorist too (this happens pretty early on it’s not a spoiler really), and brings a plane of young children onto the island. The President then wrestles with whether he should BLOW UP THE PLANE OF CHILDREN in order to avoid bringing the virus to the pure and untouched island. Meanwhile, his family members sacrifice their safety to work in clinics etc. The major theme of this movie is parents feeling really guilty about saving the world while neglecting their own children, who actually ARE doing something. Oh and an intense fear of anything “other.” I haven’t watched many TV movies because my family didn’t watch a lot of TV when I was young (how sad for me, to have not caught QUARANTINE on TV at 10 years old), and they were basically gone by the time I became interested (which was March 2020). But I think they’re an interesting social-radar/time capsule for what people had on in the background while they were cleaning or talking on the phone or WHATEVER. It’s notable to me that this movie came out one year before 9/11, and while there’s a hearty helping of paranoia, it would have looked drastically different just two years later. This isn’t a good movie, but it is pretty funny to watch — I suspect it’d be fun watch with a drinking game, tbh. I built it up so much and was so excited to get it that I’d love to pass it forward. Anyone dying to watch this??? Want me to mail you the DVD? I’ll include a drinking game if you want! Also curious if any of you have any favorite TV movies or memories of them?

75) JUST WRIGHT (2010) — Watched @ a friends’ so I didn’t clock the medium we used. I’m still keeping my social bubble pretty tight these days, but it does include my friend Andrew. The other day we were both feeling really sad and down, so decided to do something that’s lightened our heavy boots for years now: wear cozies, crank the AC and cover ourselves in blankets, order pizza, and watch a bunch of Queen Latifah movies. QL plays Leslie, a physical therapist with a god-awful god-sister who is singularly obsessed with marrying a basketball player. When Leslie meets the star player of the Nets (played by Common) at a gas station and scores an invite to his bday party, he immediately falls in love with her god sister and they get even get engaged. But then he gets injured and WHO’s there to care for him?? That’s right: our humble and hardworking hero. It’s a cute enough little romcom, but Common’s immediate attraction to/long lasting relationship with the antagonist make it hard to root for his love story with Leslie. Leslie deserves better! Still, yelling “NOOOOO!” at the screen 18x and laughing a lot was really fun. The iconic Pam Grier plays QL’s mother, and I suspect they shot all her scenes in one day (she’s in and out so fast!). Oh! Another thing Common had going against him: his giant and disgusting NY townhouse looks a lot like Epstien’s. He even has a “secret room” that nobody is allowed to enter!! It ends up being his music room but still…he’s sus.

76) GARFIELD (2004) — STARZ. Furlough has me embracing my inner-Garfield and Melissa has always loved Garfield so we decided to watch this together over Zoom at 11am on a Wednesday! I wonder how Garfield is dealing with Mondays being a thing of the past? What’s John’s line of work, anyway? This is a live action movie except that Garfield is CGI, which is very alarming. There are a TON of animals in it — almost all of them live action besides G. I don’t like that!!! But how could you ever find a cat actor to embody such an important role, I guess? The plot is (roughly) that John loves Liz the Vet and she asks him to take homeless Odie the dog home with him, and Garfield doesn’t like that and kicks Odie out of the house. Stephen Tobolowsky kidnaps Odie (for reasons that were explained but I already forgot them) and tries to take him on a train to NY. Garfield sees how sad John is and decides to correct his mistake and rescue Odie with the help of a ton of his street animal friends (who all have some um, pretty interesting accents is all I’ll say….prejudice is everywhere ok THAT’S all I’ll say!). It’s mostly cute! I had to put Gromit outside while watching this because he cannot handle seeing animals on the screen, and I’ll admit that I hugged him extra tight afterwords for fear he would pull an Odie and run away. If I had kids, I’d definitely watch this one with them. Apparently I’d also watch it without kids at 30 years old, so make of that what you will :)

77) TO DIE FOR (1995) — GooglePlay rental. BTW I wish there was ethically supportive way to pay for the movies I want to watch. Anyway this is a terrific and V funny thriller from Gus Van Sant with an all-star cast led by Nicole Kidman. This is one of my favorite ever performances of hers; she plays a chripy and ambitious woman who will stop at nothing to get famous, choosing to laser focus her path on becoming a TV newscaster. She starts by forcing her way into the newsroom of her small town in New Hampshire. She also marries Matt Dillon, quickly transforming him from a crazy biker punk into a sweetie restaurant owning (potential ties to the mob here…to add to the excitement) husband who wants to have her babies. But she’s like NO BABIES, I HAVE TO BE A STAR. She weirdly decides to make this documentary with kids at the local low-income high school and promises to make them stars in Hollywood if they participate. It’s manipulative and icky. Baby little Joaquin Phoenix plays a low-IQ high schooler with a mullet who falls in love with her immediately and will do anything she tells him to….which is…eventually…. murder!?!?!?! His partners in crime are Casey Affleck and Alison Folland. Other supporting cast members include Illeana Douglas, Kurtwood Smith, Holland Taylor, Dan Hedeya, Michael Rispoli, and a FUN appearance by screenwriter Buck Henry (RIP!). It’s also based on a novel by Joyce Maynard, so this is like…………pretty good! Nicole Kidman is a live wire with some real Tracy Flick energy. There’s definitely a lot of TDF in Election, for any of you Payne fans out there. Back to the movie itself: the ending is nothing short of poetry. One of the best endings I’ve ever seen. I recommend it!

