Annual Eagles Column Year 8: Go Fuck Yourself, but Banners Fly Forever

Image created by Ryan Beckler

Editor’s Note:

The old adage goes ‘time flies when you’re having fun.’ I guess we must be having fun then because this marks Year 8 of my annual Eagles column.

As one of my favorite singers Hilary Duff once so eloquently said, “Let’s go back, back to the beginning.” The column began as a short blog post back in July 2014. I didn’t start my full-time job until two months later and wanted to write something as the Eagles reported for training camp. Never did I imagine it would turn into what it is today — A highly anticipated column featuring art, analysis, anecdotes, and more — My pride and joy.

I don’t celebrate Christmas, but from what I’ve heard about it, Column Day for me feels a whole lot like what I imagine Christmas is like, and a big reason for that feeling is knowing how much loyal readers look forward to it, akin to waking up on Christmas morning knowing Santa once again delivered the present they wanted.

As of a month ago, I was hesitant to commit to an 8th year. I had an idea I felt good about, but the words weren’t coming out like I wanted them to as post-pandemic burnout loomed over me. I didn’t want to half ass anything and was resigned to the idea of taking a year off. Then, I went to a baseball game by myself to try to clear my head and much to my delight, when I returned to my laptop, the prose started flowing in the form of 24,545 words.

Please do not be intimidated by that number as the column has been strategically separated into concise chapters allowing for a leisurely read if you so choose, almost like reading a good book. Please also don’t feel that this isn’t for you if you’re not an Eagles fan. While Eagles fans are of course the primary audience, I firmly believe that this can be enjoyed by all.

As mentioned above, sometimes the column is analytical in nature, but we also tend to take a more metaphorical look at the state of the Eagles franchise. The 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020 columns can all be found at their links respectively.

I can say with confidence that this is the best one yet and not just because of the word count. Ultimately though, it matters what you think. I welcome your feedback, and if you enjoy the column,, it would mean the world to me if you shared it on your social media, texted it in your group chat, and smashed that recommend button so others could enjoy it as well.

Lastly, my Venmo handle is Drew-Balis. If you particularly enjoy the column and feel so compelled after reading, we do welcome tips, however this is not an obligation nor expectation.

Thank you to everyone who has supported the column in the past. Thank you in advance to those who will embark on this year’s edition. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

Chapter 1: Unhappy Birthday

Wednesday, May 12, 2021, 7:30 pm ET

You close your eyes, remove your glasses, and tilt your head down in a prayer-like motion. The anticipation is building, and so are your worst fears.

“Not the Chiefs. Not the Chiefs,” you twice repeat in what may as well be a reenactment of the sorting hat scene from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Unfortunately the hat doesn’t come through for you here.

Your concerns are confirmed a mere 15 minutes later.

“Fuck!” you yell loud enough to startle your wife in the adjacent room of your apartment.

“What?” Jaime asks.

“My birthday is ruined,” you say in a defeated voice.

You proceed to explain further.

“I’ve got Pat Mahomes on my birthday. That is the one thing I absolutely did NOT want when today started. I would have taken a bye week, a Monday Night game, a Thursday night game, but Pat Mahomes and that offense on my birthday, I mean what the FUCK!”

Normally this would not be your first concern — hell, normally it’s not even a concern at all — on what is typically a joyous Schedule Release Day, but this year is different. The Eagles haven’t played on your birthday since 2010 — Donovan McNabb’s return to Lincoln Financial Field as a member of divisional rival Washington.

That October Sunday was filled with a lot of mixed emotions and ultimately ended poorly. You cannot help but think this is headed down a similar path on October 3, 2021 as Andy Reid once again returns to Philadelphia with the two-time defending AFC Champions.

It feels like you are frozen in your thoughts. Jaime’s voice brings you back to the room.

“I mean it could be the best birthday ever if they win. They won the day after your birthday last year.”

That they did, you think. It took Nick Mullens playing one of the worst quarterbacked games against the Eagles in years, second only to maybe Luke Falk in 2019. It feels in the moment like an incredible long shot. You return to memorizing the rest of the schedule before and after Week 4.

After all, there is some time before you have to worry about this again. Or at least it seems that way.

You’ll think about it in two months.

Chapter 2: What’s Going On

Monday, June 14th, 11:07 am ET

A tweet alert from Adam Schefter flashes across your phone.

Nick Mullens is now a Philadelphia Eagle.

What the hell is going on? Is time a flat circle? And you thought the first Nick to join the organization this offseason was a surprise.

You return to work. You’ll think about it in one month.

Chapter 3: Knockin’ On Heavens Door

Saturday, July 31st, 7:26 am ET

A month and a half has elapsed. Training camp is underway in all its glory — the magical time of year when hope springs eternal, where whatever transpired nine months prior is water under the bridge, metaphorical glasses half full of optimism even for the bleakest of situations.

You are not exactly feeling the magic as you gaze into your closet while trying to remain quiet enough that you don’t wake up Jaime. You have no idea what prompted you to do this. After all, it’s incredibly early on a Saturday morning. You don’t have anywhere to go.

All the way on the far left of your closet bar hang four Eagles jerseys. Black Carson Wentz, DeSean Jackson, and Brian Dawkins going from left to right and finally a midnight green Brandon Graham one.

That is what you’ll be wearing 20 times this year, and hopefully more than that. It’s ironic because green isn’t your favorite jersey color. You much prefer the black ones, but sometimes beggars can’t be choosers. In this specific instance, the jersey was purchased in early November of last year.

You didn’t want to admit it but could tell that the writing might be on the wall with your then franchise quarterback. You’ve always liked having at least one current player’s jersey, and defensive player jerseys are cool.

‘This will do,’ you think to yourself, and at the same time, ‘Man, have things changed.’

The phone rings and the shock of the noise leads to you nearly hitting your head on the wall of the closet. This isn’t a cell phone though.

Still regaining your balance, you stumble to the kitchen and reach for your apartment phone, picking it up off the hook and putting it to your ear following the third ring.

“Hello,” you say out loud while thinking silently to yourself ‘What on Earth could this be about?’

The device is used primarily to communicate deliveries, and you didn’t order anything, though a smoothie does sound good right about now.

“Someoneheretoseeyou,” the doorman says back quickly.

This is weird.

“Got it,” you say. “Who is it?”

“Theydidn’tsay,” responds the doorman. “Alltheywouldtellmeisthatit’sveryimportanttheyseeyou.”

You’re incredibly confused but admittedly intrigued too.

“Okay, send them up,” you say back following a 2–4 second pause.

You slowly make your way across the living room, into the foyer, and up to your front door.

What should take only a few minutes begins to feel like an eternity. There’s no knock nor ringing of the doorbell. You even peek your head out to ensure you haven’t missed anything. Nothing.

Ten minutes have elapsed. ‘I guess they had the wrong apartment,’ you think to yourself while walking back to your closet.

A sudden knock sends you in reverse again.

“Who is it?” you say while making your way back. The past year plus of contactless delivery and next to no visitors has made something that once seemed so normal now feel like a bit of a foreign concept.

“What’s up man!” responds the person outside in a much louder volume than you.

“Who is it?” you ask for a second time.

“Open the door, and you’ll see.”

“Identify yourself,” you say, paying homage to a line once used in the Nickelodeon series As Told By Ginger when a visitor approached Monster’s Doghouse.

“I’m telling you, man. Just open the door. I don’t bite.”

You are convinced that you’re either going to get kidnapped or someone is going to try to convince you to purchase a timeshare in Guam, and you’re honestly not sure what would be worse, but perhaps against your better judgement, you decide to open the door.

You pull it back slowly to reveal a man standing before you. He’s a few inches taller, blue eyes, and some 5 o’clock shadow. If you were to make your best guess, he’s probably in his late 30s or early 40s.

You’re still confused though and hope your silence will be a cue for him to talk. It is.

“What’s up man!”

That was not exactly helpful. You take a step back and reach for the door handle, preparing to inch it closed when he continues.

“Nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

You would be more appreciative of the compliment if you knew who he was or what he wanted.

“Alright for the third time, who the fuck are you?” you ask.

Three was always your lucky number.

“It’s Nick, man.”

Or at least you thought it was your lucky number. You’re still rather perplexed.

“Nick Sirianni,” he says. This is when you notice an Eagles logo on the left side of his polo shirt.

“Prove it,” you quickly say back in a scene that resembles the opening of a Law and Order SVU episode when someone knocks on a neighbor’s apartment to get more information.

He hands over an Eagles employee badge and opens his phone to reveal a picture of him, Jeffrey Lurie, and Don Smolenski together from the day of his infamous January introductory press conference.

You go from confused to now incredibly concerned.

He reaches out his right fist. You don’t reciprocate with a bump.

“Nick, man, don’t you have a practice to run in a few hours? I mean I know you said you were gonna do certain things differently, but you really can’t be here. These early days in camp are real important, and if you’re not back in time, the media is really gonna have a field day with this.”

You pause for a few seconds before continuing.

“If you thought you got roasted for that quote about ‘We’re gonna have systems in place that are easier to learn,’ that will be nothing compared to headlines about a coach missing the 5th day of training camp.”

After appearing very loose up until this moment, Nick has now turned serious, though still in a friendly demeanor.

“You’re absolutely right,” he says. “I pushed practice to noon, but I do need to be back for it, and you’re coming with me.”

“I’m not,” you immediately respond.

“You are,” Nick says back. “I got Big Dom waiting for us in a car out front. We gotta goooo.”

Maybe you were right about being kidnapped.

“How did you find me? Why did you find me? Why are you here?” you ask all at once.

“I can’t reveal who told me this, but I was pointed in your direction. I want to learn as much about Eagles recent history as possible, and I was told that you are the person who could help me.”

On one hand, you’re flattered, on the other hand, it’s 7:41 in the fucking morning, and you’re still quite shocked this is unfolding.

“Nick, I think you’re a good dude. I wish I could help you, but I really can’t. I’ve had three weddings over the past two weekends. Three different states. I really just need a relaxing Saturday. I have tickets to the Mets game later, and most of all, I’m not really sure my heart is in this right now.”

The final 11 words were not easy to admit, but it was the truth. In past summers, this would be a joyous time. You would have already read at least seven articles recapping observations from yesterday’s training camp practice and had the entire roster — down to the fringe training camp bodies who won’t make the team — memorized. The start of training camp this year has been a bit more mellow following the incredibly disappointing 2020 season and franchise-altering offseason.

“Woww,” says Nick. “People told me that you might not say yes right away, but I didn’t think you’d straight up say no. I didn’t think The King was one to turn down a challenge. I guess you’re not as good as you say you are.”

Up until this point, you’ve been talking very softly in an attempt to not wake up Jaime. That’s no longer the case.

“Get the fuCK OUT,” you say.

“You know maybe what your haters say about you is right,” Nick says while beginning to walk away. “Washed up. Don’t got it no more.”

“I’LL SEE YOU IN FIVE MINUTES,,” you yell.

Nick has a smirk on his face as if he knew all along that his plan would work. While nodding his head, he says “How do I know you’re actually coming?”

It feels like a 180 of summer 2018 inside UCLA’s football complex where Nick is now you and you’re Chip Kelly.

“I’m coming,” you say.

“Why don’t we just go right now then?” says Nick

“You really do have some stuff to learn,” you chirp back. “I’m barefoot, wearing gym shorts and a white undershirt. If I’m gonna do this right, I gotta put on some actual Eagles gear. I’ll meet you and Big Dom in the car.”

Chapter 4: Oops I Did It Again

7:52 am

You make your way downstairs. Thankfully the early morning has made it so that elevators and the lobby are basically empty. You walk outside and immediately hear:

“Over here,” with Nick’s hand waving.

It’s a Black Escalade with tinted windows, but you guessed correctly and opened the back left door. Nick sits on the right also in the back with Big Dom alone up front, manning the driver’s seat. A partition that would separate the two sections is currently down, so you take it upon yourself to do something you’ve wanted to do for a long time.

“Big Dom, what up,” you say reaching out your wrist for a fist bump.

Just how you originally turned Nick down, Big Dom follows suit here, looking pointedly back at Nick.

“He doesn’t want you to call him Big Dom,” says Nick.

“Oh, word,” you say. “Sorry about that, Big Dom.”

This time he looks back at you, more pointedly than he did at Nick.

“Ah I did it again, didn’t I? Sorry bad habit. I’m just surprised. Everyone calls you Big Dom. You’re a legend. You’re head of Eagles security. You’re Bi…”

You caught yourself this time.

“Alright let’s get going,” says Big Dom while taking the car out of neutral.

You chime in. Big Dom and Nick were not expecting this.

“Yeah, I’m gonna need us to make a stop before we hit the road.”

Nick now looks at you slightly befuddled.

“You told me that you didn’t want me to be late for practice. We really need to get going. Even early in the morning I could tell the traffic in this city sucks. Where do you need us to stop?”

“I get car sick in the city. Your surprise visit led to me not having time to eat breakfast. I need a smoothie. Take me to Juice Generation, and then, we’ll fully get on the road.”

Nick lets out a sigh. Big Dom lets out a bigger sigh. “Big Dom, take him to Juice Generation,” says Nick.

“Hey,” you say. “How come you get to call him Big Dom?”

“Don’t worry about it,” answers Nick. “Just get your smoothie.”

Chapter 5: Hit Me Baby One More Time

8:11 am

You walk back towards the car smoothie in hand.

“I’m so happy I added lime to the Supa Dupa Greens,” you say while opening the door and taking a big sip.

The car is overcome with silence.

“Alright, I’m ready,” you declare as you turn to face Nick. “Talk to me.”

“You weren’t lying about putting on some Eagles gear,” comments Nick. “That’s a nice shirt and hat there.”

Nick is of course referring to official Super Bowl gear from February 2018.

“Hell YEAH!” you say back. “You know I always feel better the second I put it on, regardless of what might be going on at the time.”

“That’s cool, man,” says Nick. “So why’d you say yes? Why’d you agree to come with me if you’re not that excited for the season?”

“Because it’s the Eagles. Because as shocked as everyone was that this is where we’re at less than four years removed from a championship, Jeffrey’s always had a knack for hiring coaches.”

