有選擇，人才會樂於改變 《好好說話！》1:1
總結: 如果你想要說服別人，不要用「是非題」的說話方式。「選擇題」比較管用。
以下是我的英文翻譯，後面還有我從英文再次翻譯回中文的文章。想看原文的朋友們可以用這個連結 —
Yes/no questions make people think: “Yes or no”
Multiple choice questions make people think: “Which one is better?”
It’s equivalent to first helping the opposite party reply: “Yes.”
A problem you might encounter
My child always doesn’t want to help with the household chores. Aside from rewards and punishments, are there better ways of speaking that can make children happily do household chores?
A commonly-seen saying: “Help wash today’s dishes!”
A better way of saying it: “You can wash dishes and then go play, or you can play for a bit, then wash the dishes!”
Why say it this way?
People are strange. If, aside from “accept/don’t accept,” they don’t have another choice, we always will choose “don’t accept.” This is because people have an inborn resistant nature (stubborn streak):
If someone else wants us to do things this way, and we have to do it this way, that means I’ve submitted.
And from a certain angle, submission means admitting you’ve lost.
But no one likes to admit that they’ve lost.
Plainly speaking, unless we can ascertain that this road is safe and happy, we usually will choose not to go. Because we will instinctively feel that rejection obviously doesn’t lead to gain, but it also wards off danger.
Even if, in the end, because of various reasons, we must accept no matter what, our hearts can’t avoid feeling resistant emotions.
Therefore, don’t lightly use “yes/no,” “accept/don’t accept,” this kind of saying.
From the example of kids not wanting to do their chores, even if you’re dealing with a kid, even if you already have politely added a “okay?” but the other side still probably feels you are increasing the pressure.
But if you turn the “yes/no question” into a “multiple choice question,” it will sound completely different.
“Do chores now, okay?”
This is a yes and no question.
But “Do you want to do chores now? Or do you want to play for a bit then do chores?” although in reality the meaning is about the same, but upon hearing it, it becomes a question with multiple choices.
The one who hears this sentence will immediately compare which choice is better, and feel as if there’s more free space, when (they) are making a choice, (they’ll) also feel more relaxed and happy.
Many experienced “old fogeys”, especially top notch salespeople, really like to use this strategy.
Using a similar sentence construction: “You can…and can also…,” without in reality offering a new choice, (they can) create a type of “feeling of having a choice,” lowering the opposite party’s resistant emotions.
For example, there was a janitor who offered housekeeping services, whose pay was always better than everyone else’s.
Because when she was reminding the client to add the cleaning service, she wouldn’t directly say:
“Your account’s balance is almost used up, can you add to it right now? If you can, this value will count toward my performance bonus.”
But she would say:
“Your balance is almost used up, you can wait until I go back to add to it, or you can add to it now. If you add to it now, this fare will count toward my salary, is that okay with you?”
The first type of saying is asking: “do you want to add to your balance?” and the latter saying is asking: “do you want to add now, and also help me out, or wait until later to add, but spend the same amount of money and not earn a single thank you?”
Most people after hearing up to this point will think that since it’s the same money spent, if they can help the other party increase their salary at the same time, why not?
Using the same reasoning, if you are a bank teller, facing clients who have waited in line until they are annoyed, aside from letting clients sit and wait patiently, you can give them a second plan:
Grab a number first and go outside for a spin.
Even if the second plan doesn’t change the reality of the client’s need to continue waiting, but as long as you use the “you can…or can…” type of saying, the other party will feel like they have space to choose, and will feel you are more considerate. Their anxious emotions will also be soothed.
Here’s another example:
When you’re asking friends to return money borrowed, if you don’t want to hurt the relationship yet wish you could remind the other party to return the money, you can consider this speaking strategy.
“The money you borrowed from me last time, if you’re having difficulties, you can pay it back a little at a time, take your time, it’s okay. Of course, if you recently aren’t that pressed for funds, returning it all at once is best for me, what do you think?”
Extend your thinking
- If you want to change others, you must first sense that it’s only under “having a choice” conditions that people will willingly change. Otherwise, even if the other party is forced to accept your viewpoint, their inner hearts will still have resistance and rejection.