78) DEVIL IN A BLUE DRESS (1995) — KANOPY. Wow 1995 was a good year for movies! This is a film-noir from director Carl Franklin about a man who gets accidentally involved in local mobster politics when he’s out of work. It’s set in 1948 Los Angeles and stars Denzel Washington as Easy Rawlins, who is approached by a mysterious man to locate a white woman (the fiance of the guy running for Mayor) who supposedly likes hanging around Black men. All he has to do is report her location and he’ll be paid. But OF COURSE, as with any noir, there’s more to it than that! It has all the wonderful tropes of any detective movie but also delves into a cultures in Los Angeles that I’ve never seen on film before, and that is really really cool to watch. Easy travels allllllllll over LA; from Downtown to that little Malibu pier (btw his fear to enter Malibu is….dang…still true); he’s in the Hollywood Hills (another scary spot for Easy) and then on the 4th street bridge; he’s at the Mayor’s house in Pasadena and then in Jefferson Park. He’s constantly being left in locations without his car and I don’t really understand how he gets home BUT he’s clearly a clever man and it doesn’t really bother me. It’s a movie about race, home ownership (there’s a very funny aside about a man obsessed with cutting down trees in his neighborhood), economics, local politics, love, and above all….friendship, aww! I think this was Don Cheadle’s breakout role and he’s soooo funny as the well-meaning but overly aggressive sidekick to Easy. This is probably the best in the bundle I’m reviewing right now, and one of my favorites that I’ve seen this year. Give it a go if you haven’t seen it!

79) THE SWIMMER (1968) — TCM. Many of you probably know about my John Cheever adoration, but I’d never seen this adaptation of his most famous short story. I can understand its polarizing reputation — even if you didn’t have a preconceived vision from reading the story. It’s basically a horror film about the suburbs but there’s no murder: just a painfully revealing story about how wealthy suburbia is actually really oppressive and choking. Burt Lancaster as Neddy Merrill struck me as bad casting when it first started, but boy oh boy I grew to really love his performance.The plot is that a deeply sad but delusionally joyful man is hanging out with his neighbors by their pool in upper-class, upstate New York. It’s a beautiful day, so he decides to jog from pool to pool on his way home, ‘swimming the Lucinda river.’ So then it’s just him running barefooted through the woods, getting injured, taking in the beauty, jumping over equestrian jumps like a lunatic, pissing off his neighbors, seeing old lovers, revealing in a very clever way how repressed and sad wealthy suburbia really is, and of course, all of this is against the backdrop of swimming pools, which have a billion different metaphoric meanings here. There are many clues along the way that Ned has run into some terrible family trouble and doesn’t actually live here anymore, but it’s not explicitly said and Ned himself seems to have forgotten/is clearly suffering some kind of mental break. It’s a very physical movie, which oddly brings attention to the fact that everything in Neddy’s life isn’t as it seems (he LOOKS, uh, reallyreally good). IDK how characters in Cheever stories drink so much gin, but Neddy has, by my approximation, 50 cocktails as he swims/runs his way home. I also read that Cheever makes a cameo! But I didn’t spot him and decided not to rewind — I’ll catch him on the next viewing, because I will definitely watch this movie forever. Should I institute a rating system?? If so, 5 stars!

80) EASY RIDER (1969) — GooglePlay rental. Hahahaha I find it sort of hilarious that I decided to give Easy Rider another go right now. I just finished this book called Easy Riders, Raging Bulls, and have for years been reading about how messy this film production was/how awful Dennis Hopper was. I’d seen it in high school, but I feel like my knowledge of film history has grown so much since then that I wanted to know what I’d make of it now. It’s about two phony hippies (Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper) who make big on a drug deal, buy giant motorcycles, and ride to Mardi Gras. It’s just their journey. Um I didn’t like it! One part I did like is when someone asks where they’re from and Dennis Hopper goes “LA.” The guy looks at him like ??? and he goes “LOS ANGELES.” My grandmother Sharon hates when people say ‘LA.’ She prefers ‘Los Angeles,’ too. Anyway, the only thing I like about this movie is the shots of them riding set to really great music. So I guess if that, and the meandering plot, had any influence on films that followed, I’ll take it. But I’d like to LEAVE most of the other stuff behind! I found Jack Nicholson’s little speech about how people hate hippies because they’re afraid of freedom particularly annoying, for reasons that I do not have time/energy to get into here, but I’ll posit that most hippies were phony and basically undermined their whole worldview through their actions! It wasn’t hippies who fought for civil rights and protested Vietnam, ya know? I did find Peter Fonda to be sort of sweet…mostly because he didn’t talk a lot, I guess. Okay that’s all for Easy Rider, a hugely over hyped film but sure I’m grateful that it exists and paved the way and YADA YADA YADA.

6/30 UPDATE: Hi hello welcome! If you love movies and want to help provide resources for Black writers/directors, here are some place to check out/donate to:

• 1) BlackFilm
• 2) Black Public Media

81.) HOOPER (1978) — Videotheque rental. I learned about Hooper because it played The New Beverly last year when months of their programming included films that influenced Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, I guess. It stars Burt Reynolds as an aging stuntman (sound familiar?!) who’s girlfriend is the adorable Sally Fields (did you know Sally Fields’ stepdad was a stuntman??? And that this movie was *lightly* based on his life?). I like this niche genre of movies about the film industry that paint a very thick line between directors/producers as pretentious “idea men” and the blue collar, hardworking people who help them make their crazy little pictures. This movie does the delicate job of combining tones: Burt is very funny and lives a carefree lifestyle that primarily consists of partying with his crew, but it’s very sad and serious that he’s addicted to pain pills because his job requires him to destroy his body. When he’s diagnosed with a serious back problem that will prevent him from doing further stunts, he doubles down to execute the most ambitious car jump in motion picture history. Because HE’S THE MAN!!! He can do it and nobody else can!! It’s a terrific watch, very funny and heartfelt and gently rebellious in curing ways. Try to track it down, if you can!