“Well that’s a nice segue to what I want to talk to you about,” says Nick. “To really succeed here, I need to know as much about this franchise as possible. Tell me about the past coaches. What they did well. What they didn’t do well. Hit me.”

While you don’t want them to be late for practice, it’s a good thing that traffic is already backed up. You’re gonna need some time here to do this thoroughly.

“Hey Big…,” you stop and catch yourself just in time. Nick senses what you’re trying to say.

“Big Dom, give us a little to talk,” says Nick.

The partition goes up. It’s your time to shine.

Chapter 6: X-Ray Eyes

8:14 am

You let out a deep breath before beginning.

“We’ll go in order. We can start with Ray Rhodes. He’ll be the quickest, and I may not be able to answer a lot of questions you have, but I’ll give you a rundown the best I can.”

Nick is listening intently.

“Ray was hired when I was 4,” you say. “I don’t think I really knew what was going on until his third season, which is unfortunate because the first two seasons were fun.”

You pause for a second and motion towards Nick to see if he has anything to say.

“You go ahead,” says Nick. “If I have a question, I’ll chime in, but really, I just want to be a sponge here.”

“Alright,” you say. “I guess to maybe backtrack a bit, ya see, the franchise was a bit of a mess when Jeffrey purchased the team in April of 1994. In the 13 years prior to then, they had only won a single playoff game. So Jeffrey took that first year to essentially evaluate things and after a 7-game losing streak to end the season, fired Rich Kotite who was left over from the Norman Braman regime. We’re not gonna get too in that, but Jeffrey hires Ray as his first official coach.

And you know, Ray for a couple years was a pretty good coach. Back-to-back 10-win seasons and consecutive playoff appearances.”

You notice a bit of excitement picking up in your voice, now talking more with your hands.

“Your energy reminds me a bit of Ray’s, but, and here’s the but, I don’t think Ray would work in the NFL today. There’s a reason he kinda wore out his welcome somewhat quickly. Ray was a real screamer. To try to motivate his players, he once said ‘People are coming to your house, trying to break into your house, probably sodomize your wife and kids, and you don’t do anything about it.’”

Nick doesn’t say anything, but he does a double take upon hearing this, and his facial expression changes from intrigued to disturbed.

“Players just don’t respond to that shit,” you say. “But like I said, Ray was a good coach for those first two years. I think there were probably two big highlights. In his first season, the team scored 58 points in a Wildcard Weekend playoff win over the Lions at Veterans Stadium. Then in November of 1996, we beat Dallas in their house. Clinging to a 24–21 lead, Troy Aikman threw a pick six that was brought back 104 yards.

In both of those instances, it really felt like Ray’s program had arrived and was about to take off, but it just never did. In fact, after that pick six, I think Ray’s record was 12–27–1 the rest of the way.”

You didn’t even realize how bad it was until you said it out loud.

“So what do you think happened?” asks Nick. “Why do you think it cratered so quickly?”

“Like I said, I was young,” you say. “But I think the big lesson for you here, and there’s a lot of other good examples of this too that I’ll get to as well, is how important it is to replenish your coaching staff.

You see Ray was a bit of a unicorn in terms of Jeffrey’s hires in that his background was on defense. So after the 1997 season, Jon Gruden leaves as the offensive coordinator — which is just crazy to think about that Gru was once the offensive coordinator here — for the Raiders head coaching job.

Ray hires Dana Bible, who didn’t have much NFL experience, and he lasts all of 6 games before getting demoted. That 1998 offense to this day remains the worst unit I’ve ever seen, and the worst part is I think we all knew it was coming.

One thing that really excites me about you is the initial staff you hired. I was a big fan of Shane Steichen’s work out in LA last year with Justin Herbert. But if you have success — and it’s a good problem to have but still a problem nonetheless — that initial staff doesn’t last forever. People get poached for better jobs, and you have to be able to adequately replace them. Another thing that I do like about you is that you’ve coached with a couple different NFL teams, so you kinda have that pipeline and those connections to go off of.”

You catch your breath and go in for another big gulp of the smoothie.

“That’s the story on Ray. Good start but kinda flamed out. It was more than 20 years ago now but definitely some good lessons to take.”

Chapter 7: Lose Control

8:28 am

You roll down your window expecting to see some signs of a highway but are surprised to learn that you’ve barely moved.

‘Man, this traffic really is brutal,’ you think to yourself before having your thought interrupted.

“So Andy was next, right?” asks Nick.

“Yeah, we can talk about Andy,” you say while trying to regain your focus and think of where to start.

“There’s 14 years to cover here. I could spend days talking about Andy, but I’ll try to keep it somewhat succinct and not bore you.”

“You’re not boring me. This is all great stuff, man,” says Nick.

“Alright, so after Ray, Jeffrey really identified offense as the future of the league and really has been obsessed with having a good offense ever since. Jim Haslett, who had a background on defense, was reported to be the backup option, but Jeffrey’s first choice was this unknown quarterbacks coach in Green Bay.

But there was a slight problem. You see, back then, it wasn’t as flexible as it is now. Assistants of teams still in the playoffs didn’t really get hired, and the Packers had been to back-to-back Super Bowls. Even though they weren’t as good that season, the thought was that they could go on a run again, and they were about to, but then in the final seconds of a Wildcard Weekend playoff game, Steve Young threads the needle to Terrell Owens in the end zone for the game-winning touchdown. One of the best games and touchdowns I’ve ever seen.”

Nick doesn’t say anything, but you realize that you’ve gone off track and are becoming very long-winded.

“If the Packers hold on to win that game, I’m not sure what would have happened, but they’re eliminated, and eight days later, Andy is officially introduced as the head coach, and Andy, Andy’s biggest strength was also his biggest security flaw at times.

He was a massive, massive, massive control freak.

I think even using the word massive three times might still be underselling it. This was a guy who to his interview brought a binder basically detailing how he was going to run every single day of training camp. Mind you, the guy doesn’t even have the job yet, and he already is thinking about this. He had a vision for every single component of the organization — dot the i, cross the t, insert whatever cliche you want.

And those training camp practices became legendary tales. Players said they had never been put through anything like that before — Just the most intense two-a-days you can imagine in triple digit heat.”

“Holy shit, man,” Nick says.

“Yeahhhh,” you say.

You were on a roll and didn’t want to lose your train of thought.

“Here’s the thing though. Most of the guys bought in. A few didn’t make it. George Hegamin, who was an offensive lineman, walked out of an August practice when he found out he had been demoted. So the next day, he comes back, and Andy has him pushing a blocking sledge the length of the field with players, coaches, and the media watching.

Eleven days later, Hegamin is cut before the season starts. The franchise had lacked accountability, and Andy was really trying to establish that culture, and he needed to make an example out of someone to do it.

I guess two other things about Andy. He was really ahead of his time — maybe even too much for his own good at times. He was one of the first people to identify where the NFL was going in terms of becoming a passing league, and to be successful in a passing league, you need a franchise quarterback. So when nearly the entire fanbase wanted this phenom running back Ricky Williams out of Texas, he convinced the front office to select Donovan McNabb out of Syracuse with the second pick in the draft, and up until 2017, that was the best thing to ever happen to the franchise.

The first year is a little rough. It wasn’t like today where most of the rookie quarterbacks selected in the first round would play right away. Donovan sat at first for career backup Doug Pederson.”

“This really is a small world,” says Nick chuckling.

“The NFL is the biggest small world there is,” you say.

“So the team goes 5–11 in Andy’s first year, but they win their final two games. You could feel momentum slowly building, and in Year 2, man they shot out of a fucking cannon. Let’s see, so there was the onside kick in Dallas to start the season, but really I think the moment Andy’s program really arrived was Wildcard Weekend during that 2000 season.

So remember we talked about Hegamin?”

Nick nods.

“So the Eagles are playing the Bucs, and he’s Tampa’s left tackle now. Tampa has a 3–0 lead late in the second quarter with the ball deep in their own territory. Jim Johnson, may he rest in peace, dials up a perfect blitz on third and long, and Hegamin completely whiffs on his assignment. Hugh Douglas comes off the edge, and when I say he jacked Shaun King’s ass up, I don’t think that’s remotely doing it justice. This hit probably wouldn’t even be legal today, but King fumbles, we score a touchdown four plays later and we’re off and running.”

You pull up YouTube on your phone to show Nick the sequence you’re talking about. He winces watching the hit on King, but you can sense he’s also fired up afterwards.

“The next four years were just a lot of fun,” you say. “Now, there was heartbreak involved too. Plenty of it. We never went all the way, and part of that was because when Andy went up against the best of the best defensive coordinators and coaches — I’m talking Monte Kiffin, John Fox, Belichick — he tended to have an off day. He didn’t adjust well on the fly.

So the ending to those seasons sucked, but what Andy did more than anything was he brought stability to a franchise that very much needed it. We hosted the NFC Championship Game for three straight years. The Patriots never even did that, and when we finally reached the Super Bowl there was nothing like it.

I remember watching that NFC Championship Game against the Falcons when we finally broke through. Three minutes to go, Donovan hits Chad Lewis in the end zone to put the game fully out of reach. I was watching with my Dad at home, who in recent years hasn’t been the biggest football fan, but I vividly recall as Lewis cradled the ball in the end zone my Dad turning to me, saying ‘They’re goin’ and man, I had tears in my eyes.”

“Damnnn,” says Nick.

“Figured you’d appreciate it growing up in a football family and all,” you say.

“So what happened after?” Nick asks. “Like it seems you guys were really set up to be good for a long time.”

You let out another deep breath.

“Man, a lot of bullshit with contracts. Again the idea of a small world, Terrell came over from the 49ers in a trade before that 2004 season, and it was unlike anything I’ve ever seen. 15,000 fans lined up outside Lehigh where the team used to hold training camp, just chanting his name for a month straight in the sweltering summer heat. One of the most dominant individual seasons I’ve ever seen. But unfortunately in that summer of 2005, TO demands a new contract, and that was the first domino that really blew up the team. Couple folks went down with injuries that summer. We lose the opener in Atlanta, and this is a theme we can really hone in on later, but to wrap things up, things were never quite the same under Andy.

Sure, we had a couple other decent playoff runs, but then, if you remember what I said about Ray and his staff, so now with Andy, John Harbaugh leaves after 2007. Jim Johnson passes away before the 2009 season, and that’s when things really started to go off the rails.

What happens when a control freak begins to lose control?” you ask rhetorically.

“They grab on tighter for more control. They become so desperate to win that they forget what got them there in the first place. Andy came to have so much power that there was no one to really keep him in check. Jeffrey trusted him with that power. He had earned it, but when the team finally missed the playoffs in two consecutive years — just like Ray’s ending — Jeffrey knew what he had to do even if it pained him to do it.

What I do really respect about Andy is the resiliency. I really thought at the end of his time here that he could have used a year off. He and his wife Tammy had dealt with a ton of family tragedy — shit parents should never have to go through — and he just looked very beat down. But then in true Andy fashion, he picked himself up, went to a much more relaxed atmosphere in Kansas City, and after a couple years, he was rolling again. I was really happy for him when he finally got his ring.”

“But would you have been happy for him if you guys hadn’t won it already?” Nick asks.

You were asked this question a few times the day after the Chiefs won their Super Bowl.

“Admittedly, I’m not sure,” you say. “I think there was definitely an element of wanting to do it first, so I guess the best way I can really answer is a non-answer, and just say I’m glad I didn’t have to find out.

Good question, Nick. I’m impressed.”

Chapter 8: You Drive Me Crazy

9:03 am

You glance over at Nick for a second before following up with a question of your own.

“How you doin?” you ask. “Sick of me yet?”

“I wish the traffic moving a little quicker but not at all,” Nick says.

You follow Nick’s lead and take a second to look out the window as well. As opposed to the inviting open road, you’re still greeted with skyscrapers and bumper to bumper cars. There are signs for NY-495 W, but it still feels like you’re at least a few miles away.

“Well, I can tell you this,” you say. ‘If you’re not bored so far, you’re not gonna be bored, because it’s about to get a lot more interesting.”

“Chip is next, right?” asks Nick in a rather assured manner.

“Oh man, Chip,” you say. “I mean it when I say that I could talk to you for days — maybe even weeks — here. Chip was the first ever coach I felt like I had a real relationship with. Obviously Andy was here 11 years longer and was much more successful, but Andy was hired when I was 8.”

For all of the recent years spent talking to Chip, you’ve never really talked about Chip, and you’re trying to on the fly figure out where to start.

“I’ve never been as excited for a coach as I was for Chip.”

You have gone from merely talking with your hands to gesticulating wildly every other sentence.

“I was all in on Chip. Hell, part of me is still all in on Chip.”

You try to recalibrate and keep the focus on Chip’s time with the Eagles.

“Chip got off to a real roaring start. His first game was a Monday nighter at Washington, and we scored 26 points, not in the game, in the first half. I’ve never seen a defense look as gassed as Washington did in the second quarter of that game. It was everything I had been imagining and more.

Unlike Ray and Andy who maybe needed a little time to get their programs going and announce that they had arrived, this was instantaneous. Sure, we lost the next three games. Andy didn’t leave behind a very good defense, and there were growing pains with Chip’s offense, but he made it very clear that he could handle the NFL and that he belonged.

First year was a lot of fun. We win the division Week 17 Sunday Night Football in Dallas, lose a home playoff game, but you know it was Year 1, it happens. It feels like a good foundation is set.

So then Year 2, and here’s a parallel to Ray — Dallas, November, Thanksgiving Day in this instance. We go in there with a backup quarterback and whooped their ass, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that. Domination from the first possession to the last. We’re 9–3 and for the first time since that Super Bowl year under Andy, it feels like we have a shot at a first round bye in the playoffs.”

The next part of what you’re about to say makes you sad, but you need to provide Nick with the full picture.

“And then 10 days later, it just felt like everything was different. We lose three straight, including the second Dallas game at home. Chip had a real Cowboys problem at The Linc. The NFC was really strong that year, so we go from 9–3 flying high to 10–6 and on the outside looking in of the playoff picture.”

