Someone said something to me last night and it really got me thinking.
They said,
"Your mind is like a narrative. Like in your fiction you try to make everything descriptive and complicated."
And they're right. I realized this today as I was working. I started a narrative in my mind, as if I were going to write down what I was thinking. Over complicating my thoughts and emotions for simple things like cleaning a mirror. I mean, really? This is how a train of thought usually goes for me:
(I'm cleaning the fitting rooms.)
I’m grateful for this fitting room. It gives me solace when I need a break from reality. There’s no cameras and no one’s ever here, so I can hide away in the corner and let my mind breathe for a minute... I wish people could realize how hard it is for people like me, with depression and anxiety, to work full time. It’s exhausting…
And it’ll go on and on and on until I catch myself and say, what the hell are you even going on about? I’ll act out scenes in my head, as well. To the extreme, even. To the point where I can upset myself with the expected replies or actions I tell myself I’ll get.
Sometimes I think I'm crazy. Do other people do this? Other writers? How do I stop? Is it bad or good? I have to sit and think about it, I suppose. I don't feel like it's always a bad thing, but for everyday life and interactions, it may be overwhelming my mind.
I did notice a lot of my writing spurs from those original narrative thoughts, so that’s one good part. Perhaps I only need to use it when I’m ready to sit and write? Problem with that is, I usually just write things really quickly throughout the day, so I have no designated time. And I definitely don’t want to kill my creativity.
So it seems I just need to learn how to shut it off. Get out of my head in that way, and focus.
Focus on what?
It’s like I told that someone last night, maybe it’s not about stopping the thoughts at all. Maybe I just need to redirect them to something better, less negative.
To be honest, I really don't know. I started writing this thinking maybe the narrative thinking is harmful to me, to my every day interactions, but I'm not really sure. I guess I should seek out input and see what people think.
How does your brain work as a writer?
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