82) BOYZ N THE HOOD (1991) — GooglePlay rental. Man this is a great movie from writer/director John Singleton. I always thought it was a comedy?? It’s not at all! It starts out with a young boy in South Central whose mother makes him promise to stop getting into fights. Well, he gets into a fight, and even though it’s soo understandable/justified, she sends him to live with his father (Lawrence Fishbourn) until she feels financially able to move into a safer neighborhood. It’s sort of a love letter to Black fathers, honestly, because the rest of the movie is about the relationship between Tre (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and his father, who is so wise and loving and focused on helping his son avoid street violence. He makes Tre repeat three rules: 1) look a person in the eye 2) never be afraid to ask you (his dad) for anything, and 3) never respect anyone who doesn’t respect you back. While it’s mostly about Tre’s life with his friends (Ice Cube and Regina King are both so funny here and Morris Chestnut is unbelievably sweet — I wish he was in more stuff), his dad serves as this sort of hovering narrator that frames all of Tre’s experiences. There’s also a wonderful little aside where he takes his son to a lot for sale and talks about gentrification and the government-led war on drugs, with a brilliant explanation about how Black neighborhoods are ravaged by outside causes and then the residents are pushed out for developer’s financial gains. It takes some heartbreaking turns that I didn’t see coming, and ultimately leaves Tre in an impossible position to either enact street justice or listen to his father — both seem right and wrong. It’s really good. I recommend it!

83) LAUREL CANYON (2002) — GooglePlay rental. Ok this movie is… goofy! While the story is fine and the acting is fine, very few movies have ever felt more WRITTEN to me, if you know what I mean. It’s a prime example of Hollywood being so far up their own ass that they are incapable of writing characters with real jobs. The premise is that Christian Bale and his fiance Kate Beckinsale move to Los Angeles, where Bale is starting his residency and Beckinsale is writing her PhD dissertation about the reproductive system of fruit flies. They live with his mother, Frances McDormand, the most Laurel Canyon-y character of all time: she’s a famous music producer who loves smoking weed and can’t be bound by societal norms… and she wants you to GET OVER IT!! The uppity and cautious natures of Bale & Beckinsale clash with McDormand and everybody becomes a little more “human” in the end. Dumb. I wish I could properly explain what I mean about how it feels written; it’s like a prototype of characters and plot-devices without any real spark or love. That also makes it oddly fascinating to watch, though, because it feels adjacent to a great movie. Anyway maybe that’s just life in Laurel Canyon, baby! Who knows what’s goin’ on over there!

84) THE DEVIL AND FATHER AMORTH (2017) — Netflix. William Friedkin, an hilarious, serious, pure, and ridiculous raconteur, has always held on very tightly to the fact that he directed The Exorcist. I’m not shaming him for that (I would too let’s be real) but there is something interesting about an old man reliving his glory days over and over again. I love that he still isn’t sure what he thinks about exorcisms, and he’s never stopped theorizing, studying, positing, correcting. This film uhhhh, may have been a misguided step in those efforts, but you should know that he did it as much care as someone like him could. So yeah, this is a documentary in which he films a real exorcism by one of Rome’s leading exorcists. It’s absolutely WILD, and I’m not even talking about the exorcism part, which I admittedly fast forwarded through because it was jarring and I didn’t like it (my little Christian heart!). What I did really like was Friedkin just walking around and awkwardly gesturing at locations while speaking. He has a very unique voice and speaking pattern, and if you enjoy it, you absolutely MUST listen to the audio version of The Friedkin Connection, which is the best book about movies out there. He also interviews various members of the Church, brain surgeons, and psych doctors in an effort to understand what exorcisms are. I walked away feeling no closer to understanding, and I guess I only recommend this as supplemental Friedkin material if you’re into that sort of thing.

85) 12 ANGRY MEN (1997) — GooglePlay rental. Hey I watched another TV movie! And another William Friedkin movie! It is a remake of Sidney Lumet’s 1957 masterpiece, and there is very little about Friedkin’s version that is markedly different than the original. The plot centers around 12 jurors deliberating a verdict. The case accuses a young Puerto Rican boy of murdering his father, which was ~~shakily~~ witnessed by various white people in the neighborhood. Right away 11 of them vote guilty, and one lone ranger votes innocent, asking for a thorough discussion of the evidence before sending a child to be executed. They fight a lot and everyone’s various prejudices are exposed as juror #8 attempts to make a case. I find some of his arguments to be sort of weak and theatrical (“this kid was assigned a public attorney, probably a young guy just starting out who didn’t want the case and didn’t fight for him!”), but it was a play originally so ok I guess. The overall premise is undeniably great. Friedkin casts four people of color as jurors, notably missing from Lumet’s version. One weird choice is that Friedkin cast Mykelti Williamson as one of the more openly racists jurors, and while sure, that’s possible, I don’t love the choice. I could see Friedkin in 1997 thinking it was sort of subversive, but it reads false and distracts from the point. This is honestly really really good, though it’s tough to compare it to it’s predecessor which is nearly perfect. The cast really helps are you ready for this?: Jack Lemmon, Courtney B. Vance, William Petereson, James Gandolfini, Ossie Davis, Edward James Olmos, Tony Danza, and George C. Scott. If you like 12 Angry Men already, I recommend this one! If you haven’t seen the 1957 version, start there first!