You can tell Nick’s head is now spinning a bit trying to keep up with all of the random numbers and different games. In a tribute to Rami Malek, you decide to make an analogy going back to Season 1 of the hit show Mr. Robot.

“Chip’s biggest flaw, Nick, Chip’s biggest flaw is that he was absolutely insane. We’re talking clinical. When they say ‘If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?,’ he would without hesitation just to prove something. If he was driving this car right now, we might not even make it back to Philly for practice. He’s liable to blow the whole thing up. I rode with him plenty of times — shotgun, front and center — and it could be exhilarating, but he also damn near killed me, especially the following year in 2015.”

It feels like you’ve gotten things back on track a bit now.

“Yeah, so what happened then?” asks Nick. “Like disappointing finish, but the team still did win 10 games where it seemed like they were in decent shape if I’m understanding right.”

You let out a sigh and reach for a bottle of water on the car door before continuing. You tend to do that when nervous or stressed.

“”So one of the things that probably held the team back in 2014 was they didn’t get a whole lot of contribution from rookies. Underwhelming draft class, which is of course run by Howie. Honestly I think the best rookie on the team was Cody Parkey, who was acquired in an August trade.”

“The Double Doink guy?” asks Nick.

You look at Nick with a bit of a glare, ensuring your pupils make eye contact with his.

“You’re new here, so I’m not gonna make a big deal out of it, but I really don’t like when people say that. The kick was partially blocked at the line of scrimmage. Cody was a very good kicker here before he got hurt.”

“My bad,” says Nick, holding up his hands.

You nod and continue.

“Yeah, so Chip basically goes to Jeffrey a few day after the season ends, and I’m paraphrasing here but more or less says ‘This roster isn’t good enough to win a Super Bowl, and I don’t trust the guy tasked with making it good enough to make it good enough to win a Super Bowl.’”

“Wow, so he just kinda pulled a power play and really went for it, huh?” asks Nick.

This part is important, so you make sure you gather all of your thoughts before answering.

“Well, sort of,” you say. “The narrative became that Chip wanted to also be the GM and have final say on personnel decisions, which is what Andy had after a few years in the organization, but really at the core what Chip was really saying is ‘I don’t want to work with Howie.’

Jeffrey could have fired Howie, hired a new GM, and Chip would have probably been fine just remaining the head coach only, but as you know, Jeffrey really likes Howie. They’ve worked together for a long time, and he didn’t want to fire Howie, but he also did like Chip too. So what does Jeffrey do? He basically hedges his bet. He gives Chip what he wants in terms of final say and demotes Howie but still keeps him around.

So the underlying message from Jeffrey was basically ‘If this doesn’t work, I’m putting Howie back in charge.’”

“And I’m guessing it didn’t work?” asks Nick.

“Bingo,” you say. “Chip went, I wouldn’t say rogue because he was in charge but for lack of a better word took it to a very extreme level. Really blew up the team, got rid of a lot of popular players, and here’s the thing, in a lot of cases, he wasn’t wrong. Most of those players didn’t go on to have great success or anything with their new teams, but the players who Chip replaced them with weren’t any better and in many cases worse. I’m gonna spare you some of the details here because a lot of these guys aren’t even in the league any longer, but it all really blew up in his face.

Now going into the season there was still some optimism. Everyone was really intrigued to see what it was gonna look like, but it became pretty clear early on that there was an issue. We lose the opener in Atlanta on Monday Night, just like in 2005 under Andy, and we just never really got out of neutral.

The team won a couple games to get back to .500 at 3–3, 4–4, and even had a fluke win up in Foxboro, but you could just tell that they weren’t a very good team and weren’t having fun, and I’ve always held steadfast in my belief that Chip the GM really killed Chip the coach. It’s hard to do two jobs like that, especially when the GM often has to be the bad cop in terms of contract negotiations.

Chip just really lost his mojo, and it took a toll on his relationship with players. If 95% of the team was bought in during his first year in 2013, that number might have been cut in half at this point, and Jeffrey sensed that. Team morale was incredibly low, and the overall culture had taken a real hit.

An interesting factoid that probably no one would believe is that Chip had a higher winning percentage than Doug as the Eagles coach, who we’ll get to in a bit here, but Jeffrey knew that the state of his franchise wasn’t healthy and that he had to do something about it.”

Up until this point, Nick hasn’t offered much commentary other than the occasional question, but you can tell he has more to say here.

“It’s really interesting to hear you talk about Chip,” he says. “Clearly Andy was way more successful here and even Ray was too with the playoff win, but I could just feel the energy in your voice when talking about Chip.”

“It should have worked, Nick,” you say while pounding your fist against the leather next to your seat. “It should have fucking worked.”

You take a second and put a finger up in the air to indicate that you have more to say.

“A lot of people are at fault for it not working, including, and especially Chip himself, but here’s what no one talks about. A lot of the sports science stuff that Chip brought with him to the NFL is being used across the league today. Sure, there were some injuries, but the team, especially in comparison to what’s happened recently, was incredibly healthy under Chip.

Here’s a bigger thing no one talks about. Super Bowl run, we ran his offense throughout the playoffs. The team was coming off a couple lackluster games to end the regular season, so your guy, our guy, Frank, goes to Nick in the two weeks leading up to that first playoff game and asks what he can call to get him comfortable and to get his confidence back up.

Nick tells him that he wants to run stuff from 2013 and 2014. Now obviously it wasn’t exactly the same in terms of pace. We huddled and all, but Chip brought those run-pass option concepts from Oregon into the NFL, and what did we do in the second half against Atlanta? We RPO’d them to death. So Nick gets hot, the defense makes a goal line stand, and the rest is history.

I saw Chip the summer after the Super Bowl and…”

Nick interrupts you.

“You kept in touch with him?” he asks.

“Watch this,” you say.

You reach for your phone in your right pocket and swipe away a few notifications. Nick seems to notice your wallpaper, a green Nick Foles graphic added in the week ahead of Super Bowl LII. You locate the FaceTime app, press a few buttons, and raise the phone up in your hand.

“Every fucking summer,” says the voice on the other end.

“Every fucking summer,” you say laughing.

Chip appears to be sitting at a desk in his office, wearing a blue UCLA hat pulled down to the point where it nearly covers his eyes.

“You just keep coming back huh?” asks Chip rhetorically.

You turn towards Nick and say “This is pretty common. Last summer I didn’t see Chip with COVID at its height and all. Just a quick Zoom, and I’m not planning any trip to LA this year, but summer 2016 through 2019, we saw each other every year.”

“Who you talking to?” asks Chip in a rather skeptical tone. “I swear if you’re with Howie again.”

You begin laughing. “Chip, I haven’t talked to Howie since last summer, man. It’s funny you bring that up though. I’m actually in the car with Coach Sirianni right now. Giving him a rundown of things, talking about the successes and failures of previous coaches, and we were about to wrap up with you.”

Hearing this seems to have reduced the skepticism and garnered more of Chip’s attention.

“You got any advice for Nick?” you ask Chip. “Anything you remember about your first year or want to offer in general?”

In true Chip Kelly fashion, he keeps it rather short, sweet, and to the point.

“Howie sucks. Don’t trust him,” says Chip.

You mute yourself and turn towards Nick.

“You can see there’s some animosity here,” you say.

You unmute.

“Now Chip, you weren’t blameless here either. Let’s remember that.”

“Last season should have showed you why I didn’t want to work with Howie all those years ago,” responds Chip. “Blew up a Super Bowl winning team.”

You’re not in the mood to go back and forth here and risk ruining the spontaneity of the FaceTime.

“What about you, Chip?” you ask. “How’s your squad? Is this gonna be the breakthrough year?”

Before Chip can answer, you continue.

“I gotta admit, Chip, when you guys kicked the field goal to take the lead against USC last year, I felt that tingle down my spine again. I thought that program of yours was about to arrive.”

“That was a tough one,” says Chip. “We’ll see what happens. We play LSU the second week of the season. Should be a good test for us.”

“Stay focused if you want to get back in the league,” you say pointing your right index finger into the phone.

The final thing you hear for a split second before hanging up is “Fuck Howie.”

You slide your phone back in your pocket and turn back towards Nick.

“Man, I feel like I need a nap now,” you say while slightly stretching in your seat. “It feels like we’ve been talking about Chip forever.”

“He really doesn’t like Howie, does he?” asks Nick while laughing.

“You know, he’s bitter and he’s over the top with some of it, but he’s not wrong, and it’s something you’re gonna have to deal with too. Howie’s not a bad guy and despite his flaws, I wouldn’t call him a bad GM. He turned a real mess into a Super Bowl winner in two years. He typically rebuilds quickly, but the thing about Howie is he’s a survivor.

When something goes wrong, he’s very good at finding a way to pin it on someone else. The guy has Jeffrey’s ear and also knows how to play the national media like a fiddle. Let’s say for example — and I don’t think this will happen because I really like the kid — that DeVonta Smith is slow to pick things up and gets off to a quiet start. He’s Howie’s draft pick, so Jeffrey is gonna go to Howie and ask what’s going on, and Howie is gonna say ‘Nick has a background in coaching receivers. Go ask him.’

Now let’s say in a year the legal situation clears up around Deshaun Watson, and Howie trades for him. Such a move, while very exciting, would leave the roster incredibly thin at other spots and limit our resources to improve, but that’s not gonna be the headline. Howie’s gonna say to you ‘Nick, I got you a franchise quarterback. Forget the other problems. I expect you to win.’”

“I think I get it,” says Nick while looking out the window pensively. “Do you think he has that job for life?”

“I don’t,” you say confidently. “That answer would surprise some people. A lot of people thought Andy Reid had his job for life. They really believed Jeffrey thought that Andy could do no wrong, and in my opinion, if Jeffrey could fire Andy, then he could hypothetically fire Howie.

But what I’m really saying is to make sure you cover your ass. Because if things go poorly, Howie has better odds of making it through than you. The guy is gonna be on his fourth coach within a decade. Most don’t get to hire more than two, so that puts into perspective just how much clout he has.

Any other questions before we move on?”

“Yeah, what did you mean when you told Chip to stay focused if he wants to get back in the league? What was that all about?”

You lower your voice slightly as if to make sure there is no way Big Dom can hear you through the partition.

“What I’m about to say, don’t repeat it around NovaCare. Folks will laugh at you, but it’s my belief that Chip will coach in the NFL again.”

“Like as an offensive coordinator?” asks Nick.

“Nope. As a head coach,” you answer incredibly quickly. “Look at what happened with Pete Carroll. Fired from two jobs in the NFL, dominated for a decade at USC, and is going into his 12th year with the Seahawks now with a Super Bowl ring on his finger.

You give it a little time. Owners change. Someone’s gonna take a chance. Now of course before that would happen Chip is gonna have to get UCLA going again, and that’s easier said than done, but don’t be surprised if 5–7 years from now you’re coaching a game against him.

One other thing I’ll tell you about Chip, and this is a bit more personal, but I do think there’s a lesson to take from it is really try to embrace the city, and just be all the way in. I do think Chip gave it everything he had, but in talking to him during his time here, I sometimes got the sense that he missed the west coast.”

“Oh yeah? What makes you say that?” asks Nick.

“He had an ex-girlfriend out in Oregon. Marissa Marriot. I never met her, but the way Chip talked about her, you’d think she was the greatest woman who ever lived. Chip would get a little sensitive if you talked about it too much. I even told him before 2015 that we should visit her, and he didn’t like that suggestion, but there’s a lot of people — myself included — who would have loved to see them get back together.”

“What ever happened to Marissa?” asks Nick.

“Oh you know, like a lot of people in life, ups and downs in the real world right after graduating college. Was in Tennessee for a few years, and I think she moved out to Vegas now off the top of my head.”

Chapter 9: Complicated

10:04 am

Telling Nick all about Chip took more than an hour. You roll down your window and are greeted with a strong wind that blows back your hat. Still a ways to go, but you’re making progress through New Jersey now.

“I gotta be straight up,” says Nick. “Are you gonna spend as much time on Doug as you did Chip because I’m not sure my brain has the bandwidth for that right now?”

You allow yourself to let out a slight laugh and an audible ‘Ha!’

“Nah this won’t take as long. We can definitely go faster.”

Speed really isn’t the problem. What to include is. How do you properly summarize the tenure of someone who gave you what you and the entire fanbase always wanted but then proceeded to flame out so quickly? Perhaps an analogy is a good way to start.

“You a baseball guy?: you ask Nick.

“Little bit,” he says. “Don’t have time to follow it too closely, but I catch an occasional game. I take it that you are? I heard you’re quite the fantasy guru.”

“Big time baseball guy. Huge fantasy guy. One day I hope to start a business around it. I still need to figure…”

You’re about to get really off track.

“Anyway, the reason I brought that up is 10–15 years ago, the Phillies had a manager named Charlie Manuel. Won the World Series in 2008, and when I look back on it, he and Doug had a lot in common.

Sometimes stupid yet other times brilliant. Being able to out coach Bill Belichick on the biggest stage and then less than three years later, losing a game to Dwayne Haskins. When I talked to Doug last summer I tried to preemptively warn him that the team was going down a track similar to the post-2008 Phillies where they got slightly worse every year, and it ultimately culminated in Charlie’s firing.

To backtrack for a second, after Chip, Jeffrey became much more protective and involved in football operations. For a long time when Andy was here, the organization ran like a Fortune 500 company where the owner / CEO rubber stamps things but isn’t involved in day-to-day happenings, but Jeffrey felt betrayed by that 2015 year under Chip and wanted a coach who wasn’t going to push for personnel control and more power.

So they hire Doug and again I know I sound like a broken record, but let’s talk about the coaching staff. Jeffrey and Howie equip with him a top-notch initial batch of assistants. Jim Schwartz runs the defense where Doug really doesn’t have to worry about anything there. Frank is there to give Doug an experienced voice on offense, and then John DeFilippo, who many saw as a fast-rising star at the time is the quarterbacks coach. When they identified Carson as their guy in the draft and moved up to get him, you could not have scripted a better setup for a rookie signal caller than to be tutored every day by three former quarterbacks.”

