Why Smart Women Get Bad Behavior From Men

The alternative method to becoming your man’s free life coach

“Wanda” doesn’t know any special communication frames to get her man to make plans with her. She doesn’t use Google Calendar to help him. She has zero idea why he sucks today. She doesn’t have a family list for him. Wanda has uncomplicated men. (photo — https://unsplash.com/)

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You might be surprised to know that although I write this blog all about the unconscious mind of men in relationships, I do not coach my man. I am fully retired. If we talk post-breakup, I will then make some points about what I think happened. I am usually right, this is my job after all. But in the relationship, unless I am directly asked for my opinion on why my man is being weird, I try VERY hard not to move into any kind of coaching role. I will ask good questions and listen to gain understanding. That seems to be appreciated and supportive. I am willing to give space, if its communicated. But I do not want to take on the labor of becoming the coach-mom-boss to my love interest. That will turn me off. It will also displace the weight of the relationship onto me. Also, just no. I get paid for this, it’s not a free bonus of being my partner.

I now use all the energy that I used to use decoding my partners on myself. I try to show up vulnerably and listen well, even when it’s very hard. I work on my triggers and my wounds but I am also more honest about my capacity. I try to make really amazing invitations. I take part in tense negotiations when needed. Even if the…