- What we mean by “having a choice” often is only a kind of feeling. You absolutely don’t need to do any real change, and still be able to discover multiple choices, allowing the other party to feel that they have a choice.
- This type of “creating the feeling of choice” speaking skill is not lying, but is setting out from the other party’s point of view, expressing your care and understanding.
想看更多？Want More?
翻譯回中文
是非題讓人想到： “Yes/No”
選擇題讓人想到： “Which one is better?”
相當於幫對方先回答： “Yes”
你可能會遇見的問題
我的孩子不想做家事。除了獎勵和懲罰以外，有沒有更好的說話方式能讓孩子樂意做家事？
一個常見的說法：「幫忙洗今天的碗筷！」
更好的說法：「你可以先洗碗筷再去玩，或者可以先玩一整子，再洗碗！」
為什麼要這樣說？
人很莫名其妙。如果，除了「接受／不接受」
如果沒有其他的選項，我們仍然會選擇「不接受」。這是因為人本身有個抗拒性。
如果有人要我們這樣做，而我們不得不這樣做，那就代表我服從。而從某個角度來看，服從就是認輸。可是沒有人喜歡認輸。
說實話，除非我們能夠確認這條路是安全和快樂的一條路，我們不會走。因為我們本性告訴我們被否定不會讓我們得到什麼或預防危機。
要是最後我們還是不得不接受，我們的心不能不感到反感。
所以不要輕易用「是／非」「接受／不接受」這種說法。
從小孩不想作家事的比例，雖然對方是小孩兒你一進加了一個有禮貌的「好不好？」可是對方還會覺得你在加壓力。
可是如果你把「是／非」提變成「選擇題」，它會聽起來完全不一樣。
「現在做家事，好不好？」這是一個是非題。可是「你要現在做家事，還是先玩一會兒再作？」雖然事實上意思大概一樣，可是聽起來變成有選擇的問題。聽到這句話的人會馬上衡量哪一個選項比較好，也會感覺更有自由空間，做選擇的時候也會覺得更輕鬆愉快。
很多「老鳥」，尤其是最高級的銷售人員，喜歡用這個方法。用一個類似的句子：「你可以……也可以……，」可是事實上給一種新的選項可以創造一種「有選擇」的感覺，讓對方的反感降低。
例如：有一個幫人家打掃的清潔工人，她的工資總是比別人好。因為當她提醒客戶加打掃服務時，他不會直接說：「您的帳號已經快用完了，能不能現在填補？可以的話，這個金額會算在我的表現獎金上。」可是她會說：「您的帳戶余額快用完了，你可以等到我回去再填補，也可以現在填不。如果現在填補的話，這個費用會算在我的薪水上。這樣你可以嗎？」
第一種說法是：「你要不要填不你的帳號？」後面那一句再問：「你要現在填補，同時幫幫我，還是等到下次再填補，可是要花同樣的錢而得不到一句謝謝？」大多數的人聽完這一點會覺得竟然錢都是一樣，如果他們能夠幫對方增加薪水，為何不要？
用同樣的想法，如果你是銀行櫃員，面對排隊排到煩躁的客戶，除了請客戶耐心的坐在旁邊等著，你可以給他們第二個計畫：那個號碼再出去轉轉。雖然第二個選項沒有改變客戶需要等待的事實，你只要用 「你可以……也可以……」的說話方式，對方就會覺得自己有選擇的空間，也會覺得你比較貼心。他們的煩躁情緒也會被安慰。
還有一個例子：當你提醒朋友還錢時，如果你不想傷害感情可是希望可以提醒對方還錢，你可以考慮這個說話方式：「你上次跟我借的錢，如果你現在有點困難，可以等一會兒再還，慢慢來，沒關係。當然，如果你最近不太有需要，當然一次還完也對我最好，你覺得呢？」
延長你的思維
- 如果你想改变他人， 你必須先了解人家只有在「有選擇」的情況下才願意改變。要不然，如果對方被迫接受你的看法，他們內心還會感到反感和拒絕。
- 我們所謂的「有選擇」通常只是一種感覺。你不一定需要實際的改變，還能夠發現很多選擇題，讓對方感到自己有選擇。
- 這種「創造有選擇的感覺」的說話技巧不是撒謊而是從對方的角度出發，表達你的關懷和了解。