An alarm sounds on your phone. It’s good timing since you’ve gone on a bit of a diatribe here. You roll down your window and hold out both of your middle fingers while passing MetLife Stadium.

Nick seems to pick up on what you were doing and asks “How’d you time that so well?”

“Don’t worry about it,” you say laughing. “Let’s get it back to Doug.”

Nick lets out a laugh and you continue.

“Just an incredible initial staff. Now it’s typical when you win a Super Bowl to lose a couple assistants, but we got raided more than most here. As you’re familiar with since it’s partially how you got to Indy, Josh McDaniels backs out of the job and a week following the Super Bowl the Colts hire Frank. Now a few days before that, Flip leaves for an offensive coordinator job in Minnesota where he can call plays.

So now it’s mid-February, and we’ve lost two-third of our offensive braintrust. A lot of jobs had already been filled around the league that may have eliminated some good candidates, but it would have been an attractive position. Doug though, feeling himself coming off the Super Bowl decides to fill the voids with internal promotions, moving Mike Groh, who you worked with last year, from receivers coach to coordinator and promotes Press Taylor to quarterbacks coach.”

You let out a reluctant sigh.

“And neither of them were ready for that promotion nor qualified for the job. Classic Peter Principle stuff where people got promoted one level above their competence and were set up to fail.

So then I talked about Jeffrey being much more involved now. After 2019, he’s concerned about the trajectory of the offense and essentially mandates that Doug fire Groh. Doug after some initial pushback obliges but opts to not fill the offensive coordinator position after a series of interviews, and that is one of the broken chains that sets in motion 2020 going off the rails.

It wasn’t the only catalyst. Bad drafting, Carson’s regression and the fraying of that relationship. It all played a part, but Doug no pun intended dug his own grave by being in denial about how overmatched his staff was and ignoring the need for new ideas.”

“So why do you think he did that?” asks Nick. “From the outside, it seems kinda obvious what the formula for success was early on in terms of hiring experienced assistants, but he just never went back to it.”

“One of Doug’s flaws,” you say. “Is that besides here, he had only coached in one other place — Kansas City. So he didn’t have this big pipeline of assistants from different stops along the way that he could pull from, and he was very upfront about that, but I do think it really hurt him.

Don’t get me wrong. Doug will forever have a place in Philadelphia, and I’ll always have love for him. He initially really was what we needed after Chip. Players truly liked him, generally respected him, and when he got on a heater, he could call plays and design an offense with the best of them.

I talked to a lot of fans who wanted to try to run it back for one more year with the qualifier that more changes be made to the coaching staff, and my immediate response was ‘We already tried that. You can’t go to the well that many times and expect different results.’

So that lack of a coaching pipeline combined with having trouble getting the team to embrace really being a target didn’t help him. You’re gonna see this a bit with some of the veterans left from that Super Bowl run — There is not a group of people who embrace being an underdog more than these guys. They rode that all the way in 2017, but in 2018, 2019, and even last year, the team was widely expected to be good, and Doug could’t get them to handle that. It wasn’t until they were often counted out again in December that they would go on a run, but that’s just not a sustainable way to win.

Now, initially after the season, we are led to believe that Doug’s coming back, so the day he was fired was certainly a sad day just to process how far it had fallen in less than three years, but I truly believe that Jeffrey prevented a 3–13 — I guess 3–14 now — season from happening. Doug was overseeing a completely inadequate coaching staff and was in complete denial about it.”

Chapter 10: Bad Blood

You reach for your phone again and go to unlock the home screen.

“What you doing now?” asks Nick

“FaceTiming Doug,” you say rather casually.

“And this is something you do regularly?” asks Nick.

“Nope,” you answer. “Talked to him on a Zoom last summer but not since then.”

“And you’re confident he’s gonna answer?” Nick asks in a rather dubious tone.

“Yep,” you say again rather casually.

“Doug, how’s it going?!” you shout a few seconds later into the phone.

You can see blue ocean waves in the background. If you had to guess, Doug is in Florida right now. Even through the phone, he appears 10 years younger compared to the last time you saw him on camera in January. It looks like he’s lost about 10 pounds, and there’s more pigment to his face.

“Looking good,” you add.

A fish appears on the screen. Your view shifts from Doug’s face to the surface of the boat as he puts down his phone, presumably to unhook said fish.

“Just reeled in a big one,” Doug says while picking up his phone again.

“And you’re happy Doug?” you ask? “I mean, is this how you want to live your life?”

“Hell yeah,” says Doug. “I haven’t been this relaxed in years. What can I do for you?”

“Good for you, Doug,” you say half-smiling. “Do you miss it though? Do you miss the grind like maybe just a little bit,” you ask while pinching your fingers together into the screen.

“You didn’t answer my question,” says Doug. “What can I do for you? Why did you call me?”

“Well, I’m in the car with Coach Sirianni right now, kinda giving him an Eagles history lesson, and we were just talking about you, so I figured I’d see how you were doing.”

“What’d you tell him?” asks Doug.

“I told him about all the good times. About how you outshined the greatest coach of all time on the brightest stage. That you’ll always have a place in Philadelphia.

I told him about the bad times too. About how post-Super Bowl the team struggled to live up to expectations and how by the end your offense got incredibly stale.”

“My offense still works, you know,” says Doug back in a rather aggressive tone compared to his usual demeanor. “I didn’t break Carson. Carson broke himself.”

“That second part may be somewhat true, Doug,” you say rather calmly. “But your offense doesn’t work. It hasn’t worked consistently for a long time. We scored more than 24 points only four times. That’s nowhere near good enough in 2020.”

You can sense this conversation is going a bit wayward but are not prepared for what happens next.

“Look at what we did down the stretch,” says Doug.

“Doug, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. New Orleans, it was the Saints’ third straight road game. They didn’t care. We were down 16–0 in Arizona. Dallas we scored 17 points and while I will always love your parting gift of massively fucking over the Giants, Week 17 was a shit show. Your offense wasn’t working, and you were in denial about how bad your coaching staff had gotten.”

“You’re wrong,” Doug says back.

You hold for a few seconds to see if he plans to elaborate at all. He repeats himself. “You’re wrong.”

“I’m not,” you shoot back.

Doug counters. “You are.”

You try a slightly different course of action.

“You know Doug, for someone who indicated he doesn’t really miss this, you’re kinda making it sound like you do.”

“You’re wrong,” Doug says again.

Clearly this is not going quite how you envisioned. You hand your phone to Nick for a second while taking a series of deep breaths. You can tell Nick is uncomfortable holding it, not sure what to do or say to the man who he replaced.

You motion for Nick to hand you back the phone and take one more breath before gripping it in your hand. This is something you’ve wanted to do since January and simultaneously you’re dreading it as you take full grasp of the phone and shift your hand to ensure your face is showing on the screen.

“Doug, go fuck yourself,” you say. “But…”

All of a sudden the screen turns black and the app closes. You can feel your stomach tightening up, muscles clenching together.

“He hung up on me,” you say slightly upset. “I didn’t think he would actually hang up on me. I had more I wanted to say.”

Nick sits on the other side of the car in relative silence.

“Nick, you good?” you ask.

More silence.

“Nick, YOU OKAY?” you ask again, now slightly more concerned. “You’re not saying anything.”

“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say,” says Nick in a somewhat hostile manner. “You just told a head coach who won you a Super Bowl to go fuck himself. That really doesn’t bode well or leave much hope for me.”

“Hey BIG DO…errr, PULL OVER,” you yell, hoping you’ll be heard through the partition.

“Are you nuts?” asks Big Dom while dropping down the partition. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Pull over,” you say. “It will just be for a few minutes.”

It apparently worked as you feel the car slowing down before making a sharp turn into a rest stop.

Feeling tensions are rather high, you say “Let’s just chill for a minute, stretch, and then we’ll go back at it.”

You get up and circle the car a few times. Nick’s face is slightly pale. Big Dom looks rather impatient. You take their cues and get back in the car. Big Dom quickly fires up the ignition and begins driving again.

Chapter 11: Toxic

10:41 am

You may have scared Nick, but you were telling the truth about the time it would take. You spent 37 minutes talking about Doug. 23 minutes longer than the time spent on Ray, 2 minutes longer than Andy, 24 minutes less than Chip.

“Nick, look,” you say. “What I said to Doug, I don’t want you to project that on yourself. After I said what I said, I was going to add that ba…”

“It just seemed really aggressive,” says Nick.

You were hoping to finish your sentence but instead follow Nick’s lead and respond.

“You’re probably right, but I do think it was warranted,” you say.

You thought this had put a bow on the conversation until Nick asks you another question.

“So you think Doug will coach again? You seemed very convinced about Chip and the NFL, which obviously feels much more like a long shot to me. What about Doug?”

“I don’t like to give wishy-washy answers, but I do really think it could go either way. On one hand, you win a Super Bowl and your name always gets brought up. Gruden was out of the game for nine years and got another job. Bill Cowher’s name still occasionally comes up, and he probably could have gotten another gig had he wanted to. Having that connection to Andy really helps. Agents, General Managers around the league, they all respect Andy.

But you didn’t see him at the end of last year and how defeated and beat down he looked, and while I think he does miss it more than he’ll admit, I don’t think he loved coaching the way some others did. Like he was good at it and enjoyed it but didn’t need it to live. It wouldn’t shock me if you’re coaching against him when we play the Bears in Chicago in 2022. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he just went and coached high school football in Louisiana.”

“Interesting,” says Nick.

“I’ll tell you what I do think could play a large role in what happens there is how Carson plays in Indy,” you say. “If Carson struggles or is just okay it gives Doug some higher backing to his claim that his offense still works with the right quarterback, but if Carson returns to his 2017 form, then that’s something Doug is gonna have to answer for in interviews.”

“Makes sense,” says Nick.

You really thought you were finally done and can rest for the remainder of the ride when Nick asks another question.

“So what do you think happened there? Like how did it go so off the rails between the two of them?”

Tired of simply talking, you decide to try to bring in a visual aid.

“You got a rubber band on you?” you ask.

Nick shakes his head.

You think for a few seconds and proceed to remove a bracelet from your right hand. The gray bracelet says ‘Dutch Destroyer,’ in green lettering. You purchased it in October 2017 after watching a SportsCenter feature on Carson’s relationship with an 8-year old boy suffering from rhabdomyosarcoma.

“We’re gonna cover the Carson element first,” you say while holding the bracelet in the palm of your hand and turning to Nick. “Then, we’ll bring it back to Doug.

So you know in Carson’s rookie season, he started out incredibly fast. Won our first three games, didn’t have a single turnover. What made it even more impressive was that he didn’t have a lot of help around him. I’d argue we probably had the worst receiving unit in the league.

Now go ahead and give a light tug on that bracelet.”

Nick reaches over to pull on the bracelet, which bounces right back into your hand.

“Year 2, Carson’s on pace to win the MVP. The team is 10–2, and he’s playing one of his best games ever on a big stage in Los Angeles. Tears his ACL on a fluke play while scoring a touchdown.

Pull.”

This time the bracelet makes a noise but doesn’t snap. You center it in your hand and continue.

“He watches as his backup finishes what he started and goes on to win the Super Bowl. Very bittersweet experience, and he was honest about this.”

Nick stretches the bracelet back a little further and pulls. The sound of the rubber reverberates in your hand, but it’s still in one piece.

“So the next season, he comes back, guns blazing, and I think in feeling that chip on his shoulder and desire to get back so badly, it may have had an adverse effect, but also keep in mind that while he’s been rehabbing all offseason, this team — Doug included — has basically been on a 7-month celebration bender. The preseason comes around, and it’s clear that this team is nowhere near ready to play. It’s a miracle that we won on Opening Night against Atlanta.

That part’s important for later, don’t forget it!” you exclaim.

Nick nods.

“So that whole year, Carson didn’t play poorly, but things just felt a little off. He suffered a back injury that got worse, and with three games left in the season and the team’s playoff chances hovering around 10%, they decided to shut him down to protect against further injury.

Nick comes in, the offense starts rolling, and we win our final three games to make the playoffs, steal a playoff win in Chicago, and truthfully would have beaten the Saints had Brandon Brooks not torn his achilles when we were up 14–0. Pull.”

With the bracelet still intact, you continue.

“So 2019 comes around. Carson is healthy. Nick is in Jacksonville, and with no Super Bowl hangover to deal with, expectations are sky high. The team reacquires fan-favorite DeSean Jackson.

Two days before the season starts, they drop their hype video and it’s really branded around Carson and the trio of receivers — DeSean, Alshon Jeffery, Nelson Agholor. I thought on paper it was the best receiving core the team had in my lifetime.”

“Yeah, I mean you know me, I’m a receivers guy, and that sounds pretty good to me,” Nick says.

“On paper, it was great, and on Opening Day, it really worked to perfection. DeSean and Alshon both had two touchdowns. We score 32 points. Then in Week 2 at guess where…

You point at Nick.

“Do you want me to speak?” Nick asks, in a question resembling a memorable clip involving Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill from the movie Moneyball.

“When I point to you, I want you to speak,” you say.

“Atlanta?” asks Nick.

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Atlanta,” says Nick with a bit more confidence.

“Well done,” you say. “Week 2 in Atlanta. DeSean gets hurt and basically didn’t play for the rest of the season. Nelly regresses back to his pre-Super Bowl form where he struggles with drops, and Alshon looked increasingly slow, not to mention unhappy as the season continues.

None of them made it to the end of Week 14. Carson is playing with guys who can barely run routes. Pull.”

Nick obliges and while the bracelet is still holding together, you can feel it’s a bit more stretched out now.

“Now in a way, those injuries — especially Alshon and Nelly — really loosened things up. Instead of trying to do too much and get everyone a certain amount of targets, Carson just starts playing point guard, spreading the ball around. We win four straight to make the playoffs including two over the Giants, which on a personal level were very satisfying at the time.

I’d go into more detail if we had time, but I still remember singing the fight song in their house, Week 17, as all of their fans filed out midway through the fourth quarter.