86) SAY HER NAME: THE LIFE AND DEATH OF SANDRA BLAND (2018) — HULU, of all places! If you’re like me you have heard of Sandra Bland and knew she was unfairly treated but maybe didn’t know the full story. Sandra was a vocal activist (check out her maintained Sandy Speaks page to get to know her better) who was pulled over in Prairie, TX for not signaling while changing lanes. Video dash-cams (and later, a resident viewer recording) show that she was really pulled over for being Black, and arrested for not being “respectful” enough. It’s a pretty sickening watch, so just be warned. Sandra’s story doesn’t stop there. She was found dead in her jail cell only a few days later. There are many circulating accusations and the evidence about what happen to her is conflicting; she was placed in a cell alone even though she didn’t pose a threat warranting that; she had admitted to feeling suicidal in recent months; the cameras in that jail didn’t show her cell, and officers didn’t check on her nearly as often as they’re supposed to by law (especially considering her suicidal tendencies/if they thought she was a threat that deserved her own cell); there is a lot of icky weirdness with the way her autopsy was conducted; her friends and family members claim that she was not in a suicidal place when this happened to her. I could go on and on. Honestly, anyway you land, the tragedy is that a woman was pulled over for a minor traffic incident and ended up dead. Her death sparked country-wide protests (it was the first time I heard “SAY HER NAME”) and her legacy continues. I’m sometimes guilty of reading about these stories and sort of pushing them aside into this “I feel really bad and everything is awful” land. That is obviously a very stupid way to go about things. It matters. The specificity of each case matters. Sandra Bland should be alive. Her life matters, and she deserves our attention.

87) NIGHT FALLS ON MANHATTAN (1996) — GooglePlay rental. This movie is timely! Comes to us from the blessed Sidney Lumet, who seems to have always cared a lot about justice in America when I look back at his films, hmm wow. The plot is that a young DA lawyer (swoony Andy Garcia) gets an incredible opportunity to prosecute a very high profile case in which a notorious Black drug dealer, Washington, killed several cops. He does well and everyone finds Washington guilty, but he can’t shake the lawyer who represented Washington (maniacally and captivatingly played by Richard Dreyfuss), who claimed that many members of the NYPD were complicit in helping Washington run his drug dealing operation. Oh ya, and Garcia’s dad (RIP Ian Holm) was involved in the shooting too. As Garcia runs for District Attorney and wins based on his purist platform that he will enforce the law even if that means prosecuting police officers, he reckons with the fact that he might have to indict his own father. It’s a great movie about just how gross and complicated our justice system is, and it might make you consider the idea of defunding the police lalala :). If you’re a Sopranos fan, this movie is for you! We get James Gandolfini, Dominic Chianese, Vincent Pastore, AND Frank Vincent — all pre-Sopranos glory! Andy Garcia is very hot and cries and screams A LOT. The only goofy/bad part of this film is that we’re supposed to believe Andy Garcia is Ian Holmes’ son, which….is insane. Good movie! Heavy. I recommend it but make sure you’re in the mood!

5/12 UPDATE: CIAO and benvenuto! I’m back after taking a very weird week off. I would call it a flat out BAD week, except that I spent the first part of it camping which was amazing. Then the last part was littered with stuff like my dog being sick, my job officially being over, and a general feeling that everything I hold as comfortable might be slipping away weeeeeeeeeeee :) But now that my dog’s okay I’m feeling hopeful and excited about the future (insert any other verbiage here that insists I’m truly fine!).

This week I’m grouping my reviews into two double features and one slammin’ triple feature. I’m sure you already know but if you DON’T: the history of the theatrical double feature mimics what we know as modern concerts, where there is an opening act before the main attraction that draws the populous crowd (aka the $$$). This was originally for efficiency because studios had to send reels of film around the country and pairing two of their own made more money (typically an A movie and a B movie). That also meant that films were in theatrical release for sometimes several years as they made their way around the country and back again, if they did well. This amazing idea was sorta gone by the 1970s, when the studio system HAD mostly collapsed, but it continued into the 80s (for many cheaper/indie films) and can SOMETIMES still be found at certain theaters. In recent years, I have become sort of obsessed with creating my own double features at home, which involves pairing films that are either 1) similar in theme 2) complete opposites (in a fun way!) or 3) films have some sort of magical quality that makes them a match.

So today I am bringing you seven films grouped into two double features and one triple feature (for the more ambitious of you). I’ve heard that one of these truly was a Double Feature in theaters (full disclosure: that’s how I got the idea to group them), though I can’t confirm that from my research. The other two I made up because I think I’m really good at this particular thing. Any programmers out there….sup!!!

DOUBLE FEATURE #1: SEX WORK AND PARENTAL LOVE

MY THEATRICAL INTRO: Both of these films deal with sex workers who are mistreated by their singular parent. One’s about a well-meaning conservative father who unwittingly ignored his motherless daughter’s needs; the other is about a young girl growing up in a 1917 brothel, eventually abandoned by her mother. As you can imagine, neither is very light-hearted, but both express the importance of parental love in such dramatic ways that I think they’re worth watching, even if the plots make you uncomfortable. I think the mere mention of sex work often triggers feelings of vulnerability that practically begs for protection in a parental way. Both of these films are really about different types of love, and how kind of one love can’t substitute for another. They’re…great? I’ve heard these were theatrically paired, though I found that difficult to confirm (hot tip: do not google these titles together!!). Another note: neither of these films condemn sex work, or claim that with appropriate parental love, people wouldn’t choose that line of work. They’re simply portrayals of individuals who were without, and gravitated towards sex work — one by choice and the other by necessity. So without further ado, please enjoy SEX WORK AND PARENTAL LOVE:

88) PRETTY BABY (1978) — B. I ended up buying this on GooglePlay because it was the only streamable option for me. There is a lot more to say about it than I could ever adequately write, so I’d love to defer you right upfront to Karina Longworth’s current season of You Must Remember This, “a podcast dedicated to the secret and/or forgotten histories of Hollywood’s first century” (lol shout out to anyone who heard her voice there). This season she’s focusing on Polly Platt, who has an incredible story and wrote this here screenplay. It stars a young Brooke Shields as the daughter of Susan Sarandon, a prostitute in 1917 New Orleans. Violet (Shields) lives at a brothel with her mother and ends up becoming a part of it at 12 years old (THAT’S TOO YOUNG!!!! duh). I think the film obviously condemns sexualization of children and many read it as a critique of 1970s Hollywood, but ultimately…….it still kinda does it. I was telling a friend about it the other day and said “if you’re a good person, this film is revelatory and good! But if you’re a bad person….it’s really bad.” The biggest example is when Violet’s virginity is auctioned off, and while anyone with half a brain can see that the film is telling us “this is sad and sick,” it still happens, you know? I think films should tell any story they want to tell — but in this particular case, it’s impossible to not notice that a REAL young girl is playing the role. Brooke Shields still thinks this was her greatest performance, and she loves the film. She IS really tremendous in it, but it’s really hard to watch it without noting the serious danger-zone it enters. Many critics have even accused this of being child pornography. It’s so tough because if you’re not a sicko, this is actually a wonderful movie about a child trying to gain autonomy in a terrible situation. Ehhh you can probably feel me going back and forth here…At the end of the day, it made a young girl take off her clothes, and I cannot recommend it.

89) HARDCORE (1979) — A. TCM. Big LOL that TCM programmed this movie during their tribute to Father’s Day. It’s made by Paul Schrader, who has a real soft spot in my heart. Schrader grew up extremely Protestant and wasn’t even aloud to watch a movie til he was like 17. I often struggle with explaining the plots of his films because on their surface, they seem extreme and icky-male-fantasy-stuff. But I think they’re actually thoughtfully layered and reflect Christian redemption (the best part of Christianity!!) in a way that a recap could never express. HARDCORE is just such a film: it’s a story about a man confronted with the grossest things he can personally imagine, and the way he persists because of his love for his daughter. Isn’t that sweet? Ok now that I’ve said that, here it is: George C Scott’s Midwestern daughter goes to this Calvanist summer camp in California and immediately goes missing. When the police fail he hires a creepy private investigator (Peter Boyle) to find her and learns she has chosen to leave and become a part of the porn scene in THE VALLEY. So then he decides to find her on his own by going undercover and integrating himself into what he views as the lowest parts of society. I won’t reveal the ending, but did you see American Gigolo? Paul Schrader loves redemption, baby!! It’s beautiful! Just be ready to deal with some darkness. I also want to mention that I have this big frustration with Schrader when he retroactively goes “oh that’s NOT what I meant by the ending” and I’m like, SHUT UP, it was a nice ending! Would love to argue with someone about this….Any Taxi Driver fans out there that want to discuss that ending?? Okay anyway, happy belated fathers day! Lol :)

DOUBLE FEATURE #2: AN AMERICAN CLASSIC: DENISE RICHARDS

MY THEATRICAL INTRO: Denise Richards. As American as apple pie! She’s the Drop Dead Gorgeous villain; she was in that crazy threesome movie; she’s a Bond girl; what was up with her marriage to Charlie Sheen?; she’s the newest Real Housewife of Beverly Hills. I know Denise first and foremost from Drop Dead Gorgeous (if you haven’t seen that…run, don’t walk!), and later from that Bond movie, which I saw in theaters with my family! But she’s most recently come into my life as the sometimes chill, other times maniacal Real Housewife of Beverly Hills. Sooo ya, I decided to watch her classics that I haven’t seen yet (feel free to judge me). If you found the last double feature too extreme for you, this one is easy breezy. I find actresses like Denise really interesting. She’s obviously had iconic roles, but stopped getting great work somewhere in the late 2000s — why? Why would an actor with such a diverse portfolio of films sort of…disappear? Only to reappear when RHOBH is floundering? Was she not a good actress, after all? Let’s find out with DENISE RICHARDS: AN AMERICAN CLASSIC:

90) WILD THINGS (1998) — Rented on GooglePlay. Remember how I saved the plot of HARDCORE because I wanted the impact of it to hit first? Well, no need with WILD THINGS. The plot is very loosely that a teacher is accused of raping one of his students, but detectives discover a bigger scheme involving…basically every character. It’s a late-to-the-game erotic thriller, in the style of Paul Verhoeven (oddly enough, Denise became famous from a Verhoeven film, which we’ll get to in a minute) that didn’t have depth or incisiveness to make it a classic. I suspect it’s only remembered nowadays because of the threesome scene. The plot runs all across the map and then back over the lines again so that you totally lose track of its course. It’s always doing that ‘zoom out’ thing to show that what we were watching wasn’t the full story at all. When I took comedy-writing classes (yeesh lol) they talked all about how sketches should heighten scenarios in threes; well, this movie could be a very effective comedy sketch with all of its twists and turns. Only a few of the characters have enough background to make the twists interesting, and so many have basically none that you just feel tricked over and over again — but at least it’s sexy, I guess??? It’s fun enough to watch, but just be sure that you expect absolutely NO nourishment or anything interesting. The star-studded cast sorta helps: Denise Richards (DUH!), Neve Campbell, Matt Dillon, Robert Wagner (lol), Kevin Bacon….it goes on and on! IDK this feels like essential viewing, even though it’s stupid. I do have to say that Denise is very good here, providing a truly grounded performance with an insanely wide range of emotions that runs circles around the other actors (many of them much more famous than her…hmmm). Anyway. NEXT!

