Mind Your Own Plate
Your food is your business, and Mine is my own.
Do you eat meat? Awesome. Are you on the Paleo diet? Cool. Have a lot of feeling for animals and you‘re vegan? Great. You know what’s not a good idea? Telling someone that what they’re eating is bad for them.
I don’t care what you’re eating; I care about what I’m eating.
Not that I’m huge on telling other people what to do, but you really should try not to tell someone else what to eat. Why? Mostly because it’s not your body, unless your Being John Malkovich. Secondly, because maybe they’ve earned it. I know I bake fairy-encrusted goodness cake every weekend and I normally have a bite of it, but I work my ass off all week so that I can not care about what I eat on Saturdays. There’s a difference between concern for ones well-being and a purely judgmental statement about the food on someone else’s plate. If you are one of these people, I will find you and destroy your self-confidence slowly by tying you down and making you watch P90X workouts until your eyes bleed push-up tears. If someone around me is eating a steak for lunch, I think to myself, “I couldn’t eat that for lunch,” not “They shouldn’t be eating that.” It’s all about the perspective we hold other people with. If I’m around someone that’s eating steak everyday, 3 meals a day for six weeks, I would have a healthy conversation about red meat studies and how it’s not necessarily the best food to eat on a regular basis like that. (If—with this informed consent—they continue this behavior, it’s their choice to do so).
I don’t care how much you work out; I care about how much I work out.
It’s proven that having 20 minutes of exercise a day is a great practice: it teaches discipline, keeps you healthy, and if you’re being chased by the cops at least you’ll have a chance. Some people just don’t have time. Some people have a ton of time. Some people have a ton of time and still don’t bother. Some people have a ton of time and only work out all day… I don’t have a lot of time, but I do have a good group of friends that have recently asked me to join them at the gym every morning. I’ve been working out on my own, but as I’ve stated before I’m not the greatest with working out by myself. I am sloth, hear me roar (and not move an inch all day. These butterscotch doughnut flavored Lays are delicious, so I can’t leave my couch until I’ve successfully eaten the whole bag dipped in this tub of cream cheese frosting I’ve been saving for a special occasion). The reason I’ve been working out more is because I heard about a recent study that averages the workout times of Americans that are overweight. I can’t find said study, so fuck it until I can. My point is that 74% of Americans are overweight and I don’t want to be one of them. I encourage others to do the same, but I’m not going to call someone out for a sedentary lifestyle. Plus, during the apocalypse, I’ll be able to run faster than you.
I don’t care what your diet is called; I care what my diet is.
There are so many different names for diets nowadays, so whether your diets name is Carol, Cheryl, Charlene, Crystal, or Carina, I’m sure it’s just fine as long as you’re eating well. Personally, I am a weekday vegetarian. My body treats red meat like a parasite and I get ulcers and acid reflux instead of unicorn meatloaf and four beef clovers. I eat A TON of vegetables and fruit. I drink a lot of water and coffee. I honestly think that I’m way better off just eating well, but my new exercise regime is helpful. I think that eating good food and food that is good for you is key, but I’m not going to tell you what to eat. Feel free to ask questions though.
I don’t care if you have positive body image; I’m going to surround myself with people that do.
What is positive body image? It’s not standing in front of the mirror for an hour telling yourself that you’re fat (like I used to). It’s not telling someone else that they don’t belong at the gym (like I’ve heard in the locker room). It’s not telling yourself that you’ve earned food. You’re not a dog. If you want to eat something, go for it. You didn’t do a trick and suddenly earn the ability to have a cookie. If you want one, have one. Make positive life choices. Eat. Olympians can eat up to 12,000 Calories a day. If you’re a normal person, you should be eating between 1,600 and 2,400 Calories a day (depending on your age and workout regimen). Sometimes a cookie can be a part of your Calorie intake. Sometimes a steak can be too. Sometimes you can have an entire days where you only eat vegetables. As long as you’re treating yourself well and using common sense and telling yourself that no matter what, you look beautiful and treat others the same. I had to surround myself with people who celebrate food and who love their bodies, but have no problem with having a goal to be a better person than they were yesterday. I now believe in bettering myself for a better tomorrow. I have no need to be aesthetically better looking. I don’t need 37" triceps, and I don’t think anybody else has any use for them.
In summation: Worry about yourself. It’s ok to worry about other people where life and death is involved, but as for total strangers and coworkers, it’s probably not your place. I was working out this morning and watched someone get called out for using a workout machine incorrectly. I’m not one for using foreign machinery, so I avoid this problem altogether, but I also don’t tell someone that they’re “using too much momentum that you’re not going to get a proper workout.” But still workout. Yes, salad is good for you, but so is chicken. And so are a lot of other things. Eat food. Surround yourself with people that have a positive body image and set realistic goals about being a better person.