So the playoff game, this is something if you think about it, Carson waited four years for. We’re playing the Seahawks, who aside from the Saints but even more so than the Saints, were the one team to really have our number during that era. That game felt like it was going to be a coronation. Everyone woke up that day thinking we were winning that game.”

You stop for a second to clarify one thing.

“Now look, we weren’t winning the Super Bowl. We didn’t have the team for that, but it felt like we could have gone on a little bit of a run, and more importantly, Carson had fully won back the locker room post-Foles. There was no doubt whose team this was.

So on the second series of the game, Carson suffers a concussion. Real cheap shot hit by Jadeveon Clowney who has a history of doing that. Something he wanted so badly is gone in an instant.”

Nick pulls on the bracelet again.

“So disappointing end to the season, but still some positives to head into 2020 with. Then the draft comes around, and after an underwhelming first night that sees Howie miss out on the perceived trio of best receivers, we’re back on the clock on Night 2. Still a chance to add someone to the roster who could play right away and help try to get the team back to 2017 levels.

“And I just remember being so shocked when Roger from his basement said ‘Jalen Hurts. Quarterback…’

Now if I’m shocked, imagine how Carson felt. Finally seemed to reestablish himself, won back the locker room, and now basically dealing with another controversy, and that’s the thing. People love to blame the media for things. It’s cool today to hate the media, but this wasn’t some media created controversy. The Eagles did this to themselves.”

Nick pulls on the bracelet, and it feels like it’s about to break before bouncing back in your hand somehow still in one piece.

“So then 2020 starts, and for about 26 minutes, it was good and then everything changed.

Carson’s making mistakes that he didn’t make as a rookie. DeSean is hurt by Week 3. Zach Ertz is out, who never really seemed mentally in it when he was in. Jalen Reagor is hurt and also not very good. Lane Johnson, who was always just kind of a calming presence along the offensive line is playing on an ankle that’s being held together by paper clips and chewed gum, and everyone — me included — is looking upon Carson to save the season again.

You know what to do.”

Nick pulls the bracelet back like a slingshot and lets it go. It shoots upwards and hits the roof of the car while snapping in two.

You watch its path with your eyes, following it upward and then tracking its fall to the floor.

“And that my friend, is the story of Carson Wentz in Philadelphia. You pull on a rubber band long enough, hard enough, continuously enough, and it eventually snaps, and Carson finally snapped.”

“Yeah, it definitely sounds like he went through some adversity for sure,” Nick says.

You nod your head and continue.

“Most of us would have snapped after that first pull you did, and that’s what I respect about Carson, that he hung on for as long as he did, but I think there’s also some quarterbacks who wouldn’t have snapped at all, who would have been able to keep punching back, and that’s where I’m disappointed, because we thought we were getting someone like that back in 2016.

Now that’s not to say Carson isn’t mentally tough or anything like that, but it’s a good reminder that you can’t judge how someone will respond to adversity based on where they’re from, what they look like, or how they dress. Someone can seem to check all the boxes, but it’s not really until we get to know them. Only then can we really gauge how they’ll respond to tough situations.”

“So how’s Doug factor into this? Nick asks. “ I obviously didn’t follow too much being out in Indianapolis, but it seemed like the two of them were really joined at the hip.”

You try to make another analogy.

“I think sometimes in the real world, there can be an employee and a manager, and maybe they’re both pretty good at their jobs when separated, but when you bring them together, they for whatever reason bring out the worst in each other, and I think that’s what happened with Doug and Carson.

With Doug, I think frustration really started to set in for him after 2018. At this point, he’s now twice watched his offense run effectively with Nick at the helm, and the organization — understandably so at the time — is doing everything they can to show that they’re still committed to Carson.

But then at the end of 2019, they got hot again, and I go back to that playoff game. It felt like after two years of the two of them trying to find it again, that they had it, that things were about to take off, and then we just never got to find out. But yeah, I think for Doug there was a shift towards the end of 2018.”

“Did you ever ask Carson about that?” asks Nick.

“The last time I really talked to Carson was the summer of 2018, on the phone driving back from having visited Chip, and maybe if I think back on it now, beneath the surface, he seemed uncomfortable a bit. Like he mentioned the pressure of getting back to the Super Bowl and doing it on his own, but I really downplayed it and assured him that we had his back. That we loved him and had full faith that he would deliver the next championship.

They were just kinda like water and electricity. Useful when apart, bad when together.”

“It sounds like you weren’t a fan of Howie picking Jalen Hurts, but other than that, would you have done anything differently?” asks Nick.

You crack a smile. “You’re starting to sound like my therapist.”

“Sorry,” says Nick while grinning. “ I don’t mean to pry too much, but I just really want to know everything.”

“If I could go back in time, the one thing I might have done differently is in June 2019, they gave Carson that big contract extension after he was coming off two straight years of season ending injuries, and I think if you have any doubt, any doubt at all that he’s the guy, then you play hardball and have him play out Year 4 of his rookie deal without that long term commitment. Now based on the hot streak in December 2019, there would have been loud calls from the fan base to get something done that offseason, even after the concussion, but at that point if you really wanted to move on by selecting Jalen or doing something else, you could have done it without destroying your salary cap situation for a year in the process.”

“Do you wish he was still here?” asks Nick.

“I do,” you say with a combination of confidence and also hesitation. “I really wanted to make it work with Carson. I think you and him would have liked each other, but sometimes it’s just too far gone, there’s too much damage that’s been done where someone has to move on, and that’s kinda what happened here.

The day he got traded, that was a sad day. When Adam Schefter reported it, I was actually giving a presentation during an all-company meeting at work and didn’t see it for a few minutes after. Really sad day, but in the weeks and months after, it does kind of feel like a boulder has been lifted. For half a decade, everything the organization did tied back to Carson in one way or another, and from what I’ve seen, everyone just feels a bit looser.”

The questions will not stop.

“How you think he’s gonna play out in Indy?” asks Nick.

You’ve answered these questions so many times in your head over the past five months, but to actually articulate them to another person is a much different experience.

“I think he’ll be okay,” you say. “He likes Frank. Frank likes him. The team is talented, but I think too there’s some flaws in terms of mechanics and ball security that are gonna hold him back if he doesn’t take to the coaching and get that stuff fixed.

The AFC is really loaded, and the division is quite good. I wouldn’t have said this a year or two ago, but I think Tannehill is better than him. I think Deshaun if he stays there for at least a year is better than him, and I think Trevor is too.

So while overall I think it’s gonna be a healthier environment, any perception that he’s gonna go there and all the problems will go away, I don’t think that’s reality.

Historically when the Eagles have traded a quarterback, McNabb, A.J. Feeley, Kevin Kolb, Sam Bradford, Nick, and I love Nick, but Nick sadly wasn’t great in St. Louis, historically when they’ve moved on from someone it’s been the right decision. Now Carson’s better than Feeley, Kolb, and Bradford, but if you were to ask me who I think is gonna win more playoff games over the next half decade, us or Carson, I’m taking us.”

“They said you had a thing for predictions,” says Nick.

“You know it,” you say with a smirk on your face that might resemble the sunglasses emoji.

“Now it could be something like 1–0 or 2–1 if we’re keeping score in terms of playoff wins, but head-to-head I do like our chances.”

“Do you think you guys would have won the Super Bowl in 2017 had he not gotten injured?”

You’re always ready for this one — the biggest what if in franchise history.

“I do,” you say with conviction. “That team was incredibly talented top to bottom, and they were already galvanized. They didn’t need an injury to their best player to fire them up. The game that honestly would have made me the most nervous is Atlanta because Dan Quinn being a Pete Carroll disciple and all, Carson tended to struggle against those Tampa-2 style defenses, but we would have figured it out. I do think we still win it all, no doubt.”

“Last question,” says Nick.

‘Praise the lord,’ you think to yourself under your breath.

“You gonna root for him?”

You were expecting this to come up at some point.

“I mean in the immediate, I want that first round pick, and I want it to be as high as possible. So I need him to be healthy and play, but am I rooting for him to win games? No, not really. Now hypothetically in three years if he’s say playing the Browns in a playoff game, might I root for him, maybe, but I can’t think about that right now. I just know I need that pick to be as high as possible so we have the resources to get this thing on track.”

Chapter 12: Bitch

10:58 am

And then there was silence.

You roll down your window and spot a sign on the road indicating that Philadelphia is not too far off.

There was silence, but not peace. While the discussion was productive, it feels like things haven’t been quite right since the abrupt ending to your call with Doug.

“Listen Nick,” you say, breaking the hush. “What I said to Doug, I really don’t want you feeling pressure based on that. Last summer, I told Doug and Howie that my expectations were for us to win another Super Bowl within the next five years. Obviously, I’ve had to adjust since then based on everything that’s transpired.

Here’s what I expect out of you in your first year. First and foremost, I just want to see general development and that guys are being coached again. That one isn’t quite as measurable, but we’ll all know it when we see it.

Next, I want to feel that come early January the arrow on the franchise is pointing up regardless of what the record is. Andy, Chip, and Doug all won their final two regular season games in Year 1. In the case of Andy and Doug, the teams weren’t very good, and they had long been eliminated from playoff contention, but you could feel the team battling and that they were going to be ready to turn a corner when the following September rolled around.”

Nick nods to indicate he’s following so far.

“As far as record, I don’t really have a number in mind. I want you to sweep the Giants. It won’t be easy, but you can do it. It’d be nice if you could split with Dallas and Washington, especially Dallas. If you can do that, we’ll have a chance in the division.”

You start laughing before saying the next part.

“And on a personal level, it’d be really fucking awesome if you could somehow beat the Chiefs on my birthday,” you say. “I’m not gonna hold it against you if you don’t, but they play the Bills the following week, and I think there’s a chance they’re looking ahead to that AFC Championship Game rematch where they could be a bit vulnerable.”

Now it’s Nick’s turn to laugh but not about the Chiefs part.

“You really don’t like the Giants, do you?” Nick asks. “Where’s this coming from? From what I understand, it’s been pretty one-sided in our favor as of late.”

“12 of the last 14,” you say. “Eight in a row before last November.”

“So then what’s the problem?” Nick presses.

“I really didn’t like the way they acted at the end of last year. Can’t stand their coach, who’s a whiny little bitch.”

“Whoa!” Nick says. “Clearly there’s some deep feelings here.”

“You probably heard this a little bit where I don’t have to give all the details, but we’re playing Washington in Week 17, Sunday Night Football. The Giants had squeaked by the Cowboys earlier that day. So the setup is that if we win, the Giants go to the playoffs. If we lose or tie, Washington wins the worst division in history and goes to the playoffs.

We had no incentive to win especially when it would have knocked us down a few slots in the draft. So we rested starters, didn’t game plan much, and Doug even pulled Jalen Hurts for our third string quarterback in the fourth quarter. But the thing is that Washington wasn’t very good either, even when trying. The game was close throughout, and we even had a lead in the second quarter.

Now if this game is played at 1 pm like it should have been, it wouldn’t have been much of a story, but since it’s 2021 and everyone has to have an opinion on everything and be outraged for the sake of being outraged, Joe Judge goes on a massive rant the following day at his end of the year press conference about how we disrespected the integrity of the game.

Get the fuck out of here with this shit,” you say pounding the car door.

Worried that you’re about to attempt to put your fist through a window full of glass, Nick reaches for you to try to pull you back.

“What’s ironic about it is Joe tries to be this super old school, tough guy coach, and the rant came off as very entitled millennial.”

You raise the pitch of your voice and adopt a mocking tone.

“I went 6–10 and blew a double digit lead to a bad Eagles team late in the fourth quarter, but it’s YOUR fault I didn’t make the playoffs because even though I did a bad job, YOU wouldn’t help me.”

Sensing that you are no longer a threat to the wellbeing of the Escalade, Nick allows you to continue.

“As I’ve said a few times now, Doug had his flaws, no question about it, but Joe Judge at the time, you just went 6–10 and you’re shit talking a Super Bowl Champion coach. Who he by the way lost to in the Super Bowl too. He was the Patriots special teams coach, and that unit was awful in that game. You’ve accomplished nothing in this league to date, and you’re shit talking a Super Bowl winning head coach because he wouldn’t help you. Stand the fuck down and go back to your corner.

That’s part of what made draft night so sweet too. Knowing they wanted DeVonta, were about to get him, and then we jumped ahead of them to get it done. Keep holding that L you soft little BITCH!”

Realizing how fired up you still are, you decide to shift the topic slightly and look back in the direction of Nick.

“There’s one other thing I’d like,” you say. “This is not an expectation of mine, but if you win that opening game down in Atlanta, you will be considered a hero.

It doesn’t take much to get this town really fired up when it comes to the Eagles, and if we’re 1–0 going into the home opener against the Niners, you’ll feel the energy that week. That will mark the first time we would have a full Linc since the playoff game against Seattle, and it will be electric around 12:54 pm when For Those About To Rock starts blasting and you guys run out of the tunnel.”

“Yeah, so what is it with Atlanta?” Nick asks. “It felt like they came up so much in everything you’ve talked about and this is gonna be the…”

Nick is counting in his head.

“…fourth time you’ve opened a season against them since 2005 and third time down in Atlanta. Damn.”

“Yeah, man. Both the Georgia Dome and now Mercedes-Benz Stadium have been a real house of horrors for us. The three games I’m referencing 2005, 2015, and the second game of 2019, I think we lost the games by a combined total of 10 points. All of them have been close where we’ve had a chance at the end, but we haven’t been able to get it done, and the common theme is in each of those games, we dug ourselves a double digit hole early.”

You stop and rack your brain for a second.

“Andy won down there a few times later in the season, but despite owning Matt Ryan at The Linc, we’ve never beaten him in his house. Now that I think about it, Ray in 1998 lost a close Week 2 game down there too.

You wanna win people over quickly? Win that fucking game, and without Julio now, I think it’s possible. I don’t make my season predictions until right before Week 1, so I haven’t decided which way I’m going yet, but I don’t think it’s out of the question at all.”

Chapter 13: Radio Ga Ga

11:09 am

You roll down the window again to see that traffic has dissipated.

“I think we’re gonna make it,” you say while giving Nick a slight pat on the shoulder.

“Can I ask you something?” says Nick.