91) STARSHIP TROOPERS (1997) — NETFLIX. Starship Troopers is a terrific satire from Paul Verhoeven that imagines a militaristic future in which people must enlist to become citizens and get basic human rights. We follow three high school friends who join up and are immediately at war against another planet of giant spider bug things. There are no heroes because it’s a fascist society, but “our guy” is Johnny Rico (Casper Van Dien…fun fact, in the book his name is Juan Rico, but Verhoeven does this interesting thing of making all the main characters vaguely European with Nazi-youth looks) who starts to question his own intentions and wonders whether he should quit. It’s fun and their friendships are hilarious and the romance is very college. I was thinking about how it doesn’t really look that GREAT, but in a way that feels intentional? Even down to the costuming, there seems to be this critique of fascist society seeping into aesthetics. It’s also obvious that the spider bugs could stand for any number of things (gulp) that the Federation feels must be eradicated. I’m sort of pushing the analysis portion here, sorry. It is super fun even if you don’t feel like thinking about those other things! I recommend it!! Denise is very good at being the steely, emotionless war hero. On the surface her performance doesn’t seem like much, but after watching Wild Things I was sorta like whoa, this girl knows what she’s doing. I think I love Denise Richards? And believe she’s an amazing actress? CAST HER, you cowards!!

TRIPLE FEATURE: QUATRO LUGLIO ALLA MANIERA ITALIANA

MY THEATRICAL INTRO: These are the movies I watched on 4th of July this year (una celebrazione!) and it proved to be such a delightful lineup that I’m sharing it here. I kinda moved around my ABC ratings based on my recommended watching order. Here we have some of Italian cinema’s finest, with a sweeping sampling that includes early romantic comedy, genre defining horror, and perhaps Italy’s best current working director (err at least in America. I’m sure there’s tons of other incredible directors that I just don’t know about). I mostly hate it when people compare movies to food I’d like to do it here: if you watch these in the presented order it’s kinda like eating a big turkey dinner, having un caffe, and then settling in with a nice glass of wine or something fun like that. We’re gonna start real heavy, lighten it up with some style, and end on a happy and hopeful note. COMINCIAMO:

92) I AM LOVE (2009) — Amazon Prime rental $3.99. This is…the best movie ever? Luca Guadagnino’s I Am Love is moody, cool, devastatingly sad, sexy, stylish, confusing, quiet, classist, and features some of the best indoor plant stylings I’ve seen in a long time! Tilda Swinton plays a Russian Immigrant who married into a wealthy industrial family in Milan. In the great tradition of bourgeois housewives, she is unfulfilled even though she loves her children and has the world’s most beautiful home. She ends up having an affair with her son’s business partner, a chef who, I must say I am also in love with and am considering uprooting my life for, even though he is fictional. I think I won’t say what happens in the film, because I didn’t know what happened and isn’t it kind of amazing to enter something blindly? It certainly is here — the plot goes places you’d never expect, but it’s tidy and fulfilling. This is for sure the sexiest movie I’ve ever seen — what is it with Italians so naturally and unashamedly being sexual without it being bawdy or Wild Thingsy? I Am Love also portrays motherhood so beautifully that I caught emotional glimpses of how it must feel to love your own child — I think that’s major!. Let’s not forget the subplot about the factory the family runs and how it’s pretty unethical and what can they do about that without losing ‘their great tradition’? Can’t recommend this enough. You know that Steinbeck quote in the East of Eden dedication where he’s like “Everything I have is in this box”? Well, everything is in this box.

93) THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE (1970) — Andrew and I watched this on VUDU, which has some oddly placed commercials and I swear something’s up with their sound, but it’s free so there you go. Are we ready to get CREEPED OUT?! This is the first feature from Italian horror master Dario Argento, who made such masterpieces as DEEP RED and SUSPIRIA (which, notably, was recently remade by Luca Guadagnino!). He elevated the horror genre into something respectable, and this film is no exception. It stars Tony Musante as an American writer in Italy who witnesses an attempted murder. When he learns that it’s connected to a string of murders in the area, he conducts his own rogue investigation and eventually becomes a target. So it’s a good old fashioned murder mystery, but with elegance and style and an unbeatable score by Ennio Morricone (RIP, maestro). All male readers should take sartorial notes because all of the men are impeccably dressed. Guys, GET WITH IT. It’s a great movie in it’s own right, but serves as a really fun palate cleanser here. It is part of Argento’s Animal Trilogy, and I’ve only seen one of the others (Cat O’Nine Tales review, coming soon!). But this surpassed CONT by a long shot and is really worth watching. If you’re squeamish, be not afraid: it’s pretty easy to know when to look away and nothing gets TOO extreme. I’m always sort of reticent to watch horror films — especially on my own — but Argento works in personalities, beautiful beautiful beautiful sets, and thrills that kinda aren’t too bad (well ok sometimes they’re really scary but in this movie they’re tame!!). I really recommend it!

94) MARRIAGE ITALIAN STYLE (1964) — KANOPY (I think? I don’t remember but it IS free on Kanopy!). I take back everything I’ve said before, because THIS is actually the greatest movie of all time and has introduced me to some of my new favorites from dream team Vittorio De Sica, Sophia Loren, and Marcello Mastroiani. Here, Loren plays Mastroiani’s mistress through many years in post WWII Italy, and while there is clearly a lot of love between the two, Mastroiani continually takes advantage of her and won’t fully commit to a relationship because he is ashamed that she is a prostitute. When he gets engaged to another woman, Loren tricks him into marrying HER instead, revealing that there may be more fruit (ahem children?!) to their long-standing relationship than he’d previously thought. It’s a wonderful and hilarious plot and the dialogue is sharp. But really, the sweetness lies in the insane chemistry between these two actors, who made movies together for over 20 years. Mastroiani is a monster, but he has his moments and his good looks carry the other parts. Sophia Loren is…I mean, she’s Sophia Loren! She’s so stunning and alive and vulnerable. Elizabeth Taylor WISHES. I can’t tell you how fun this movie is. If you like it, stay tuned, because I’m going to do a whole newsletter dedicated to their other films together. I hope to make you all converts, unless you’re ahead of me and are like “no duh Italy’s two biggest film stars made great movies, little Chloe.” STO IMPARANDO! CAPEESH?!

7/14 UPDATE: Hello again!

