Loneliness Epidemic Meets Modern Love: Can Consensual Non-Monogamy Help Address the Issue?

In today’s hyper-connected world, it might seem paradoxical that so many of us feel isolated. Recent studies are painting a grim picture: nearly half of U.S. adults report feeling lonely, and the health consequences are staggering, equating the impact to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. But as our understanding of the loneliness epidemic deepens, we’re beginning to explore novel solutions to this pervasive issue. One surprising area of interest? The world of consensual non-monogamy (CNM).

The Rise of Loneliness in a Hyper-Connected World
Loneliness isn’t a modern phenomenon. As psychologist Laurie Santos points out, rates of loneliness have been linearly increasing since the 1970s. This was well before the surge of the internet, smartphones, and social media platforms. But the pace of modern life, from job switches to the omnipresence of digital distractions like Netflix, is surely exacerbating it.

Interestingly, despite having a virtual world at our fingertips, we’re seeing a decline in real-world, quality connections. Young adults, especially, are substituting in-person relationships with digital ones, often leading to lower-quality connections. It’s a concerning trend, given that quality, not quantity, of relationships determines our sense of loneliness.

Could CNM Play a Role in Addressing This Issue?
While CNM might initially seem like a surprising avenue to explore in the context of loneliness, the foundational principles of CNM — open communication, transparency, mutual respect — might be exactly what many are seeking. Recent research has revealed that many individuals who practice CNM, do so because of the additional social and emotional support they receive. As our society seeks answers to increasing feelings of isolation, could CNM be part of the solution?

Diving into Quality Connections: CNM is rooted in fostering open and meaningful connections with multiple partners. By expanding one’s social circle, CNM may offer enriched connections based on trust and transparency, helping address the quality gap in modern relationships.

Challenging Societal Norms: Embracing CNM inherently challenges societal norms, prompting deeper discussions about evolving relationship landscapes. These discussions can lead to broader societal acceptance of diverse relationship structures, paving the way for authentic and fulfilling connections based on the individual’s relationship orientation.

Time Investment in Relationships: Modern life, with its myriad demands, often deprives us of quality time with loved ones. But CNM, by virtue of its emphasis on managing multiple relationships, underscores the importance of dedicating time to nurturing relationships.

Building a Robust Social Infrastructure: The CNM community, with its workshops, meet-ups, and support groups, can serve as a refuge for many seeking a sense of belonging and understanding. This strengthens our social infrastructure, offering an oasis in a landscape of increasing isolation.

Economic and Societal Impacts: Beyond Health
Loneliness isn’t just a health issue; it has broad economic implications, with social isolation among older adults accounting for an estimated $6.7 billion in excess Medicare expenses annually. Beyond direct costs, loneliness is also associated with lower academic achievements and work performance. Could CNM, with its potential socio-economic benefits, offer a respite? By promoting shared living or resource pooling among partners, CNM might offer economic stability alongside emotional support.

A Glimpse into the Future
While it’s essential to acknowledge that CNM isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, its potential benefits in the context of the loneliness epidemic warrant attention. Embracing diverse relationship structures might be a step forward in building a more connected society.

As we move forward, it’s crucial for researchers, policymakers, and the general public to keep an open mind. Whether or not CNM is a key player in our fight against loneliness, it’s clear that our current path isn’t sustainable. Perhaps by exploring unconventional solutions, we’ll inch closer to a world where fewer people feel truly alone.

Sources:
U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/why-americans-are-lonelier-and-its-effects-on-our-health

https://econtent.hogrefe.com/doi/abs/10.1027/1016-9040/a000278?journalCode=epp

Dr. Heath Schechinger, Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Modern Family Institute, is an internationally recognized coach, therapist, researcher, and consultant who specializes in the dynamic field of family and relationship diversity. With over a decade devoted to studying the intricate mechanics of both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, and his groundbreaking research and clinical practice cover a myriad of relationship configurations, including polyamory, platonic co-parenting, and other non-nuclear family structures.

Dr. Schechinger holds additional influential roles that substantively contribute to both the academic and advocacy landscapes. He serves as the Founding Co-Chair of the American Psychological Association Division 44 Committee on Consensual Non-monogamy, leveraging his expertise to inform best practices and public understanding. As a Co-Founder of the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition, he actively contributes to pioneering legal initiatives aimed at recognizing and protecting diverse family and relationship configurations. Furthermore, he enriches interdisciplinary scholarship as an Affiliate Faculty member at the distinguished Kinsey Institute at Indiana University and bolsters advocacy efforts through his board membership with the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy.

Driven by a commitment to facilitating greater understanding and acceptance of modern family and relationship structures, Dr. Schechinger’s work serves as a catalyst for both academic discourse and practical support. His initiatives pave the way for a more nuanced understanding of what constitutes a healthy, fulfilling relationship in contemporary society.