You thought he would be pleased with the progress of the trip, but he now appears preoccupied.

“You’ve already asked me probably 31 questions where at this point you don’t need to ask for permission. Just ask your question,” you say.

“How do you know all this shit?” Nick asks. “Like you know a lot of fucking shit, and the ability to just recall these details from more than 20 years ago at the drop of a hat or should I say snap of a bracelet.”

That one got you. You’re full on laughing now and need to gather yourself.

“That’s what I do,” you say. “Photographic memory. I’m The King, baby. Some people memorize Pokemon, some folks for reasons unbeknownst to me know the favorite colors of all the Kardashians, and I know the past two plus decade of this franchise better than anyone, except for Ray Didinger of course. No one knows as much as Diddy. You could throw Merrill in there too of course.”

Now Nick is the one laughing somewhat uncontrollably.

“I like you, man,” he says while giving you a slight jab to your right shoulder.

“I like you too,” you say back. “I don’t think you ever have a fucking clue what you’re in for and what you’re dealing with, but in a roundabout way, I think that clueless innocence might play to your advantage.”

“What do you mean?” Nick asks. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“Nick, I don’t want to scare you,” you say.

“Give it to me straight,” Nick says with confidence. “I can handle it.”

“Outside of the truly essential functions to society like say being a brain surgeon, heart doctor, I firmly believe that this is the most stressful job in America.”

You allow that to permeate for a minute before continuing on.

“Not a coordinator. Not a position coach. You’re the head coach. You haven’t lost a game yet. At some point within the next two months, you’re likely going to. Now in most normal jobs, we’re kinda lucky in that our mistakes aren’t on display for the world to see, and we don’t have to answer for them publicly.

Sometimes we might not hit a goal or benchmark, but if the effort is there, then that’s often okay, and any manager who’s worth a damn is going to talk to you in private and not embarrass you in front of your colleagues to see.

Your line of work is different. Five different times throughout the week, you talk to the media. You’ve got your post-game press conference after the game on Sundays, then your day after on Monday, then the mid-week one on Wednesday, and then another one on Friday.

Now on Sunday and Monday, you can deflect certain questions with the go-to line of ‘Haven’t gotten to watch all the film yet,’ but these guys are really gonna grill you. Whatever media coverage you experienced in Kansas City, San Diego / LA, and Indianapolis, multiply it by 100 because that’s at minimum the number of people covering this team on a daily basis.”

“Any particular people I have to watch out for?” asks Nick.

This is part of your wheelhouse too, so you’re glad it came up.

“That beat lost a few long tenured folks to retirements and buyouts this past offseason,” you say.

“The guy who is probably gonna ask you the toughest questions is Jeff McLane from the Inquirer. Jeff and Doug really went at it at times, but Jeff’s a very good reporter. His columns are must-read for fans during the season, and I think you’ll respect him because you know that he’s just doing his job.

Howard Eskin, he likes to make his presence known. He’s gonna ask you some dumb questions at times, but you’ll roll with it because legends play by their own rules.

Eliot-Shorr Parks, he’s a real hot take guy but occasionally freezes up in the moment. You might remember during your introductory press conference that he asked about Jalen Reagor, which was probably the 200th most important topic that day. Just a big time L there.

It’s a good group overall. They work very hard, and I think you’ll like some of them, but you gotta remember that they’re not your friend, you’re not their friend. Fist-bumping people during OTAs is cute and all, but for example when everyone’s jet lagged due to a late return flight from Vegas in October after the Raiders game, they won’t be in the mood, and you won’t be in the mood.

Everyone kinda has their own style and brand with these too. I honestly couldn’t tell you a lot about Ray at them. Andy was awful at them in terms of articulating information, but he had his players’ backs, and they really appreciated that. He took the blame for nearly everything even when it wasn’t his fault. Chip was good at witty banter but wasn’t the best at taking accountability, and Doug, Doug could be very endearing at times but also tended to get in his own way. He was a little too pure for them in that he always deep down wanted to tell the truth, but sometimes that’s just not the best course of action during them.

You’ll have to figure out what your style is gonna be, but it’s important because Jeffrey and Howie, we don’t hear from them during the season. For four, hopefully five months, you are the face of the organization.”

Nick nods again and you proceed.

“You might notice that I said you’ll do this five times but only mentioned four of them. That’s because the fifth one is much different and the most important.

The morning after each game, you’ll do an interview with Angelo on WIP, normally around 8 or 9 am.”

“Yeah, I’ve talked to Angelo. He…”

You put your right hand up in Nick’s direction.

“Nick, I’m gonna stop you right there,” you interrupt.

“You’ve talked to Angelo in the offseason. Again, you haven’t lost a game yet. You haven’t talked to him after you’ve made a decision that backfired in a close game and he’s spent the previous 2–3 hours ripping you before you have to call in.”

“Yeah, I was gonna say that he seems intense,” says Nick.

“He’s been doing this for more than 30 years,” you say. “When he turns off the schtick and outrage, there is no better interviewer in the city than Angelo. I’m not talking just people in sports. I’m talking about everyone. He’s the best at it.

The way he will naturally set up questions is masterful. You’re gonna divulge things without even realizing it because he’s that good. The best advice I can give there is just to be comfortable in your own skin and answer authentically when you can. Obviously there’s off the record stuff you’re privy to that you’re not gonna say on the air, but if he senses you’re giving him some bullshit answer, he’s gonna press you on it, and you’re gonna panic.

I’ve seen it multiple times, and the reason it’s so important is the diehards like me watch the press conferences during the week, but everyone listens to the interview with Angelo in the morning. That gets the most attention. The writers who you’ll see a few hours later in the Monday press conference listen and form some questions based on it. Jeffrey and Howie won’t admit this, but they listen too. I’m sure of it.”

“How did the other coaches do with him?” Nick asks curiously.

“It really runs the full gamut,” you say. “Again, I can’t really recall anything with Ray there.”

Even your impeccable memory has limits.

“He didn’t like Andy because Andy wouldn’t talk to him. Andy preferred Howard. Really the key is to talk to him and act like you enjoy the calls even if you don’t. If you talk to him, he likes you. He did like Chip for a while before things got bad. They had a good relationship in 2013 and 2014. Doug did a good job winning him over. They had their contentious moments, but I think even at the end, he respected Doug.

The worst person I’ve ever seen at it was a former Phillies manager Gabe Kapler because Gabe would get combative and go back at him, and that’s not how you win. Gabe’s really thriving out in San Francisco now. Much better team, less of a pressure cooker environment, but I don’t care about other places. There are certain things that you have to do here to win important people over.”

You utter that last sentence while pounding your right hand into your left palm and make eye contact with Nick again.

“I think you’ll be alright at it,” you say reassuringly. “You’ve got good energy. You’re a likable guy.

Just don’t take it for granted because that really is your chance to make an impression on thousands of people who pay money to watch you in-person on Sundays, and even more folks who watch at home, screaming at their TVs along the way.”

“Yeah man, I don’t mean to sound cheesy, but I really am excited for it,” says Nick.

“Good stuff, man,” you say while stretching out your feet.

Chapter 14: Stronger

11:20 am

You can feel your body cramping up after three hours and counting in the car now.

“I’m trying to think of what else I can go over with you,” you say. “We kinda covered everything from a media standpoint.”

“You ever get tired of doing this?” asks Nick.

This is one question you were not expecting.

You are tempted to pull a Lucille Bluth and answer with ‘I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it’ but instead simply ask “What do you mean?”

Nick elaborates.

“I just mean being this invested, carrying all of this knowledge. Does it ever feel like a burden? Some of the seasons and examples you took me through are truly nuts.

It never broke you?”

You lift a finger in the air, and your voice deepens.

“The King don’t break. You don’t break The Kinggg.”

You hold the final syllable for emphasis.

“Oh sure, people have tried,” you say. “Aeneas Williaams, Ronde Barber, Ricky Manning Jr., Rodney Harrison, Tramon Williams, your friend Kyle, Marshon Lattimore.”

Something catches Nick’s attention, and it wasn’t the mention of Marshon Lattimore.

“I don’t have a friend named Kyle,” says Nick in an incredibly puzzled tone.

This now feels like deja vu, nearly one year to the day except you’re now in a car instead of on Zoom and have replaced Doug with someone 13.5 years younger.

Rather than an entire rant, you decide to keep things pretty succinct, pulling out your phone again.

“This. This is your friend Kyle,” you say, sliding your phone over to Nick while pointing to the screen.

“Your friend Kyle doesn’t have to be a person named Kyle, and they’re certainly not your friend. It’s a representation of a person, if you want to call it that. A loser. A jackass. A nobody. Their name could be…I don’t know Matt, Lenny, anything you want it to be, but you’ll know it when you see it. We have all encountered someone who we’d refer to as ‘your friend Kyle’. There were things about it that were much more rewarding, but one of the joys of winning the Super Bowl was to know how much he hated it, how much it bothered him. I guarantee you the guy didn’t sleep for a week.”

Nick stares into space for a second while moving the phone back in your direction.

“You a weird dude,” he says. “You know that?”

You burst out laughing.

“Hell yeah,” you say. “I’ll own it. I’m a petty, vengeful son of a bitch and if you cross me I’m gonna make it my mission to make you look like a jackass, but you talk to my inner circle, and they’ll vouch for me that I’m also an incredibly nice and caring person.

Everyone has their thing, and this is how I’ve survived as an adult, how I’ve made it in New York for seven years.”

“Yeah,” Nick says. “I was gonna say, you clearly know what you’re talking about so not my place to comment on how you’re doing it.

Hey, let me ask you something else. It seemed like a common theme from all of the previous coaches you talked about is that they fell apart when their coaching staff got raided. Maybe not so much Chip, his problems seemed more self-inflicted, but I could tell it was a trend with Ray, Andy, and Doug.”

On one hand you are thinking ‘how many questions does this dude have?’ yet on the other hand you’re thinking ‘very astute observation.’

Nick continues. “So what do you think of my staff?”

“I think your staff is good, man, really good,” you say back in what you believe is convincing fashion. “I wouldn’t say that either if I didn’t really believe it.

I liked how you hired from a variety of places. Helps prevent groupthink and complacency. I think I said something earlier but love Shane as the OC. Thought what he did in LA with Herbert last year was really impressive, and I know a lot of people give Pep Hamilton a lot of the credit there, but I didn’t totally buy that. I am incredibly excited about Shane.

Really glad you kept Stout. The offensive linemen would take a bullet for him. They love the guy, and that for the most part is a real veteran group where it’s important to keep morale high. Pumped about JG on defense too. Seems very well-spoken to me, and I think any fan you talk to would say that while he wasn’t given a lot of resources, things got pretty stale with his predecessor Jim Schwartz by the end.”

Nick is smiling and seems to appreciate your approval here.

“If I have one thing I’m concerned about, it’s the lack of someone real experienced, the lack of someone who has done the job before, been a head coach. You know, there’s just gonna be so much shit that comes across your desk in a given week, stuff that I don’t even know about, and I thought having someone like an Anthony Lynn, a Jim Caldwell, a Todd Haley for example could have helped scale things for you and at least get you through your first year. I know I just said that it got stale with Coach Schwartz, but that model was very successful in the beginning with him having head coaching experience from Detroit.

I know you had a great mentor in Frank, and Frank got you to this point, but you know Frank obviously has his own shit going on during the season where it’s not as simple as picking up the phone and asking him for advice.”

Nick interjects. “Yeah, I get that,” he says. “I think the world of Coach Reich, but I definitely want to be my own man.”

“Good,” you say. “Yeah, if you’re asking for my unfiltered opinion, that’s a slight concern of mine, but overall I think it’s a good staff. Now the thing you have to remember of course is that it’s just your 2021 staff. Some guys might move on, you might dictate that some guys move on because they’re not a good fit. Continuity is good, but you just don’t want to get complacent there, so make sure you continue tapping into that pipeline if and when you need to replace guys.

You’re ideally gonna have this job for a long time and will cycle through some assistants because that’s just how the league works.”

“How quickly you think Mr. Lurie expects me to win?” Nick asks, seeming slightly more stressed now.

You assumed you were going to get this question at some point and are surprised it took this long.

“You know before Doug, the general pattern with Jeffrey was that to get fired, you had to have two consecutive seasons of missing the playoffs. That was the case with Ray, Andy, and Chip, and it’s why some people thought Doug would be safe because the team had been in the dance three straight seasons before last year.

With you, I think there will be a slightly longer leash just because the team really is devoid of young talent, and there’s so much long-term uncertainty at the quarterback position. Would it hurt you to be in the playoffs in Year 2? Absolutely not, but I think as long as you and the team are showing progress, the mandate will be playoffs by Year 3. That’s my expectation anyway, and while I can’t be sure, I would guess Jeffrey is thinking along the same lines.”

“One more question,” says Nick. “Would you have hired me if you were in Mr. Lurie’s position?”

You were not expecting to get this one and take a quick pause before answering.

“I would not, Nick. The top two guys on my list were Brian Daboll and Eric Bieniemy, and I’m still surprised they didn’t get jobs.”

“Yeah, both good coaches,” Nick chimes in before you continue.

“But I will say that when you, Duce, and Josh McDaniels were the reported final three candidates, you by far were my first choice there. Early in your career, the Chiefs and Chargers both kept you around after bringing in new head coaches. You’ve received…what… five promotions within the past decade and a half. Clearly you’re doing something right.”

Chapter 15: Tell Me Something Good

11:31 am

You can feel the car speeding up. Big Dom presses down on the accelerator, and signs for I-95 in Philadelphia appear.

“You’re definitely gonna make it in time,” you say to Nick. “Anything else you want to know in this final stretch here?”

“Yeah, Nick,” says. “I realized I haven’t asked you about players at all and when I’m coaching them every day, I can sometimes get too close, where I’m just interested in your take on guys. I’m just gonna read down our roster if you can just give me a quick thought on each guy. I’m not even really gonna say anything back, just want your immediate take.”

You always enjoyed word association. You’ll be good at this.

“Hit me,” you say.

“Alright,” says Nick, pulling out a piece of paper. “Let’s just go position group by position group, we’ll start with the quarterbacks.”

