Overfunctioning: A Case Study
Last week I posted an article about Establishing Safety in the Workplace, and I mentioned that one of the coping strategies we use to ensure safety is overfunctioning. I like the definition of overfunctioning that Melody Wilding, LMSW, used in her article in Forbes magazine: “Overfunctioning means you are taking on too much responsibility and trying to control things that you can’t.”
This past week, I found myself overfunctioning, and I thought it might be helpful for people to see what that looked like for me. It is one thing to read about it in a blog, and it is a different thing to experience it for yourself. I am intentionally making myself vulnerable in sharing this experience with you, but I think it is important for people to understand what this looks like, feels like, and how debilitating it can be.
Usually, you start a story from the beginning, but in this case, I will start at the end to demonstrate how to work through it when it happens to you. Unless you are uber healthy, you may not notice you are overfunctioning until the negative consequences start adding up, which is the case for me. I realized I was overfunctioning when I started not sleeping at night for four days, which is not good for anyone, especially for those with CPTSD. There is a reason why sleep is on the foundational level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I could get to sleep just fine, but I would ultimately wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to get back to sleep because my brain was fully awake and on fire. It makes for a really long work day when you wake up at midnight and can’t get back to sleep.
Thankfully, I have people in my life who are aware of my propensity to overfunction and have the skills to help me dig out of it. Let me share with you what it felt like. First, I was exhausted, emotional, and super-sensitive from not sleeping. When I woke up in the middle of the night, my brain was already racing. I was trying to solve the problems I was working on in my sleep, so it was not restful sleep. I was short with people. I had trouble concentrating, as I was easily distracted. I was running around trying to do everything. Everything was the highest priority. I was stressed and had so much pressure. I quickly was over capacity, and I was trying to control everything. It was hard to breathe. It was hard to think. It was impossible to pray. My speech was clipped. I was extremely impatient with people and had no tolerance for games, especially when driving on the highway. I was one big ball of agitation.
Can any of you relate to any of those things? Not good, right?
So, what happened to get me to that point? A couple of weeks ago, someone helping me with my website (which is the bane of my existence at the moment) unexpectedly left his company and left me, which was how I saw it as a trauma survivor. This event triggered my attachment wounds, and the old feeling of abandonment returned with a vengeance. I did not recognize what was happening at the time because my old practiced coping mechanisms took over to keep me safe, which they always do. The whole “you are not there for me when I need you” was super loud and sent me into the spiral of “I will do it myself.” Which I attempted to do…about everything. Everything was a priority, and “I will handle it myself.” I did this to myself. I was the one putting pressure on myself; no one else was doing that to me.
Do you ever get into the headspace where nothing anyone does is ever good enough, so I will have to do it myself? I’m sure I am not the only one.
After talking to my friend and realizing what was happening from a trauma response/old coping strategy perspective, I was able to make some decisions (like firing my website company for not doing what they contracted to do for me), and that released the pressure and immediately made me feel lighter. Just the thought of firing them made me feel good. One of my friends told me later that it was because I was able to take my power back, and I agree with her. That is how I felt…empowered.
Why am I telling you this? I am telling you because overfunctioning is a real thing, and it can seriously get in the way of optimal functioning. I’ve spent a significant amount of time working through my attachment wounds, but they still trip me up from time to time. As E.B. Johnson said in her article, “Healing will take a lifetime.” Understanding how to deal with situations like this is part of the post-traumatic growth process…and it’s part of life after trauma.
Give yourself some grace. Healing takes time. You are not alone in the struggle. Together we succeed.
#ShirleyDavis, #E.B.Johnson, #CPTSDFoundation
As always, you don’t have to walk this healing journey alone. If you want to work with me, you can schedule your complimentary discovery session by clicking here. You’ve got this! I believe in you.
Please sign-up for my mailing list for the latest content, tools, and course offerings.
Here is a FREE resource to help you manage your emotions and expand your window of tolerance:
Trigger Tracker Template — helps you keep track of the triggers in your workplace and to plan the coping strategies you will use to get through the experience.