As our American hell continues into mid-July, new movies are still being released! Can you believe it? Festivals are cancelled, the future of the modern movie theater is precarious, and VOD sales are ‘skyrocketing,’ though reviews are considerably bad (could it be that the theatrical experience really DOES lend something to the quality of a movie? Will I ever get through one at home without looking at my phone or getting up to wash a dish when I’m ever-so-slightly bored? Or is this, maybe, just that time of year when movies don’t appeal to me, anyway?). I’m personally enjoying Christopher Nolan’s attempt to make TENENT the first theatrical blockbuster of 2020 come hell or high water, with ever-changing release dates that are even re-posted on bus benches and billboards. As each tone-deaf date comes and goes and theaters remain closed, I am afresh with the knowledge that Hollywood is, above all else, money hungry. What a fun place to be! What a cool sector of the world I’ve chosen to be passionate about!

I am not the best at keeping up with new releases. But I have watched several and plan to start regularly segmenting them here. I’m going to do this by ranking five 2020 films at a time. I’ll do this once a month(ish), and at the end of the year, I’ll give a complete ranking. For now, here are some randomly selected 2020 films!

5) THE WRONG MISSY (2020) - NETFLIX. This has all the makings of a comedy I should love: it's set in Hawaii, stars Lauren Lapkus, and is a Happy Madison production. The plot is that David Spade is iPhone illiterate and texts the wrong woman with an invitation to his work conference in Hawaii. When 'crazy Missy' (Lauren Lapkus) shows up, things get...A lItTlE cOmPlIcAteD (I love typing that, I'll never stop)! It's classic David Spade as the straight man with a lot of wackiness surrounding him. Unfortunately, it isn't very funny and is 10x crasser than it needs to be. Lauren Lapkus is a great actress, and when the film starts to develop into the "maybe Missy isn't so wrong after all!" part, she does a terrific job. Still, the movie is dumb and bad and you should skip it.

96) SHIRLEY (2020) — HULU. A pretty frustrating movie! It’s (mostly) about Elisabeth Moss as horror-writer Shirley Jackson, a woman who leans so hard into her artistic sensibilities that she’s a horror-person (haha?). Michael Stuhlbarg is really great as her liberal and eccentric husband, a professor who hires AND homes his TA and his wife in 1950s Vermont. Shirley and the TA’s wife clash a lot and have this whole thing together, and Shirley uses her (lol I haven’t even mentioned that the actress is Odessa Young — I didn’t do it on purpose but she’s just so not the point here) to envision her next hit book. Great dangerous/moody feel to it, but the intended message often eclipses the story for me. I still definitely recommend it and am excited to watch more of Josephine Decker’s films (MADELINE’S MADELINE (2018) was a lot weirder and better), but I think this is too long and plotty. Could have thrived on less story points with that creepy and sweeping setting! Once again, Michael Stuhlbarg is fantastic. Watch it for him alone, if you will!

97) GREYHOUND (2020) — AppleTV (why yes I did sign up for the 7-day free trial just to watch this one). You know this movie already. It’s Tom Hanks as a Navy captain leading a convoy of ships through unprotected waters during WW2. Tom loves his men and does his best to protect the ships from German u-boats (they sink 4!) and is often encouraged by reflecting on his fiance, who gave him slippers and a toy-model ship (he often pulls them out for comfort-symbolism). It’s good. I liked it! The convoy’s whole purpose is to bring supplies to Allied soldiers, and I honestly hadn’t thought much about how those journeys went. They went really bad! According to the film’s final chyron, 3,500 cargo ships were sunk during this time, which killed 72,200 soldiers (it calls them ‘SOULS’). There’s also this odd moment where Tom Hanks refers to one of 2 (TWO!) Black characters by the wrong name and is corrected. It’s the absolute tiniest and saddest and lamest gesture this movie could possibly make to acknowledge the struggles of Black American soldiers during WW2/Black actors in 2020. There are two scenes of Tom praying on his knees at his ship bed, which you know I loved. I think he must be Catholic, because he opens what LOOKS like a Bible to a random page and says a prayer — it must have been the BCP, right? Anyway, I liked GREYHOUND! But also, I would…

98) DA 5 BLOODS (2020) — NETFLIX. Five Black American veterans return to Vietnam to find buried treasure from their fallen captain and reflect on their war time memories. It’s very critical of the American military — especially of it’s treatment of Black soldiers and the Vietnam War. A great quote from the beginning when they’ve just returned to Vietnam and see how Americanized/modernized it is: “They didn’t need us. They should have just sent Mickey D’s, Pizza Hut, and The Colonel, and we would have defeated the VC in one week.” It’s also a lot about the sad truth that Black American soldiers fought in an unjust war for foreign rights when they themselves didn’t have rights back home. My favorite part is definitely the group dynamic. Spike Lee has always integrated historical footage into his films — sometimes super effectively, and other times not. Here I find it not so great, and even a bit undermining to the story at hand, but I get what he’s going for and I feel silly even criticizing it. A lot of this film is flashbacks, and it’s notable that Netflix didn’t give Spike Lee an unlimited budget to use anti-aging technology like Scorsese got with The Irishman. Whyyyyy?? Delroy Lindo is absolutely phenomenal. He’s got all the Oscar buzz — isn’t it funny that Oscar buzz is still a thing?? — and I hope it will continue!! Definitely watch this! It’s not Spike Lee’s best, but Spike Lee’s worst is still better than most others’ best!!!