“Jalen.”

“Would be cool if he’s the guy. Gut says he’s not the guy. Gut is also hungry from not eating breakfast.”

You were expecting another name but instead receive a question.

“I know I said I was just gonna let you go, but I do have to ask if you don’t think the organization is sold on Jalen, then why did they pick him in the second round. What exactly happened there?”

Just when you thought the rest of the ride was gonna be easy, you’ve got another tough one to deal with.

“I didn’t talk about our recent history with backup quarterbacks too much because we really focused on the coaches, but there’s a lot to unpack there. Since 2005, we’ve only had our starting quarterback play a full season twice. Donovan did it in 2008 and then Carson his rookie year in 2016.

Every other season we’ve had to turn to our backup at some point, and it’s really ranged from amazing to awful. Our 2005 season went down in flames with Mike McMahon having to play for Donovan, and then in 2006, we were able to go on a run with Jeff Garcia. I love Jeff Garcia. Still have an article of him hanging in my childhood bedroom.”

You refocus and continue.

“Ever since then, there’s been a pretty heavy focus on having a good backup quarterback, which is fair, and Nick [Foles] was really the crown jewel of that because he was a starting caliber player employed as a backup. So we were really spoiled there for two years, and then in 2019, Josh McCown had the job, who’s a great guy but obviously more limited skill set. Coming off that playoff loss where Carson got hurt, there was a lasting thought that had they had a more dynamic backup, the team could have won that game, and I think having someone young who you knew would be under contract for four years was attractive.

So that’s one element. There’s also the component of in 2012, this team had a chance to draft Russell Wilson and didn’t, and look, at the end of the day, we’re tied, we have one Super Bowl, Russ has one Super Bowl, but I think Howie believes we’d have a lot more had they made that pick, so that dynamic, game-changing quarterback has kinda been his white whale ever since.

Now personally I think Jalen is more of the mold of Tyrod Taylor — serviceable but not great — then he is Russell Wilson. I also think the organization should have recognized that the 2018–2019 seasons were pretty topsy turvy for Carson before he finally won back the locker room in December 2019. You could have signed a cheap veteran backup like Andy Dalton or Joe Flacco and then in a year or two when things were more settled invested in a young quarterback to develop, but again, white whale and Howie really loves trying to outsmart people.

I think, and I’ll wrap it up after this, but while I haven’t been able to prove it, it’s my belief that Doug played a part in this too, which a lot of people have dismissed since he didn’t have a ton of power in the organization, but if you go back and watch the draft pick, Doug is beaming in his home office after the pick is made. Massive smile.

And if you remember I said before that I think Doug and Carson’s relationship started to fray in 2018 and 2019. There’s a clip of a FOX broadcast crew in November 2019 when Carson was really struggling in a game against Seattle where they said Doug told them in a production meeting ‘We need to continue to show him where to go with the ball.’

And I think in his exit interview with Howie after 2019, Doug says something along the lines of and I’m paraphrasing here, ‘Look Carson isn’t taking to my coaching. I’m not sure what you want to do with that, but I just need to mention it.’”

“You guys REALLY have issues against the Seahawks,” Nick says.

“You don’t know the half of it. It predates Doug, and I don’t have the energy to go there, so let’s keep it moving,” you say while rolling your hands in an electric slide form.

“You mentioned him so this will be a good segue,” says Nick. “Flacco.”

“Fine as a backup. I think you’re gonna have to manage his expectations. He still thinks he can be a starter and may not take well to being told that’s not the case.”

“Nick Mullens.”

“Played one of the worst games I’ve ever seen against us last year, but as a third string quarterback, he’s fine.”

“Running backs,” says Nick. “Miles.”

“Very talented. I’ve watched him for a long time. I think he needs to be pushed a little bit. If I’m you, I go to him and say ‘Miles, do you want to make 5 million dollars on your next contract or do you want to make 25 million dollars? Because if you do what I say and improve just a few parts of your game, I’ll make you 25 million dollars.’”

“Boston Scott.”

You let out a laugh. “Boston will be the best running back on the field when you play the Giants. You could bring Walter Payton back to life in his prime, and no disrespect, but Boston would be better for that game. Dude owns the Giants. Make sure he’s fresh for Week 12 and Week 16.”

“Kenny Gainwell.”

“Really liked that pick. Excited to see him in the preseason.”

“Jordan Howard.”

“I like him but doesn’t really bring any special skill to the table. I’d be surprised if he made the team.”

“Jason Huntley.”

“He’s very small. Could be an intriguing kick return option but would keep my expectations in check.”

“Adrian Killins.”

“Smaller than Huntley. Was intrigued last year but basically a camp body.”

“Elijah Holyfield.”

“Bigger back. I wouldn’t expect him to make the team, but give him a long look before you decide.”

“Kerryon Johnson.”

“Played really well as a rookie in Detroit in 2018. If he’s healthy, which is a big if, I think you have something there.”

“Wide receivers. DeVonta.”

“Love him. Most excited I’ve been about a first draft pick since Jeremy Maclin in 2009, who wasn’t some Hall of Fame player but turned out pretty good.”

“Jalen Reagor.”

You laugh again. “I started calling him JAGlen Reagor because he seems like just a guy to me. He’ll stay in the league for a bit, but I really don’t see anything special there.”

“Greg Ward.”

“I fucking love Greg Ward. Been a fan since training camp 2017. Great route runner, catches everything. Limited speed and separation, but I’d have him in the game as much as possible if you’re gonna run a lot of 11 personnel, which I expect you will. He’s gonna have a 10 year career in this league working the slot, and you’re gonna love him.”

“Travis Fulgham.”

“Another guy who needs to be pushed and coached on fundamentals. If you can fully unlock him, you’ll be praised for it.”

“Quez Watkins.”

“Came on strong late in his rookie year. Very fast. Excited to see more.”

“John Hightower.”

“Struggles with drops, poor route running. Occasionally flashed with his speed but would be a little surprised if he made the team.”

“I still mess up the name but Arcega-Whiteside.”

“Doesn’t really do anything well. When it comes to final roster cuts, Howie’s likely gonna want him on the team because he was a second round pick, but if you’re not seeing development in camp, don’t be afraid to push there.”

“Tight ends. Ertz.”

“Would still be surprised if he’s on the team. Great all-time Eagle. I will get over it, but in the immediate, I had a hard time getting past that he wasn’t there for the team when they needed him last year, when his best friend on the team needed him, and I’m not talking about being injured. He just seemed mentally checked out from the start, but again, legend in Philadelphia. I don’t think you’ll end up coaching him.”

“Goedert.”

“Love Goedert. I actually met him before his rookie year. Was driving back from seeing Chip out west and picked him up along the way. He’s a stud. Will be a huge part of your offense.”

“Richard Rodgers.”

“Serviceable number two tight end. He’s fine.”

“Caleb Wilson.”

“Would be surprised if he makes the team.”

“Jason Croom.”

“Caught a touchdown last year but same answer as Caleb.”

“Hakeem Butler.”

“Used to be a receiver. Probably just a camp body.”

“Jack Stoll.”

“Similar thoughts. Most of these tight ends won’t be on the team especially if you’re gonna run less 12 personnel.”

“Tyree Jackson.”

“He’s a guy who actually intrigues me. Played quarterback at Buffalo in college. There’s been guys like him, Logan Thomas for example, who made that transition. Every year I have a training camp crush and for a few years had a good track record of it. Greg Ward and Corey Clement in 2017. Josh Adams in 2018. Tyree’s gonna be my training camp crush this year and could be an intriguing practice squad guy.”

“Offensive line. Mailata.”

“Really held his own last year when thrown into the fire. He’s my pick to start at left tackle, and I don’t dislike the next guy I think you’re about to mention, I just like Jordan better.”

“Andre Dillard.”

“Needs to be pushed, particularly with run blocking, and this is another situation where because he was a first round pick that Howie traded up for, he’s gonna want him to start, but don’t be afraid to push on your end if it’s clear Jordan is better.”

“Isaac Seamulo.”

“Mostly solid. Every year has one or two games where for whatever reason he’s just awful, and in 2019, it was in Atlanta.”

“Kelce.”

“You’ll love him. Will have an occasional bad snap but very athletic. Beloved in the locker room. I’m surprised he came back but glad he decided to give it at least one more go.”

“Brandon Brooks.”

“A beast when healthy. You know the kid in your AP class in high school who sits in the back, really doesn’t say much, but then messes up the curve when he aces every test? That’s Brandon. Dude just takes care of his business.”

“Lane.”

“One of the best right tackles in the league when healthy. Unfortunately hasn’t really had a healthy season since 2017, but if his ankle is cleaned up, that right side of the offensive line can be incredibly good.”

“Jack Driscoll.”

“Showed some flashes as a rookie. Good first backup to have. Can play a lot of different positions along the line.”

“Le’Raven Clark.”

“Been in the league for a while. Might make the team as a backup.”

“Brett Toth.”

“Could sneak on the team as a final backup but wouldn’t expect much.”

“Casey Tucker.”

“Basically the same as Toth. You likely won’t keep both of them but maybe a practice squad candidate.”

“Landon Dickerson.”

“Obviously super high-risk, high-reward. Hopefully Kelce’s heir apparent if he can stay on the field.”

“Nate Herbig.”

“Shouldn’t be a starter right now but serviceable backup. Could potentially be a Kelce replacement if things don’t work out health wise with Landon.”

“Luke Juriga.”

“Another guy who could play a little center, but I’m not particularly high on him.”

“Sua Opeta.”

“Gigantic guy. Had to start some games last year, which you don’t want, but could be a final backup.”

“Matt Pryor.”

“Ugh. Hasn’t really developed, especially in pass-blocking. Would be disappointed if he’s on the team.”

“Defensive line. BG.”

“You’ll love BG. You talk about a guy who’s battled through adversity here and came out on the other side. I really thought he was gonna get double digit sacks last year and unfortunately slowed down a bit in the second half. He will have a stretch or two where his numbers might be down, but does a ton of under appreciated stuff on the field. Great run defender. He was a captain in 2017, and then the past few years they gave it to Fletch, and I personally would advocate for BG to be a captain again. There’s gonna be days where you feel like maybe you’re just not getting through to the team. You can turn to him, and he’ll get them going.”

“Since you mentioned it, Fletch.”

“When he’s at his best, can be dominant. We’ve played a couple games against the Rams, and he was a better player than Aaron Donald that day. Unfortunately that hasn’t been the case since 2018. Gonna be his 10th year in the league, still think he has some room to mature but overall should be solid for you.”

“Javon Hargrave.”

“Really needs a healthy camp. Was hurt last summer and led to a really slow start.”

“Barnett.”

“I like DB. I think people thought he’d be better than he is. He’s another one like Miles where I’d basically ask him ‘DB, how much dough you wanna make in your next contract?’ Big year in terms of shaping his future trajectory.”

“Josh Sweat.”

“One of the few players who really improved last year. I know I said I liked DB, and I do, but if you could only invest in one of them for the future, I’m taking Sweat. One of the few talented players under 25 on this team.”

“Ryan Kerrigan.”

“Tormented us for a long time. Even if he’s not the player he used to be, glad he’s on our side now and not lining up against us twice a year.”

“Joe Ostman.”

“Has gotten some buzz in camp the past couple years. Doesn’t do a lot for me but could sneak on the team.”

“Tarron Jackson.”

“6th round pick. Couldn’t tell you a ton about him but excited to see him in camp. Could sneak on the 53 or be a strong practice squad candidate if you can sneak him through.”

“Hassan Ridgeway.”

“Very solid third defensive tackle when healthy. Not always healthy.”

“T.Y. McGill.”

“Just a guy. Should bounce around the league for a bit.”

“Marlon Tuipulotu.”

“Another sixth round pick. Showed some promise at USC. See what he has in camp.”

“Raequan Williams.”

“Really liked him at Michigan State. Not sure if there’s a spot for him here but belongs in the league somewhere.”

“Milton Williams.”

“Little undersized for a defensive tackle and not sure how much impact he can have in his rookie year but intrigued by him long-term especially if you move him around a bit.”

“Let’s do linebackers. Eric Wilson.”

“Liked him playing for the Vikings. Definitely the best linebacker on the team.”

“Alex Singleton.”

“Very likable. Decent player. Occasionally gets lost on misdirection type plays but should be a starter.”

“T.J. Edwards.”

“I like T.J. a lot. Kinda your classic linebacker mold. Might get exposed in the passing game a bit but very good against the run. When you put three linebackers on the field, he should be one of them.”

“Davion Taylor.”

“Didn’t show anything in his rookie year. Third round pick by Howie, so he may push for him to have a spot, but if JG says someone else deserves it more, don’t be afraid to push back during roster cuts.”

“Shaun Bradley.”

“Local kid. Showed much more promise than Taylor. He should be on the team.”

“Rashad Smith.”

“Can’t tell you much about him. Barely played last year but should push a guy like Taylor.”

“JaCoby Stevens.”

“He intrigues me coming out of LSU. Excited to see him in the second half of preseason games.”

“Patrick Johnson.”

“7th round pick. See what he shows in camp. Maybe a practice squad guy.”

“Genard Avery.”

“I was expecting more out of him. Had a really good first game after Howie traded for him in 2019 but struggled since. He’s a good project for JG. Move him around a little bit, stand him up, have him rush from a joker position. You have to squint at this point to see it but could be something there.”

“Corners. Darius Slay.”

This unbeknownst to Nick sets off some rage inside you as your voice begins to elevate.

“I hate that soft ass mother fucker.”

Nick looks at you with surprise.

“Look, he’s the best cornerback you got right now, but nothing he does impresses me. He’s gonna play pretty well against average receivers and get lit up by guys like Calvin Ridley, Tyreek Hill, Terry McLaurin, Amari Cooper, and a lot of those elite receivers. My issue with him is he’s not an Eagle. Guys like BG, Kelce, Fletch, Lane they know what it’s like to win here. They also know what it’s like to go through adversity. They were here for 4–12 in 2012, here for the end of Chip, but they know how to win. Slay, you take a guy out of Detroit, who was part of a losing culture there, who’s never won anything.

You could do this exercise with 100 people, and I’d probably give the most negative report, but he might be my most disliked Eagle since L.J. Smith at the end of 2008, and the thing is, he doesn’t really deserve that distinction, but that’s where I’m at.”

“Ok then,” says Nick. “Avonte Maddox.”

“People think he’s good because he played well for a few games in 2018. He’s not good.”

“Steven Nelson.”

“I was really happy when that signing happened last Sunday. Now, there’s a reason he was unsigned for so long. I don’t expect him to be anything special, but he should bring some stability to that second outside corner spot and let Avonte move back into the slot. Avonte still isn’t good, but he’s better in the slot than outside.”

“Finally I got you to say something slightly positive. You really don’t like some of these corners. Zech McPhearson.”

“You know it’s funny because I usually say around the draft that you shouldn’t judge players based on where they went to school, but I’ve never liked Texas Tech defensive prospects a ton. I am intrigued by him though. Definitely should be on the field and get a shot.”

“Craig James.”

“Very good special teams player. Limited in coverage but would prefer him over Avonte.”

“Michael Jacquet.”

“Bigger guy. Really got toasted against Dallas last year but think he could be one of your better corners. Might say more about your corners than him, but it is what it is. If you haven’t picked up on it already, this will be a big offseason need going into next year.”

“Josiah Scott.”

“Has some experience. Should be in the mix for playing time.”

“Lavert Hill.”

“Liked him in college. No idea if he’ll be anything in the NFL.”

“Kevon Seymour.”

“Seems like just a guy to me but should get a shot in the preseason.”

“Safeties. Anthony Harris.”

“We haven’t had the best of luck with former Vikings safeties. Andrew Sendejo was awful here, but I do like Anthony.”

“Rodney McLeod.”

“You’ll really like Rodney. Injuries have taken a toll on his career, but he’s still an above average free safety. If he’s healthy to start the season, he’d be my recommendation for the second defensive captain after BG.”

“K’Von Wallace.”

“Really liked him at Clemson. Didn’t really translate in his rookie year. I hope he develops but can’t say it with confidence.”

“Marcus Epps.”

“He’s serviceable in nickel and dime packages. Gets exposed when he has to play too much or cover guys one one one but fine in small doses.”

“Elijah Riley.”

“Seems like just a guy to me. Not sure if he’s athletic enough to play safety.”

“Andrew Adams.”

“Comes over from the Bucs. I like adding guys from winning teams. Nothing special, but I hope he makes the team.”

“Grayland Arnold.”

“He was a training camp crush for me last year. Kinda bounced around between the team and the practice squad. Some think he’s a corner, some think he’s a safety. I think he needs reps and still have high hopes for him.”

“Obi Melifonwu.”

“Can’t tell you a ton about him but former second round pick. Worth a look, that’s part of what camp is for.”

“Alright, let’s close it out with the specialists.”

“Rick Lovato.”

“Very good long snapper. Occasionally a bad snap but very steady overall. When I think about the guys still left from the Super Bowl team — Ertz, Kelce, Seamulo, Lane, Brooks, BG, DB, Fletch, McLeod, Jake Elliott, my money is on Lovato being the final one remaining when all is said and done.”

“Good segue, what about Elliott?”

“Overall makes kicks that count. He was money in the Super Bowl and generally clutch but will have some frustrating misses at times because you know he should make them. Based on his contract, he’s gonna be the kicker, but I think a little competition would light a fire under his ass.”

“Arryn Siposs.”

“Aussie style punter. Don’t know much about him. Our former punter Cam Johnston was very good in 2018 and 2019, not so good in 2020, so I think it’s nice that we have a fresh start there. My big concern that often goes underrated is whether or not can he hold and if Jake is comfortable with him, so that will be something for your special teams coach — what’s his name Michael Clay — to have an eye on in camp.”

You hold for a second to make sure Nick didn’t forget any names. When he doesn’t say anything, you triumphantly raise both of your arms in the air.

“Did we do it?” you ask excitedly.

“I think we did it!” says Nick.

“Bang,” you say, completing a long-awaited fist bump.

Chapter 16: R E S P E C T

11:43 am

Feeling slightly car sick at this point, you roll down your window and see the Broad Street exit on I-95 up ahead. You’re going to make it with a little time to spare.

“Won’t be long now,” you say as Big Dom slows up to officially take the exit ramp. “Anything else you want to know?”

“I think we’re good,” Nick says. “Unless you got anything for me?”

“Are you as bad at rock paper scissors as all of our draft picks say? I think every person who was asked — DeVonta, Landon, everyone — said they beat you.”

“Let’s find out,” says Nick making a fist with his right hand and placing it in his left palm.

You do the same and let him set the tone.

“Best out of five — rock, paper scissors, shoot.”

You throw your customary paper to start. Nick throws rock. 1–0 you.

“Rock paper scissors shoot,” says Nick.

This time your scissors beats his paper. 2–0. Time to close it out.

“Rock paper scissors shoot.” You go back to your paper, but this time Nick outsmarts you, throwing scissors.

2–1. It’s okay. A sweep was always going to be hard to come by.

“Rock paper scissors shoot.” Nick’s paper beats your rock. 2–2.

“For all the marbles,” says Nick. “Rock paper scissors SHOOT.” You both throw rock.

“Again, rock paper scissors SHOOT.” Another rock on rock draw.

At this rate, Big Dom is going to park before your game ends.

“Rock paper scissors SHOOT.”

“FUCKK!” you yell. Nick sticks with rock and beats your scissors. “Wow that is a massive L for me.”

“Guess I’m not as bad as you thought,” says Nick with a wide grin on his face.

“Welp, good job,” you say. “Enjoy telling the guys at NovaCare that you won one.”

“Actually I decided we’re gonna practice at The Linc today. Get some live work in.”

Just as Nick says this, Big Dom pulls into the parking lot.

“Even better,” you say. “I wanna show you something.”

“I just, I gotta get in there,” says Nick. “I really don’t have time for…”

“Come onnn,” you say while opening your door and stepping out of the car. “It will be quick. I promise.”

Nick follows you with Big Dom close behind. You stop at another parking spot, the bright July sun beating down your back.

“This Nick, this is where it started in 2017. Me, Doug, Nick, Carson, and LeGarrette all in a car together.”

“Right here, this is where me, Doug, Nick, and Carson took a picture together three years ago, summer 2018. We knew we had to commemorate the moment one more time before things officially got underway. My mechanic Doc took the photo. You should talk to Doc at some point. Great Eagles fan. Great guy.”

The three of you continue walking, reaching the stadium and entering.

Your eyes well up a bit.

“You crying?” asks Nick.

“I’m just so happy to be back here. I was trying to do the math in the car, and I think it’s been 573 days since I’ve been here, since that playoff game against Seattle.”

At the time, you had no idea what was coming, both for the world and the franchise.

“You gonna come to our open practice next Sunday?” Nick asks.

“Probably not,” you answer. “Got some stuff going on, but those are awesome. Great opportunity for the fans and for you to get a glimpse of the atmosphere.”

“Word,” says Nick. “How about the one in a few weeks or our preseason games?”

“I went to one preseason game in 2015 and told myself I would never go to another one. Much prefer analyzing it on TV.”

“I get that. Sounds like you really try to learn stuff from them,” says Nick.

“What about our home opener though? Week 2. Niners coming in.”

Early on in the offseason, you had decided you were gonna watch the first few games from home to really be able to examine Nick’s offense and evaluate Jalen but have been thinking more about it recently. The idea of experiencing a full Linc and all that comes with it at the first chance you get is really tugging at you.

“I’ve been going back and forth on it,” you say. “I’ll promise you this. I’m gonna think about it either way, but you go down and win the opener in Atlanta, and you can lock it the fuck in. I’m fully there.”

Nick reaches out his hand to shake on it.

“I’m still weary of handshakes with COVID and all, but I promise you have my word,” you say. “Come with me to the 200 level. I wanna show you something.”

He hesitates at first, looking back at Big Dom.

“This will be the final thing. After that, we’re good.”

Both men follow you up with Big Dom walking a few steps behind Nick. You can feel the light wind hitting your face as you climb the steps and see the dark green seats.

You reach Section 244, Row 28.

Only a couple rows separate you from the very top of the stadium. After walking into the section and passing a few seats, you sit down and motion for them to join you. Big Dom stays back, but Nick follows you, which is the important part.

As he settles into the seat next to you, you say “Nick, this is where I sat Opening Night in 2018. Me, one of my best friends Tarbell, Dan, a good friend of mine who I tailgate with — legendary tailgate —, and his buddy Matt.”

Nick seems to be taking the moment in, not saying anything initially.

“Now look across the stadium,” you say, pointing your finger in the direction of the Super Bowl banner.

“We saw the banner go up. Took the whole day off work. Started tailgating around 1. No way I was missing it.”

“That must have been awesome,” says Nick. “I think I actually remember watching that game a little. Ended real late, right? Was it as cool as it sounded?”

“Yeah, that’s why I wanted to take you here and show you this,” you say. “The reason the game ended so late is right before the ceremony was supposed to start, there was a thunderstorm warning.

And in a way, Nick, it was perfect timing for me. I was coming off a rough summer personally and just felt like my mind had been racing the whole day. Trying to memorize the Falcons depth chart, trying to figure out if I was ready for life after the Super Bowl, and that delay, you can see here that our seats are covered by the awning, so we didn’t have to move.

There’s announcements telling fans to head to the concourse, which is of course followed by a bunch of boos, and then every few minutes, we would see a massive lightning strike in the distance followed by E-A-G-L-E-S chants reverberating around the stadium each time there was a sign of lightning.”

“Whoa,” says Nick with his mouth hanging open. “That sounds like a wild scene.”

“The ironic thing is that it was very calming for me. It kinda gave me those extra few minutes to just close my eyes and embrace the purity of the Super Bowl journey. I kinda knew life would never be quite the same and just needed to savor it for a little while longer.

And you know what, life was never the same, but then the game started, we had two more goal line stands against Julio, and the intensity was still there. Being on cloud nine after wins. Hating to lose. That never went away.

I just wanted you to hear that story from me. I hope you get to deliver the next one.”

Clearly moved by the story, Nick takes a moment to stare across the stadium at the banner before standing up.

“Thanks for helping me,” says Nick tapping you on the back shoulder. “Means a lot.”

After not wanting to do this a few hours ago, you crack your biggest smile of the day.

“When I look at that banner, I’m not sure how we got here only three years later. I’m not sure how you got here, but you seem like the right man for the job.”

Nick gives a wave and descends down the stairs to begin practice in a few minutes.

A minute later, you begin to make your way down and are stopped by Big Dom.

“Need a ride back?” Big Dom asks. “I can have someone drive you.”

“Nah it’s all good,” you say. “I’ll take an Uber or something.”

“Hey,” says Big Dom, catching you right before you’re about to turn down the stairs. “What you did, helping out and all, some of the stuff you went over, I know Nick really appreciated that.”

You very much appreciate the compliment but are curious how he knows any of this when he couldn’t hear the conversation while driving.

He winks at you.

“I never put the partition up after the rest stop. Heard way more than you think. You did good.”

You go to speak, but Big Dom beats you to it.

“Hey, who are you by the way? Like what’s your name? What’s your deal?”

“Don’t worry about that,” you say with a smile and a poor attempt at a wink. “You can just call me King.”

“You sure you don’t want a ride? King.”

“Thank you, sir,” you say. “All I want is your respect.”

“You got it. And you can cut out the ‘sir’ shit. Call me Big Dom.”

There have been many memorable parts of this five hour trip that you’ll reflect on and savor. That might be the most meaningful.

Big Dom allows you to take in the moment and then continues.

“I’m sorry I have to do this, but Mr. Lurie is strict about no one watching practice right now who isn’t a team employee, so I need you to get out of here.”

You stare across the stadium at the Super Bowl banner once more.

“Give me 10 minutes, and then I’ll be out of here,” you say as you begin walking out of the section.

Chapter 17: Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

11:59 am

That above statement about the most meaningful moment will soon be replaced with something else.

You jog through the empty concourse and climb the steps again. Now standing directly underneath the banner, you pull out your phone.

Your thumb shakes with nerves as you press on the green FaceTime app — Fitting that it’s green for this moment.

You tap your finger on Doug’s name, pressing hard for a good second.

“Please answer. Please answer,” you say out loud.

No players have taken the field yet. You don’t even see Nick or Big Dom any longer, just yourself in an empty stadium.

Doug answers after what feels like the longest nine seconds of your life. From what you can tell in the background, it seems like he’s at home now and no longer on his boat.

A text might have been okay, but you think another FaceTime will mean more to set the record straight and ensure tone isn’t lost.

“Doug, listen,” you say. “About what I said before…”

He interrupts you. You didn’t want that to happen but have no choice now.

“What did you say?” says Doug while laughing.

You are very confused. Is dehydration kicking in? Is your mind high off of being back at The Linc and playing tricks on you?

“You didn’t hear anything?” you ask Doug.

While laughing harder, Doug says “Very little. The reception out on the water is terrible. I heard you decently when we talked about my offense, but whatever you said to me right before we got disconnected, it sounded like gibberish. Couldn’t make out a single word.”

You’re really glad you called again. For the past two hours, you’ve been under the impression that Doug hung up on you, and that doesn’t appear to be the case at all.

“So what did you say? What did you want to tell me?” Doug asks.

You can feel your stomach twisting in knots as you attempt to move your lips and work up the courage to do this all over again.

You flip the camera off your face and lift up your phone as high as it can go without dropping it so that ‘2017 World Champions’ reflects onto your screen.

Doug also shifts his phone slightly to the point where you can see his Super Bowl ring glowing off his hand.

Suddenly the words come out quite easily, and your face turns from a stressed look into a full smile.

“I said banners fly forever, Doug. See you in 2027 for the 10-year reunion.”

_______________________________________

Congratulations on making it to the end! Your readership means the world to me and is incredibly appreciated. As mentioned in the editor’s note, I would absolutely love if you shared the link so others can enjoy the column too 💚🦅🏈