99) PALM SPRINGS (2020) — HULU. Man, PALM SPRINGS is pretty cute and fun. GROUNDHOG DAY (1993) truly created a new genre of romantic comedies — with a little bit of thanks to IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946), too. This is one of those, and it stars Andy Samberg as a man reliving his terrible girlfriend’s friend’s wedding day, eventually looping Christina Milioti (sister of the bride) into the re-cycle with him. Then it’s just them reflecting on what makes the dull days worth living in the most young-white-middle-class-2020 way possible. What makes life ok is…as always…romantic LOVE! Or something like it! If nothing else, this movie will serve as a time capsule for modern hipness. I wanted to hate it because I’m super interesting and subversive and can’t be pandered to, right? RIGHT? But damn it, I was charmed and had fun watching it. It’s cute!!

STUFF I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO PUT:

1. I watched S1E4 of The Sopranos over Zoom with my best friend and it was very fun.
2. That Laci Peterson doc that’s on Hulu right now??? IDK why Hulu is pushing it but they got me and I started it and was hooked! Realized mid-way through it was released in 2018. If you’re my age, you probably remember watching a lot of news about Scott Peterson and being scared about murder all the time because young girls were constantly being taken from their bedrooms at night and Nancy Grace was constantly screaming about those cases and how evil Scott Peterson was. I remember folding laundry and watching Nancy Grace. I remember eating tuna salad on crackers and watching Nancy Grace. I remember one summer where my mom and I swam at the CalOaks public pool every day and then had Nancy Grace on in the afternoon. That being said, I didn’t remember a single dang DETAIL about this case. This doc is skewed towards he’s not guilty — or at least shouldn’t have been convicted. It’s a true crime doc what do you want me to say? If you’re into that kinda thing you’ll like it. Weird thing this documentary reminded me of is watching Baghdad be bombed on TV while my grandparents were over. What a touching memory!
3. I am OBVIOUSLY watching VANDERPUMP RULES each Tuesday night/Wednesday night. It is a balm for my troubles, and I cannot recommend it enough. The entire backlog is on Hulu. Get into it.
4. LOVE IS BLIND (2020) — Netflix. My thoughts on this are forthcoming in an emergency podcast episode with Kelli Johnson. STAY TUNED. (**This was originally in the movies section and is now in it’s proper place. The podcast is…TBD hehehe).
5. RADIOOOOO — Shout out to Andrew for showing me this app, which let’s you filter music by country and year! I now shuffle around and cook my meals while listening to my little Italian music from the 1950s. I can’t imagine a better way to discover music.
6. THE PLOT THICKENS — I’ve been looking forward to this podcast about Peter Bogdanovich for quite a while! He directed my favorite film, Paper Moon, and has an endlessly fascinating life. It’s also hosted by Ben Mankiewicz, TCM host and great-grandson of Joe Mankiewicz (some of whose films I’ve reviewed on this blog already!). This continues to rule SO HARD!
7. I took a nearly two week break from reading Mariel Hemingway’s autobio, Out Came the Sun, but I finished it today and it’s REALLY GOOD!! I sort of deep-down wonder if Mariel should’ve been a writer instead of an actress (I haven’t reviewed them yet, but I started watching more of her films and…..yikes). It’s a really touching portrait of a family who struggles with addiction, mental illnesses, and life in the shadow of Papa. She’s truly a fantastic writer. There’s also some fun Hollywood goss, which I live for: she dated Robert Towne and he’s a lil baby! She almost got the lead in Basic Instinct and accuses Sharon Stone of sleeping her way into the part! She left Woody Allen behind on a rugged, Idaho hike because he couldn’t keep up and then he got rained on and kinda hated her family afterwards!!!
8. Now reading Easy Riders, Raging Bulls, which I’ve been hearing about for absolutely forever and everyone is right, it’s IT.
9. There is a new Daniel Romano album on Spotify that’s just his live stuff and it ‘slaps,’ as the kids say.

READING CORNER:

1. I read Melissa’s TinyLetter every day and YOU SHOULD TOO. IDK how to sign up — just ask me or her and it’ll be arranged.
2. I’m reading my brothers’ epic novel. You will be able to as well eventually, it’s amazing.
3. My church has been sending out at-home prayer vigils that I find very comforting so here you go.
4. I was able to get my hands on a copy of a play called CULT OF LOVE and holy holy wow. I’m devastated I missed the performances, and prayerful that it is published soon so that I can force my friends to read it!
5. My family and I facetimed while reading a chapter of my brother’s novel out loud and I miss reading out loud a LOT.
6. THE FLICK (2013) — Okay my playwriting class is keeping me BUSY reading plays. I have read truly so many, but I’m choosing to mention this one because my teacher said a moment in my play reminded him of the Flick!!!! I hadn’t even heard of it, but now that I’ve read it, I’m happy. It’s so weird. Guess why I love it? It’s about a movie theater? LOL. It’s incredible and I’d love to share my PDF with any friend who wants to read it and discuss!
7. OUT CAME THE SUN by Muriel Hemingway for the Bad Girls Book Club. It’s GREAT? She’s a fantastic writer. Why didn’t I know this!
8. I just finished reading The Compton Cowboys, a book about an organization designed to keep kids off the streets through equine therapy. It’s all run by people who were born and raised in Compton, which was and is a farming town. They’ve gone through tons of transitions (all documented in the book!) and are the most amazing organization. All the current leaders were part of it as kids, left, and decided to come back for heir own children. I laughed, I cried, I googled a lot of stuff I didn’t know about. It’s a great read! I recommend buying it through their website so that you can support them! They’re also really fun to follow on Instagram and do a bunch of Lives just kinda walking around the farm, showing you horses you’ve read about, dogs you’ve read about (I love Red Dog so much), kids you’ve read about, etc.! Oh ya, remember when I mentioned that Easy was afraid of Malibu in Devil in a Blue Dress?? One of the CC members trained for the Olympics in Malibu and had a very similar tepid read. Pretty interesting.

That’s all for now! I’ll update this as I go, not exactly sure how. I’d love recommendations about what you’re watching and reading.

TTFN,

Chloe